“Your sarcasm won’t bring you anywhere in life!”

“Actually it did bring me to the Sarcasm World Cup 2011 in Peru!”

“For real?”

“No.”

There‘s no need to repeat yourself. I ignored you just fine the first time!

Welcome to the 243rd episode of the 2018th season of TIERED - a bedflix original. Starring TOO EARLY, COFFEE and FUCK OFF.

Me: *pulling a push door*

X: “you have to push”

Me: “aye thanks man, my next attempt would’ve been lifting it from the bottom”

Once I fix my sleep schedule, start eating healthy, get physically fit, beat depression, stop procrastinating, learn how to do taxes and get mentally strong enough to make phone calls, then it’s over for you bitches!

How can I unknow people?

ungracefulace:

bi-hets:

Hi a friend of mine had a piping hot take but they don’t discourse and they said I could make it a post so here goes

[aces] create terms like aphobia, allosexual, allosexism, amatonormativity, etc. just to copy the kind of oppression and terms lgbt spaces have in order to emulate the feeling of belonging to a marginalized group

their community and term list is a carbon copy of our terms, even stealing ones like gatekeeping

its so obvious that they want to emulate our oppression so they can have a voice in a space which they shouldnt have one

their motives are so transparent i cant even fucking comprehend it

**cishets and dumbasses don’t interact**

These terms… arent stealing or copying? They are similar to other terms that deal with minority sexualities… because asexuality is a minority orientation? This isnt a hot take, your friend doesnt see asexuality as a sexuality.

You’ve found us out, OP! Our dastardly scheme to use terms that sound like terms that other minority orientations use is neither a result of community overlap nor of etymology–it’s an attempt to wear your skin!!!  

These leftist mobs are out of control.

If you are worried about covid19 and not sure whether to follow the president’s advice. I can confirm, with my PhD and 20 years in science, that drinking or injecting a shit tonne of disinfectant or bleach will almost guarantee you won’t die of Covid and will diminish your ability to pass it on.

I also can recommend:

Drop a grand piano on your head.

Lock yourself in an industrial freezer for a week.

Literally set yourself on fire. HEAT!!! LIGHT! Guaranteed to work!

Just make sure you do the aforementioned well enough not to end up in an emergency department. That’s where you could catch wuhan! Go above and beyond to protect your body form Covid!!!

Y'know I really like how one of the most lore heavy episodes is one I PHYSICALLY CAN’T WATCH 80% OF BECAUSE IT’S SO GROSS.

hospitals | no pairing

Word Count: +0.7k

summary: marinette wakes up in a hospital, paralyzed.

a/n: the title is sucky, thanks for not commenting on it. as usual, my inspiration is pinterest (always and forever, anyone else get that reference?).

ao3|wattpad|masterlist|prompts

Marinette felt her body ache as she returned to the world of the living…not literally of course.

As her depleted senses recharged, Marinette slowly heard four voices around her.

“Her heartbeat’s normal, how are we going to know when she wakes up?” said one voice that Marinette recognized as Jason’s.

“When her eyes open, obviously,” Tim said, without his usual snark, though.

Wishing she could roll her eyes at their childish argument, Marinette futilely tried to open her eyes.

But her body had decided to not cooperate, and instead, Marinette remained motionless to outside eyes.

If it wasn’t for the monitor beside her, some would consider Marinette to be dead.

Which would be very concerning, considering the fact that she still had the whole of Paris to save.

Instead, Marinette resigned herself to the fate of listening to the Wayne brothers bickering between each other, and keeping her sarcastic comments to herself.

The raunchy tune of Dick’s phone filled the silence in the room, and if Marinette focused reallyhard, she could hear the snickers that Damian was valiantly trying to hide, in order to maintain his icy persona.

Although, Marinette couldn’t blame him for laughing.

Dick’s 90s era ringtone was hilarious, especially the singer’s voice.

Often, Dick claimed he put it as his ringtone as a joke, but Marinette knew better, especially when she was witness to Dick changing it on a night when he was particularly drunk.

That was a story for another time.

But for now, Marinette made a mental note to use it as blackmail material for Damian later.

Even though no one knew, Damian Wayne got around, especially with his silent footsteps.

He had loadsof material on everyone in the family (but not as much as Tim) but never made any move to use it unless it suited him.

Obviously, Marinette could make better use of it.

Wow, she thought with a healthy amount of wariness, it seemed like Chloe was rubbing off on her.

Speak of the devil and she shall appear.

The door slammed open in typical Chloe Bourgeois style and Marinette wished she could look up to see the Wayne brothers’ expressions as they faced the brunt of Chloe’s fury.

It would have been a sight to see, and Marinette sighed (as much as she could since she was still paralysed).

“What. The. Fuck.” Chloe punctuated each word with a menacing pause. “Happened to her?”

There was silence for a few moments.

“Well?” Chloe demanded, tapping her foot impatiently. “Answer me! It better be honest because as Marinette’s best friend, I have every right to sueyou-”

“Marinette overestimated herself,” Damian stated bluntly, and if Marinette were able to move(hint, hint, Tikki), she would have recoiled in faux hurt. “She used too much of her powers and hence passed out.”

If Marinette could look up, she would have seen the adoring look in Damian’s eyes as he watched Chloe curse Marinette to hell and back.

Later, Tim would snicker and tell her allabout Damian’s newest crush i.e. Chloe Bourgeois, Queen Bee, herself.

Marinette would laugh herself silly.

“Honestly woman,” Jason said, having recovered his manly confidence. “Language! You don’t want to scar the children’s ear in here!”

To emphasize his statement, Jason covered Tim’s ears with a pat on his head. “Don’t worry Timmy, this is just adult stuff you don’t need to learn.”

Jason was rewarded with cold coffee being dumped over his head.

Tim smirked as Jason ran out of the room, swearing about idiot brothers. “Now who’s the one swearing?”

Marinette huffed out a laugh, forgetting she had been paralyzed for the last few hours.

Immediately, in a ruffle of shoves, ouches and swear words, several people were crowded around her.

Realizing she was no longer paralyzed, Marinette thanked Tikki mentally, and experimentally wiggled her fingers.

Slowly, she began to open her eyes, expecting the harsh light of hospitals.

Instead, that light was muted by the heads of several people above her.

Marinette groaned loudly, feeling the aching stiffness in her neck. “How long do you guys plan to stand around my bed like creepers? I’ll plan the rest of my day - or what’s left of it - accordingly.”

“Well,” Tim said, after a few moments of silence. “We know she’s not insane now.”

Bold of him to assume she already wasn’t.

Mario will never be forgotten~

-Mark

I feel like I can’t be the only person who is utterly confused about the /sarcasm marker.

like, yes it mask sarcasm, but what is sarcasm? What about other jokes, what if it’s meant sarcastic but also true?

just neurodivergent things: when your mom notices you’ve been pulling your hair and goes all “that’s a psychological disorder!” and you just

okay the disorder thing’s been going on for quite a while but thanks for noticing.

vizrecon: