#hes just not that into you

Happy Valentine’s Day!

I totally get that rom-coms are not for everyone. And there are plenty of REALLY BAD ones out there. Sometimes they’re so terrible that I get legitimately angry (I’m talking about you Something Borrowed - you are the WORST). As a feminist, there is another layer that I find disconcerting about how females are often portrayed in these types of films: shallow, naive, insecure, mean, fickle, not in control of their own mind, or a host of other underdeveloped traits. A lot of times, they end up looking like this:

Luckily, Enchanted turns stereotypes around after spoofing them. Even with the issues of creating unrealistic expectations about romance, poor gender stereotypes, a lot of borderline stalker-type behavior, and a laundry list of cliche things, I can’t help but cozy up this time of year and watch movies about love. Because well…I love love.

The reason the world as a whole pretty much loves rom-coms is because our culture is heavily influenced by the Romantics. Their writings and ideas about love, sex, and relationships has formed the basis of our modern world. We’re told from a young age that finding love is the most important thing we can do. We watch these movies where people fall in love, overcome obstacles, and then end up together.

A film like The Way We Were where a couple’s romantic relationship does not survive the film is much more true to life, although far less applauded than many of its counterparts. A movie where the couple doesn’t end up together makes us mad. “Real life is hard enough, I want to see happily ever after.” I’ve heard that from a number of people. And I get that to an extent. Movies are often used as an escape, to pull us out of our boring, romanceless worlds into a place where the guys are all Ryan Gosling and the girls are Emma Stone.

With all the drawbacks of these types of films, we can also find some moments of shocking realism, heartbreaking sadness, and just plain ridiculousness. That doesn’t sound that far off from most our real life experiences. Most of us have had our hearts broken. It feels pretty safe to say that almost all of us have acted stupid when we have a crush on someone.

Before I feel too cynical, I think rom-coms help us to keep hope. Being a single adult can feel difficult at times and being reminded that people really do fall in love can keep us from getting too depressed. We want to believe that we are capable of being loved and loving people in return. These films can help people who have been together a long time remember what it was like when they first had those experiences and why it’s important to celebrate the relationship that they have.

So, just give in for a little bit. Indulge the sappy part of yourself and enjoy the optimism and hope found in the never-ending supply of romantic comedies. As for me, well, I’m gonna go watch You’ve Got Mail for the 1,000,000th time.

-Angela