“I say you are a coward and you are; I think you hunt only to reassure yourself that you are not what you are: the weakest thing to ever walk the Earth. He will come for me and then we will be gone, and you will be helpless for all your hunting, because Westley and I are joined by the bond of love and you cannot track that, not with a thousand bloodhounds, and you cannot break it, not with a thousand swords.”
Here’s how you fix The Princess Bride: You make Buttercup a poet.
Did you know The Princess Bride needed fixing? I didn’t, until we did an unauthorized unlicensed live performance of it as my high school play. I got to direct and choreograph all the fight scenes. For months, I lived and breathed that play. I got to know all the plot holes (How does Inigo know Buttercup is the man in black’s true love? How does Westley know Buttercup and Humperdinck never said their vows?) and I also got to know the biggest hole, the enormous gaping void in the centre of the story.
It’s Buttercup. I’ve never been able to un-see it.
ReadingThe Princess Bride was a delightful experience for many reasons, but my absolute favorite part was the introductions of Inigo and Fezzik. Because, in the book, the kidnappers are not introduced as: Inigo, Fezzik, and Vizzini. They are instead called: the Spaniard, the Turk, and the Sicilian.
You don’t learn the Spaniard’s name, to my memory, until the Sicilian leaves him at the top of the cliffs to fight the man in black. While the Spaniard, whose name is Inigo, is waiting, the novel suddenly pausesto tell you the entire backstory of this Spaniard named Inigo Montoya.
You learn about a swordmaker named Yeste and another swordmaker named Domingo, who were good friends. Yeste lived in the city and was a fine enough swordmaker, but every once and a while he would get a job he couldn’t do, and so he’d ride out and enlist the help of the more temperamental and talented Domingo, Inigo’s father. And you learn about the six-fingered man who came one day for a sword beyond all others, and how this ended in the six-fingered man killing Domingo, and how the orphaned Inigo disappeared on Yeste and went to travel the world to learn sword-fighting. And you learn about how Yeste accidentally became a very famous swordmaker, and how he kept on raising prices and increasing the wait time in the hopes of getting all these kings and princes to go away, because he was getting old and fat and too rich. And then Inigo comes back and they reunite. And then you learn about how, despite becoming a great swordsman, Inigo falls into despair and starts drinking simply because he can’t find the six-fingered man he’s sworn to kill. And how the Sicilian came along and hired him.
And then suddenly, the novel goes back to the cliff, and the Spaniard is supposed to duel the man in black. Only, the Spaniard is now known to be Inigo Montoya, with a tragic backstory and a very important quest! And you’re kinda like, “Oh, man, is Inigo going to dienow?!”
And then, just a little later, the giant Turk is left behind by the Sicilian, to fight the man in black where Inigo failed to stop him. The reader is now told that the giant’s name is Fezzik. And, while the giant Turk named Fezzik has to wait around for the man in black to show up, the novel pauses againto tell you the entire backstory of this Turk named Fezzik.
You learn about Fezzik being born large and strong, and how this made his life very difficult, because people would make assumptions. And you learn about how Fezzik’s parents tried to help him stand up for himself a bit more. In the book, it’s Fezzik’s mother who declares, “Life is pain. Anyone who says differently is selling something.” And you learn a lot about Fezzik’s pro-wrestling/fighting career and various tragedies, and so on and so forth, everything that led Fezzik to this one moment.
So, by the end of this, you’re back in the countryside and you know all about Fezzik, who’s had a rather difficult life. And you’re a lot more investedin the outcome of the fight between Fezzik and the man in black.
I think the movies absolutely made the right choice in removing these extended backstories, because they would have taken up too much time and they’re really not necessary in such elaborate detail. The point of these backstories, as I see them, is to get you to be invested in Inigo and Fezzik, who are both so much more than the Spaniard and the Turk, for when they come back later. The movie accomplishes this very efficiently through the charisma of the actors and through the dialogue during these two fight scenes, which actually simultaneously helps improve Inigo and Fezzik’s respective relationships to this man in black, and makes it easier to believe Inigo and Fezzik and the man in black would trust each other later in the movie. In the movie, you’re given just enough of Inigo’s backstory to set up his conflict with Count Rugen, and the actors’ performances sell the history there just fine!
But still, readingthose backstories and getting swept away in Inigo and Fezzik’s pasts, only to dumped back just in time for a life-or-death fight was delightful.It’s definitely not a style that can be pulled off in every novel.
The book also really emphasizes that a good part of the reason the man in black wins his fights against Inigo and Fezzik is because the latter two are out of practice. Had they been at the top of their game, Wesley would’ve been out of luck. The movie does its best to sneak a little of this explanation in, with Fezzik explaining to Wesley that he’s been busy fighting gangs rather than individual opponents and thus has forgotten the different techniques he needs to use, but the book goes into far more detail.
The movie is a stunning adaptation, no less because the author of the book also wrote the screenplay, but the book is definitely worth a look on its own.
The single greatest shot in cinematic history is when Wesley confidently asserts, “Rodents Of Unusual Size? I don’t think they exist” and then the ROUS dive bombs him out of fucking nowhere and tackles him to the ground. Die mad about it.
for those that haven’t lived seen the princess bride
I’m obsessed with the idea of Stede reading books to Ed, it’s such a soft and beautiful thing and I think Ed would interject often with questions or wild af theories about where the plot is headed, and he’d be shipping all the characters together and obviously he’s really in it for the romance and the sound of Stede’s voice anyway I just love that idea so this is me trying to manifest it.
Ed: Wait, wait, wait…is this a kissingstory?
Stede: No, why?
Ed: *takes the book and throws it across the room* NEXT!
Oh, but now I want Stede reading The Princess Bride to Ed. Like, the supposed “actual” book.
If you’ve only ever seen the movie, the framing device in the book (iirc, it’s been years) is that it’s a Moby-Dick-style manuscript all about the history and culture and art and whatever of Fake Vaguely European Country (which I cannot remember the name of rn). It was written in 17something or other and is like 700 pages long and boring as shit, because the plot was added as an afterthought to hang all this travel guide info on.
So there are all these passages that say something like, “[I have removed a long treatise on the correct length of pant leg according to a man’s social status, as it was tiresome to read and also irrelevant]” or “[Here the author descends into a four-page inventory of Buttercup’s wardrobe, from which I have decided to spare the reader]” and the like. My memory is rusty and I’m not describing it very well, but it’s super funny. Kind of… Terry Pratchett’s footnotes, sort of vibe. I highly recommend it, it’s different enough from the movie that they complement each other instead of competing.
But I love the thought of Stede with this giant honking tome realizing that 95% of it is useless garbage and very quickly devolving into editorializing and summarizing and flat-out making stuff up to string together a coherent story, doing the voices and all. (I don’t remember if “Those, Princess, are the shrieking eels!” is in the book but I can still hear the exact inflection so it is now.)
Man, I need to reread this, Ed would definitely have Emotions about the Dread Pirate Roberts and I don’t remember enough specifics to ramble about it.
(I also like the version where Stede’s reading it to the whole crew, because, like. Parallels. Inigo Montoya and Jim. The collective reaction to the “Roberts” reveal. Izzy as the one who doesn’t want to be there but gets invested in the story to his own dismay. The introduction of the concept of passing on the title of Blackbeard. Iocane powder! Everyone trying to guess which cup the poison is in! It would be so much fun, okay.)
I totally get that rom-coms are not for everyone. And there are plenty of REALLY BAD ones out there. Sometimes they’re so terrible that I get legitimately angry (I’m talking about you Something Borrowed - you are the WORST). As a feminist, there is another layer that I find disconcerting about how females are often portrayed in these types of films: shallow, naive, insecure, mean, fickle, not in control of their own mind, or a host of other underdeveloped traits. A lot of times, they end up looking like this:
Luckily, Enchanted turns stereotypes around after spoofing them. Even with the issues of creating unrealistic expectations about romance, poor gender stereotypes, a lot of borderline stalker-type behavior, and a laundry list of cliche things, I can’t help but cozy up this time of year and watch movies about love. Because well…I love love.
The reason the world as a whole pretty much loves rom-coms is because our culture is heavily influenced by the Romantics. Their writings and ideas about love, sex, and relationships has formed the basis of our modern world. We’re told from a young age that finding love is the most important thing we can do. We watch these movies where people fall in love, overcome obstacles, and then end up together.
A film like The Way We Were where a couple’s romantic relationship does not survive the film is much more true to life, although far less applauded than many of its counterparts. A movie where the couple doesn’t end up together makes us mad. “Real life is hard enough, I want to see happily ever after.” I’ve heard that from a number of people. And I get that to an extent. Movies are often used as an escape, to pull us out of our boring, romanceless worlds into a place where the guys are all Ryan Gosling and the girls are Emma Stone.
With all the drawbacks of these types of films, we can also find some moments of shocking realism, heartbreaking sadness, and just plain ridiculousness. That doesn’t sound that far off from most our real life experiences. Most of us have had our hearts broken. It feels pretty safe to say that almost all of us have acted stupid when we have a crush on someone.
Before I feel too cynical, I think rom-coms help us to keep hope. Being a single adult can feel difficult at times and being reminded that people really do fall in love can keep us from getting too depressed. We want to believe that we are capable of being loved and loving people in return. These films can help people who have been together a long time remember what it was like when they first had those experiences and why it’s important to celebrate the relationship that they have.
So, just give in for a little bit. Indulge the sappy part of yourself and enjoy the optimism and hope found in the never-ending supply of romantic comedies. As for me, well, I’m gonna go watch You’ve Got Mail for the 1,000,000th time.
even if it is surreal to be so thoroughly anti-jossed from both sides
& also worrying
for reasons i cant quite explain
that i figured it out backwards , by spotting the orig allusions via visuals
ALSO AGN JUST GOTTA CHEER FOR GUILLERMO RE THE CLEVER NEATNESS OF MAKIN THE “PRINCESS BRIDE” REF ***BE*** THE RIDDLE OF THE SPHINX ANSWER
( which btw in PYRAMIDS feels very much like a NEVERENDING STORY shoutout )
& havin BOTH of those refs , & the whole scn & its imagery , BE the tsortean war -sorry siege of troy- ref itself
wounded achaian statue & priam @ hectors pyre , working backwards to the seers warnings heeded & the serpent of the hostile gods shattered
& just as there is the simultaneous paired refs of the laocoon grp statue plus one degree of idris elba as ruthless american general OH PLUS UNDEAD in 28 DAYS LATER / 28 WKS LATER
& all fans shld instantly go OH YES WHO IS THE OTHER MODERN FANTASY AUTHOR WHO SAYS DONT FEAR THE DEAD & MONSTER IS AS MONSTER DOES–THATS RIGHT - bc the two main ones these days ARE pratchett & del toro whose undead are as likely to be good - or neutrals minding their own business -as evil
so fans of one SHLD jump to the other as parallel creators
just on that alone
but there is more bc THE WIRE fits in , bc the watch vs mister chrysoprase plot - only chrysoprase wised up & got out of the drugs business , so its young lord rust & his cronies who moved into It as of SNUFF
so yeah it locks in
& yes the game was bein played thru s5 of THE OFFICE at least by elba the way he sneaked in the clue that his GHOST RIDER 2 : SPIRIT OF VENGEANCE chara was an avatar of his persona in THOR & my conjectures how it fits as discworld au all make sense
& the jokey shoutout to THE WIRE in THE OFFICE arc stops bein just a giggle & becomes A Clue
( which per INTERESTING TIMES is yet another fave game of the gods )
but its in THE LAST HERO that we get the imagery of “boots w teeth”
everyone can see where guillermo went w that one now , right ???
& it was in PYRAMIDS that an egyptian kings unacknowledged daughter was syncretized w elizabeth regina just as ledas daughter is syncretized w that older queen of england who was daughter of france & mother of lions - whose own daughter was queen of spain , & also eleanor –
now i just need to find a single unequivocal WWI ref in discworld
altho the lilacs in NIGHT WATCH are probably that , which stand in for the red remembrance day poppies
that now today are flooding the moat of the white tower of the plantagenets that was a roman fortress first in ceramuc effigy of what they stood for in flanders 100 yrs ago
( lest we forget )
( or be lulled to sleep-of-conscience by poppy dreams of bygone glory from which the entrails have curiously been left out of the picture….)
altho the fact that they are LILACS i have finally realized is not only bc lilacs are a likely thing bein as they are a hardy common urban flower
but was all along a NAPOLEON OF NOTTING HILL ref by sir terry
who already brought both STAR WARS & TRANSFORMERS into the discworld multiverse lang syne
even b4 he made it TINTIN fanfic in FIFTH ELEPHANT w a KING OTTOKARS SCEPTRE homage
& makin sybil a bianca castiafiore alt who saves the day by singing of love
& truth
but “plastic toys that turn into other plastic toys” & a certain space opera involving a princess & a farm boy & a pair of smugglers was in GOOD OMENS
along w cold war espionage of a lecarrean style
& good guys ( which has zip to do w alignment on the nametags) doin disobedience for the greater good
which might be part of the GREATER plan , in the end
which is also out of the same chesterton story that gave us the “room like the inside of a bomb” imagery & the twins / rivals / siblings themes of HELLBOY 2
so its nice to finally understand why liz sherman is the preincarnation of elizabeth swan
& why raleigh becket chatters all the time & isnt selfconscious abt showing (more than ) a little skin
& why charlie h called rinko an “assassin’ after she knocked him down in the b-roll footage ( that was a clue too , for them wha had een tae see–)
y'all what is a movie from the 80s that is YOUR movie? like for whatever reason. it’s incredibly nostalgic, you love it a lot, it just makes you feel good,you connect deeply with it. basic answers welcome
