#holter monitor

Subtle hospital glam. Ambulatory medical tests require you to ‘go about your ‘normal’ activities’ while undergoing the testing. This was my latest 24hr holter monitoring (ambulatory ECG). It happened to fall on my 10 year anniversary with my love.

This was taken as I was getting ready to go out for our date. Seeing these photos a week later, I look sad; even though that wasn’t my intention. On reflection I think I was sadder than my steel-braced consciousness was allowing me to perceive. A night or two later I had my very first enormous, sobbing, spluttering cry since the arterial dissection/stroke in 2013.

When I took these photos I intended to share them as a ‘looking glam and awesome, despite this ugly medical inconvenience’. I wanted to look peaceful. Divorced from that moment, instead, I look somber; almost funerary given my clothing.

Grieving is fucking hard. It’s even harder when it’s for yourself.

Late night #HospitalGlam because maybe some things are meant for darkness. Today I advocated for myself to get the electrode connectors that I’m not allergic to. Sometimes it’s even the small wins that power our engines for better care.

Interestingly enough, when I went to talk to my boss while wearing this monitor, she mentioned that she’s had to wear one in the past.  And the day before, when I went to get my hair dyed, my hairdresser also recognized that it was a Holter, but I was expecting that because I know he has heart problems too.

[Image description: one full-body photo of a young woman (me) with pin curled orange hair that’s twisted back in front and pulled into a ponytail.  The ponytail is tied with a black scarf with white polka dots.  I’m standing in front of a white wall.  I’m wearing an off-white ¾ sleeve linen shirt tucked into a khaki pleated skirt that goes to about mid-calf.  The skirt is belted with a black belt, and I have a cell phone case clipped to it.  There is also a sensor coming up from the front of my waistband and hanging around my neck.  Under the skirt, I have on “nude” tights.  I’m wearing red lipstick and black-and-grey sneakers.  As always, I have on my round silver glasses.]