Lots of comedy potential if you headcanon Southern Water Tribe marriage customs being as lax and easy going as Inuit and Inupiat (and likely Yup'iit but I don’t know enough to say for sure) ones and Aang accidentally proposed to Katara and as far as she was concerned they kept marrying and divorcing and marrying again throughout their travels.
Sokka didn’t want to insult his intelligence as someone who has traveled quite a bit and was probably expected to know cultural stuff as an Avatar so he never explained it. But Aang asks how to do things properly years later and Sokka’s like “??? Aren’t you two, like, already??????” and spells it out for him.
Then and Aang’s like “I was a married man this entire time?!?!”
And Sokka goes “Not exactly, you two went through some divorces–”
‘Woman over there, blue gown.’ Pauline said into her glass. ‘Black hair, silver butterfly pinning it up.’
‘Marked,’ was Crowley’s reply.
‘Rose Holden,’ Pauline continued. ‘She let slip that she shared a “delightful breakfast” with her husband last week.’
‘Holden, as in married to James Holden?’ Halt asked. ‘Who sent correspondence home from overseas?’
‘Exactly.’
‘Well,’ Crowley smiled, ‘I guess we should take a little closer look at Holden Estate tonight.’
–
i couldn’t resist doing another modern au like the wilyss one i did a while back, but with Crowley, Halt, and Pauline. and i am currently in love with short-haired Pauline,,,,,,,
This episode is brought to you by Guinness. The beer. Not the Record Book.
Percival Pickens finally visits the Babylonium. Now that he’s a town council member and not a lowly deputy, he needs better accommodation. He asks Veronica for one of the casino’s Champagne Suites. He tries to win her over by mentioning his crooner abilities and the fact that he can afford three years’ worth of rent.
Percival is apparently a seasoned performer, with appearances at Caesar’s Palace, the Sydney Opera House and Moulin Rouge, which are all interchangeable in the writers’ minds. Australian Friends, are you amused?
Veronica, one of Riverdale’s manymany resident crooners, is less interested in Percival’s musical versatility and more impressed by the cash.
Now that Abigail is exorcised, Cinderbritta can finally go home. Goodbye, tiny sapphic footballer, it was nice to hear you talk.
It is yet another town meeting and Percival Pickens has taken Pop’s out of the town sign. It’s an aesthetic decision, he says. Tabitha is furious, although the change from ‘Pep!’ to ‘Pop’s!’ has been but very recent.
Remember how the town council was against Babylonium? No? No worries. Neither do the writers. Truly, there’s nothing more consistent than Alice’s inconsistency.
Jughead informs Betty and Archie that if they have an emotional tether, they can fight Percival’s mind control. Betty mistakes emotional tether for emotional burden and suggests Polly and her mom as her own.
It is obviously impossible to share this information with the rest of the town, lest Percival Pickens’s storyline comes to a premature end. Instead, they’re going to remind the people of the town of their core values: i.e. Archie’s abs. Because high school drop-out Archie Andrews is “the authentic American folk hero”.
“Not everyone sees me in that light” says Archie, who -surprisingly enough- remembers that EVERYONE had outvoted him during the last town meeting.
Brace yourselves, because it’s take-a-shot-every-time-Fred-is-mentioned-Sunday. Here goes shot #1.
Apparently, Samm Pansky knows someone in the Guinness Records. Jughead, who just wants an excuse to reconnect with his ex literary agent, proposes a series of feats that will get Archie in the Guinness Book.
Cheryl Blossom has commented on her own hotness so many times, she manifested it into a literal superpower.
Night nurse Darius is (re)hired to make sure she doesn’t go boom in her sleep. She doesn’t. Darius, however, is another story.
Having experienced RHS both as a student and as a teacher, Jughead comes to the conclusion that what will fill the youths of Riverdale with a personal and civic pride, instill in them values and remind them to think for themselves is certainly not Wetherbee’s joke of a school but El Royale.
Archie’s two passions are -verbatim- : physical fitness and serving and inspiring the community. Riverdale is top tier comedy.
In a surprise move, Archie’s prowess is NOT tested in the football field.
There are a lot of invincible men but Archie is “the most invincible” of them all. Archie didn’t pass his SAT, so he does not know how absolute adjectives work. He could have written “ the mostest invincible” though, so, I’m counting this as a win.
Veronica-curse-your-broad-shoulders-Lodge, who doesn’t know about Archie’s superpower, is greatly impressed by his fitness feats.
According to the Guinness Book of Records, Archie is now the world’s toughest man. Fred, says Archie, used to keep a copy of that book in the john. Which is exactly where this storyline belongs.
Hey! That was a line about Fred! Bottoms up!
Next stop: Archie will fight KO Kelly.
Jughead has commissioned a statue grand scale Archie fanart piece from his New York artist friends. Nobody fanboys like Jughead Jones. Nobody.
Business entrepreneur Tabitha Tate (who has left a six figure CEO job in Chicago) has not checked her finances before Percival mentions it. Both Toni and Tabitha seem surprised by the idea that not only liquor but also -gasp!- food is served at a casino. They visit Babylonium to further investigate.
Just like everyone else in Riverdale, Percival’s favourite pastime is … singing. There is a direct connection between town meetings and musical numbers. When there’s not one, there’s bound to be the other.
Dr Curdle Jr, coroner extraordinaire, diagnoses dead Darius with a case of SPC i.e. Spontaneous Human Combustion.
Another mention of Fred, another shot. Them are the rules.
Toni and Tabitha decide to level up in order to compete with Veronica’s casino. “I’m your private dancer, a dancer for money” they sing in a revamped Serpent Dance female emancipation side story.
Veronica of La Bonne Nuit fame is furious. Only she dances for money in this town, dammit!
Betty doesn’t see Cheryl’s aura, so I assume she’s not a threat to her. She could have told her that, instead she douses her in ice baths.
She then reaches out to Special FBI Agent Wolf Bulder. No, I jest. Her name is Agent Drake. She suggests Cheryl has pyrokinetic abilities. With a straight a face. 1 riverdollar says Agent Drake has been in Riverdale before.
Fangs, who was in jail for keeping illegal guns in the Fogarty-Topaz residence, is anxious that Toni’s pole dancing will be bad for Baby Anthony’s custody battle.
Percival overplays his hand with Veronica and suggests she firebombs Pop’s. Veronica throws him out of her office but not out of the Casino.
For narrative purposes (there’s still 10+ mins before this episode is done) Percival decides not to try to manipulate Veronica’s thoughts but rather KO Kelly’s. He makes him walk into traffic. A fitting punishment for anyone stupid enough to come back to Riverdale.
Archie will fight Percival instead. They arrange this over the phone. Archie’s on his i-phone, Percival on his early 20th-century candlestick telephone. Oh Riverdale! (affectionate)
It’s that take-a-shot-for-Fred time again.
Agent Betty Cooper learns the basic physics of pyrokinesis from F.B.I. Agent Drake. Girl, didn’t you go to Yale or something?
Veronica learns that boyfriend and co-owner of Babylonium Reggie has taken 3 slot machines to Mantle Motors. They break up, which means he is no longer co-owner of the casino, because this is how business partnerships work in Riverdale.
Percival sees Toni and Tabitha at the casino and wants to know what they were doing there. Veronica, who doesn’t own Hiram 2.0 Percival an explanation, tells him everything: she, Toni and Tabitha will partner up.
Pop Tate is not ok with liquor being served at the Diner but has no problem with the diner having a booth at the casino. Pop Tate has had an alien encounter while tripping on mushrooms back in the 70s; we don’t judge him.
Bottoms Up! For Fred, guys!
With the two contenders named Percival and Archibald, I was hoping for some jousting or, at least, sword fighting, but no. It’s another boxing match. Bo-ring.
Fred mini-montage: double the scenes, double the tequila.
Jiminy Cricket Jones tries to keep Archie focused but fails. After all, all Jughead knows about boxing is that one-move ko.
Percival uses palladium in his gloves. Which still doesn’t explain how he wins. Archie might not be invulnerable but isn’t he supposed to be an ex professional fighter and a trained soldier?
Ah … the epic highs and lows of adult boxing …
The whole town celebrates. I am the whole town.
Percival learned Archie’s secret weakness, because he manipulated Betty’s mind. Polly and Alice were not Betty’s tether after all …
Next episode is about Tabitha Tate. How do I know? The writers explicitly said so.
Toffee has also entered into a partnership and teamed up with Cheryl. She’s opened a toasted marshmallow booth at the Babylonium.
