#i dont give up
Okay, I must admit that my relationship with food is absolutely not healthy. In the past half year I have been an extremist in all aspects. At first I ate super clean in a very drastic calorie defficit (about 1100-1400 kcal) for 2 months and I lost 9 kilos. I was so overwhelmed about it and I ate all the food because I tought I wouldn’t gain it all back, or if I would I could easily lose it again by my “extrem but effective diet”.
I think you already found out that I gained it ALL back, and somehow I couldn’t and still can not convince myself do that starving again. I can’t decide if I’m not focused enough or my body is telling me that it is a suffer.
After many failures in trying to go back to this unhealthy self-destruction, I decided to up my macros to a healthy range, and track everything I ate (IIFYM).
I was fine between Monday to Friday and then I went crazy at weekends and I ate like 5,000 calories & this vicious circle had continued for another 2 months. I’m not saying that IIFYM is not a good approach. I think at this time I was totally unfocused, Soooo Yes, I failed again.
Last week I was thinking about starting keto, and I was doing it for like 4 days and let’s say, I felt AWFUL all day. I know thats ‘normal’ when my body is not fully adapted to function on ketones, but it was enough because I finally decided that I don’t want to follow any kind of extremely restrictive diets. I don’t want to eliminate whole food groups. I don’t want to count calories/macros.
I want to:
- find balance
- eat everything in moderation
- eat intuitively
- listen to my body (when & what to eat)
- make healthy choices
- allow myself a cheat meal every once in a while when I feel like going out with my boyfriend
- keep working out regularly
- be happy
That’s all.
