I finished reading Firekeeper’s Daughter by Angeline Boulley.

Daunis does not pass The Ali Nahdee Test, but do not let that dissuade you from reading it. This is a wonderful book. I’ve learned so much and saw so much of myself in this story.

Okay, I must admit that my relationship with food is absolutely not healthy. In the past half year I have been an extremist in all aspects. At first I ate super clean in a very drastic calorie defficit (about 1100-1400 kcal) for 2 months and I lost 9 kilos. I was so overwhelmed about it and I ate all the food because I tought I wouldn’t gain it all back, or if I would I could easily lose it again by my “extrem but effective diet”. 

I think you already found out that I gained it ALL back, and somehow I couldn’t and still can not convince myself do that starving again. I can’t decide if I’m not focused enough or my body is telling me that it is a suffer.

After many failures in trying to go back to this unhealthy self-destruction, I decided to up my macros to a healthy range, and track everything I ate (IIFYM). 

I was fine between Monday to Friday and then I went crazy at weekends and I ate like 5,000 calories & this vicious circle had continued for another 2 months. I’m not saying that IIFYM is not a good approach. I think at this time I was totally unfocused, Soooo Yes, I failed again.

Last week I was thinking about starting keto, and I was doing it for like 4 days and let’s say, I felt AWFUL all day. I know thats ‘normal’ when my body is not fully adapted to function on ketones, but it was enough because I finally decided that I don’t want to follow any kind of extremely restrictive diets. I don’t want to eliminate whole food groups. I don’t want to count calories/macros. 

I want to:

• find balance
• eat everything in moderation
• eat intuitively
• listen to my body (when & what to eat)
• make healthy choices
• allow myself a cheat meal every once in a while when I feel like going out with my boyfriend
• keep working out regularly
• be happy

That’s all.

100% guilty

I had a meeting with my schoolmates, there was so much food and drinks. I ate, and I ate A LOT. It was a baby shower, I think my stomach has a new baby because of all the food I ate.

plop-alot:

walking out of an exam you knew you failed

Ha, yes.

This is how an entire class looks when the teacher says that only one of you failed the test:

(God I wish it isn’t me)