#i feel sorry for myself gah

Pressed Flowers

One|Two|Three.

It’s been almost a year and a half ever since he stepped foot in his house. Things changed.

His usual lively apartment had lost its usual color. Everything for him looked like blurry and gray. The portrait of Rika hanging in his living room was now covered in dust, along with the other photos. The flowers in his garden started to wilt and die. He forgot when it all started, him starting to neglect his well being and everything else around him. It could just be his nature, to take care of others before himself. But he knew that this time he clearly forgot himself as a person; he only thought of saving others to the point that his beliefs and love– obsession as he realized it, started to blind him.

The jars and the frames was also covered in dust. The vase that his Rika used to put fresh flowers in everyday was full of dead flowers that he forgot to throw away. He needs to clean up his house. He needs to fix himself, and start his second life that she gave him, one baby step at a time.

Because he promised her, and because he wanted to.

The way she described him was something he did not expect. A symbol of rebirth, new beginnings and inspiration; like a daffodil. As far as he knew, daffodils should be given as a bouquet,or a bunch at least. Despite the beautiful meaning it has, a single bloom of the said flower could mean misfortune.

He could be that single bloom, for all he brought to them were problems, including the secrets he has to keep, his obsession that led to Rika to where she is right now, thinking it was the right thing to do. His emotions and philosophy took over him completely. V somehow knew that the innocence behind Rika’s eyes could be something dark, that is just waiting for the light in order to get fed; and he was that light, that fed that darkness, leading her to be a person that she had become.

“V,” he turned around to see Jumin, along with Jaehee who had brought the materials from the previous party.

“Jumin, Jaehee.” He greeted them as cheerfully as he could. But the unconvinced look on Jumin’s face tells him that he failed trying to look alright.

“I got a call from the hospital. They said that she could be discharged any time today.” Jumin said,

“But we have few problems, V. She recently got kicked out of her own apartment, due to financial reasons, and she doesn’t have any friends or relatives to take care of her.” Jaehee explained, giving V some information that they gathered while she was in the hospital.

“Hmm. I heard she works as an artist, but she mentioned that she stopped doing exhibits months ago.” Jumin’s words made V think; why did she stop?

“Well, I could always get her a unit to stay in and a personal nurse to take care of her and a maid who can tend to her needs.” Jumin added, getting his phone from his coat.

“I don’t think there’s any need, Jumin. She can stay with me, I can take care of her too.” V stopped his friend before he made the call. What he said, however made Jaehee and Jumin confused.

“V, your eyes weren’t that good anymore, you know that right?” Jaehee took the words right out of Jumin’s mouth that all he could do was nod.

“I can still see clearly with my left eye. I’m sure I can take care of her until she gets well. When that time comes, I’ll have my surgery.” There was determination in his voice. He felt like he needed to take responsibility for her, after all, she saved his life. This is only one of the many ways he can do to repay his debt.

-

She stared outside the hospital window. Although she could barely feel the pain from the wound the doctor advised her not to move too much. Countless thoughts occupied her mind. She could be discharged today, but what will happen after? Saeyoung visited her as he would often do whenever Saeran was resting.

She was in a comatose for almost a month, nearly lost her life trying to protect V. Now, she might have lost her home.

“Saeyoung,” she called him trying to get a closer look to the red headed hacker of the RFA.

“Mmm?” He answered,

“I’ve been meaning to ask this but have you seen my eyeglasses? I really have a poor eyesight and I can’t see very clearly. I thought maybe you saw it somewhere.” She sait down beside him, waiting for him to answer.

“You don’t remember? It shattered when you… um.”

“Oh.” She mumbled. Mentally doing computations of how much it would cost her the hospital bill, rent and now the cost of having new eyeglasses.

This is the only time that she wanted to mentally slap herself. She should have finished the manuscript for her novel and participated in exhibits. But no matter how much she tried she just cannot do it. Now she has to stress over the fact that no one would actually take care of her when she gets home. If she still has a home, that is.

“The doctor said you will be discharged today, but who is going to take care of you?” Saeyoung asked. Oh, how she wished she could answer that.

“I have some friends who can–”

“But you don’t have any friends or relatives.” He said flatly. Looking through the information he hacked for security reasons. “I’d love to take care of you but…”

“That kind of hurts. Alright I don’t know who or how. As long as I have a home to go back to then I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me, just take care of Saeran.” She answered in defeat, she doesn’t know either. There was a comfortable silence between them as they continue to look outside the window. It was a beautiful afternoon. She took out her phone to play some good old music, “Aubrey” by Bread.

Both she and Saeyoung smiled upon hearing the song. They both agreed that it was a relaxing song to listen to in a sunny afternoon. She often spends afternoon like this doing some art, writing and reading. She missed doing it.

“Why did you do it? Save us, I mean. We only talked for 11 days but you willingly saved me and my brother. You even took a bullet for V.” Saeyoung broke the silence between them. But his question also left her curious of the reason why she did it. She pondered for a while, looking for the reason herself, was it because of V? No, it wasn’t.

“I don’t know, I have this sense of responsibility ever since I was young, that I have to protect those important to me. Even if it costs me something.” She answered, looking straight into his golden eyes, “I wouldn’t say that I saved you or your brother. I’m just a tag along you know? But one thing I knew is, I just made up my mind, that no matter what happens, I want to see you with your brother again. As for V, when I saw the gun, my body just moved on its own to shield him.” She explained. She saw Saeyoung’s lip curve into an apologetic smile,

“You almost lost your life because of us. When you were in critical condition, and in a comatose. I thought I’d lose my mind. I don’t think I could forgive myself if that happened.” He said, fidgeting his fingers. Of course, she should have thought of her actions first. But in a situation like that, she can’t take her time thinking of things.

“I’m sorry for being reckless, but I am here, alive and well. Saeyoung, everything will be fine.” She hoped, the moment she said that they heard a knock before the door opened, revealing Jumin and V.

The atmosphere in the room turned tense and cold. This is the first time Saeyoung and V met since the incident happened. She looked at the two of them, Saeyoung’s knuckles turning white. What the red headed feels was completely valid, what happened to his brother was not something a guardian would do. His trust was broken by none other than V himself.

She lightly stroked Saeyoung’s back before smiling at him. “You should go, Saeran must be awake by now,” she urged him. Her words somehow managed to calm him down a little. Anymore longer that the two stay in the same place she was sure that it would turn to something bad. Saeyoung quietly left the room, briefly saying good bye to them.

The guilt and regret in V’s eyes were evident; he couldn’t look to Saeyoung even when he left the room. Yet he still tried to hide it, they all know that they needed some time before getting to talk to each other.

“How are you feeling?” Jumin asked first, breaking the tension in the room.

“I’m feeling a lot better, the doctor said I can go home but reminded me not to move too much.” She beamed a smile.

“We already paid for the hospital bill. As for your home… you were kicked out of your apartment.” Jumin said flatly. She figured that would be the case, she just chuckled.

“… they couldn’t wait until I get discharged huh. But thank you very much. I’ll pay you for the hospital bills, although it might take a while.” She said to Jumin.

“Don’t think about it. No amount of money could replace what you did for me. Your belongings were already at my house. You’ll be staying with me from now on. That is why we are here to fetch you.” V smiled, his face emitting a light she knew very well. It felt like the first time they met each other. But after adoring him, was only then she understood what he said.

V,

Long time no see, it’s been almost a year since I last saw you. People have been looking for the new photographs you make. Nevertheless, they still felt happy whenever they see your photos, both new and old enthusiasts of your yours. The happiness of the lily of the valley has come back, thanks to the photos that inspired me to do so. I hope the next time I see you, we can introduce ourselves to each other, properly.

-Lilley.