In a few hours I will be turning 32 years old, 6 months ago I PROMISED myself I would not go into 32 being in active addiction. I am trying but I LITERALLY purposely took my sleeping meds so I would stay asleep all day so I WOULDNT USE METH.
My husband is off on weekends so he’s been with the kids.
It’s 10pm I am just waking up for a second time to eat and whatever and the first thing I grab is what?
MY PILO my throat actually kinda burns wanting to hit this bitch.
In my brain I justify it somehow being ok because I am not slamming it.
I NEVER REALLY FELT LIKE A JUNKIE UNTIL I STARTED SLAMMING IT AND NOW IM TRYING NOT TO ANYMORE .
What the fuck have I done to myself?
I knew fucking better then to play with fire and I ACTUALLY THOUGHT I WOULDNT GET HOOKED .
Anyway happy birthday to me.
The junkie mother
ADD me on Snapchat for best quality meth user name hornyjunkieslut
trying in vain to blacklist all words related to smell cuz I’m two years and four months post covid and every single thing still smells and tastes like rotting meat and sewage and nothing is getting better and everyone else is living like everything is normal
MY MOM IS A BITCH LOL; ( Lots of warnings because family issues )
Recently I found our that my mom is having an affair with 4 different men. That the big “Christmas news” and she didn’t told me about this (obv because why would you ever tell about this to the monster you gave birth, lol) I knew it was happening but I thought it was 1 not 4 men. I’ve been having dreams about my parents getting a divorce too, they even joke about it but in a way it still sounds serious. Is this the path of the adult world? I say this because I even came across my mom’s vibrator one time, it was shocking at first but it’s because I’m not used to this face of my mom’s sexual activity, and is not of my business at the same time, because it part of being human, it’s normal, I have it, mum does and my father does too, all my family has it. At least it didn’t happen when I was like pretty little, at that time I was dealing with a worse stuff lol. But the thing is that, I came to a conclusion that me and my mom have a similar behavior, we hide things, we fake faces and get upset at my dad, my dad is not that friendly anyways, he is a pain on the butt to deal with lol, but like, even though I know and I assume it before I still don’t know how to digest this information, the things is not my mom’s sexual life, is about the consequences that it will leave to my dad traditions. Although he is annoying, he is very loyal to my mom and o really don’t know how he would react to this situation and SPECIALLY both of my grandmothers, because I’M the production of their funny little night. In my case if been telling them to divorce already, not nice, I know, but like, I can’t resist the bad behavior my dad has to my mom and the way he treats her but also, I can’t resist the fake face my mom has to my dad, is obviously forcing herself to love a man that is not longer of her interest. And both of them are upset with me because of the way I turned, can’t talk my dad’s language an being interest in internet funnies and my mom is upset with me because of how open I’m with people, and I mean it with the LGBT part, she is pretty homophobic, denied me when I told her I was trans, keep telling heavy transpobic jokes (usually at MtF people) and didn’t like that I used to date a girl on my hs. Oh and it’s obv that I’m not what they wanted but I’m like this and I can’t change just to please them. I wish… they could talk about this shit and broke already, the unhappiness is pretty obvious, as I slowly fall into despair and homelessness and my parents fall into angryness over minimal things or thinking differences. I often ask myself… what did mother thought of my father and what my father thought of my mom at fist glance in 1995, because from the day I was born, they where always upset… what the fuck did you do dad, and what the fuck did you do mom, why did you decided to have me and bring me to this shitty place, where not even you 2 can’t deal over what food you should be eating, you 2 are soo different and both annoying, I don’t love you mom, I neither do to you dad, I hate both of you for your shitty decisions…
days after
MORHERFUCKING BITCH IS WITH ANOTHER GUY TOO, OH MY GOD IM WANT TO KILL MYSELF SOOO BAD, EVERYDAY YOU MAKE IT WORSE, I WISH I DIED IN YOUR FUCKING WOMB, YOU ARE A BIG LIAR, ALWAYS MANIPULATING ME, I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU ANYMORE, I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU SO MUCH, I CAN’T HANDLE YOUR LIES.
day after:
HOW CAN U DARE SAYING SUCH A RACID JOKE TO ME BRUHHHHHH, I WISH I COULD FUCKING KILL THE SHIT OUT OF YOU FR, IS HOPE U FUCKING KILL YOUSELF LOOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLO “oh wasn’t she upset that she couldn’t have an spare vibrator?” WHAT KIND OF JOKE IS THAT, SAYING RACID SHITR AT MY BACK, IM FUCKING GOIING INSANE KFBCEVBFHBV I HATE THE FACT THAT I KNOW YOU AND THE PLACE WHERE YOU LIVE, YOU’RE FUCKING MARRIED FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, LEAVE, FUCKING LEAVE. “did u use the “pinky” (vibrator) for my birthday? <3 haha” FUCKING KILL YOURSELF I CAN’T KEEP AN EYE ON IT, YOU ARE SICK, YOU’RE DISGUSTING, I WISH I NEVER MET YOU, AND SPECIALLY I WISH I NEVER CAME ALIVE TO THIS PLACE, EVERYDAY IS UNBERABLE YTO SEE AT YPU FACE AND SPECIALY TO THOSE MEN WHO I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHO THEY ARE, I WANT TO FUCKING PUKE AND CUT MT FKN TROATH, YPU CAN’T KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH THIS… I CURSE YOU MOM, I CURSED YOU DAD, I CURSE MY FUCKING LIFE, But specially CURSE EVERYOnEN WHO I MET
