In a few hours I will be turning 32 years old, 6 months ago I PROMISED myself I would not go into 32 being in active addiction. I am trying but I LITERALLY purposely took my sleeping meds so I would stay asleep all day so I WOULDNT USE METH.
My husband is off on weekends so he’s been with the kids.
It’s 10pm I am just waking up for a second time to eat and whatever and the first thing I grab is what?
MY PILO my throat actually kinda burns wanting to hit this bitch.
In my brain I justify it somehow being ok because I am not slamming it.
I NEVER REALLY FELT LIKE A JUNKIE UNTIL I STARTED SLAMMING IT AND NOW IM TRYING NOT TO ANYMORE .
What the fuck have I done to myself?
I knew fucking better then to play with fire and I ACTUALLY THOUGHT I WOULDNT GET HOOKED .
Anyway happy birthday to me.
The junkie mother
ADD me on Snapchat for best quality meth user name hornyjunkieslut
I hate that I feel the need to commodify every hobby i pick up lest I be “unproductive”/“do it for nothing” like…shut upppppp I can just do things and enjoy them I don’t need to turn every hobby into a business venture !!! I can have fun!!!!!!
Thinking to myself recently how one half of my brain wants me to get better so I can eat whatever the fuck I want and not have to worry about calories or if it’s going to make me gain weight or worry what my stomach will look like.
Then the other half of my brain, getting excited to get to the skinniest point and lowest weight I’ve been?
If the feeling you get after you eat too much after doing good of not eating or eating very little that day wasn’t bad enough,the feeling of realization of something better you could of eaten instead that’s low in cal/healthy so irritated with myself rn fuck
