#i love knitting
Knitting has always been my home. A place where I feel the most comfortable in myself. I’m not stressing about today, tomorrow, or even the next day. I simply exist. The past few years I found it harder and harder to escape into my knitting, into my books, into my hobbies, I found it harder to escape real life and I kept being sucked down a deep well of a monotonous life. Work, stress, work, stress, work, stress. I’d forget to eat, drink water, I wouldn’t sleep well, if at all….I wasn’t taking care of myself because I couldn’t. Then the Pandemic hit, I was suddenly at home for 3 months with nothing to do but spend time with myself.
I slept the first week, then the second week, and part of the third week. I slept without dreams, my body catching up on some much needed rest.
The middle of week three I started watching tv, by the end of week four I was restless, so I cleaned.
Beginning of week five I found a sweater that I was excited to knit from two years ago that I never finished. I dug out all of my yarn for the sweater and counted all my stiches and started to knit. I cannot tell you how long I sat there and knit, but it was a while. The next day I pulled all of my wips out and finished two shawls, hats, mittens, a scarf. I read a book that I had been excited for when it came out. The series (4 books) had been completed by then and I was still at the beginning of book 2. I lost myself in a story of murder, mystery, and a dash of love. I lost myself in the stitches of my knitwork.
Then I started buying plants, so many plants, I love plants, and discovered that I have my mother’s green thumb.
I can’t really said that I rediscovered myself or that I found myself. But I definitely started to heal myself. And now here I am, at the end of 2020, most of what I wanted to do this year is not done but, its okay, because I made it to the end of the year, I made it this far, i healed my soul a little, I found some of my joy I had lost so long ago.
I now take heed of the signs that I am growing tired, I make myself take breaks, I make myself take care of me. I have to take care of me. I cannot go back to meaningless words on a page, empty stiches, monotonous work. I need to find the sparkles in my life, the things I love, to keep me going, to make it all worth it. My stitches can never be empty.