Hey y’all! I hope everyone has been well. I know it’s been a hot minute since my last post; I thought I would focus more on my education and band now that marching season has been in full swing.
Seeing as this time of year has finally concluded, I now have way more freedom on my hands. With this extra time, I decided to finally start writing here again!! (I haven’t even written much in my personal notes. After-school practice really stole my hours, haha.)
I’ll be jotting down only a handful of things I remember from the bucketload of experiences I had throughout the course of these few months. There’s always the chance I’ll bring something else up that I haven’t mentioned here in the future though!
So, without further ado, I’ll get onto it!!
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First off, I actually cried in front of M more than a month back… for the first time ever. I’ll elaborate on this in a future post once I am up to it, since this moment in my life so dear to me and there are many things I remember from it. Until then, I’ll continue with other highlights. ❤️
~~
For some background, my band does a little ‘people of the week’ selection every week. There are different categories like section of the week, color-guard of the week, marcher of the week, etcetera. These are announced after our band’s performance of the marching show during halftime.
So, one night, after performing on the marching field, the band speed-walked to get off the field with the remaining time we had. I remained next to my section, and we exchanged subtle words of support for what we had just done. As we did this, the announcer’s voice blared from the speakers, listing off which students won the vote this time around.
I was listening intently, although I never really suspected to hear anything regarding me. It was one of those moments where I thought ‘haha, wouldn’t it be surprising if I was chosen? Maybe next week’. And right after thinking that, I heard my name from the speaker.
I was chosen as the band member of the week. Out of everyone in the band, I was selected. I was so caught off guard. “What??” I exclaimed as my section screamed and cheered around me. I was still in disbelief for sure, but their support turned my shock into more of a feeling of excitement.
Later on, when we were back in the stands, I and a handful of other students were called down to where the directors stood. We were given different props based on what we were proclaimed as for a photo. Mine was a dog mask— it looked so silly on me. Sitting about six feet across from where I stood was none other than M himself, smiling.
We made eye contact a few times, each time leading me to smile in embarrassment. He was grinning with a look I couldn’t quite read. Amusement? Pride? Whatever it may have been, it was fun to have him see me like that. I think he agreed.
After the pictures were taken, we all went back to our spots in the stands. We kept the hats or masks we were given, and luckily, we were able to play with them on. I did just that without any complaints; it looked silly having this thing on with the sousaphone. I even caught M and U looking over occasionally, chuckling at me, R, the dog-masked student doing horn moves and playing stand tunes.
This achievement meant a lot to me. Though the title was assigned weekly, not everyone was able to get to say that they were chosen. It was so nice to hear that he and the others believed in me. Even while we were loading the busses after the game, I was still ecstatic. I caught M just as he entered our bus. He stood in front of my seat for a little while, so I decided to thank him.
“Mr. [M]?” He glanced down with the slightest hesitation, just barely missing my eye. He looked a little tired, body language sort of fuzzy, and he had a tiny grin on his face. It was cute. “Again, thank you for giving me the award.” I felt my eyes shyly drift to the floor, “I appreciate it..”
I soon trailed off and brought my face back up to look at him. My response brought a soft chuckle to escape his lips, and his eyes met the floor in front of him as well. He had a big grin on his face now. “I didn’t give it to you. Your peers did.”
“…Really??” My exclamation came out in a whisper. There were a number of reasons I was surprised to hear this— one being that I never really thought others recognized me. Most of the time I would settle somewhere alone, with my friend, or maybe my section if I had the option to. Aside from when I was with them, I always thought I was more like a background character.
But I guess I’m not as invisible to the others as I believed? I was so perplexed at the thought.
M walked away and let me ponder for a while, a warm smile still prominent on his face. And yet again, this guy has changed my perspective of life. He’s so kindhearted.
~~
Following a pre-contest rehearsal, M dismissed the students— out of order, unlike what he usually does— to the band busses. He slowly trailed behind them all as they made their way over. I slowed down to catch up to him, or rather, let him catch up to me.
“What was THAT?” I asked him regarding his dismissal style, grinning. He glanced back at me, smiling, before averting his gaze. Either he was being silent because he had something on his mind, or he thought I was poking fun at him. I wanted to make sure he was doing alright regardless. I waited until the band kids were at a standstill, all lined up to enter, before I turned back to look at M.
“How’re you feeling?” I asked him. The kids were very slow filing in, so I had some time. Hopefully he didn’t mind the conversation. He looked at me before quickly replying. “Good!” He said, optimistically, although I could sort of tell he was anxious. I don’t blame him. “That’s good—“ “How are you?” He returned and leaned his head towards me in question, grinning.
“Good!” I smiled, “I’m very excited for this.” I spoke in a level tone, trying to push away my nerves as best I could. “Me too,” his voice softened. “It’ll be so much fun!” I glanced left to the students and to the right, over to him. “Keep being confident,” he stated with a gentle smile. We then loaded the bus.
A little bit after I sat down, M entered. I was super happy. I usually am when he first steps into the vehicle. We made eye contact almost immediately. He smiled at me once more, and I managed to return it just before he looked away. I definitely felt some butterflies there, haha. Lifted my mood a ton. I continued to do my own thing while the busses were preparing to depart.
I was sat in an open spot, ending up a row behind M on the opposite side. Early into the ride, I finished getting settled and looked up at him. It seemed like he was gazing out of the window to his left for a while. This angle allowed me to get a better view of his face, as he was turned towards my side.
What I noticed was that there was a sort of wistful look in his wide, sparkling eyes, like he was reflecting. His hand was folded under his chin, his arm leaning on the bag sitting in his lap to do so comfortably. There were so many things going on at once. I couldn’t help but wonder if he was actually feeling okay.
Just as I tilted my head towards him and opened my mouth to ask this very thing, he began to smile, as if he was already expecting me to say something. His giggly smile continued to grow as I went on to speak, causing an inevitable grin to appear on my face as well. “Are you *really* okay?”
He was very quick to answer. “Yes,” he responded softly with the hint of a light, bubbly chuckle in his tone, “are *you* okay??” He turned his head towards me and stared, with a mix of both playfulness and sincerity. “Yes,” I replied.
He closed his eyes for a moment and turned his head to the volunteer sitting next to him. As he moved, I muttered, “I’m just worried.” I think he heard this too, because he waited a second after I said this to begin talking. “R’s always been checking in on me since we first met.”
I felt a flushed smile spread on my face. He was talking about me!! That made my heart flutter immensely…I was so honored. This was unreal. I listened in, extremely contented at the situation unfolding before me.
“My favorite text I got from her is when I was trying to remove a signature piece from our performance last year.” He began. Throughout his rambling, he shot occasional glances back my way to see if I was listening, to which I would always meet his gaze with a smile. He then began to relay a message I had sent to him back then.
(A band kid he knew well had given me M’s phone number so I could send it — hence the reason I have his number, even now.) He began to imitate me. “It was like— ‘I don’t want to bother youu,” he dragged out the word, “I know I..it’s not the time—‘“ he paused. I blushed with how silly he re-enacted my message, and despite being sort of embarrassed, I contributed with what I remembered.
“I know this isn’t the best time,” I started for him. He nodded and went on. “I know this is not the time, but we cannot get rid of [piece]. Tomorrow is a new day. Just breathe. Think about this.” He was smiling such a kind and genuine smile. Like he was proud while he was talking about the whole ordeal. It was so cute. He looked back at me for a second before looking back forward.
“I’m glad you liked it..,” I muttered happily. Afterwards, we were silent for another minute. I checked my phone and seen that a friend had asked me about spending the night at her place. I furrowed my eyebrows, thinking back to how late we were planning to stay at this event, then began to type in response. It wasn’t very long at all until I was halfway done, and I heard a familiar voice pipe up once again.
“What are you doing?” I widened my eyes and looked up at M, perplexed. His sudden attention caught me so off guard. He was looking at me with a sort of challenging or teasing expression on his face, leaning on his lap. He had open-teethed grin on his lips. Super adorable, as always.
At first I didn’t think he was talking to me. I took a quick glance to the phone of the person to my left to see if that was what he was referring to, but nothing happened. He kept his look fixed at no one but myself. “Playing a game?— Writing a message?” He added, “You were just like—“ he mimicked fast tapping on his phone’s screen with his index fingers. I felt my face brighten.
“Me?…Um,” I smiled tentatively, then gained my composure. I tilted my head downwards in thought before replying in a regular speaking volume. “My friend just asked me if I could spend the night at her place.” Listening intently, he nodded with an ‘oh!’ expression. I widened my eyes further to emphasize a now jokingly annoyed tone as I went on, “I was just telling her that we were planning to get back at ONE-THIRTY AM.”
He looked back forward and chuckled. I finally allowed myself to beam ear to ear while his back was turned. (He probably saw it in the bus’s mirror though.. haha.) He took a second or few to look back at me. I relaxed my smile. “Are you going to arrive to her house at 1 AM?” He questioned. I shrugged and softened my eyes more. “Maybe. We’ll see.” He smiled cheerfully and looked back forward afterwards.
I was so excited for a while after that. ❤️
~~
“What did you get?” After some snack bags were passed around the bus, he turned back to talk to me once again, grinning happily. I wasn’t used to getting this much attention in one sitting, so I looked at him, surprised, for a second before replying. “Well..” I slightly furrowed my eyebrows and moved my eyes to look left before returning my gaze to his own. The answer was sort of obvious. “They served Cheezits and fruit roll-ups.”
After he heard the last food item, he furrowed his own eyebrows and turned back forward. “Fruit of the foot,” I added. I didn’t know if he knew what I was talking about. “Yeah, I know. I already had one.” He stated to me without looking my way. “Do you want one?” I questioned, lifting my right hand to motion that I would pick up the bag of food sitting to the right of me.
“No thanks. I already had one,” he insisted. I nodded and didn’t speak any further.
For the rest of the ride, every time he would look to the back of the bus, I would always meet his eye. And he would look away right after. Needless to say, I was very happy. I wonder what he was thinking about.
~~
I was late to class one day. The entire period, upon first walking in, I was so nervous to hand M the slip, even though he didn’t pay my late entry any mind. I knew he wasn’t going to kill me or anything, but he was usually the type to talk about always being on schedule. Didn’t know how he would feel about me messing that up.
Soon enough, the time came for the period to end, and I made my way over. He smiled at me when I came up to him with the tardy slip, handing it over. “Sorry,” I smiled apologetically as he took it. “Don’t be.” He held the slip of paper in his hand and glanced at it for a second before looking right back up at me. He never stopped smiling.
“Did you oversleep?” He asked with a knowing grin. “What..?” I smiled lightly in question. “You overslept?” He rephrased his question. I felt my lips tug into an even bigger grin and my eyebrows began to furrow as well. “No, my sibling did! I told them to wake up…” I muttered the last part while he made a face as if he was offended, probably adding to my previous tone.
“What is WRONG with them??” He demanded. His contributing attitude earned a chuckle from me. “I’m the only one who sets alarms…” I trailed off. I stood there for a couple seconds, smiling, before I went to leave.
“Have a great day, R,” he said, seeing as I was turned the other way. “You too.” After hearing his voice once again, though, I paused in place. I then turned back over to him, hesitantly approaching once again. With no context, I slowly stuck my left hand out to him, making his face scrunch up in confusion. Puzzled, he grinned and furrowed his own eyebrows, eyeing my hand.
He extended his own right hand slowly to touch mine. This was so awkward. Haha. I stifled a laugh. After lingering momentarily, taking in the feeling of his palms, I removed my hand from his. After the action, he finally caught on.
“Are you hugging me?” A funky, beaming expression grew on his face, making it appear as if he wanted to chuckle. Seeing this made my heart flutter, and I replied, beginning to giggle myself. “Yeah…”
Nothing more was said after that. We moved in and wrapped our left arms around each other. A second passed, then we were done. I was beyond happy, yet a little embarrassed.
“Have a great day, R.” He offered another kind smile. “Thank you.” I returned it wholeheartedly.
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This is so long, haha. Sorry about that - hopefully it was interesting! I sure thought so.
I’m so happy to be here again! I missed rambling back and forth with y’all about TC matters and the like. Glad to have a place filled with people I can relate to. ❤️ Look forward to even more fun stories with M!! We’ve been talking a bunch lately. ^^
