Y’all, guess what bad bitch just got section leader

This dumbass freshman lol I have no clue what I’m doing or how I got here plz send help

Oh my gosh, this is 12 days late. Pardon the wait! I am currently building the posts about seeing W to post, then I am planning to write more about a 4-day band trip out of state that I just took part in!!! 

Afterwards, I will probably keep the posts short and simple most of the time, as I would rather this blog not feel like as much of a chore as it has been. I’m sure you all understand that. I’m just here to obsess over my teacher like everyone else. Haha.

Alright, enough being said, enjoy!!

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1. Do you have more platonic or romantic feelings for them?

My feelings steer more towards romantic than platonic towards them. Especially M. 

2. Have they ever physically touched you?

YEAH!!! I get so happy and excited whenever the thought comes to mind. M has initiated a lot of shoulder and arm pats, and he’s always perfectly fine with hugs too!! It’s so sweet.

I met W during the COVID era, so we never hugged, but we have bumped fists before on the last day of school. I also took a picture with him— but that’s not quite physical touch. Haha.

3. Would you ever plan to pursue them when you graduate? (And when you’re legal if you’re a minor like me)

Ahh, if they both weren’t married and had children, I would have definitely tried to shoot my shot in a very subtle way after being well over the legal age. All that matters to me is that they are happy though. In the best case scenario, I would at least love to stay friends with them. 

4. Do you know their birthday/zodiac sign?

I DON’T??? I have no clue how I don’t know, but I’ve been wanting to figure it out for a while.

5. Do you know their favorite color?

I can assume W’s is green? I think M’s may be black or blue. I’m not exactly sure though.

6. What do they teach?

Both teach band! They are band directors.

7. Do you think you’re their favorite student?

Haha, as much as I’m smiling right now thinking about this question, I think, to some extent, they enjoy my company. They are both very nice to me and have told me many times how talented they think I am, and how nice they think I am. So sweet.

8. Are they tall, short, or average height?

M is about my height, maybe a couple inches taller— so 5′7? W is a bit taller than we are, so my guess for W’s height is 5′10. 

9. Do they have any pets?

Ohh, yes!! M has two dogs. I’ve seen them both on a Zoom meeting before, one briefly, as they were barking at the window. Haha. His other one was quite calm though. She was so cute and small. When M held her, it was so sweet. ❤️

I am not sure about W, but he seems like a dog person. So if he did have pets, they would be dogs.

10. Do you ever plan to confess your feelings to them? (Careful with this one, they could possibly lose their job or get you in trouble)

I have been debating with myself on this one. On one hand, I want to tell M at some point that I have liked him for a very long time, and that he has changed my life more than he could ever realize it. On the other hand, I don’t want to strain our relationship in a way (though it’s probably obvious nonetheless). 

M loves his wife and children, and he is the most genuine and loyal person I know. I would never want to take that away from him. If I did tell M about my feelings, I would not expect it to go anywhere by any means whatsoever. I care about M and his life more than anything, and if I jeopardized his career or marriage, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself. 

For W, I’m not too keen on telling him. I may tell him one day in passing, like “I had a small crush on you in middle school. Haha.” But honestly, I think the crush was more-so developed due to M’s absence. I do find W attractive in his own way, of course— but again, it probably kickstarted because I wasn’t used to M not being there. You know?

11. Do you know any of their talents?

M can SING. Like, he can really sing. Whenever he sings in class (not super often), his low voice is so angelic, and it could be because I’m in love with him, but I find it to be so beautiful. I adore his voice, he is stunning. He also stated himself that he is good with helping to link people together, business-wise or not. He believes he was made for that. 

This last thing is self-explanatory, but M is amazing at helping people. He can comfort you so much. He has comforted me and reassured me countless times, and just being around him is like being in a safe space. He’s like another home to me. He can teach you so much about everything too. He is so smart it’s crazy. He is such a hard worker and he does it not only for himself, but for the growth of the people around him. I look up to him so much for that. 

Haha— I typed so much for M, but W is a great teacher as well. He is very spontaneous and cheerful, and will always crack a joke to make you laugh. He is also quite smart, but he doesn’t show it all too much. He puts himself out there as a funky sort of dude, but he’s really not all that crazy. He’s good at lifting spirits. 

12. How often do you think of them?

Let’s be real— there’s almost never a time where I’m not thinking about M. He flows in my mind like water in an ocean — he just never leaves. 

I’ll think about W too, but it’s not daily. It’s weekly, to put it into terms. It’s apparent, but my feelings for him don’t measure up to my feelings for M. 

13. Have you told anybody irl about your crush?

I have told my sister about it!! I’m so grateful that she’s open to listen on and on to my ramblings. She thinks it’s cute. In some way, I have told my mother as well. She’s figured it out, but I don’t talk to her about it casually.

14. Be honest: Do you think you’re in love?

With M, there’s zero doubt— I AM in love. I have never truly fallen for someone before I met him. I constantly think about him and how much he has done for me in my life, and how much more I want to know about him. Whenever he’s gone, I wonder what he’s up to. I wonder when the next time I’ll get to see him again is. I constantly want to do everything and nothing with him; watch a movie, lay down and stare at the ceiling, try and fail to bake cookies, and the like. 

Even through his tougher moments, his faults, and his mistakes, I still truly believe he is the most perfect man ever. I am deadset on that statement. There is no one like him. There never will be. He is absolutely phenomenal. 

I really do think my feelings for W aren’t fixed. I don’t know how to label them. Love or a crush? I don’t see myself living with him forever and everything for sure, but at the same time I do find him attractive and I would love to build a relationship with him. I’m not too sure. It could be a huge crush or a little bit of love. I’ll get back to it eventually and ponder on it more. For now, I’ll keep the question open. 

15. Do they motivate you to come to school?

YES. Always. Every single day. I always get out of bed with the thought of seeing them again. And the days they’d be gone, I would still go to school, partly so I could keep working harder to make them proud in the future. It’s also for my own education and whatnot; I love them dearly, but if they’re gone I’m not going to be irresponsible. 

This feeling is the same with both M and W. They would always motivate me to wake up and attend class. 

16. Have you ever seen them cry?

I have seen M get pretty close to crying a few times. I haven’t physically seen him cry, but I hope he would eventually be open to being that vulnerable around me so I can help him feel better. I would never judge him for that. He’s seen me cry twice, and he dropped everything to make sure I was okay— so I would never have a problem with doing the same for him. (Will probably post the story of this happening eventually, when I get more time and motivation to revisit and write it all.)

W isn’t too open with his more sorrowful emotions either. If anything, he would try to mask it with dark humor. He tends to jump a lot between super energetic and super serious. There are a small handful of times I’ve seen him be genuinely serious around me, but most of the time he is upbeat. It may be a facade or his real personality. I can’t be too sure of it yet. 

17. What kind of dynamic do you guys have?

Pfft, I’m not sure. 

M and I’s dynamic isn’t too concrete, but it can be explained as follows; We are at a point with each other where we can trust each other with things, and he’s comfortable starting and carrying a chat with me. I am the same with him, and I love to poke fun at him on occasion, but not too much as to not make him think I’m ridiculing him or anything. 

In addition, he’s kind and oh so caring towards me, showering me with such lovely words of encouragement and compliments often. I am the same towards him. We’ll worry about each other; I’ll ask him if he’s okay and vise versa. I’ll buy him gifts sometimes as a token of gratitude. 

I suppose, in summary, our dynamic is “a motivational, supportive person and their appreciative, sympathetic person”, if that makes any sense.

With W, I guess it’ just the “wild, outgoing dude and the more reserved person who’s soft with them”. Haha. While I was in class with him, some may remember, but we would chat sometimes outside of, before, or after class. He would look at me when he made a joke, I would laugh. Just the simple stuff. He could trust me and I could trust him. We had fun. 

18. Have they ever caught you staring?

For sure!! Every time I start staring at them, they’ll eventually catch me. I’ll end up catching them gazing too, a lot of times…unless there are several times I haven’t, and I don’t know about it. Hahaha. The act of catching the other staring goes back and forth— but I’m usually the culprit staring at them in that scenario. 

19. What was the most embarrassing thing you’ve done in front of them? (All of us have done some pretty embarrassing stuff, let’s be honest.)

HAHA UM. With M, there’s so much I’ve done, especially when I was younger and, henceforth, way more immature. For instance, I forgot my tuba to a concert once (ended up getting it there before the performance though!). I also started a debate with M in the bus once about how he wasn’t actually bald “because he had tiny hairs on his head”. It went on for a while. It’s so embarrassing to think about. I really hope he forgot about the second occurrence mentioned above. 

Of course I have done some embarrassing things in front of W as well, but not too much comes up in my mind when I’m thinking about it. The occasional messing up in class— OH MY GOD, WHICH REMINDS ME. The one time I REALLY blasted on my instrument for the first time ever in front of M and W. That was absolutely EMBARRASSING. God, that was so much. Hahaha. 

20. Do they make you feel safe/loved?

Without a doubt, one-hundred percent. Being around M is one of the safest places I can be. M is the most sweet, charismatic, sympathetic, caring, and genuine person I know. He really cares about me, and he has shown me that several times, both in my presence and away from it. He has done so much for me in the years that I have known him and there is no one else that could ever make me feel as seen and as loved as he does. 

I feel fairly safe around W. I know he’s there for me and that he cares for me. Of course these feelings aren’t to the emotional extent of how I feel about M, but I do feel safe around W. I feel like he cares about me, and he has displayed this many times as well. ^^

21. Have they ever rendered you speechless?

Oh yeah. There have been more occasions with M seeing that I’ve had him longer, but for sure. Those two can really do a great deal on my heart. 

Especially like?? M in a suit?? His beauty is absolutely jaw-dropping. Every time I see the outfit, it’s like I’m seeing it for the first time. So stunning. 

22. Are they a good teacher?

M? YES. And it’s not even because I’m utterly in love with him. Many, if not all students would agree that he is amazing at his job. Countless awards and a reputation of gold. He is so motivated and if he wants something, nothing can get in his way. 

From what I’ve seen, W is a pretty effective teacher as well! He has earned several awards as well in his time teaching, and he has taught me quite a bit as well. He is very smart despite his childish and loud attitude.

23. Is there something they do that gives you the ick? 

With M? I suppose so. There are times when he fails to realize that other people think differently than others. For instance, I am very passionate about being in the band program, so much so that I am dead-set on pursuing a musical career. My great friend, though, has lost interest and is wanting to leave band. 

Whenever he would talk to them about this situation, he would always try to find countless reasons for them to stay. One time he even went down the guilt-tripping road. (Eg. “Well, R wants you to stay too!”) Although I do agree with him and think it’s sweet he’d consider me in the scenario, I think he should try giving more kids like my friend grace in their options after they’ve expressed their disinterest multiple times. They’re a great player, but they’ve lost that spark. 

Staying in band helped M too, with his future as a band director and whatnot, but he tried to leave once as well. After leaving, he came back right away because he missed it. I feel like he should give his students that opportunity as well, so that they can really see what school life would be like with the absence of band. — I rambled a lot, but in summary, I think he should give the students more freedom to explore their options if they want to. Sometimes he can be a bit too overbearing. 

W will butt into a conversation he isn’t a part of, and I believe there were times he couldn’t read the room either. Sometimes he does something before thinking about it beforehand, and it bugs me. That’s the primary thing I can think of.

24. Are you guys close?

With M, I’d say we’re pretty close. I don’t know too much about his personal life via him telling me one-on-one, but I know quite a bit about him still. He knows some about me too. We don’t talk casually yet, but I would like to at some point in the future. 

I am not as close with W as I am with M, but whenever we do chat I think it’s a short but fun time. 

25. Have you ever looked for their initial in those stupid TikToks that eight year olds make? (If you don’t have tiktok: do other students like your tc?

AHEM. All the time. I constantly look for M’s initials. Honestly, I don’t even focus on W that much anymore now that I’m out of his class….it’s all just M at this point. I feel so childish admitting this, but I’m always looking for even the slightest chance that he’s thinking of me too. It’s fun. 

26. Have you ever dreamed about them?

I’ve dreamed about both of them! I’ve shared a few kisses with M in different dreams too. It was the sweetest thing ever. ❤️

27. Do you see yourself in a relationship with them?

Thinking about it hard, I don’t think I could be in an actual committed relationship with W. 

M, on the other hand, is another story. I have seen M during his higher points and some of his lower points, and although I haven’t seen him at his absolute lowest, I am always willing to help him through it. He has done the same for me when I was down in the dumps too, and mutual support is one factor that really builds a stable relationship. 

And thinking about the very feeling I get just seeing, hearing, or even thinking about M? He’s definitely a keeper. I would do anything and everything for that guy, as much as it may seem odd to say, considering we’re not even together. I am fully in love with this man and have been for years. All the little things and big things, I’ll always fawn over. I could totally see us being in an actual relationship. 

But of course, he does have a wife and beautiful children. I would never want to take what he loves away from him. I am more than happy just seeing him happy. 

28. Have you ever cried in front of them?

Yes, I have only cried in front of M on two separate occasions in the span of a week. I never usually let myself break down like that in front of other people, but I am so glad it could be M that saw me in that state. I could not ask for anyone other than him to be there for me. ❤️ He is everything to me. 

Oh my gosh, so many things happened today. It’s like everything fell into place before M’s leave for the rest of this week. I’m so grateful to have this great person in my life. He is so amazing. I love him so much, he makes me so happy.

Without further ado, let’s get into it!!

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I entered the band hall beaming, as my lesson prior went amazing. Upon my first step through the door, my eyes immediately darted left, as per usual. They landed on M right away, standing on his podium and conducting the band, as they were playing a rep before I walked in. Just seeing him there immediately made me happier than I was before. 

Along with this bunch of joy and excitement, I was quite surprised as well; M was wearing a very saturated shirt that almost glowed. He would usually stick to more desaturated colors, most of the time leaning on darker tones for an outfit. But this was new. I liked it. It screamed personality. I think he was eager to get the show on the road before he left for a few days. 

As this flood of thoughts came to mind, I looked away so no one would question why I was staring. I began to hustle a little to my seat with my instrument and binder, but I soon decided that it would be better if I made my way over quietly. That way, I wouldn’t interrupt them, and I could keep listening.

When I reached my seat, I brought myself to focus on getting everything around me set up before I gazed at him. I didn’t want to waste too much time anyway, since it’s so easy to get lost staring at his features. Quickly after I sat down, he called the band to a specific measure in the music, and I began to play immediately.

~~

He had us start at the beginning of another one of our pieces. After a few reps, he finally didn’t cut us off right before I came in, so I began to play. I’d have to say I had one of the BEST entrances I have ever had when I came in on that measure. I was so proud of myself.

M even recognized this after giving another section feedback once the rep had concluded. “…And no bumps! Good job.” He smiled happily and looked at the tuba that would usually bump at first, then he shifted his attention to me afterwards. He brought his head back down to his score after. He probably realized then that I was the only one playing there…during my solo. Haha.

He would give me a subtle glance for most of the other times we played there, to cue me to come in. Even remembering the calm and simple look he laid on me just gives me so many butterflies. It was so careful. So cautious. He’s so adorable. 

~~

During the after-school rehearsal, I was playing the best I could in the first piece we looked at. Eventually, though, I had missed a cue and M stopped the rep. “You’re supposed to play there,” he looked at the percussionist who plays on the same beat I did, and then at me. “Did you miss the cue?” He kept staring at me, smiling and appearing lightly entertained.

I was cowering, smiling giddily yet sheepishly all at once. I felt myself beginning to hide under my stand. I at first didn’t think he was talking to me. I was probably blushing. Haha. “Be honest—It’s okay if you missed it!” He carefully encouraged me after I was silent for a good four to five seconds.

“Yeah, I came in early,” I finally called just as he had begun to speak—I’m pretty sure to someone else. That was so embarrassing. Hahaha. We played that part quite a few times and I think he might have waited until I got it once to move forward, because that’s exactly what happened. That was nice.

~~

We made it to a section towards the end; a brass feature, where we could play loud. After a little bit, he told the brass to play it on their own. During our first rep of it, when we came in to play a single eighth note of the first measure, we all sounded absolutely horrible. Ahahaha. I was not centered at all, and neither were the others!!

He screwed up his face in bewilderment and I couldn’t help but laugh. He grinned as well, chuckling to himself. “Did ANYONE play that spot on?—Like, PERFECT??” He grinned wildly, and I shook my head and moved my hand left and right in denial. He was looking at me while I did this, and he continued to smile. “Okay, let’s try that again.”

So, we did, and when he cued us in, I played the note pretty solid! I didn’t hear the others all too much though, but they probably didn’t do too hot because M was cringing again. Haha. “Ah, you didn’t—“ He began to say something, then he suddenly stopped himself. He looked into my eyes right when he did so.

“You were *good*,” he pointed at me, “but the others were all over the place. They’ll try to be like you next rep.” I could tell he was happy with me, all by the tone of voice and everything when he gestured to me. It was nice.

He called out the measure number had us start again, and this time we were all good. We kept playing on for a bit until he cut us off. I was the only one to play that last note though. Whoops. It seemed like he wanted to look at me after I stuck out on that last note, because he turned his body and head my way slightly, but he just kept a sort of strategizing smile on his face.

He gave feedback, then after a moment of silence, spoke without looking at me. “R, you can play out.” I was caught off guard by the sudden comment. “Okay,” I called back in response, just as he was getting ready to get others in ‘set’ position. Again with the bad response timing. Whoops.

Since then, I tried to play as loud as I could. Eventually, near one of our last reps of the chart, we had played the bigger part, and M nodded with satisfaction once we reached the last note. He had everyone come in now, and we played that for a bit before switching pieces once more. 

~~

M had us warm up on our own before the next piece. I sat there in my seat for a bit, feeling quite warmed up already because we had to play so loud. I noticed that he and another director (we can call him S) were talking. I saw M pointing at people down the line of the low brass, then I saw that he pointed to me.

I was super surprised, of course, but I tried not to react too much because I didn’t want to interrupt their chat. I saw him smile while speaking now, specifically mouthing the words ‘tuba’ and my grade level. I smiled to myself lightly; he was talking to someone else about me again?? That was so sweet.

S nodded at M’s statement, then I saw him do a double take. “Really??” I saw him mouth. His expression looked shocked. I’m not very young at all, but I was still flattered by their mutual surprise, and tried to suppress my smile as much as I could. 

After S’s exclamation, M widened his eyes dramatically and nodded his head slowly and seriously at S, indicating that he strongly felt that surprise. I saw M mouth the words “Yeah” and “Right?”, and it was so sweet. Seeing him talk about me in that way….gosh, It’s always so heartwarming. He’s so nice to me.

M kept looking back at me for extended periods of time while he was talking to S, and at once point, after I caught his eye, I saw him chuckle a bit as I looked away quickly, leaning to grab my tuba off the ground so he would think I was doing something else…even though it was quite obvious I wasn’t. We made so much eye contact. I am fairly certain he knew that I knew that he was talking about me.

But still, again, it was so sweet. There’s always this light little cheeky look he gives others when he’s “bragging” about me. It’s so cute. He is the best thing to ever happen to me. I love him so much. ❤️❤️❤️

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I didn’t get to see him after that, but man, I had such a blast when I did. I hope he has tons of fun on his mini vacation. He deserves a good break and an enjoyable time. ^^

I hope everyone here has an amazing rest of your week as well! I probably won’t be posting stories since M isn’t going to be here, but I’ll post some answers to the February TC Challenge eventually, so look forward to it. Stay safe!!

Not much happened today, but it was so, so nice to hear his voice again after days. His voice is so therapeutic, and I could listen to it forever. Earlier in the day, he was in a more wistful and happy mood, and although he did crack some jokes throughout the period, he seemed to grow a tiny bit more frantic as the period went on. 

I hope he’s feeling okay. He confirmed that we have a rehearsal after school tomorrow, so that’s great to hear. I hope it doesn’t stress him out too much— I don’t want him to get overwhelmed. 

So much happened, wow!! I’m surprised I even managed to write it all down, haha. I suppose that’s a good thing, since we had the next two days off. I hope you all enjoy reading this bundle of highlights!! ^^ 

Let’s get into it!!

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I walked out of my lesson and into the band hall while the band was wrapping up their warmups. I began to hustle to my seat while simultaneously trying to stay as quiet as possible. M was super focused on listening to everyone else, so I didn’t notice him looking in my direction very much at all while I set up.

Despite this, he still gave me more time to set my things up in my seat. When I was about done, he told the band that we would start on our performance music. I thought that was sweet of him to wait for me. 

~~

We worked on the first piece for a little bit, starting near the end. Everything was fine and dandy, then BOOM! “Isolation groups,” he told us, smirking. He then called on the groups to raise their hands. Whenever the time came for me to raise my hand for the first group I was a part of, he would look at me before scanning the rest of the room.

I was part of another group as well, so when I raised my hand for that one, instead of giving me a simple look, he smiled as well. I had returned his look with a shyer one before he brought his eyes away from my own to look at the room.

One by one, he called the groups to play, then had us give feedback to those who participated. When the first group finished, there was a second of silence in which I looked at M. He glanced at me momentarily before announcing to the band, “give feedback.”

Out of nowhere, after calling on many people to restate the constructive criticism they received, he didn’t wait to continue. “Group 2!” I was super caught off guard, as he didn’t even spare a moment of silence before announcing our turn. 

I could see him looking at me with a playful smile, probably expecting my shock, just as I turned around to lift my tuba up from its resting spot next to my chair. When I looked back, he was waiting for everyone else to get set now. We then began the rep.

I played okay. I got some feedback from the others, then M stopped everyone and went around the room to listen. He called on a few people before reaching me. “R?” He questioned. He then leaned in to listen. I repeated the advice I was told. He just stared at me for a second before nodding and listening to some others, then moving to the next group. Then the group after that.

It was now time for the fifth, final group, which I was playing in. “Raise your hands, so we know who you are!” He suggested in the form of a statement. “Ouhp—“ I made a noise before I raised my hand. This brought a chuckle from one of my tuba friends sitting next to me. I suppressed all anxiousness I was feeling and got set to play.

Luckily, I played way better than I did last time! My section was unsure what to tell me for this rep, so they had me make something up. M was calling on people while I tried to think of something, and I saw him looking over at me expectantly. 

I raised my arm and he called on me. I said something about focusing on the accents on the page, and he paused once more before saying “okay,” then moving on. Hahaha. Obviously, my friend didn’t agree with me either, but I couldn’t think of much else. 

~~

M had asked a low reed instrument whether one of their notes were staccato or not, since he couldn’t tell on his very small score. He started asking around for people who had the same part there. He questioned back and forth whether or not these people had a staccato marked on their own pages.

“Do the tubas have a staccato there too?” He asked eventually, looking up at me from his score with a questioning glance. His pencil was gripped lightly in his right hand. Seeing his big eyes looking up at me like that was so cute.

“Yes.” I responded. My voice wasn’t super clear; it crackled a bit but he still heard me and saw me nod, so we’re fine. Another one in my section had affirmed his query right after me, but he still only looked my way. That was odd, haha. 

~~

After class, before I put my tuba up, I went to ask M a question. I walked up to him and he was just walking off the podium. He looked over at me once he realized I was walking over to him, eyes wide and all that jazz, listening readily. I love that about him.

“Do we still have a rehearsal today after school?” I asked him. He paused for a moment before I was not present during the announcement he usually did before warmup, due to private lessons. He responded, “Yes. We do have rehearsals after school today.” I nodded and smiled at him, giving him a thumbs up with my left hand while I turned to leave.

He did the same, smiling and giving me a thumbs up with his left hand as well while he turned to the right. This made me so happy. It was so cute seeing him give me a thumbs-up—especially right after I did it too. He’s so nice. 

~~

After school, I headed over to the office to ask M a question that my lesson teacher recommended I should ask him earlier that day. I walked up to the office and as it was pretty dark, I didn’t think anyone was in there. Regardless, I stood to the left of the window and planted four (quite loud) knocks over the doorknob. 

I waited an extra second before I opened the door and leaned my head in to look. It wasn’t until I had my upper torso in there that I could see the faint glow of M’s desktop screen on his head and his face. His office, again, was quite dark and dim aside from where he sat, which was lit by a yellow-tinted lamp and the white light of the computer screen in front of him. 

The room had a light and pleasant aroma of coffee. It was also quite toasty. What an amazing environment to work in. I was so glad to see him here. Upon first seeing me, he kept a happier smile on his face, never letting his eyes leave mine. My first goal to walk in uninterrupted was complete. It was now my primary focus not to stumble on my words. 

“Hey R,” he was still smiling and gazing at me with those wide eyes as I fully walked through the door. “What’s going on?” I tried not to break eye contact; his gaze struck me as very strong, interested, and attentive, and it’s not often I get that look from people…aside from him, of course. I cast one quick look to the floor before moving my eyes back to his. 

Every bit of sentence structure knowledge slipped from my brain. “I was going to ask, for solos, how we can sign up a piano…? Person..??” He smiled a little sheepishly and leaned forward. “Could you say that again?” I paused to clear my mind and walked a little closer to him. I began making a calmer statement. “Uhh—I was going to ask you how we can sign someone up for our solo as…piano accompaniment.” I said the last part a little quieter, as I was afraid I would say it wrong. 

“Oh,” his expression grew more invested in thought, and his lips drew into a line. “That’s something I haven’t said..” He typed on his keyboard momentarily before looking back in front of him. “Solos aren’t for a bit,” he began, “but I’ll figure out who we can hire, and I’ll let you know.” After he said this, he turned his head back to me and cast a warm smile up to my face. I absolutely love his eyes. His smile. He is so beautiful. 

It looked like he was expecting me to say something else, but I just stood there, frozen. “Well…thank you!!” I beamed. He did the same. “Of course.” I turned and strolled towards the exit. I looked back at him. “Have a nice weekend!!” I told him. “You too.” The gentle smile on his face never faltered. 

Before I could walk out of the room, I heard him say to me, genuinely, and without looking my way, “I’m so glad you said that.” I felt my heart flutter at the relieved tone of his voice. My lips spread into a loving smile. I turned back to look at him once more before chuckling and replying, “Hahaha, I am too.”

Seeing him smile while he worked made me so happy. I decided to leave him be; this was a great way to end the week early. “See you!!” I called to him as I approached the door. “Buh-bye,” I saw him smile a little more before I walked out of the room. I then continued to beam so much. ❤️

When I was walking out of the band hall around five minutes later, smiling and laughing with a friend as well, I had glanced into the office once more. I had a perfect view of his face. He was giggling to himself, smiling so much, and looking over at me through the office window. 

His eyes were creased again because of his huge smile, and it was such a lovely sight. The most adorable thing ever. I began to feel a warm smile spread on my own lips now. I wonder if he noticed me glancing in there. 

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Woah, I’m still getting butterflies from this, even almost a week later. I love him so much, and I’m so lucky to have him here. ❤️ He’ll only be here for two days next week, so I will make the most of my time with him in that time frame. 

I hope everyone enjoyed reading this, and has a great night as well!!

I remember having so much fun this week before we had Thursday and Friday off. Though after-school activities were cancelled this week, the in-class moments were still great!! 

Here’s what happened on the first of February!! Enjoy!!

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He looked at me so much today. He joked around as well, making me laugh quite a bit. He has been trying so many new things lately that a very experienced acquaintance of his had recommended, and I always love seeing him striving to help us get better.

During class, when we were talking about making our warmups more impactful, he suddenly looked right at me. He stared at me and grinned playfully, yet he had a sort of assertive and demanding aura that sucked me in right away.

He continued to smile and stare at me while saying, “Raise your hand.” I did so immediately, a slow and apprehensive smile crawling onto my face. Others hesitated. His eyes darted to his left very quickly, then to the right. “Yeah—raise your hand. Arm straight up.” He then gazed at me once more.

“You’re going to make a promise.” He smirked wider at me, his dark brown eyes digging into my own lighter ones. I felt myself smile even more when he said this. My heart, mind, and my soul were absolutely invested. I listened intently.

“I..promise,” he began with an expectant look and big grin, again, as if he were making this a challenge. “I promise,” I and others responded. This is where I broke eye contact. The tension was too much, haha. I still listened intently and gave him a shy glance occasionally.

“That I will work on this new routine…for ten minutes every day.” He paused. We repeated. He gave either me or someone close to me a super quick glance. “Until next Monday.” “Until next Monday.” I chuckled.

Now I made a promise. I absolutely had to stick with it. I wouldn’t want to let him down. I’m pretty sure he knew this; he was giving me the most playful and smug look he could muster. He knew. “You will work on your octave Remington..among other things.” He stated. We nodded. Then the discussion topic changed. 

~~

He had us do an exercise where we held out each note descending chromatically from Concert F to Concert Bb for 12 counts, without stopping. When we were all done, he asked the class who felt lightheaded after the exercise, and to raise their hand if they were. I was one of, if not the only student to raise my hand. 

When he saw this, he cracked a sheepish smile. “Tubas?…that’s normal, don’t worry.” He reassured me. I smiled at his simple act of kindness.

~~

When I was walking out of class, although he was having a conversation with a student teacher, he had seen me walking. When I looked right, in his direction, we had made contact for a second before I forced myself to look away. When I went to do a little jog to the exit, he continued smiling and stopped his conversation for a moment. 

“Bye R.” He called over to me, happily. “See ya.” I spoke in response, but after my head was hidden by the racks of chairs and stands. I hope he heard me, haha.

~~

After school, while I waited for my ride to arrive, I was chatting with a friend of mine in the band hall. There was no one else in the room, just us. After a while, I saw the band office door open, and out came the man himself, M, with his things gathered in a little bag. 

When he heard my friend and I talking and laughing, he began to turn his head to the left and to the right so quickly so he could locate the noise. Eventually, I adjusted myself so I was in view—that way, he wouldn’t think he was crazy or something. 

When he eventually locked his eyes on me behind the percussion instrument I was hidden behind, I saw him slow down and linger in his tracks. He stared at me until I gave him a subtle smile and a little wave. When I did so, he turned towards the door, a soft smile crawling onto his lips, then waved back while twiddling the fingers on his left hand. 

I love it when he does that. ❤️ It’s so cute.

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There have been so many good moments between M and I lately, and it brings me such a great deal of joy to write them down here. I appreciate everyone who reads my posts and gushes with me. You all mean so much to me. ^^ 

Since the story for the 2nd of February is way longer, I may have to postpone it and post it at some point tomorrow. Hopefully this will suffice for tonight!! 

I hope everyone has a great start to their week!! 

As this was a little bit ago and I don’t have the best memory, I don’t quite remember everything that happened in band that day. BUT! I do remember a singular highlight that made me smile, so I will be writing that one down here. 

Hope you all enjoy!! There is more to come very soon. 

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After class ended, upon being reminded by my friend to ask M a question, I began to awkwardly walk up to him. Another director, U, had began to stare at me as I was approaching M—a habit of his to make people unsettled I guess, haha. I met his gaze for a second before looking elsewhere, then boom, I was in front of M. 

He was sitting down at a table and unwrapping the tin foil that surrounded a breakfast burrito. A plethora of scrambled eggs were falling out of the said burrito, and it was a pretty comical sight. By now, he had seen me and was looking up at me with his big, listening eyes. There was no verbal cue needed— I already knew he was ready for me to ask a question. 

“Where do I order the [clothing item he had talked about previously]?” I asked him the question in a lighter tone, but after I had done so, he began to smile a little bit. A more awkward smile. “Could you say that again?” I should have known. He leaned forward slightly to get a better listen. I paused for a little bit then repeated myself, doing the same thing, and leaning towards him so he could listen better. I focused on being more articulate so he could get a clearer understanding of what I was asking.

“Oh, you can’t get them yet. I’ll let you know when you can order them,” he replied simply, with a smile. “You’ll know when you can get them.” He shot me a reassuring smile and the shine in his eyes was very comforting. His positive attitude was contagious, so I smiled back at him.

“Thank you!” I said. He relaxed a little bit after hearing this. “Sure. Have a nice day, R.” “You too!” I turned around, then after taking a single step, I froze. I don’t know why….but I turned back around once more. 

“Can I..hug you?” I asked him softly. “What..?” He gave me an adorably confused look, grinning. It was so cute. I bent down and gave him a quick side hug; he was sitting down and I didn’t want to trouble him by making him get up. (Not to worry, he’s used to me and other students hugging him occasionally.)  

After I began to hug him, he spoke softly, “Oh, okay.” I couldn’t see his face, but I think he may have been smiling. The whole thing was so…nerve-wracking, I think for both me and him. Two nervous wrecks interacting. Haha. After I gave him a couple pats on his (actually quite firm) left shoulder, I pulled away and thanked him quietly once more.

“Have a great day, R.” He spoke as I began to walk away. “Have a great weekend!!” I called back to him, beaming. He responded, “You too.” I walked a little bit longer before beginning to do a light jog out of the room.

Needless to say, I was thinking about that ALL DAY LONG. And all weekend too. It’s peculiar, the things I do because I’m in love with someone. 

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Hahahaha, this was super awkward. We all have those moments though, and I hope you all enjoyed reading mine! Like I mentioned before, there are more stories coming soon!! Have a great night, everyone. 

Hey y’all! I hope everyone has been well. I know it’s been a hot minute since my last post; I thought I would focus more on my education and band now that marching season has been in full swing.

Seeing as this time of year has finally concluded, I now have way more freedom on my hands. With this extra time, I decided to finally start writing here again!! (I haven’t even written much in my personal notes. After-school practice really stole my hours, haha.) 

I’ll be jotting down only a handful of things I remember from the bucketload of experiences I had throughout the course of these few months. There’s always the chance I’ll bring something else up that I haven’t mentioned here in the future though! 

So, without further ado, I’ll get onto it!!

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First off, I actually cried in front of M more than a month back… for the first time ever. I’ll elaborate on this in a future post once I am up to it, since this moment in my life so dear to me and there are many things I remember from it. Until then, I’ll continue with other highlights. ❤️

~~

For some background, my band does a little ‘people of the week’ selection every week. There are different categories like section of the week, color-guard of the week, marcher of the week, etcetera. These are announced after our band’s performance of the marching show during halftime.

So, one night, after performing on the marching field, the band speed-walked to get off the field with the remaining time we had. I remained next to my section, and we exchanged subtle words of support for what we had just done. As we did this, the announcer’s voice blared from the speakers, listing off which students won the vote this time around.

I was listening intently, although I never really suspected to hear anything regarding me. It was one of those moments where I thought ‘haha, wouldn’t it be surprising if I was chosen? Maybe next week’. And right after thinking that, I heard my name from the speaker.

I was chosen as the band member of the week. Out of everyone in the band, I was selected. I was so caught off guard. “What??” I exclaimed as my section screamed and cheered around me. I was still in disbelief for sure, but their support turned my shock into more of a feeling of excitement.

Later on, when we were back in the stands, I and a handful of other students were called down to where the directors stood. We were given different props based on what we were proclaimed as for a photo. Mine was a dog mask— it looked so silly on me. Sitting about six feet across from where I stood was none other than M himself, smiling.

We made eye contact a few times, each time leading me to smile in embarrassment. He was grinning with a look I couldn’t quite read. Amusement? Pride? Whatever it may have been, it was fun to have him see me like that. I think he agreed.

After the pictures were taken, we all went back to our spots in the stands. We kept the hats or masks we were given, and luckily, we were able to play with them on. I did just that without any complaints; it looked silly having this thing on with the sousaphone. I even caught M and U looking over occasionally, chuckling at me, R, the dog-masked student doing horn moves and playing stand tunes.

This achievement meant a lot to me. Though the title was assigned weekly, not everyone was able to get to say that they were chosen. It was so nice to hear that he and the others believed in me. Even while we were loading the busses after the game, I was still ecstatic. I caught M just as he entered our bus. He stood in front of my seat for a little while, so I decided to thank him.

“Mr. [M]?” He glanced down with the slightest hesitation, just barely missing my eye. He looked a little tired, body language sort of fuzzy, and he had a tiny grin on his face. It was cute. “Again, thank you for giving me the award.” I felt my eyes shyly drift to the floor, “I appreciate it..”

I soon trailed off and brought my face back up to look at him. My response brought a soft chuckle to escape his lips, and his eyes met the floor in front of him as well. He had a big grin on his face now. “I didn’t give it to you. Your peers did.”

“…Really??” My exclamation came out in a whisper. There were a number of reasons I was surprised to hear this— one being that I never really thought others recognized me. Most of the time I would settle somewhere alone, with my friend, or maybe my section if I had the option to. Aside from when I was with them, I always thought I was more like a background character.

But I guess I’m not as invisible to the others as I believed? I was so perplexed at the thought.

M walked away and let me ponder for a while, a warm smile still prominent on his face. And yet again, this guy has changed my perspective of life. He’s so kindhearted.

~~

Following a pre-contest rehearsal, M dismissed the students— out of order, unlike what he usually does— to the band busses. He slowly trailed behind them all as they made their way over. I slowed down to catch up to him, or rather, let him catch up to me.

“What was THAT?” I asked him regarding his dismissal style, grinning. He glanced back at me, smiling, before averting his gaze. Either he was being silent because he had something on his mind, or he thought I was poking fun at him. I wanted to make sure he was doing alright regardless. I waited until the band kids were at a standstill, all lined up to enter, before I turned back to look at M.

“How’re you feeling?” I asked him. The kids were very slow filing in, so I had some time. Hopefully he didn’t mind the conversation. He looked at me before quickly replying. “Good!” He said, optimistically, although I could sort of tell he was anxious. I don’t blame him. “That’s good—“ “How are you?” He returned and leaned his head towards me in question, grinning.

“Good!” I smiled, “I’m very excited for this.” I spoke in a level tone, trying to push away my nerves as best I could. “Me too,” his voice softened. “It’ll be so much fun!” I glanced left to the students and to the right, over to him. “Keep being confident,” he stated with a gentle smile. We then loaded the bus.

A little bit after I sat down, M entered. I was super happy. I usually am when he first steps into the vehicle. We made eye contact almost immediately. He smiled at me once more, and I managed to return it just before he looked away. I definitely felt some butterflies there, haha. Lifted my mood a ton. I continued to do my own thing while the busses were preparing to depart.

I was sat in an open spot, ending up a row behind M on the opposite side. Early into the ride, I finished getting settled and looked up at him. It seemed like he was gazing out of the window to his left for a while. This angle allowed me to get a better view of his face, as he was turned towards my side.

What I noticed was that there was a sort of wistful look in his wide, sparkling eyes, like he was reflecting. His hand was folded under his chin, his arm leaning on the bag sitting in his lap to do so comfortably. There were so many things going on at once. I couldn’t help but wonder if he was actually feeling okay.

Just as I tilted my head towards him and opened my mouth to ask this very thing, he began to smile, as if he was already expecting me to say something. His giggly smile continued to grow as I went on to speak, causing an inevitable grin to appear on my face as well. “Are you *really* okay?”

He was very quick to answer. “Yes,” he responded softly with the hint of a light, bubbly chuckle in his tone, “are *you* okay??” He turned his head towards me and stared, with a mix of both playfulness and sincerity. “Yes,” I replied.

He closed his eyes for a moment and turned his head to the volunteer sitting next to him. As he moved, I muttered, “I’m just worried.” I think he heard this too, because he waited a second after I said this to begin talking. “R’s always been checking in on me since we first met.”

I felt a flushed smile spread on my face. He was talking about me!! That made my heart flutter immensely…I was so honored. This was unreal. I listened in, extremely contented at the situation unfolding before me.

“My favorite text I got from her is when I was trying to remove a signature piece from our performance last year.” He began. Throughout his rambling, he shot occasional glances back my way to see if I was listening, to which I would always meet his gaze with a smile. He then began to relay a message I had sent to him back then.

(A band kid he knew well had given me M’s phone number so I could send it — hence the reason I have his number, even now.)
He began to imitate me. “It was like— ‘I don’t want to bother youu,” he dragged out the word, “I know I..it’s not the time—‘“ he paused. I blushed with how silly he re-enacted my message, and despite being sort of embarrassed, I contributed with what I remembered.

“I know this isn’t the best time,” I started for him. He nodded and went on. “I know this is not the time, but we cannot get rid of [piece]. Tomorrow is a new day. Just breathe. Think about this.” He was smiling such a kind and genuine smile. Like he was proud while he was talking about the whole ordeal. It was so cute. He looked back at me for a second before looking back forward.

“I’m glad you liked it..,” I muttered happily. Afterwards, we were silent for another minute. I checked my phone and seen that a friend had asked me about spending the night at her place. I furrowed my eyebrows, thinking back to how late we were planning to stay at this event, then began to type in response. It wasn’t very long at all until I was halfway done, and I heard a familiar voice pipe up once again.

“What are you doing?” I widened my eyes and looked up at M, perplexed. His sudden attention caught me so off guard. He was looking at me with a sort of challenging or teasing expression on his face, leaning on his lap. He had open-teethed grin on his lips. Super adorable, as always.

At first I didn’t think he was talking to me. I took a quick glance to the phone of the person to my left to see if that was what he was referring to, but nothing happened. He kept his look fixed at no one but myself. “Playing a game?— Writing a message?” He added, “You were just like—“ he mimicked fast tapping on his phone’s screen with his index fingers. I felt my face brighten.

“Me?…Um,” I smiled tentatively, then gained my composure. I tilted my head downwards in thought before replying in a regular speaking volume.  “My friend just asked me if I could spend the night at her place.” Listening intently, he nodded with an ‘oh!’ expression. I widened my eyes further to emphasize a now jokingly annoyed tone as I went on, “I was just telling her that we were planning to get back at ONE-THIRTY AM.”

He looked back forward and chuckled. I finally allowed myself to beam ear to ear while his back was turned. (He probably saw it in the bus’s mirror though.. haha.) He took a second or few to look back at me. I relaxed my smile. “Are you going to arrive to her house at 1 AM?” He questioned. I shrugged and softened my eyes more. “Maybe. We’ll see.” He smiled cheerfully and looked back forward afterwards.

I was so excited for a while after that. ❤️

~~

“What did you get?” After some snack bags were passed around the bus, he turned back to talk to me once again, grinning happily. I wasn’t used to getting this much attention in one sitting, so I looked at him, surprised, for a second before replying. “Well..” I slightly furrowed my eyebrows and moved my eyes to look left before returning my gaze to his own. The answer was sort of obvious. “They served Cheezits and fruit roll-ups.”

After he heard the last food item, he furrowed his own eyebrows and turned back forward. “Fruit of the foot,” I added. I didn’t know if he knew what I was talking about. “Yeah, I know. I already had one.” He stated to me without looking my way. “Do you want one?” I questioned, lifting my right hand to motion that I would pick up the bag of food sitting to the right of me.

“No thanks. I already had one,” he insisted. I nodded and didn’t speak any further.

For the rest of the ride, every time he would look to the back of the bus, I would always meet his eye. And he would look away right after. Needless to say, I was very happy. I wonder what he was thinking about.

~~

I was late to class one day. The entire period, upon first walking in, I was so nervous to hand M the slip, even though he didn’t pay my late entry any mind. I knew he wasn’t going to kill me or anything, but he was usually the type to talk about always being on schedule. Didn’t know how he would feel about me messing that up.

Soon enough, the time came for the period to end, and I made my way over. He smiled at me when I came up to him with the tardy slip, handing it over. “Sorry,” I smiled apologetically as he took it. “Don’t be.” He held the slip of paper in his hand and glanced at it for a second before looking right back up at me. He never stopped smiling.

“Did you oversleep?” He asked with a knowing grin. “What..?” I smiled lightly in question. “You overslept?” He rephrased his question. I felt my lips tug into an even bigger grin and my eyebrows began to furrow as well. “No, my sibling did! I told them to wake up…” I muttered the last part while he made a face as if he was offended, probably adding to my previous tone.

“What is WRONG with them??” He demanded. His contributing attitude earned a chuckle from me. “I’m the only one who sets alarms…” I trailed off. I stood there for a couple seconds, smiling, before I went to leave.

“Have a great day, R,” he said, seeing as I was turned the other way. “You too.” After hearing his voice once again, though, I paused in place. I then turned back over to him, hesitantly approaching once again. With no context, I slowly stuck my left hand out to him, making his face scrunch up in confusion. Puzzled, he grinned and furrowed his own eyebrows, eyeing my hand.

He extended his own right hand slowly to touch mine. This was so awkward. Haha. I stifled a laugh. After lingering momentarily, taking in the feeling of his palms, I removed my hand from his. After the action, he finally caught on.

“Are you hugging me?” A funky, beaming expression grew on his face, making it appear as if he wanted to chuckle. Seeing this made my heart flutter, and I replied, beginning to giggle myself. “Yeah…”

Nothing more was said after that. We moved in and wrapped our left arms around each other. A second passed, then we were done. I was beyond happy, yet a little embarrassed.

“Have a great day, R.” He offered another kind smile.
“Thank you.” I returned it wholeheartedly.

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This is so long, haha. Sorry about that - hopefully it was interesting! I sure thought so.

I’m so happy to be here again! I missed rambling back and forth with y’all about TC matters and the like. Glad to have a place filled with people I can relate to. ❤️ Look forward to even more fun stories with M!! We’ve been talking a bunch lately. ^^

Another story!

Today was skit night part two and the clarinets decided to do a skit that was an advertisement for band camp and they went “But band camp is fun right? *insert name* why don’t you tell us some jokes?”

*Insert name* immediately goes “Um the drumline’s tempo, thinking you can walk past the guard without getting hit, BD saying one more rep, hydration”

The entire band was howling

Bonus: during the low brass skit this was one of the lines

“Look! Its a rare instance of a mating call between the low brass!”

“I HAVE A HEAVY INSTRUMENT”

*everyone in low brass flocks to that person as the entire band chokes on their water*

Today during band our band director said “start at measure 69,” and of course, us being mature high schoolers, we giggled and she told us about the time she was student teaching and the director got fed up with the students being immature and said that they could only laugh if they have actually done it and in response on percussion kid started cackling and the band director decided that that was so much worse than everyone giggling.

Walking into auditions like

I really have the urge to learn the banjo, always loved the sound and rhythmic uses.

Plus all the meme potential

If 2020 was a piece of music

Started this with my group of friends already but maybe I can start another one?

I been thinking of putting together a virtual pit for Broadway. Basically, we each record our part and sync it together in a multicam video. For example, I’m working on I Know It’s Today from Shrek with my friends. If anyone would be interested, instrumentalists & vocalist, please like the post so I can see if this is something everyone would like to do! We could all vote on what song to cover when it happens.

Hi everyone, it’s been a long while but next week I’ll be back posting and sharing memes. Corona and everything really reset my life in relation to school, work and college so I had to step back and focus.

Can’t wait to share what I’ve been working on music wise. Been putting together a virtual Broadway Pit for a personal project and a group recording project for school, I’ll share more details later.

For those who stuck around thank you so much!

On my way to sell chocolate for Music in The Parks like

Remember our fallen