thinking about how magnus said Need in reference to removing his memories of alec, he needs to scrub his mind of hazel eyes and loving smiles. Can’t bare to remember words of love spoken in a voice only he got to hear. Can’t continue on with just the memory of deep belly laughs, soft snores, calloused hands achingly gentle, kisses sweet. Needs to forget the love that changed his world, because it’s not his love anymore. So he needs every heartache of a memory to leave him.
thinking about how magnus said Need in reference to removing his memories of alec, he needs to scrub his mind of hazel eyes and loving smiles. Can’t bare to remember words of love spoken in a voice only he got to hear. Can’t continue on with just the memory of deep belly laughs, soft snores, calloused hands achingly gentle, kisses sweet. Needs to forget the love that changed his world, because it’s not his love anymore. So he needs every heartache of a memory to leave him.
Sometimes i dont know whether to live my life to the fullest, be a crazy teen and do all kinds of unforgetable crazy stuff or get education, a job, be a busy person and never be able to have fun and get crazy like that,but to make sure im not failing at life ?
little leia lying to the inquisitor even at the cost of her own safety and grown up leia lying to vader at the cost of her planet and they both know leia is lying but she didnt break then and she doesnt break now and shes always been lying to the empire to protect people shes always protecting people and doing the right thing dont touch me
ok but can we just talk about how deep reggie’s abuse of his children goes? like first, we have ben, who has repeatedly established himself to be the kindest and most understanding among his siblings. despite the fact that klaus has been treating him more of a show pony than a brother for most of season 2, ben still tries to be the angel on his shoulder and offers advice when he can. he even lets it slide when klaus tells their siblings that he didn’t travel back with them, even though it’s so obvious that the remark hurt, because klaus of all people knows just how much ben misses their family, misses being alive.
but the minute klaus insinuates that he sounds just like their father, he finally shows an emotion that is anything but calm, and even goes so far as to attack his brother. this alone should be enough of an indicator as to what kind of man hargreeves was in life.
oh, and should i add that reggie just upped and decided to turn ben’s funeral–a painful occasion on it’s own–into yet another scarring life lesson for the ones he’d left behind? just imagine being shy of seventeen and having at least half the guilt in the universe weighing you down, and ben–who is right there–just wanting to tell all of them that it was “never your fault, diego, pleasedon’t listen to him, we both know you’re better than that,” but of course he can’t, because he’s nothing more than a ghost now, so yes, welcome to powerlessness.
five goes missing and what does he do? nothing. absolutely nothing, aside from having a painting commissioned, but who’s to say it wasn’t a memorial like ben’s statue and more of a warning to the other children instead? something along the lines of look at how this brat disobeyed me; do you want to disappear, too?
there’s luther, who even after everything their father has done to them–to him,most of all–still manages to make up bland, half-baked excuses that he himself is starting to lose faith in, and all that rage and resentment keeps stewing inside him until he reaches his breaking point, rips off his shirt, and yells at his father to look at me! look what you did to me! and it’s even more heartbreaking because reggie does look, he just doesn’t care
let’s move on to allison. it was mentioned at one point that she was something of a daddy’s girl growing up, and even though we aren’t really shown much of their time together, remember when he made her rumor vanya? how she clearly didn’t want to? imagine being so heartless as to instruct a four-year-old child to wipe her sister’s precious memories, all because you were scared of being unable to control her.
and who’s to say there were no repeats after that: of allison turning people’s minds and bodies against them, every single one under her father’s orders as part of her “training”, and when allison fails because her conscience has finally caught up with her, who would stop him from hurting her?
definitely not her siblings or grace, and certainlynot pogo.
moving on: oh god, klaus.it’s really not a no-brainer why his son barely has any respect for him, even going so far as to put out his cigarette in his father’s ashes as a final fuck you, because who could respect somebody who forced you to confront your worst fears at thirteen with no safety net whatsoever, even as you screamed yourself hoarse in that damp tomb, with only your nightmares for company
later on, when klaus honest-to-goodness dies and meets him for the first time after so many years, what’s the first thing reggie does? insult him. no “i imagined it’d be a few more years before you joined me here” or “are you okay? why are you even dead, son?”
instead, reggie debunks his accusations as excuses and outright states that he will not accept a single one. instead, he reminds klaus that he is–and always will be–his father’s greatest disappointment, that him never achieving his full potential was klaus’ fault and his alone.
and when klaus chastises him for being so harsh on them and leaving luther on the moon as an easy out for his shortcomings, what’s his greatest takeaway? that he should have burned every single package luther sent back to earth instead of keeping them under the floorboards.
no apologies, no owning up to his mistakes whatsoever.
he just deflects his child’s accusations, and even attempts to gaslight klaus once more into thinking that everything he did was to make them stronger and how dare you disobey me, i made you children what you are today and this is how you repay me? what a bunch of disobedient and ungrateful brats you all are indeed
don’t even get me started on vanya’s treatment at his hands. otherwise we’ll be here forever.
and then, we have diego.
time and time again, diego has proven himself to be tough and capable; whose soft interior is something of a privilege bestowed only to those he truly cares for. and even though he’s come so far in life and helped so many people, the minute reggie takes a shot at him with a few select words?
nope, never mind, he’s eleven-years-old and back at the academy again.
the man sitting in front of him may not be their father just yet but it’s the exact same words he’s heard for most of his life, the exact same weaknesses gleaned from a single glance, and even in an alternate timeline, his father just knows where to strike, every observation landing dead center like diego’s precious knives.
(and judging from his siblings’ reactions, this speech is just a rehash of something they’ve all heard before, but it definitely doesn’t mean that it’s going to hurt their brother any less.
no, it will hurt morebecause he’d actually thought he was finally untouchable after all these years.)
i mean, just look at him: at the way his shoulders shrink inward subconsciously, the excited light in his eyes fading, his stutter reappearing. and despite the fact that he has spent a decade away from this bitter old man, it only takes a minute for his hard earned self-worth to crumble, and suddenly it’s so clear to us just how deep his self-esteem issues go:
because aware or not, everything diego has done and said so far (“he’s an asshole; i’m amazing”) has simply been his way of coping with the fact that no matter how many acts of heroism he performs as an attempt to live up to the “perfect superhero” mold reggie forced them to fill at such a young age, their father will never view them with anything less than contempt, not even luther who barely had to work for approval and their father’s twisted version of “love” because he used to be his loyal lapdog favorite, and thatis the real reason why i’m gonna hate this jackass forever, in this essay i will
