#in the heights incorrect quotes
sonny: are you an ‘arr’ pirate, or a ‘yo ho ho’ pirate?
vanessa: i’m a ‘i’m not paying $600 for photoshop’ pirate.
usnavi, holding a cauliflower in front of benny’s face: what is this?
benny: …a cauliflower?
usnavi to pete: now tell him what you think it is.
pete, arms folded: ghost broccoli.
carla: i actually have a black belt
nina: in what, karate?
carla: no, from gucci
usnavi: “writing things down” is nerdy? what do you do?
sonny: i just forget stuff like a cool person.
pete: hello and welcome to my video blog, today i’m reviewing hair products.
pete: *sprays hairspray into mouth*
pete:i can tell you right off the bat that this one isn’t very good
sonny: why is my hand shaky
pete: your skeleton is ready to hatch
sonny: this is so ominous thank you
lincoln: benny, i’m not feeling great.
benny:
benny: *pulls out kazoo*
lincoln:
benny: *plays sad tune*
sonny, in a high-pitched voice, holding a barbie doll: hey ken! i was thinking about going back to high school and starting a career!
pete, in a deep voice, holding a ken doll: nonsense, barbie, you’re staying home and having my kids
usnavi: what the fuck are you guys doing
sonny: playing systematic oppression
vanessa: you cook ten meals and you’re not a chef
vanessa: you paint 20 paintings and you’re not an artist
vanessa: but you kill ONE GUY
abuela: daniela told me that instead of being sad, i should ‘go get it, girl’. so i’m going to go get it, girl.
nina: get what?
abuela: i don’t know. i’ll get everything, just to be safe?
usnavi: my life is a little too much panic and not enough disco.
lincoln: my life is a little too much fall and not enough boy.
nina: my life is a little too much chemical and not enough romance.
sonny: my life is a little too much imagination and not nearly enough dragons.
daniela: blackmail is such an ugly word. i prefer extortion. the x makes it sound cool.
pete: change is inedible.
sonny: don’t you mean inevitable?
pete, spitting out a bunch of pennies: no
vanessa: i desire moisture.
nina: please just say “i want water” like a normal person.
usnavi: fitness tip: never stop pushing yourself. some say 8 hours of sleep is enough. why not keep going? why not 9? why not 10? strive for greatness.
benny: next time you’re working out do 15 push ups instead of 10. run 3 miles instead of 2. eat a whole cake instead of just a slice. burn your ex’s house down. you can do it. i believe in you.
carla: there were so many mixed messages in that I can’t-
benny, seeing a banana on the car seat: what the FUCK??
benny, pulling the seatbelt over the banana: fucking buckle UP, it’s the LAW!
daniela: if karma doesn’t hit you, i fucking will.
sonny: FUCK THE CHAIR. PARDON ME FOR MAKING MYSELF COMFORTABLE DURING A SINCERE HEART TO HEART DISCUSSION WITH A DEAR FRIEND IN NEED!
sonny: BUT THE TIME HAS COME FOR ME TO CEASE STRADDLING THIS DEEPLY OFFENSIVE PIECE OF FURNITURE! AWAY WITH YE, FOUR LEGGED TEMPTRESS! DISTRACT US NO MORE WITH THE MOST BASIC AND UTILITARIAN FORM OF COMFORT YOU SUPPLY!
pete: sonny just threw a tantrum about a chair; i just won sonny tantrum bingo.
vanessa: i have GOT to be the hottest person in the bodega otherwise i’ll literally die
sonny: what are you writing?
pete: the government wants to know what kind of weapons we have in the house. i’m letting them know it’s private information.
sonny, glancing over pete’s shoulder: this just says ‘fuck around and find out’ in calligraphy.
vanessa: why would i flip my shit about that?
usnavi: because you flip your shit about everything.
vanessa: well, will you look at this. here is my shit, and yet it remains unflipped. just sitting there on the skillet, getting burned on one side. It’s a miracle.
cop: you ran a red light.
pete: so did you, hypocrite.
cop: i was following you.
pete: that was dumb, i’m a terrible driver.
cop: get out.
usnavi: my heart is guarded but like… very poorly. the kind of guards that would let 3 kids in a trench coat into an R rated movie.
daniela: we need a plan to beat them.
cuca: okay, listen up. first, we fill their shoes with wet cat food.
daniela:
cuca: judge me all you want, i get results.
vanessa: FIGHT ME, YOU NERD ASS CUNT!
nina: at least try to sound slightly more sophisticated when you threaten someone.
vanessa: oh, i’m sorry. i should ask; dost thou want to engage in a duel, my good bitch?
nina: somehow that’s worse.
carla: a pessimist sees a dark tunnel.
daniela: an optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel.
vanessa: a realist sees a freight train.
nina: the train driver sees three idiots standing on the tracks.
pete: i’m so tired of this life. i want to be a roomba. i want knives taped to me, and I want to be set loose.
usnavi: i left notes with instructions for everyone this evening.
sonny: mine just says “sonny no”.
usnavi: i want you to apply it to every possible situation.
daniela: i have one foot in the grave but in a kind of fun flirty way, the way one might slip on a fishnet stocking.
carla: a sprite is anything not static.
nina: a sprite is a variable object, whether it be 2D or 3D.
vanessa: a sprite is a fucking soda, you geekass bastards.
piraguero: what is this
mr. softee, hugging him: affection!
piraguero: disgusting
piraguero: do it again
vanessa: why is there a dead person in here?!
benny: there was probably a live person in here, and then something happened that made them dead.
vanessa: GREAT ANALYSIS, BENNY
benny: what’s it like being friends with sonny?
pete: once i asked him for a glass of water while he was pissed at me and he brought me a glass of ice and said “wait”.
lincoln: say yes to drugs
kevin: say no to drugs
nina: it doesn’t matter what you tell drugs because if you’re talking to drugs, you’re definitely taking them.
vanessa: where are my fucking keys?
usnavi: nessa, sonny is around, can you say it a little nicer?
vanessa: may i ascertain the whereabouts of my FUCKING KEYS?!
