#independent women

The why & how of badass, drama-free trips for ballsy women.

Lately I’ve been fielding a lot of requests for advice about traveling alone as a woman. Like these questions from Travel Paint Repeatreaders:

My adventurous side is just starting to come out, and I realized I think this is something I’d like to be able to do on my own. The thought of running around between several cities or countries with an entourage is just too stressful. Have you ever traveled alone? As a woman, I’m nervous about being in an unfamiliar place trying to catch the sites and sounds all alone. 

And:

I am curious to know your thoughts about traveling alone, especially as a woman. I have not yet done this, although I wish that I had the courage to do so. How do you stay safe? Do you make friends along the way? Is it less expensive traveling alone than taking someone with and splitting the cost? What have been your experiences with this?

First of all, kudos to these ladies. A lot of women would never even consider this, and I think that’s a damn shame. So, just because you don’t have an automatic, default traveling partner (or he/she can’t join you, for whatever reason) you’re supposed to stay home and miss out?

Screw that.

But let’s face it, it takes a certain amount of ballsiness to take an international trip by yourself, especially as a woman. That’s because A) it takes a willingness to spend a lot of time hanging out with yourself, and B) society tells us that women need protecting, that traveling alone with two x chromosomes is scary and dangerous. That is, of course, an exaggeration based on fear, xenophobia, and yes, a little sexism. Of course there are certain precautions you should take for your own security anytime you travel, alone or with a group, male or female, and I’ll highlight some of these in a bit, but it’s all mostly common sense. In reality, solo travel can be one of the most liberating, empowering experiences you can have. 

“Do one thing everyday that scares you.” - Eleanor Roosevelt

If the idea of traveling by yourself scares you a little, lean into that feeling and explore it. What are you worried about most, and what’s the worst that can happen if it comes true? What are the actual odds that, if you’re smart and aware of your surroundings, something incredibly awful will happen to you? We humans like to think we make our choices objectively, based on logic, but in reality we spend a lot of time chasing feelings: it’s not necessarily a great career that we want, it’s the feeling of being successful; it’s not necessarily luminous skin or a slim waistline that we specifically want – it’s tofeel beautiful. The same can be said of the feelings we don’t want to experience. So, be honest: Is it really just a feeling that you’re afraid of? Are you worried about feeling embarrassed, lost, or lonely?

The choices that push our boundaries and make us a little uncomfortable are usually the ones that reward us the most for taking them.

Here are my favorite reasons to travel solo:

1. Traveling solo by design forces you to learn how to be alone with yourself. I think it’s critical that women know how to do this, as an integral part of personal development. When you travel alone, there is no default person always at your side, someone to always talk to, to provide companionship. Your companion is you, so it’s to your advantage to quiet the negative voices and be okay in your own head. Solo travel forces you to get okay with you.

2.Solo travel serves as an incubator for developing a sense of independence and self-reliance. As a woman, when you travel with a man, everyone always assumes he’s in charge, which can encourage you to become lazy and just start acting like he is. Even I’ve been known to do this, especially in Spanish-speaking countries because my boyfriend is nearly fluent while I’m only semi-conversational, and he gets very irritated when I do (when we went to Italy recently, though, my Italian came back to me quickly and I led the way the entire week, which was empowering!). When it comes down to it, having a travel partner does mean you’re sharing the responsibility of travel logistics and translation to some degree. Traveling by yourself, it’s all you. Away from the normal pace of life at home, new and unexpected situations happen with greater speed and intensity. You’ll be dining in restaurants by yourself. You’ll be navigating airports, transportation systems, foreign languages by yourself. You’ll see and experience things you would not have if you’d stayed home (and isn’t that the point?). Proving to yourself time over time that you can handle it - this builds. It stays with you when you get back. And it feels pretty good.

3.You can design your dream trip, because there’s no one to compromise with. Traveling by yourself? Congratulations, you are officially the master of your own destiny. You get to do whatever the hell you want to do, and you can plan the trip (and change it at whim!) however you want. Are you intent on seeing every major cultural site in your destination? Not everyone would be, but screw them, they’re not here! Care to spend a few extra hours in that museum, or linger a little while longer in a city than planned? No consensus is needed, because there’s no group (or accompanying group-think) to have any say in the shape or pace your trip takes. There’s also no group-dynamic drama to distract you from your awesome independent-lady adventure. Nice.

4.You’ll meet more (and more interesting) people when you travel solo. For one thing, if you’re alone, you might be more approachable by other friendly folks, but not having a travel partner makes you more likely to initiate conversation with new people too. If you’re traveling in a big group, you’re in a bubble – you’re not truly immersing yourself. Take advantage of your solo status by booking at traveler’s hostels, where there are a lot of common areas and activities, and people are often open to meeting new people. You might make some amazing new friends this way – and even potential future travel partners. In fact, there are entire group tours available for people traveling solo. I’m not big on group tours, but if you’re new to traveling and shy, that could be a great way to break the ice.

5. On that note, it’s worth noting that solo travel is great for both introverted and extroverted types. Hello Miss Introvert, you’re better equipped for the solo aspects of traveling alone, because spending time alone is how you recharge. You’re also more likely to appreciate the way it allows you to experience more than traveling with a group. And Miss Extrovert? You’re probably outgoing, which makes you better equipped to make new friends during your trip; you’ll appreciate those connections that you may not have made if you went with someone you already know.

Fortunately, traveling solo is a choice more and more women are increasingly taking – in fact, according to this 2013 poll, ladies now take more solo trips than men. Sometimes that’s by choice, and sometimes it’s just easier to take the trip you want without worrying about finding someone to drag along with you. 

So, how do you make the most of this experience? What do you need to plan ahead for, how do you stay safe, and what choices might you make that you wouldn’t if you were traveling with a partner or in a group? 

1.Stay alert and aware of your surroundings. If you’ve ever been to a big city, this is a natural part of being out and about, and we’re not talking about any measure much more extraordinary than that. But it does mean you should be careful of how much you imbibe, so maybe cut yourself off from the vino a little earlier than you would have at home. When all you have to rely on is you, you need sound judgment.

2.Know where you’re going. Do as much research as you can on your destination. Being informed is half the battle. What are the cultural expectations of women in that country? Because guess what, you will be temporarily joining their ranks. For example, even in Muslim countries where it’s not expected for western tourists to cover their hair, you still shouldn’t show off that sexy wrist or ankle. Even if changing your wardrobe that much makes you feel a little repressed or indignant (something I struggled with a little), it’s better than dealing with the unwanted attention (which I got anyway, but could have been worse). Also find out what kind of crime is most common there, what neighborhoods not to go to, and how to get help if you need it. WikitravelandTripAdvisor are my go-to websites for getting a cursory knowledge of my destinations, and the State Dept. has country-specific safety information. Guidebook quality can vary by publisher and destination (making it impossible for me to blanket-recommend any one publisher over another) but most now include a section on safety for female travelers.

3.Stay in public areas whenever possible, and especially when you don’t feel safe. The more people who can see you, the more pressure creeps feel to act in a way acceptable to overall society, and generally the safer you are. You might be traveling by yourself, but that doesn’t mean you should be truly alone when you’re out exploring if you can help it. 

4.Be careful of who you give information to. Don’t reveal too many details of your itinerary to people you meet, especially where you’re staying. Your hotel or hostel needs to be a safe haven. This can be tricky because asking the name of your hotel can be an innocent question, but if you’re alone you should be a little more cautious. 

5. On that note, make sure the right people do know your plans. Give a trusted family member or friend a copy of your itinerary and let them know if anything changes mid-trip. Check in with them regularly so they know all is well. To be extra safe, you can also register your travel with the State Dept.

6.Trust your gut. If a person or situation feels off, there’s probably a reason. Your brain takes in way more information than you can reasonably process, and it’s putting two-and-two together under the surface. Intuition and gut feelings aren’t made of fairy dust or unicorn farts – they’re real and should be heeded.

7.Protect your stuff - this usually means leaving nice things at home. When you’re out walking around, don’t carry too many valuables – and remember that even things you may not consider all that expensive could be worth a lot where you’re going. Leave expensive jewelry and electronics at home. If it would be devastating to lose it, you probably shouldn’t bring it. I’ve never worn one, but money belts are a good way to keep valuables safe. They even make ones that clip onto your bra.I also prefer to carry cross-body handbags to make it a little less easy for a thief to grab it from me – and then wear them so the purse-side is opposite from the street, with my hand on it always. That alone is usually enough to deter thieves from targeting you, because you look alert. (For more general packing tips, check out How to Pack for a 2-Week Trip in a Carry-on).

8.Protect your travel documents. Book rooms that have safes in them if you can, because in most locations you’ll want to leave your passport in your room. Carrying it around with you on days you’re not flying is asking to have it stolen. I have a photo of my passport saved in my phone at all times and this, along with a driver’s license, is usually going to be sufficient to identify yourself if needed when you’re out exploring. The State Dept. also advises having the address and emergency contact information of your nearest US Embassy or Consulate on you at all times. I’ve never done this, but it couldn’t hurt.

9. Study maps ahead of time and access them discretely when you’re out and about. It’s important to have a general idea where you’re going, but nothing screams “I’m a tourist, take advantage of me!” like studying an open paper map on a street corner. I myself have occasionally had to do it, but it’s a good idea to avoid this situation. Get to know the layout of the city you’re visiting – and then download an offline city map on your smartphone. I recently discovered an iPhone app called CityMaps2Go and now I can’t imagine travel without it. For $2.99 you can download almost 7,000 interactive maps for all parts of the world – and they’re all available offline, which is important because you should always have data roaming turned off while traveling to avoid crazy $20/MB charges. It’s a lot more discrete to study your phone than a paper map, but of course you should also be careful not to flash your phone around too much either.

10.Write down the address of where you’re staying and keep it with you, hidden in a safe place. If you get lost and can’t communicate in the country’s native language, you can still show this to a cab driver to get home safely.

11.Wear clothing that is both modest and makes you feel confident. Writer and career coach Jennifer Dziura recommends making the classic blazer your light jacket of choice when traveling in an article I’ve personally referenced many times, “How To Travel Like A Gentlewoman”:

“Every time I go on vacation with “vacation clothes,” I realize that a vacation is no fun at all if I don’t feel like myself, or if I look like someone who is not fully capable of calculating how many rupees an autorickshaw ride to the Bull Temple ought to cost, thankyouverymuch. I then hightail it to the local Zara and spend $100 on something with well-defined shoulders.”

12.Considertravel insurance. Rarely appreciated until you need it, travel insurance can be a safety net for the financial investment you’ve made, which might be worth it just for your peace of mind. If you have an AmEx card, check with a customer service representative because you get some (limited) travel insurance benefits with card membership. 

13. Stay open to new experiences. The whole point of traveling at all is to expose yourself to new cultures, ideas, people, and environments. Going solo opens you up to this aspect of travel to a greater degree than if you travel with friends. Solo travel can be (and usually is!) just as safe as traveling with others, so don’t let irrational fear keep you from having an amazing, life-changing trip.

14.Keep a travel journal. There’s a lot going on both around you and within you when you travel by yourself, and later you’re going to want to remember it. But once you’re back, home life settles in again and the memories of your trip will start to fade or run together. Keep a good record of your time abroad without letting it pull you out of the moment.

15.Plan the first day of your trip well.Booking international flights with miles for free as I do, I have to be flexible about the timing of my flights. But if you can make it happen, you’ll feel much better about arriving during daylight hours. Try to plan your trip so that you arrive in each new location with plenty of sunlight and time to get to your accommodations. Most international flights leave in the evening and arrive in the morning, so this is pretty likely to be the case anyway, but it’s worth noting.

Coming Up: Meet A Solo Traveler Q&A Series!

Have you gone on a solo trip recently, or know someone who has? I’d love to hear from them. I’ll soon be showcasing badass solo lady travelers in an interview series on traveling internationally by yourself as a woman. They’ll be telling us their best travel stories, sharing tips and advice, and dispelling myths about female solo travel. If you’d like to be featured, fill out this Google form or shoot me an email at megan (@) travelpaintrepeat (dot) com.

Stay tuned, ballsy lady adventurers!
–

Let me come to you! Subscribe by email to get more articles like these delivered straight to your inbox: http://travelpaintrepeat.com/subscribe

In my recent article, The Independent Ladies’ Guide to Solo Travel, I talked about why traveling abroad as a woman can be one of the most liberating, empowering experiences you can have – and why you shouldn’t be afraid to give it a try. Now, we’re meeting women who’ve actually experienced this to find out what it’s really like – and what they’d do differently next time.

Today we’re speaking to Melissa Reece of Liberated Traveler, who recently took advantage of teaching’s #1 perk – summers off – and jetted off to Paris by herself for a month.

TheLiberated Traveler exploring the outskirts of Paris at La Défense.

Tell us about your solo travel experience.
Last summer I stayed in Paris for a month on my own. This was my 5th time returning to Paris. I wanted to see the local version rather than rushing around to see every monument, eat every crepe, or whatever typical version of Paris.

Why did you decide to take that trip?
Sometimes in life our goals don’t match up with the ideas or budgets of others. This was something I wanted to do, and I didn’t want to wait for someone else to be able to do it with me. I also wanted to prove to myself that I was independent and I could be strong on my own.

What was the most rewarding part about your solo travel experience?
I didn’t start in Paris on my own, so the first morning by myself after taking my last travel partner to the bus was a growing experience. I learned that I often reach for the flight path vs fight path, but after creating a plan and envisioning all of the experiences I would miss out on if I gave up was tragic. I knew that I just needed time to adjust and rationalize with myself. This was what I dreamed about for over a year. Perseverance was essential for this to be a success.

What was the most challenging part about your solo travel experience?
Once I knew all of the adventures I had planned, I felt better. Routine started to set in and my photography really took off. I was busy learning, seeing, and doing. I even started to think, “what will I do when I get home? Life will be so boring.”

Then, bad news came from home. My mom was on life support. I thought my anxiety level was high in the beginning, but knowing that I was needed at home and I couldn’t get there was awful. I feared that I wouldn’t make it home in time. I’ve never had to make such important decisions on my own. When is the right time to come home? How will I get home? How will I take care of all the “other” details like checking out with my landlord and getting everything done in time? I’d like to say I kept my cool the whole time, but I’d be lying.

Through this experience, I have learned a lot about myself, what I want, and what I can accomplish. This was the goal of the trip, but I didn’t realize this is how it would all happen. I love travel, but I also love my family and friends. I do need them. I don’t think I can just move across the globe, but I sure can visit as many places as my heart desires as long as I have a home waiting for me. Even as I wait for the dust to settle here, I dream of where I will be going next.

Did the experience of going abroad by yourself meet your expectations? Did it surprise you? In what way?
Solo travel was different than I originally imagined, yet it is somehow better now that I look back on it. I became stronger on my own. I had traveled with tour groups on my own before this trip, but I never felt like I was alone in those situations. I felt alone on this trip. It sucked at times, but I have more faith and appreciation for home than I’ve ever felt. Tragedy struck before, but it was always when I was home and surrounded by others. This was the first time I had to face it on my own, but I did.

Anything you wish you’d have done differently before the trip to prepare?
I’ve learned more about what kind of traveler I am. Staying in a city too long is difficult and hardens my soul. I’ve learned that a balance between day trips, country, and city are very important to me. Some of my favorite moments were not in Paris, but in little escapes. Planning an itinerary will be more successful in the future now that I know what my travel preferences are.

Anything you wish you’d done differently during the trip, to get the most out of the experience or prevent headaches?
Travel insurance would have been a good idea. I never thought I needed it. The truth is you don’t know what will come up. I lost about $2,000 because of my lack of preparation. Now I know.

How did people you met along the way react to learning that you were on the trip by yourself?
Being a young female that isn’t painful on the eyes is a different experience than an older man traveling solo. I didn’t always reveal that I was traveling alone. After being followed one night, I felt my guard was up. Just as I was starting to feel more comfortable, it was time for me to go. I’ve always been a cautious person, and it is especially present when I am alone.

Did you experience loneliness on your solo travel experience, and if so, how did you cope with it?
I felt lonely in the beginning. I found myself searching for home. I went to see Man of Steel and grabbed a cheeseburger. At night I would listen to Phil Collins. After time passed, I couldn’t imagine going back home. I would miss going to a cafe by myself for hours. There are lonely times, but you have to find what moments bring the best out of you as an independent person, and those moments outweigh any loneliness you might feel. Loneliness often strikes at night, so be busy during that time.

Do you think you’re a different person now because of your solo travel experience? In what way did this experience change you?
I am stronger than I ever was. I know that I can get through situations that face me. Solo travel encourages freedom and choice. After being followed by a man and scared for my life, I made a list of pros and cons of solo travel. The quantity of the items is greater on the cons side, but the quality of the pros side outweighs giving in.

Did you feel truly unsafe at any point? Do you think a man would have felt unsafe in the same situation, or was it gender-based? How did you manage your own personal safety during your trip?
I felt unsafe after being followed for about a mile, even with my attempt to lose his track. He could have been harmless, but with the language barrier and cultural difference, I did not know. I do think that safety is gender-based at times. I found myself avoiding going out at night. Luckily sunset was close to eleven at night, so it wasn’t like I was missing out on much, but I did act differently than when I was home. I decided that waking up early, enjoying the day, and coming home at dark was what made me feel comfortable. I may have missed out on opportunities, but I was not harmed, so it may have been worth it.

Any advice you’d like to share with other women who are considering a solo trip?
You should keep yourself busy and play it safe. Yes you want to live and have new experiences, but know that you need to follow your instinct. If something feels uncomfortable, then you are right. There are many ways to connect with others, whether they be travelers or locals. Be sure to create those opportunities for yourself.