as a child I used to stress myself into breakdowns over the insubstantiality of ‘the present’
I’d walk through a room and be overwhelmed with the instantaneousness of the transformation of ‘future’ to ‘past’; everything was a series of infinitesimally short moments, like frames in a video, too small to be examined closely except through imagination or memory. I’d go to make a sandwich and be arrested with the knowledge that time was a war between anticipation and recollection and that no matter how much I tried to slow down and exist in ‘the present’ I would simply be drawing on one at the expense of the other—I could acknowledge that I was buttering bread, but the first swipe of the knife was in the past, the next was in the future, and the thoughtful pause with which I sought to fill the space between was not truly slowing time or existing in ‘the present’ but merely occupying it with the substance of inaction.
LMAO god people used to try to get me to do mindfulness meditation all the time and it stressed me out so much. When you are ten and conceptualize time as a rapidfire slideshow moving through your body it is NOT relaxing to pay more attention to the incomprehensible flicker of slides.
1940 – it’s the height of the Blitz. A weapon of unknown origin destroys a small corner of Mayfair, and simultaneously opens up a rift in space and time. For decades, UNIT has fought to protect the people of Earth from the dangers it poses, but they’ve been beaten back as the fracture multiplies out of control. Earth as we know it is at stake – now is the time for you to step up and be the hero. Travelling to impossible places, confronting menacing monsters and ancient aliens along the way, it’s a journey across space and time to save our race, and our beautiful planet.
AndProfessor River Song - Melody Pond, child of the TARDIS, Melody Malone, the Doctor’s wife, that exasperatingly naughty time-travelling archaeologist whom trouble follows wherever she lands - has returned.
Yet another update under the cut. TLDR; I’m fine, nothing’s wrong, but the absence is going to continue for quite a while.
So one thing that this quarantine thing has done (yes it is still going on) is completely change my life goals and priorities. I don’t say that lightly - I mean that in a very literal sense. I’ve had a lot of time to take a very intense and scrutinizing look at what I am doing and where I want to be in life, and how much time I might have left to actually do anything with it. I put a lot of thought into where I am right now, what I cando, and what I want to do and where I want to end up. And it turns out that sometimes your idea of what life might be like ends up taking a complete 180 turn when you have the time and energy to focus on studying your headspace and ambitions.
Usually that involves career goals, but for someone like me who has never been to college and can’t afford it anyway, career is never something I’ve really cared a whole lot about. What I care about are projects.
So I’ve discovered a surprisingly intense passion for a new project that I never would have thought possible if it hadn’t been for being in quarantine, and I’m going all in. I’ve been taking a hefty chunk of the money I’ve been saving, and investing it into the equipment and resources I’ll need to make this project a reality, and I’ve been spending almost every waking moment doing research and taking notes and practicing/developing the skillset I’m going to need to hone in order to make it work.
Downside, my drawing and writing have become a very distant priority, and will remain so in the foreseeable future. I have no idea what that will mean for commissions, but as of now I haven’t actively contacted any of y’all who were interested so at least there’s no commitments I’ve had to cancel. I’ll probably open them up this year (at some point), but I’m making no projections or estimates at this point in time.
This project isn’t something that I think will recover the investment that I’m putting into it, and it might end up completely crashing and burning, but I have to try. It won’t ever happen if I don’t try, and in order to try I need to put a lot of time, thought, effort, and money into it before it can even get off the ground.
I don’t want to say what it is just yet. I’ve mentioned a few odds and ends to a couple people, but I think I’ve kind of glossed over and dodged a lot of specifics because it “sounds stupid”, so I apologize if it seems like I’ve never really given anyone a real rundown of anything I’m planning. I’ll update things on here again once I feel confident to do so, but don’t expect very many progress reports in the meantime. Right now I’m building the space I’ll need for this thing in my RV and waiting on the deliveries of the gear I’ve ordered.
I’m excited and terrified y’all. Despite all of the adventures I’ve had in life, when it comes to money and investments I’ve always played my cards extremely frugally and conservatively for fear of losing what I’ve worked so hard to get. I’ve never put myself out there and risked a whole hell of a lot for dubious returns before. This might be the biggest mistake of my life, particularly since this really amounts to nothing more than adding a very expensive hobby to my list of things I do. But again, I have to try.
Okay so I’ve been drawing something for three days now and all I have left is the shading and let me tell you: I viscerally hate the fact that our favourite Zabrak bro trio has so many tattoos. There’s just. So many.
FYI I tend to draw extremely fast so normally I’d do something like this in a matter of hours but because arthritis is a bitch I’m having to work in TeN MinUtE iNcrEmENtS and I HAAAATE IT.
