#jay talks about her life

i really dislike hearing voices in the early morning but my roommate just woke up to do work and has a habit of muttering A LOT to herself when working

roomie pls stop talking

It’s Finals week/Dead week, it’s Tuesday, and all I’ve accomplished is making really good guacamole

There was a dude on this confessions website for my school who i thought was pretty charming. asked for his number. he warns me he’s probably way older than me and he’s and not lookin’ to be a creep. i implore him to give me the number anyways, since there’s no harm in texting someone pictures of dogs. i reverse-search the number on whitepages and get a few names, look ‘em up on facebook. the only one that shows up is this old-ass dude in his 50’s that happens to work at my school.

sigh

Recently, I’ve been feeding into a metric ton of romantic inclinations. It’s gotten to the point where I’ve been grumpy about not having a boyfriend/girlfriend/X that I could hold and be cute with in person or whatever

along with that, I’ve been crushing pretty damn hard on this one dude I know has a significant other. it’s been pretty bad! embarrassingly so! but today he said something kinda shitty (not anything directly at me or another loved one - i’d have slapped the shit out of him idgaf - rather it was something insensitive)  that bothered me a bit. I mean, i told him it was kinda fucked up and he conceded it indeed was (jokingly) but it left a bad taste in my mouth

but you know what?

i’m grateful it happened - things like that keep me grounded and help me understand that I can’t just hold on to these false hopes of a storybook relationship situation panning out in this instance. not only that, but hell - God’s the one in control here, and in a way I feel like this is Him telling me that He has something much better planned out for us. as people, we don’t necessarily know what’s best for us, so in that case I’ll put my faith in God and what He wants for my life.

Don’t fucking trust people who say “this might not be politically correct, BUT…”

just don’t

Are you seriously going to use my religion to try and guilt trip me into apologizing for something I didn’t do

Really ma

I just got back from the Oakland show ahhhhhh

I’m dead! I’m dead! I survived but I died!! I meet a lot of great people and Noelle and Fitz and my 4 J’s were fucking perfect and I got splashed with fucking water during Moneygrabber and everything was great and nothing hurt I'mma cry

the other day Berenice and I were talking about Fitz and the Tantrums and she wanted to know what they looked like so i showed her a picture of them and she was just staring at Fitz and was like

his… his hair… he’s the lead singer isn’t he??

yes, berenice. it’s like the “guess who the main characters are” game but with fitz’s fucking skunk stripe oH MY GOD

i’m fairly frustrated because for my church we’re presenting topics on science and faith and generally we’ve established that evolution and a lot of other controversial creation topics like this are pretty much ok because the bible is about our purpose rather than a concrete scientific reason for why we exist, so they don’t actually conflict with one another but there’s one girl i’m presenting with who just insists that macroevolution isn’t a thing and I’m just really frustrated because she’s shy(er than me surprisingly) and before i realized what her outline was I said i’d help her present it and it’s just really fucking frustrating because ideologically it completely goes against what i believe. like, one of the reasons i was so attracted to my church to begin with was because people weren’t opposed to the idea of the earth being really, really old and

nobody’s really told her “dude you can’t present your part of the science/faith topic like that” and I know that she’s gonna alienate people to Christianity if she presents it like that because I damn well know I would just start ignoring her if she was presenting at MY church ya feel me

it’s just really fucking hard because i feel like i’m a fairly wishy-washy person as is and i don’t have any solid principles i follow

but this is just one thing that’s really frustrating me and i feel like if i just let it slide then i really truly am someone who just lets other people’s opinions take hold. i’ve never had a strong set of principles to follow because i feel like i’ve always followed those of other people. i want to be a strong and opinionated woman, but i’m a weak piece of shit 

i mean fuck I hope God gives me strength with this but

what am i supposed to do

today i was at the gym and saw my hot sociology GSI

i glared at him for two seconds and he gave me a look of approval

fuck that guy

oh man i feel kinda ill. i have the usual cough and runny nose, but peculiarly, my left tonsil feels sore. like, not stinging sore (like with a sore throat) but actually sore. and when i chew on crunchy things or just bite down hard, my entire left side of my jaw and tonsils and even a bit of my ears hurt.

i’m just kinda confused aw dude

(strums guitar) yooooooooooooo vaccinate your fucking kids

(melodically) i really shouldn’t have to tell you guys this holy shit

(intensely fingers guitar) apparently people at the top public university in the US don’t get thisssssss

(screaming) what the fuck guys i thought we were better than this

(destroys guitar)

i made some salmon belly and a garbanzo, colorful bell pepper, green onion, and cilantro salad with some strawberries and orange juice on the side. Normally, I make too little or just enough to eat, but this time my meal was pretty hearty. Really hearty. 

lies down

find out Ashe did a full cover of Coward Montblanc

listens

lies down

My sister works at a weed dispensary and let me have half of a medical chocolate bar with her.

Apparently their chocolate is the most potent chocolate on the market

This would have been nice to know before I had some.

cries because Big Bird is a perfect sweet angel

ngl my campaign’s prolly gonna be pokemon mystery dungeon but with elves

all my friends are hot: the autobiographical memoir. the movie. the video game. the musical. the interpretive dance.

thanksgiving break was fun

I made fish today. Not much else to write about. However, it did rain for the first time this season, so i’m pretty psyched about that. No one romantic to spend it with. Maybe I’ll channel that energy into my faith or something though.

Confused shrug.