#jhope fics
fic authors rec !
i was tagged by @ahundredtimesover thank you so much for this, i rarely ever look back at my works or think about them, but this gave me an opportunity to appreciate the work i’ve put into them <3
1.blossom
it was the first ever fic ive written in completion, it has its flaws but writing it made me feel free. writing about two people falling in love (with a few cliché’s here and there) really made me wonder about what love truly is, i still don’t have the answer but i’m gonna write till i understand it. blossom is my first baby and it will always be special to me.
when i started writing this, i felt stuck, i didn’t know what i wanted to do with the story but even if it took time, even if it drove me crazy sometimes, i love this fic a lot. it was really worth all the all-nighters for me.
this was hard to write, i never wrote about such negative emotions before and i never really made any of my characters look bad but i tried it for the first time in this, and this fic is probably my most perfect one, at least to me. it’s easily the favourite fic i’ve written so far.
4.belated love letter/hell in heaven
help i couldnt pick one T_T because both of these are my most emotion-packed fics and they really made me sad just writing them. these two are heartbreaking and as sadistic as it sounds, it was cathartic to write about the pain of loving.
this two-part fic challenged me as a writer, it was the first request i ever got and i never thought of hybrid fics and frankly, i still don’t quite get them but upon request, i did my research i put my all into writing this demon!jk fic and i am proud of myself for not backing just cause it was different to what i wrote.
this was very lovely for me, i don’t think i realized how much love and care i held for my fics until today so again thank you @ahundredtimesover i hope you continue to enjoy my work <3
hell in heaven - j.hs.
genre: angst (4k)
summary: because falling in love with you was both the best and worst thing to happened to him. (fools!universe)
no one’s seen hoseok since that day.
the day that you two broke up.
many turned up at his doorstep only to be brushed off, even his closest friends jin and yoongi couldn’t get him to come out of his house and when they showed up with all his favorite foods, they couldn’t help but notice the dark circles that covered his usually bright eyes, he looked like he hadn’t eaten and none of his energy remained, he couldn’t even force a smile for his brothers, they left without a word from him.
can a break-up really do that to a person? ruin them to the point of no return?
because that’s what it looked like to everyone. the jung hoseok they knew, the one who used to embrace everyone, the life of every party he’s been to, was no longer the jung hoseok that stood before them.
but people knew, how much he loved you, it was obvious with the way you two used to run around campus giggling and cuddling the whole time, known as the campus sweethearts, everyone used to watch in awe as you both proudly showcased your love to everyone, and now, all of that felt like a dream to hoseok, a dream he’s been harshly woken up from.
even right now, with all his friends staring expectantly at him with beer cans in their hand, not all of them faniliar with each other, their common link being namjoon and hoseok alone, with a cigarette dangling from his own hand, hoseok doesn’t feel ready to tell what happened between you two, he doesn’t know if he’s scared of the reaction or scared of living through memories that he wants to forget. he doesn’t want to forget you however, he wants to forget what you two had, because both of you were hurt at the end. and the last thing that he wants, even now, when everything has been over, is for you to hurt.
he’s tried to wish you pain, he’s tried to hate you, but every time your last moment together stops him from thinking that way.
you left because you had to before it killed one of you.
“you look better now” jin offered with a weak smile, it pained him to see his once ever so bright friend become nothing but a clump of dull energy. hoseok grimly nodded to that, he did look better now that he started eating and working out more, while they were merely distractions, hoseok still enjoyed having some normalcy come back to him.
they nervously looked at each other, not knowing what to say as hoseok stared ahead at nothing, even yoongi, who usually knew how to break the ice with a joke and make everyone comfortable didn’t utter a word, their friend’s state had silenced them all. hoseok could feel the silence, he knew it was because of him and it was suffocating him, he didn’t blame his friends for being quiet but rather blamed himself for the sour mood.
“jungkook” hoseok softly called out and jungkook immediately leaned forward to his direction, eagerly waiting for his hyung to say something.
“i heard you got your first job and tattoo, and you never even told me, isn’t that too unfair?” hoseok light heartedly joked and jungkook had a rosy blush on his face as he nodded happily, just glad that he was at least talking.
“i started working with jimin hyung at joon hyung’s bakery, and the tattoo just kind of happened, one day i just went to genius lab and asked yoongi hyung to do it, i didn’t even think of a design till i got there” jungkook filled hoseok in with the details of his life from the past few weeks.
“can i look, at the tattoo, i mean?” jungkook immediately got up from his seat to circle around hoseok and showed him the beautiful tiger lily that covered his forearm, hoseok lightly traced his fingers around the tattoo with a small grin on his face, marveling at the intricate design.
“ah jungkook, you’re telling me you designed this? no way, you have grown up so much.” warmth and nostalgia filled hoseok’s voice as he looked at jungkook with the eyes everyone was familiar with, sparkling and filled with love, jungkook almost started crying right there after seeing him look alive after so long.
“i did, i designed it myself, we can design my next one together.” jungkook’s word held a promise, he was going to design his next one with hoseok and he was going to ink it on his body.
“how has everyone else been?” hoseok asked, leaning back on his seat as jungkook returns to his and everyone starts filling in with everything they’ve been up to
jin mentions how university is kicking his ass with five assignments every week, yoongi fills in about how much this one girl keeps annoying him, namjoon explains how bike rides around the river is the most he’s doing these days, jimin shyly mentions his crush on his best friend and the others break into loud ooh’s at that, taehyung is cursing out his professor who won’t bump his subpar grade to above average and jungkook stays silent, only letting a few chuckles slip every now and then with how dramatic some of them got.
and suddenly, as if they’ve run out of things to fill the void, they fall dead silent, jimin looks at hoseok who visibly inflates after the youthful energy in the room dies as quickly as it revives.
“hyung, i’ve been worried sick about you, and i really am glad that you called us to meet after so many days, but i can’t sit here and watch you suffer silently so please tell us, we’re all here to listen to you” jimin pleads with hoseok suddenly, his voice strained and weak with eyes widened and lips pursed as everyone else silently thank jimin for taking the step that they were all hesitant to.
hoseok looks up at jimin’s thin voice telling him to get out of whatever bubble he’s built around himself, to finally tell someone what happened and why it’s ruining him the way it is.
“should we pour a drink first?” hoseok offers with a weak smile and once everyone nods, hoseok gets started about the story in his life he wants to erase.
how you and hoseok got together? it was natural, like on instinct you had to be with each other no matter what, you don’t know if that feeling started at that one party where you got too drunk and finally kissed him, or if it’s always been there and you both just kept denying it till you didn’t.
either way, when you finally got together, you both were so giddy and excited about it that you wanted to let the world know that ‘hey, i love you and i would choose no one but you and i need to tell everyone i’m in love because it’s the best thing i’ve ever experienced’.
and it was, it still is the best thing to happened to hoseok but at the end, he knew it was the worst thing too.
he tells the boys everything, from your first date to every fight that led to the end and they could only hear with wide eyes, they didn’t know that a couple who looked so perfect to everyone, would have so many cracks threatening a disastrous breaking apart. hoseok didn’t care if they were listening or not, he’s gotten used to not being heard but he was going to tell them everything regardless.
you both did everything in the world, with hands around the other.
you went to bungee jumping with him, you went to river crashing with him, you did assignments late at night with him, kicking feet with each other and getting distracted every time, you learned calligraphy with him, you learned baking with him even if you both ended up with flour all over each other at the end, you could just laugh and kiss it off because it didn’t matter, nothing else mattered when you were with him.
every memorable thing in your life had hoseok beside you and hoseok has never wanted to experience anything in his life without you in it.
you had your insecurities, he had his, you didn’t talk about your problems, he didn’t talk about his.
because together, you could forget every problem that plagued your mind, you could forget about the world that was hurting you and instead just stare at each other till sunrise.
soon, your problems and insecurities and his, caught up to you before you could run away once again, and everything you loved about each other quickly became things that started to annoy you.
you used to love waking up to his loud good morning, you would wake up and pepper kisses across his face with a sleepy smile on your face, chest blooming with pride that he was your man, later you just stuffed your face into your pillow and begged for him to stop talking. he used to love eating your experiments in the kitchen, either lying about how good they taste, or kissing you in reassurance that you can always do better next time, his own face twisting to a grin every time you would pout at your failures, later he couldn’t hide the grimace on his face as he swallowed and couldn’t bring himself to encourage you like he usually does.
it was the little things that changed, little things that had a heavy weight in the dynamic of your relationship and it wasn’t like you two didn’t notice, every time you would turn away from hoseok in the morning, his smile would immediately drop and he would silently leave the room, his mind heavy with neglect, and every time he scowled at the food you made, you wanted to never enter the kitchen again, you lost all drive to do anything again.
and slowly, the rush you felt whenever you touched him and the way his heart would leap every time you said his name, both of them faded.
that’s when the fights began, small like any beginning but fatal.
even if it were something as simple as leaving clothes on the floor, you both would fight like your life depended on it, yelling out words only to regret them as soon as you say them.
hoseok never wanted to hurt you, but he did.
you never wanted to hurt hoseok, but you did.
at some point, you both got too comfortable with fighting every day, brushing it off like it was a normal thing that happens to all couples, an excuse, a kind of solace to your breaking hearts that it was okay, it was all okay.
it wasn’t okay.
hoseok wishes he could go back and yell at himself for thinking it was okay, it was never okay.
unknowingly, you both would hurt each other to the point of crying all night and then wiping each other’s tears like you weren’t responsible for it, like you weren’t hurting each other, more so like you were hurting yourself while gripping onto his hands that gently swiped across your face.
that was the first thing that broke hoseok.
crying because of you, crying for you and crying when he was away from you.
you were his home, his broken, falling apart, moldy and dying home. but still his home. you would always be his home.
it got exhausting, but you couldn’t stop loving him, he couldn’t stop loving you.
you were the couple that everyone wanted to be, you couldn’t just up and leave because the words that would leave people’s mouths after would only hurt you more.
so, you stayed.
even if you cried every day, you stayed because at least you weren’t the only one crying, you weren’t the only one who was breaking and losing yourself, you stayed because somewhere in your heart, you couldn’t imagine a life that didn’t have hoseok in it.
you loved each other.
but love can only be beautiful for so long.
the mistakes come after the regret.
regret that if you lost hoseok as a lover, you would lose him as a friend, a companion you could lean on, someone who’s with you even after hearing all your stories, you could lose all of that just because your love was selfish enough to make you pay, your love was poison enough to feel like honey.
the mistakes, you’re not sure when they started, maybe it was when you stopped going to parties with hoseok or when you two intentionally went to different parties or was it when you two no longer looked for each other in a full room? you don’t know.
going to parties without your boyfriend and pretending like you’re single was your mistake.
going to parties and buying drinks for others was his mistake.
it wasn’t long before you stopped coming to his dorm at night, instead showing up to class with hickeys that he definitely didn’t give you and you would find someone else’s clothes lying around his bedroom floor.
he acted like he didn’t notice the hickeys and you quietly put the clothes you found in the trash.
it wasn’t that you forgave each other, you just didn’t have the energy to fight for each other anymore, neither of you were on the right, neither of you could blame the other, neither of you wanted to tell another soul about it, an argument would only end in you both admitting you were wrong.
and you didn’t do it. he never did it.
the boys stopped drinking, glaring at the glasses in front of them, frozen with this new information.
“hyung” namjoon slowly muttered, gazing nervously at his friend, understanding a bit of what was going on and why hoseok hasn’t been the same again, hoseok just gives him a pained smile and returns to silence.
namjoon never thought his friend would be capable of cheating, he never anticipated his friend’s girlfriend who would always give him a bubbly smile when she entered his bakery, was capable either.
and that’s when it hits namjoon that maybe people are a lot more capable to hurt than to love.
the thought scares namjoon, it scares everyone else in the room too.
you and hoseok cheated on each other so much but neither of you made the attempt to break it off.
they didn’t know what to think of that, they couldn’t judge their brother, it would be unfair if they judged you when they didn’t judge him, it didn’t matter who did it first, it mattered that you two moved on like it was normal, like cheating was normal, like being in pain when with each other was normal.
and they didn’t know what to say to him as he downed another glass of whiskey like it was water.
so, they simply just didn’t say anything.
they just let him speak.
the cheating didn’t stop, the lies didn’t either.
the love which you painfully gripped to like gripping to stones, was fading too.
and when the love for each other died, so did the love for yourself.
you hated yourself, he hated himself because you and him couldn’t save it, couldn’t save the relationship or your precious love.
you couldn’t save the relationships around you either, your strained relationship with your family only getting worse with the little effort you put in to be together with them.
your life and his were crashing on you, but you didn’t feel anything.
you got used to the burning in your chest with every movement you made and he got used to the sinking way his heart fell every time you hurt him.
it was like you kept denying, denying and denying, one shot of vodka and one night with someone else at a time, till you couldn’t anymore that something was very wrong with you two.
you only remember how you felt when you came one morning to see another woman in his bed, sleeping peacefully next to him and you didn’t say anything, even if you wanted to yell, kick her out and then yell at hoseok too.
you didn’t say anything, just closed the door and walked off.
hoseok remembers the way his heart twisted in his chest when he came to your apartment only for you to be wearing another man’s t-shirt, he ignored it, he didn’t say anything about the t-shirt, or the fading marks on your neck and clavicle.
you and hoseok were foolish enough to believe that it was just a rough patch, something that you will get over soon and you could slip into that honeymoon phase you used to float around in, often getting excited at the smallest action of affection from the other, something as simple as hoseok kissing your forehead before going to class was enough for you to hope that everything will be okay and hoseok would just be happy if he didn’t find someone else’s scent on you when he hugged you in class.
but your relationship was like a torn paper, no matter how much you try to put it together, it just doesn’t look the same anymore.
and you were the first one to realize that.
you stared at hoseok from your side of the bed, even in deep sleep, he didn’t look like he was resting, his eyebrows furrowed and his mouth twitching from time to time, it was obvious he was thinking a lot, and that’s when the weight of everything fell on you.
you hurt him, the one person you promised you would love, you hurt him.
you might have even broken him with how tired he looks.
he didn’t walk like he used to; slouching and trudging his step.
he didn’t talk like he used to; his voice had changed, slower and hoarser as the days go by.
he didn’t smile like he used to; his smile was forced, pained even.
and his smile, oh you used to love his smile, you used to love being the reason for his smile too.
you broke him.
and that killed you.
the first tear was silent and fell on the pillow, immediately leaving a stain on it, and then you cried, you cried and cried as sunlight poured into your room, your hands covered your mouth as your heart squeezed in your chest and hoseok woke up in a startle at the sound of a sob that escaped from your mouth. he hurriedly got up and looked around and then at you. he pulled you close to look if you hurt yourself somewhere and when he didn’t see any apparent injuries, he looked up at you again with teary eyes, he couldn’t bear seeing you in so much pain.
you didn’t stop crying, his grip on your shoulders trying to shake you back into sanity and his voice which urgently called out to you felt too distant to be true.
“i-i can’t find what’s wrong, please stop crying, please just tell me” he hurriedly said, softly wiping your face, frantically checking your arms and head again, searching for anything that could’ve hurt you but it was your heart that was finally bleeding after being plugged up with everything for so long.
“how could i hurt you?” you wailed, pushing your head into your hands, and hoseok paused, his tears building up again as your shoulders shook from how heavy your sobs got.
hoseok couldn’t deny the way his eyes-tinged red at your words, he couldn’t deny that he felt his own heart being ripped from his chest because you were blaming yourself when he wasn’t any better.
“i hurt you too” hoseok muttered defeatedly, his hand falling from your face onto his own lap as he stared off to the side.
defeat, that’s all he could feel. for someone who is used to victory, this was new, and he didn’t like it.
“we keep hurting each other hobi, why?” you asked him helplessly, your voice and his nickname were painful for him to hear and he shook his head, he didn’t know how to tell you that it will be okay because he wasn’t sure himself.
“y/n, it’s normal, happens to couples sometimes, we just have to hold o-“ he reaches for your hands, holding them tightly and rubbing circles on them, he knew you weren’t going to be happy together anymore but he wanted to try, he wanted to know if you could feel the same microscopic hope he did.
“that’s a lie and you know it” you bluntly said, voice hoarse but sure, and his grip falters so does his tiny bit of hope.
you look ready to leave and all he could think of was how to stop you.
“just listen to me, please” he begged, and your heart breaks at his desperate, slouched over form, you silently brought your hand to his forehead, pushing hair off from it and gently patting it back, sniffling every so often. your touch makes him flinch and then sigh shakily, it’s been so long since you’ve touched with affection and not venom.
“we can’t do this anymore; you know we can’t” you whisper as more tears fall down your face and you don’t miss the way he sobs a little and pushes his head into his arm.
he did know.
he fucking knew this was coming.
he’s imagined ways this day would come and nothing could have prepared him for this moment.
was this the end for you two? after all you’ve been through, you were going to end at 5 am on a random morning while crying into each other’s arms? is that what you’ve come to?
you slowly cup his cheek, allowing him to bury his face into your hand and cry, every time his tears touch your skin, you break a little more, and you don’t stop yourself from caressing his skin carefully, like it was the last time you will touch it.
“we’re just scared to be lonely” hoseok lifts his head in a shiver, voice laced with realization and you nod shamefully.
you didn’t stay out of love, you stayed because you didn’t know who would you go to if this was over.
love is a tender pain, and you’ve both experienced all sides of it. especially the worst part of it.
and with that said, hoseok hated himself for coming to that realization, he hated himself for knowing what was wrong with you two.
he wished that he just remained oblivious to everything, he wished that you never got up from the bed after he said that, he wished that you didn’t pack your clothes that were left in his closet, he wished he didn’t hear how you cried as you stuffed your belongings into different bags, he wished that you didn’t kiss his forehead and give him a final, weak smile before you left his room, he wished that he didn’t notice your scent twirling in the air, mocking him.
he wished you didn’t leave at all.
he spent many days, in the same bed you left him in, with your kiss lingering on his forehead, refusing to live without you. he lost count of how many tears he cried, he lost count of how many times he reached for his phone to call you and beg you to come back.
but hoseok knew you left for good.
you weren’t coming back.
and he just had to deal with that.
“i haven’t seen her since then, i asked her friends and apparently she went home for a bit, i don’t think i will bother her again.” hoseok ended his disastrous, tragic love story with a shrug.
a story to the rest of them but to him, he felt every word of it and relived through the memories he’s been waiting to forget.
hoseok watched as all of them gulped, they didn’t know their friend was silently going through so much and they felt guilty for not advising him, for not helping him sooner, it was only jin and yoongi who understood that any advice would have fallen to deaf ears with hoseok when he was still with you.
“that’s how it finished?” taehyung couldn’t help but ask, for two people who tried every trick in the book to stay together, you didn’t seem to try at all at the end.
“yeah, it just happened” hoseok says painfully and the boys felt pity, pity that hoseok or you couldn’t come to your senses sooner so you could stop before you got too hurt.
but the damage was done.
and the only thing left with hoseok was the silence that surrounded him and his friends who swore that another soul wouldn’t know about this.
hoseok, in some sick and fucked up way, still loved you. he still longed for the day you would enter his doorstep with the smile he hasn’t seen for so long but he’s glad you have better self-control than him and stayed away for both of your sakes.
for now, hoseok will just miss you until he can’t anymore.
his home, his heaven in hell, he will miss you till he moves on.
