#jiang wen
Donnie Yen apparently has a reputation for being super picky with the films he agrees to be in, so I had pretty high expectations when I started watching through his films (esp. after how good Ip Man is). What I discovered, however, is that he is in fact more like the Chinese equivalent of Nicholas Cage. Some highlights include:
- Iceman: A Ming dynasty officer who gets frozen and then defrosted in modern times. Everything happens So Much in this film but I think the highlight was where he defeats an entire SWAT team by shitting so hard he makes the toilet explode.
- All’s Well Ends Well 2011, where he plays a makeup artist who is basically just ip man????
- All’s Well Ends Well 2012, where he plays a wannabe rockstar with the most awful hair ever.
- The Lost Bladesman. Not that it was necessarily that terrible, esp. since he was Guan Yu alongside Jiang Wen’s gayest Cao Cao ever….. but his acting was so bad it’s worth a mention here
- That movie where he requested to be greenscreened in as all four members of the four seasons singing Sherry Baby
- That weird movie where the shaved front of his queue is growing out and he looks uncomfortably like a Chinese Adam Sandler
- Whatever the hell his role is in the new xXx movie. I have no idea what it’s about but it looks awful
- The Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon sequel, which is inexplicably in English and features Donnie Yen, the most Extra human being alive who realises the woman he loves loves another man so he fakes his own death for twenty years
- “Together” (2013) where he plays a cop who was hit by a car, which caused him to no longer be able to smile. I don’t have room here to explain everything that was wrong with that movie but honestly it’s probably one of the worst of his I’ve ever seen, and considering this substantial list, that’s saying a lot
- The Holy Virgin vs. The Evil Dead: Essentially a softcore porn feat. moon vampires. Or something.
- the fucking break dancing from Mismatched Couples. Look it up bc mere words cannot describe.Feel free to reblog with ur own examples
Ahahahahahahaha that is so true to be honest I just started watch his films these couple of days and it’s idk can’t say torture but pretty much close. I love the guy I really do but can’t lie about this, and if to this standard China would have hundreds of Nicholas Cage xxx
Ip Man is still good though.
Btw if you are looking for watchable and good movies go to those Wen directed, like In the Heat of the Sun, Devils on the Doorstep and so on.