#juliette
You know, if he wasn’t next to a professional wrestler who has to body build for his sport, his arms aren’t actually half bad.
What would life be without a little James Roday?
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Treasure Box
When you lose your past you don’t just lose the scary bits. You lose it all. Because that’s how the physics of the brain work. So just because you can’t remember something - I mean not some specific thing but a period of time that is just blacked out months or years- that doesn’t mean whatever is behind that blackness is gone because it’s pure terror. It’s gone because you felt you couldn’t afford to remember it anymore. But sometimes, the things you feel you can least afford to remember are the ones you hold most dear, and therefore most want to protect.
And you send them away to keep them hidden- glowing and untarnished like they always were, so that none of what you are being put through currently can touch them, can taint them. Like so many other things you loved over your life have been. So that they can’t be used against you or twisted by abusers or ridiculed or used to stab you into submission.
Somewhere in there are all your Other Days. Not the ones that were terrifying, in which your life consisted of living for your tormentors, and only ever as they willed you to. Not those days- they were never yours at all. But the Other Days.
The days where you got to exist for your own sake, and have Thoughts- and feelings and hopes and dreams, without reprimand. Even if you had to steal yourself from everything and everyone, and run away in order to have them. Even if those days were really all comprised of separate moments, strewn far apart across the landscape of your memory. Even if they had to be sewn together like a patchwork quilt, lovingly and meticulously by hand, to make them into Days. To be moulded into a Story. To be forged into a truth. Even if it took all that…. you had them. You had them, and they were Yours, and they are always yours, by right. And they ARE still in there.
Of course those memories are all still in there, somewhere- They can’t just be deleted…… They can be lost, misplaced, even purposely hidden. But never gone.
And if you are brave and are willing to look at what makes up the dark curtain that separates you from your past, and see what It’s made of. And face whatever that is….. They will be given back to you.
-Juliette
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