#justing h min x reader
word count: 2291
request?: yes!
“i would like a imagine ( can be smut or fluff whatever ) with Ben Hargreaves from The Umbrella academy please <3 love your writing”
“Hi! I looove your writing and wanted to know if you could write a Ben Hargreeves x reader. TW: talk of suicide
You weren’t adopted bc your parents wanted you, but they moved close by and let you be trained. Ben was your one true love, and when he dies you just become numb, barely interacting with the academy and when they all split, you leave with your best friend Klaus. Despite your suspicions Klaus keeps saying he can’t see Ben. One night on the anniversary of his death, you don’t know what overcame you, you just felt like you couldn’t do it anymore, you just sat there and we’re wondering how bad it would be if you died. Ben of course is watching over you and sees the shift in you, he warns Klaus before you can do it, and Klaus comes and sits with you and lets you talk to Ben. You can literally take complete reign, I know I said too much but something along those lines!! Thank you!!!”
description: in which klaus uses his power to help the two of them have a second chance
pairing: ben hargreeves x female!reader
warnings: swearing, mentions of death, mentions of suicide, mentions of alcoholism
I sat on my bed, staring at the calendar on the wall. I didn’t need a marker to remember this date. I’d never forget it as long as I lived, despite how hard I tried.
It was the day I lost the love of my life.
I could still remember it like it happened yesterday. We were still kids, barley even 18. We were fighting dangerous criminals nearly every day. I had no idea how my parents ever let me join the Umbrella Academy, or how they let me stay a part of it once Hargreeves started forcing us to fight crime. One of us was bound to get seriously injured or worse.
And unfortunately, that one was Ben.
I never saw what happened to him, but I remembered seeing the looks of horror on his siblings faces. And I certainly remembered cradle his dead body as I sobbed over it for what felt like hours.
That was five years ago. I thought the pain would get easier. You know, time heals all wounds and whatnot. But I couldn’t be more wrong. In the years following Ben’s passing I never forgot him, I just grew to miss him more. Whenever I thought things were getting okay, I’d remember him again and I’d be set back to square one.
Like many who deal with trauma, I fell into unhealth coping mechanisms. Namely alcohol. It didn’t help that Klaus fell into the same unhealth patterns after we ran away from the Academy together and we ended up just being enablers for one another.
At least he went to rehab. Repeatedly. Numerous times a month.
Now it was yet another anniversary. Another year, another 365 days around the sun, without Ben.
Things weren’t getting any better, so I decided maybe it was time to bring things to an end.
I had a bottle of wine on my bedside table and a bottle of pills I had taken from Klaus next to it. He wouldn’t even notice they were gone until it was too late. I didn’t even think he was home to stop me.
I looked over at the calendar again, taking everything in one last time.
“I’ll see you soon, my love.”
~~~~~~
Ben’s POV
I watched as (Y/N) paced her bedroom. I couldn’t stop looking at the bottle on her nightstand. I knew (Y/N) had been struggling since my death. I had been watching over her all this time, wishing I could reach out and hold her every time she cried or to tell her she’d be okay soon.
I knew she was struggling, but I didn’t know it was this bad.
I was reluctant to leave her, but I knew there was no way I could stop her on my own. I had to hope my brother wasn’t too high to help.
Klaus was passed out on his bed, and I had no remorse in leaning down into his ear and yelling, “Klaus!”
He jumped awake, nearly falling out of his bed. “What? What?!” He looked up at me and groaned, laying back down and covering his head with a pillow. “Leave me alone.”
“Klaus, you have to get up and go stop (Y/N) from killing herself.”
This got his attention. He quickly sat up and looked at me in shock. “What? She’s…she’s gonna do what?”
“Klaus, I’m begging you, give me the reigns. I need to talk to her. I think it’ll help with closure or something. I can’t watch her suffer anymore, and I cannot let her do this to herself.”
I don’t know why Klaus wouldn’t let me talk to (Y/N). For the first year after I died, (Y/N) would beg Klaus to look for me or to talk to me for her, but he kept telling her he couldn’t Eventually, she stopped asking, but she always suspected that Klaus was lying.
I knew I was better off talking to a wall than to ask that of Klaus, but I was desperate. I couldn’t let (Y/N) kill herself. She had so much life ahead of her. A life without me whether she wanted to accept that or not.
To my surprise, Klaus threw the covers off of himself and threw his feet over the edge of his bed, facing me.
“Fine,” he said. “But just this once for (Y/N)’s sake.”
In an instant, I had jumped into Klaus’s body and took full control.
It was hard to get used to being in a living body again, especially one that wasn’t my own. It was like I knew I wasn’t myself, but at the same time I felt completely like myself - completely in control. I worried a little that I may get trapped in here or mine and Klaus’s subconsciousness would combine or something.
But that was the last of my concerns right now.
I quickly stood from Klaus’s bed and rushed to (Y/N)’s room. I was prepared to break the door down in order to get into her room, but luckily she left it unlocked.
I threw the door open, catching her with a handful of pills in her hand.
~~~~~~
(Y/N)’s POV
I jumped at the sudden appearance of Klaus in my doorway, causing the pills in my hand to fall to the floor and scatter everywhere. I felt a tinge of annoyance followed by some embarrassment at being caught.
“God, Klaus, you ever heard of knocking?” I snapped.
“(Y/N), you can’t kill yourself,” he told me.
I rolled my eyes at him. “Fine, I won’t. Now get out, I gotta clean up this mess.”
“I’m serious. You can’t do that to yourself. I know you’ve been struggling these past few years - ”
I chuckled, humorlessly. “Right, you’ve really noticed my struggles when we’ve both been blackout drunk or high out of our minds 24 hours a day. Listen, you’re just as fucked up as I am, Klaus. I don’t want to hear it right now. If you’re afraid of losing me because you won’t have a friend anymore, just stop doing drugs and my ghost will come back to see you. Simple as that.”
“(Y/N), I’m not talking to you as Klaus right now. I’m talking to you as Ben.”
Hearing his name made my whole body freeze. I felt like I couldn’t move from my spot. Klaus must’ve taken my silence as me believing him or something, because he continued to speak.
“I’ve been watching over you for years. I wish I could’ve contacted you before, I really tried, but with Klaus being so high all the time it was hard to get through to him, which made it hard to get through to you. But I’ve never left you, I promise. I’ve been with you all this time. You can’t kill yourself to be with me again, you have so much life ahead of you - ”
I finally snapped out of my trance as anger took over my body. I stomped across the room, reaching for Klaus.
“Get the fuck out of my room!”
My hands touched his shoulders and I started to shove him out of my room. He quickly reached up to try and pry my hands off of him, and the moment his hands touched mine something insane happened.
I was no longer looking at Klaus’s face, but rather at the one face I had been missing for five years.
Ben.
I shouldn’t have been so shocked. I mean, I was born to a couple who had not been pregnant when the day began and I grew up with superpowers, living just next door to seven other children who were also born that day and also developed superpowers. At this point in my life, anything could’ve happened.
But I just felt like I couldn’t believe my eyes. I yelped and jumped back, Ben’s face switching back to Klaus’s again.
“Ben?” I said, reaching out to gently touch Klaus’s face this time. When my skin made contact with his, his face changed again. “Oh my God. It really is you.”
“I told you,” he said, a cocky smile forming on his face. He even sounds like Ben!
I took his hands in mine, afraid that if I let go of him he would turn back into Klaus again. I led him towards my bed and we both sat down.
“So, you really have been around all this time,” I said.
Ben nodded. “From the moment I died and became a ghost, I was watching over you.”
“Only me? What about your siblings? Besides Klaus.”
Ben shook his head. “They didn’t need me the way you did.”
I could feel a lump forming in my throat and I tried to push it down, but it was hard. I knew this time I had with Ben would be fleeting and once he was gone, I would be alone again. Like always, back to square one.
I didn’t realize I had started to cry until Ben reached out and wiped a tear from my face.
“I’m sorry I left you,” he said, his voice soft.
I shook my head. “It’s not your fault. It’s not like any of us wanted to be out there fighting crime as kids.”
“Yeah, you have a point.”
“I just wish…” I trailed off, now knowing how to say what was on my mind.
“You just wish?” Ben prompted.
“I just wish that…that I could’ve done something to save you,” I admitted. “That I wasn’t distracted and I saw that you were being attacked. I could’ve done…something.”
“There’s nothing you could’ve done, (Y/N). Luther tried and he’s arguably the strongest out of all of us. You can’t live with the what ifs, and you can’t blame yourself for something you had no control over.”
I sniffled, the tears now steadily streaming down my face. “I know…I just wish you were still here.”
Ben wrapped me in his arms and I buried my face in his chest. He ran a hand through my hair, soothingly, as I sat there and sobbed.
In that moment, I could’ve been convinced that my suicide attempt had actually worked. That Klaus/Ben running in to save me was actually me being reunited with Ben again and saying goodbye to Klaus in the living world. I thought maybe I wasn’t meant to remember my death, but rather I would just naturally move to the afterlife.
“You have a long life ahead of you, (Y/N),” Ben whispered into my hair. “One without me. One where you’ll find someone else and you’ll grow old with that person. You’ll have a family and the life that you always dreamed of. And then, one day, we will meet again. But not now. Now isn’t your time.”
I moved away from the wet spot I had made on his shirt to look up at him. “But why can’t it be my time?”
Ben cupped my face in his hands. “It’s just not, my love. I know you want to be with me again, but I don’t want it to be like this.”
I sighed and rested my forehead against his. “I can’t promise I’ll be able to move on very quickly. I have five years of pain and unhealthy coping mechanisms I have to get out of my system first.”
“Then you can start there and take your time to get better,” he said. “When the time is right, you’ll know it. Until then, all I can ask is for you to please keep pushing. I know it’s hard. I wish I could take that pain away, but you have to do that on your own. And I know you can do that.”
He leaned forward and kissed me. I tried to savor the moment as much as I could. I’d never feel his lips on mine again after this moment, so it was hard to pull back and let him go. But I had to eventually. I didn’t know how long Ben could be in Klaus’s body, and the last thing I needed was to end up kissing Klaus and not getting my proper ending with Ben.
“I love you so much,” he whispered against my lips.
“I love you, too.”
“Take care of yourself, my love. And take care of Klaus, too. You both need each other.”
I nodded. “I will. I promise.”
He took hold of my hands again, giving them a brief squeeze. I could see the hesitance in his face to leave, and I knew he needed a nudge in order to go. So, reluctantly, I told him, “You can go now. I’ll be okay.”
He nodded, tears forming in the corner of his eyes as well.
And, just like that, Ben’s face shifted back to Klaus’s and he was gone.
It took Klaus a moment to fully come back to reality. He was still holding my hands, which I was fine with. I had a feeling he needed some comfort after having his body taken over by his dead brother.
“You okay?” I asked when he finally seemed to be himself again.
“I should be asking you that,” he said, his eyes shifting to the wine bottle on my nightstand and the pills on my floor. “Are you okay, (Y/N)?”
“I will be,” I said. “But I think it’s time we get help, Klaus. Like actual sobriety and maybe some therapy.”
Klaus nodded. “Yeah, I think you’re right, (Y/N). We’ll start by getting rid of this shit in your room.”
Together, we dumped out my wine and flushed his pills. It was a small first step, but it was the first step to the recovery we needed.
