Since The Justice League is busy saving the word, villains figured they have to protect Gotham City from the alien invaders themselves. Luckily, they do have resources available and hopefully enough sanity left in order to fulfill the task.
“Finally!” Bane expresses his frustration with The Joker and his woman being late to the meeting. The couple just arrived with a tank at the rendezvous point and in their defense they started making out so the vehicle plowed through buildings which resulted into an unforeseen detour.
J is getting out of the tank first, then helps his Queen descend from the monster, not before coping a felling of her thunder thighs as he likes to call them. It’s pretty easy to do since Y/N is wearing her favorite dress: pink and short, the bottom made of strings embedded with fluffy feathers.
You land in The Joker’s arms and he squeezes you closer while you draw tiny circles on his bare chest. It’s pretty easy to do because The King didn’t button his purple shirt at all: he just tucked the garment in his pants so Y/N can have easy access to the merchandise as she likes to call it.
“Mister Joker…” your index finger slides down towards his abs.
“Pumpkin…” he growls and strange enough your hand ends up in his long hair one second later.
J let his locks grow on a whim resulting in a phenomenal success with The Queen thus he didn’t get a haircut yet.
“Mister Joker…” you softly pull on a green strand.
“Pumpkin…” he sneers, his mouth getting closer to yours.
“Somebody break that up, otherwise we won’t get shit done!” Harvey Dent urges the other members of their fragile coalition.
“Joker! Y/N!” Mister Freeze takes it upon himself to get your attention. “You just missed a briefing about important matters: the question was do any of us any hidden super powers that might aid in the fight?”
The King takes a deep breath and meditates for a brief moment prior to proudly uttering:
“I’m crazy.”
“I’m sassy,” you sigh, bored.
“We’re fucked!” Scarecrow immediately concludes. “None of us have supernatural abilities like the jerks in The Justice League.”
“Pfft!” J scoffs. “Who needs that?!”
“Com’ over here, Joker,” Mister Freeze encourages the mad man. “Stand by me and Y/N will remain by Dent while we lay down the plan.”
“Why can’t I stand next to her??!!” your boyfriend barks.
“Because you get distracted when you’re close to her; she’s definitely your kryptonite,” Jonathan Crane underlines the obvious.
“What the hell are you talking about?!” The Clown protests. “She’s not my kryptonite, I don’t even like her!!”
An appalled gasp is heard.
“Here’s what we’re gonna do,” Harvey presents the idea they all agreed upon before J’s arrival. “Each of us had two hours to go and search in their collection the best weapon and then come back to our meeting spot. We already have regular ammo and supplies yet I’m certain everyone has an ace up their sleeve especially for these kinds of occasions, yes?”
“You bet!” Mr. Freeze boasts. “If you think my ice blaster is big, wait until I bring my upgrade!” he balances the ionized prototype on his shoulder.
“Oh my God, but this one is already huge!” you almost scream with admiration.
“Check out my shotgun, Y/N,” Scarecrow shoves his new toy under your nose.
“Wow, such a large barrel!” you smirk. “Can I touch it?”
“You bet’cha!”
“What do you think about mine?” Dent also showcases his revolver to you. “Bought it last night.”
“Look at the size of this baby! Enormous!” you squeal with delight as so many awesome trinkets.
The irritated Joker can’t hold it in anymore:
“My gun is bigger than all your guns put together!”
“It’s just a pistol, Joker,” Bane has the audacity to laugh.
“Just a pistol? It’s big and I paid a fortune to customize it!!!” the fuming Clown is livid all the guys are flaunting their goodies to his woman.
“What exactly is this about?” Crane whispers.
“Beats me, just go with the flow,” a calm Two Face recommends.
Since The King of Gotham is about to go ballistic, Mister Freeze finds it imperative to spare everybody the pain of listening to his rant.
“Hey, let’s tell our people to move what we have in Bane’s trucks to make space for more stuff.”
Y/N ignores him so J forgets his woes for the second being and slides closer to you, pretending to fiddle around with a box of ammo. Because the city has been evacuated, there’s nobody around thus The Joker has a plan.
“Hey Pumpkin,” he whispers and you frown. “Wanna go to Mariott hotel and full around for two hours? I already know what to bring to the meeting, no need for us to waste time on trivialities. I’ll tell Frost to bring the isotope grenade launcher we stole from Wayne Industries last month; it’s perfect for what we need.”
You take a deep breath and gaze his way, hissing.
“Why would I go to the hotel and full around when you said you don’t like me???!!!”
“Huh? When did I say that?” The King plays dumb.
“A few minutes ago!” you remind his majesty.
“I don’t recall,” he lies without blinking; one could say that’s his part-time job and he does a damn good job at it!
“I heard it,” Bane jumps to input his perspective.
“Me too!” Scarecrow joins the conversation.
“Yup!” Harvey confirms too.
“Mind your own business!” J snaps at their testimony then pushes his luck again. “Com’on, Princess, the world might end today. You know I’m a pioneer when it comes to sexual innovation. Don’t you want a piece of this in case we kick the bucket?!” he opens his arms to underline the quirky statement.
“If I dare articulate such aberrations, my wife would kill me,” Crane admits while eavesdropping.
“Mine would also set me on fire afterwards,” Dent sourly chews the sentence.
“Mine would throw a grenade my way on top of everything just to make sure I’m a goner,” Bane snarls. “He’s fortunate Y/N is lenient at his crap,” the regretful tone prompts sighs for those present, all jealous at J’s karma.
“Are you done gossiping?” Mr. Freeze hops from the van. “Let’s get a move on things!” You’re not sure if you should give in or not and the fact that J squints his eyes glaring at something in the distance makes you more puzzled.
“Pumpkin, it’s the asshole!” The Clown mutters, dumfounded.
“What?” you turn around to look behind and sure enough you see the familiar vehicle in the distance zooming on the streets.
“It’s Batsy!” J yells. “We can hitch a ride to the hotel, his car is speedier than our tank! We can cut him off on 12th avenue! Go Pumpkin, go! You’re faster than me on your stilettos! I can’t run, my hair will get tangled!”
How can you miss on the opportunity? Given the circumstances, you can’t!
“Leave it to me, babe!” Y/N sprints up 5th street as Harvey drops a crate of explosives watching you. I mean, the Villains League have their share of luck because it didn’t result into a catastrophe.
“How is she so fast on those high heels?!” the admiration is beyond charts and Two Face can’t help it.
“Woowwwww,” Mister Freeze gushes. “You know how she always says she was born on high heels? I guess it’s true!”
“That’s… That’s a super power!” Scarecrow enthusiastically exclaims. “How is that not a super power?!” he elbows Crane.
“Dunno!” Scarecrow replies. “Stop shoving me around!”
“I’m not shoving you around. Want me to??!” the situation escalates for no reason. What else should be expected from The Villains League? Exactly this!
“Cut it out and get going!” mister Freeze shows more common sense than everyone else again. “We don’t have that much time!”
******************
J is elegantly jogging behind his woman in order to avoid knots forming in his long hair when a loud crash is heard: Bruce barely avoided Y/N when she popped in front of the Batmobile and smashed into a bunch of abandoned cars on the side of the road.
You and The Joker count on the fact that he wouldn’t care about capturing you now since he’s busy saving the world, so you approach and knock on the thick glass until he opens up the hatch.
“What do you want?” Wayne’s deep voice greets the couple.
“Hey friend,” Joker flashes his famous silver smile. “Can we get a ride to Mariott Hotel? Us, the bad guys,” he flamboyantly uses his fingers for the quote-unquote signs, “are doing our part in trying to save the city from the imminent attack.”
Batman knows better than doing J any favors yet the crazy bastard is right: outlaws do have plenty of resources to help in the fight and now with this state of emergency he can’t afford to be picky.
“Get in!” he encourages you and your boyfriend.
J grabs your butt and gently pushes you up in the car while Batman rolls his eyes at the scene unfolding under his nose.
After The Joker is in the Batmobile too you end up in his lap, complaining:
“It’s kind of crammed in here, Mister Batsy!”
“Do you want a ride or not?” Bruce shows no patience for your question.
“Yeah! Hurry up, man! We’re losing precious moments,” The King pinches your thigh. “And don’t talk to my girl like that,” he adds in order to propel himself in your graces again.
“You’re getting on my nerves, Joker!” Batman closes the hatch and starts driving.
“Don’t talk to my boyfriend like that!” you punch Batman’s arm and he accidentally steers the wheel left, hitting a van and four trash cans. “I shouldn’t take your side since you don’t like me,” you address J.
“I don’t hate you either,” The Clown grins at the occasion to show his nemesis what a charmer he is.
“You don’t?” the sulking Y/N pulls at his gold chains.
“Nah. Let’s put it this way, Pumpkin: you bring out the worst in me. No other woman has ever done that.”
Due to the fact that he can’t listen to the rubbish any longer, Wayne wants to intervene but it’s super awkward the King and Queen are about to kiss next to him.
“We’re not too far!” he interrupts the magic yet he shouldn’t have: a blinking light on the electronic board gets your attention.
“Oh, what does this button do?”
“Don’t touch anything!” Batman warns.
Too late: you already pressed the glowing switch.
A missile whooshes out of the Batmobile heading straight for the skyscraper ahead: in a matter of seconds The Wayne Tower collapses to the ground, rubble and ashes engulfing the whole district.
You clap, super excited at the final result which is in contrast with Bruce’s mood:
“I told you not to touch anything!” he scolds, annoyed the beloved building is history.
“Relax man,” J huffs. “The rich bastard has money to raise 10 more buildings if he makes out of the apocalypse alive! He’s loaded!”
“What does this button do?” you giggle and before Batman can grab your hand it’s a done deal: PING!!!! The chair you occupy with J gets ejected high up in the air while you both shout up a storm, happy this is more thrilling than any carnival fun:
“Weee!!!!!” is discerned as you two fly even higher until no more sounds are perceived by Gotham’s vigilante.
“Joker! Joker! Press the blue button on the right handle!!!” Bruce’s voice is heard in the speaker imbedded to the comfortable seat. J follows instructions for once and the parachute emerges, making the trip over the city a complete treat.
“This is the best date!” you cling to your man so you won’t fall.
“Use the arrows on the handle to direct the chair!” Batman informs and that’s the last piece of advice he’s willing to provide to the obnoxious royal pair.
The cracking sound in the speakers makes it clear he’s done chatting.
“Look, J! The Mariott Hotel!” you gesture at the destination that’s super close now.
“See? Told you the asshole will come in handy! We made it here in record time!” J praises his intuitive flair. “I recommend we use the Honeymoon suit, that’s the best one!”
“Why would we use it?” your temper suggests he dug himself into another hole. “We’re not married!”
“Hm?” The Joker feels the imminent slippery slope galloping his way.
“We’re not married, why would we use the Honeymoon suit?” Y/N repeats to the oblivious Joker.
“Umm… Why can’t we use it?” he asks for more details.
“Because we’re not married.”
“Are you proposing we should get married?” J prays the answer is no.
“I suppose,” you indifferently yawn.
“Probably not the best idea…” he attempts to back out of the deal.
“Listen here, J!” you lose your marbles at his hesitation. “Do you want to have sex in the Honeymoon suite or not?!!!”
“U-hum.”
“Then we’re getting married!!” you kiss him so hard he loses his breath.
One could argue J is indeed lucky since his Queen didn’t kill him for the repeated offenses: he got away the cheap way by agreeing to marry her.
The other guys in Villains League would be jealous to find out J stroke a marvelous bargain courtesy of his irrefutable SOB skills.
**************
After two hours
Frost picked up his employers from The Mariott Hotel and here they are back at the meeting. Furthermore, the henchman brought over the isotope grenade launcher as ordered this way The Joker can display his fantastic weapon.
“Ok folks, this is my prototype,” Mister Freeze is the first to show his best asset and in a nanosecond the SUV parked in front of you is nothing but ice.
Out of habit you kick the ice block with your sharp, high heeled stilettos; it shatters to pieces at everybody’s feet which prompts praise:
“We have something now!” Bane Mister bumps his fists together. ”Freeze will ice the enemies and Y/N will hit them afterwards and break the ice, this way there’s no escape! Joker, you’re next. What ‘cha got?”
“Ffftpppttt,” J blows a ticklish feather off his lips; he also has a few stuck in his hair from your pink dress: things got wild at the hotel thus he didn’t have a chance to completely freshen up. “Do you see The Wayne Bank in the distance?” he lifts the racket launcher on his shoulder. “No you don’t,” he cackles and the beam shooting from the weapon disintegrates the humongous construction instantly.
“Awesome!!!” Scarecrow praises.” Can’t wait to see you take out an alien ship with that badass isotope cannon!”
“I have no more ammo,” J nonchalantly bites his cheek.
“Say what now??!” Dent inquires.
“It’s a prototype, man,” J scoffs. “It only had one charge.”
“And you used it for nothing??!” Bane wants to punch J in the face.
“You people wanted to see what it does so I showed you!!”
“What the hell, Joker??!!” Two Face reprimands. “You could’ve store it for the battle!”
Quirrell starts among the members of The Villains League as Mister Freeze’s attention is drawn towards the radio blasting in his car.
“Everybody shut the hell up!!!” he shrieks as the news forecast victory around the planet: The Justice League defeated the enemy and Earth rejoices at the tremendous victory.
“Are you kidding me??!!” J is increasingly pissed. “Those pricks stole our glory!!!”
“This is bullshit!” Jonathan complaints because he didn’t have the opportunity to display his findings.
“Let’s go, Pumpkin!” The Joker drags you after him, vexed. “I’m gonna explode this town to shreds!”
“Weren’t we just trying to save it?” Y/N points out the obvious.
“Screw it!!!” your fiancée grumbles and ascends into the tank with you following him. The armed vehicle moves forward and passes over Dent’s car, leveling it to the pavement.
“Sorry Mister H!!!” your head pops up above the hatch. “He’s not wearing his contacts!”
“Insolent fucking bastard!” Dent cusses. “Joker did it on purpose!” he pants with outrage at the view of his bellowed BMW smashed for no reason.
“Send him the bill,” Scarecrow comes up with a viable solution. “Need a ride?”
Dent doesn’t reply but indicates he wouldn’t be opposed to one.
The members of The Villains League scatter away from the parking lot that hosted their doomed gathering, making sure to take revenge for the affront suffered today.
They won’t be too far though, you never know when Gotham will need them again.
“Curses That Don’t Exist” happens to be one of Y/N’s favorite books and despite the title indicating the maledictions aren’t real, something weird occurred: the hex she wished upon her former boyfriend came true. The woman might not be a sorceress, yet her broken heart turned The Joker into the unlucky recipient of his own self-made hell.
Which curse you wished to come true you ask? It’s very simple: the jinx enabling the one that broke a heart to be incarnated into unhuman life forms 7 times while awaiting atonement. If the cursed person won’t feel any remorse for what they have done by the time he/she reaches the 7th metamorphosis, they will forever be trapped as that last creature.
For The Joker it happened 3 days ago: he was chased by cops after a bank robbery went wrong downtown Gotham City and found himself surrounded on the bridge passing Yukonison River. Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide so the unique solution was for him to abandon the vehicle and jump into the treacherous waters.
J never emerged from under the waves because the hex kicked in: he found himself trapped in Y/N’s gravitational field and knowing how much guilt he feels for anything, quite doomed to have his fate sealed by the curse.
1. Skunk
Oh my God, did you panic or what?! You were watering the flowers in the backyard when you saw the skunk charging your way; you threw the hose away and rushed inside, slamming the patio door closed. The animal kept screeching at the entrance, relentlessly clawing the wood frame; it made you wonder if it had rabies or something. The Joker was actually shouting your name, not that you understood:
“Y/N!!! Y/N!! It’s me, let me in! Something eerie is going on! Y/N! It’s J!!! Y/N!!!!!!”
Since you lived near the woods outside Gotham City, you fed a few cute skunks often venturing on the property but that particular specimen didn’t seem familiar.
“Y/N!!! Y/N!!! It’s me, please let me in!” J kept begging and stopped for a few moments. “What the hell is that odor??!!” he sniffed the air towards his tail and gasped. “Holy crap, I stink!!!”
The revelation was quite a shock for the usually very groomed and nice smelling Clown Prince of Crime, thus the 3 baby skunks showing up to see if you left food for them didn’t help.
“Dad!! Dad!!!” they clung to him and The Joker got pissed at the little ones.
“Get lost! I’m not your dad!!! Y/N!! Y/N!!!! Disappear you pests!” he tried to bite them when the real parents scouting the yard for their youngsters saw the scene and attacked J because they perceived him as dangerous.
He split immediately, unwilling to fight the couple already scolding their children:
“What are you kids doing?! I told you not to talk to strangers! We only trust the nice lady that leaves food for us!”
“Sorry dad, we were just messing around…” the oldest apologized and their mom shrieked at their father:
“This all your fault, you spoil them too much!”
In the meantime, J sped up towards the fence and the hex decided he was too far from you, thus he was pulled back by Y/N’s malediction.
2. Spider
This one was really short lived.
You were quite startled by the crazy animal’s behavior, yet it was gone. Thank goodness!
You span on your heels with the brilliant idea of chugging some water from the fridge when your heart skipped a beat: the biggest, nastiest spider you ever saw was moving its creepy legs on the wood floor, swiftly intending to get to you.
“Y/N!!!! Y/N!!!!!” The Joker yelled. “I’m freaking out!!! What’s happening? Help me! Help me, Y/N! Wait, wait! It’s me!!!!” your ex panicked when you grabbed the closest object from the coffee table: your “Curses That Don’t Exist” book. “Hey, don’t! DOOON’T!!!!” Bam! you dropped the tome on the unfortunate recipient of your rage.
“Aaaahhh!” you screamed, appalled. “Take this!!!” you stepped on the publication to make sure the monster won’t escape from under it. “Ha-yaaa!!!” you did it again for good measure, then carefully lifted the book and there was nothing to see.
“Shit!” you bit your lip while searching the premises for the culprit. You could have sworn you got him!
You got him alright, but his body disintegrated as a result of the curse and J woke up in the backyard transformed into another avatar.
3. Snail
Took The Joker two hours to move 3 inches; although the grass wasn’t tall that wasn’t the point. He saw you gardening among the flowers and vegetable patches and strained his tiny lungs to the maximum during a hopeless race with the curse.
“Y/NNNN!!! Help me!! Y/N!!! I’m over here!”
You were minding your own business, totally immersed into your task when you noticed the minuscule creature barely advancing on the ground.
“Hey buddy, what are you doing in the sun, hm?” you picked J up and gently placed him under the apple tree. “Stay in the shade.”
The King of Gotham attempted to get your attention to no avail; Y/N was distracted by the deers emerging from the forest bordering your house.
“There you are; I’ve been waiting for you,” you giggled and snatched the basket filled with apples put aside for them. They all approached waiting for their usual treats as The Clown protested his fate.
“Y/N!!!! Please don’t go! Help me!!! Umph!” he yelped when the crow resting on the branches above spotted the delicious snack which shortly ended up in its beak. “Let go you pile of germs!” J admonished as the bird flew with the prey and the jinx didn’t allow any delays: when the bird was too far from you, puff! The snail vanished.
4. Dog
You just finished the apples for your cute visitors and the crow that wanted to eat the snail landed on your shoulder, cawing up a storm about the ordeal of losing its afternoon feast.
“What’s wrong?” you caressed the velvety feathers since the raven did this on a regular basis: you found him in the forest two years ago with a broken wing, thus you took him home and nurture him until he was healthy. You set him free, but the raven kept returning, often bringing shiny gifts stolen for his savior. You have a box filled with treasures: coins, jewelry, buttons, keys… Even bones.
In time, more crows gathered around the property which is nice because they take care of rodents. Plus, one could say you have your own murder of crows. How neat is that?
The crow split once the barking was heard from the other side of the fence. You snickered at the bird’s reaction, loudly inquiring:
“Rex, is that you?”
The German shepherd belonged to your neighbor two miles up from your residence and loved to wonder off to see Y/N a few days a week.
Actually, it wasn’t Rex barking: it was The Joker as a curly poodle imploring for assistance.
“Y/N!!!! Help me please!!! I’m not sure what the heck is happening! Y/NNN!!! Do something!! Stop sniffing my butt, weirdo!” he snapped at Rex who was actually there also, taking interest in the newcomer. “Squirrel!!!” J detected a fur ball in the acorn across the street and couldn’t hold in in: both canines dashed to catch the menace.
Unfortunately, that meant he was too far from you and whoosh! he disappeared, heading towards his next reincarnation.
5. Squirrel
J materialized in your pine nut tree, assiduously shoving seeds in his mouth without realizing.
He watched Rex enjoying the food and water you offered, then he came to his senses.
“What the fuck am I doing??!!” he spat out the seeds then crawled down, making a run for it. “Y/N!!!!Help me!!! Y/N!!!!”
Rex’s ears went straight up and he shrugged at the sight of a nuisance he liked to chase.
You laughed while the dog chasing the fluffy squirrel all over the place; you wouldn’t have probably been amused by The Joker’s screams though.
“Y/N!!! Quit it, you stupid dog!!!First you sniff my butt and now this??? Y/N!!! I have to talk to you!! Y/N!!! Help!!”
The King didn’t have an opportunity to get close to you; the solution was to jump over the shed and scamper into the forest. When he was to far… puff! Gone and back to Y/N.
6. Mosquito
“Poor baby,” you caressed Rex’s big head, giggling. He kept whimpering, upset he lost his toy. “You should leave the squirrels alone, they don’t want to play with you.”
Bzzzzzzz, you perceived the sound, yet you didn’t see J. Bzzzzzzzz….
“Y/N, I’m completely flipping out!!! You gotta help me!! Y/N!!”
Everything you discerned was a bunch of bzzzzzz, bzzzz, bzzzz… the insect landed on your wrist.
“A-ha!” you slowly moved your fingers from Rex’s soft coating. Slap! you caught the offender and when you gazed under your palm… zero, zip, nada. How strange…
No doubt you managed to seize the mosquito: that only meant J’s incarnation was done and he hopped into the next one.
7. Cat
This morning you found a cute gray cat on the patio, meowing at the sliding door until you opened it.
“Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow,” the pet sneaked inside the house, sniffing the air. The Joker was whining about his hardships to a woman that didn’t comprehend nor was aware of whom he was.
“Hey kitty,” you bent over and scratched its side.
“Maaaawwww,” the cat yawned, super exhausted after such eventful adventures.
“Who do you belong to, hm?” you searched for a collar and there was none. “Com’ere, “ you lifted J up in your arms and he touched your mouth with his left front paw.
“Y/N, it’s me!!! It’s J!”
“Aren’t you friendly?” you kissed the pink cushions, smiling. “Let’s see if any of the neighbors lost their cat. You don’t look familiar,”’ you concluded because you’re acquainted with all the pets in the area.
“Maaaw, maw, maw.”
Also a meowadded for the hell of it.
“You’re talkative. What are you saying?” you chuckled and picked up the phone, dialing the numbers of all the people residing around you. Nobody reported any new pet or male cat missing.
The King almost fell asleep in your embrace but something got his attention.
“Oh my God!” he gasped and darted on the kitchen table when he saw a slice of Y/N’s Scrumptious Royal Apple Pie on a plate. How he missed the taste of his favorite desert! His ex-girlfriend was an excellent cook and baker– pretty much everything she prepared became his favorite. She made the recipe before they were together, yet once they were an item she added a crown made of dough for The King of Gotham right in the middle of the pie. That’s how Y/N Scrumptious Apple Pie became Royal too.
There was no trace of a crown now and hasn’t been for the last 7 months, not that it bothered J.
“No kitty, no!” you reprimanded and tried to separate the cat from the food. “I don’t think that’s good for you!”
The deep growl coming from the impromptu visitor warned he won’t put up with it.
“Fine, suit yourself. If you get sick it will be your fault.”
You supervised the beast scarfing down the pastry, then once his belly was full The Joker stretched and was instantly removed from the table.
“This was an exception, mister. You’re not allowed on the kitchen table, ok?”
“Meooow,” J got cozy in your arms again.
“You’re a handsome fellow, aren’t you?” you studied your new protégé. “Such blue eyes! My former boyfriend had blue eyes…” Y/N pouted and grumbled. “And a PHD in bullshit.”
“Maaaww,” the sharp teeth sunk in your skin.
“Ouch! Hey! No! Bad kitty!” you squeezed the furry cat and he released his hold. “Mister, I’m having seconds thoughts about keeping you for the moment!”
“You asked for it, Y/N! I don’t have a PHD in bullshit! I’m purposely being perfect, understand?…Ugh, I didn’t mean to bite you! You have to help me! Please Y/N!” The Joker lamented and you found it adorable the animal reached for your face until the whiskers tickled your cheek.
“Aren’t you vocal?” the smirking woman untangled her white hair from the cats’ claws.
Y/N’s hair turned white in her early twenties and never dyed it; she said some people pay money to have silver locks thus she kept it natural.
“Are you thirsty?” you carried your companion across the living room towards the bathroom where you turned on the water in the sink for him. “I’ll get you a dish, ok? This is just temporary.”
J licked the water in a frenzy as Y/N abandoned him and went on the couch to watch a movie and relax. He found you sipping on your coffee so he curled up in your lap, exhausted.
“Comfortable?” you pated the blue eyed monster purring on your knees. “At least you like my thighs, unlike my ex,” you frowned at the memory. “I caught him staring…I think he hated my thighs. They’re not exactly small…”
“What?” J was suddenly alert. “No, I liked your thighs; that’s why I was glaring!”
“You’ll like sleeping on my tummy too. I definitely don’t have a six pack. I think he detested my tummy,” the increasingly annoyed Y/N raised her voice. “Well, he can enjoy his perfect Bianca! If he didn’t like me the way I am it’s his loss!!”
“What are you taking about?!” the meowing wouldn’t stop. “I liked your tummy! When did I stated otherwise?!”
The truth is he didn’t say a word about it either way which later translated into you believing he detested your body each instance you noticed him averting his eyes when caught staring.
“It’s my cousin’s fault!” you huffed, irritated to the maximum.
Richard aka Panda has been on your shit list since you and J broke up because he always bragged about what an amazing cook you are, thus his boss had to find out for himself. That’s how it all started then it ended up in flames. Definitely no glory.
Y/N seized the cell phone next to her, snarling in the mike:
“You need to go outside?” you asked at the excruciating noises.
The Joker fought your decision; nevertheless, he was left on the porch without too many options besides mooching nearby waiting for you to let him back in.
Meanwhile, a flock of sparrows landed on the trees close to your house, chirping questions for the deers walking on the path leading to the apple shrub:
“Hey, hey! Can you tell us if this is the place where the witch lives?”
“U-hum,” the majestic buck with huge antlers replied at more wildlings being drawned to her.
“We made it, she’s here!” the flock joyfully chirped and one of the small fawns was curious about the conversation:
“Dad, is the lady that gives us apples a witch?!”
The buck bowed his head in sign of respect, explaining to the little ones: “Of course she is. She just doesn’t know it yet.”
