#literary starbucks
Artemis and her huntresses burst into Starbucks, bows drawn. The goddess quickly surveys the coffee shop with narrowed eyes. “Have you seen a stag?” she demands of the patrons. They shake their heads, terrified. Artemis frowns. “I could have sworn it came this way.”
“My lady?” pipes up one huntress. “May we get coffee?”
“No, young one,” replies Artemis. “Remember, you swore off coffee forever when you joined my ranks. Caffeine throws off the hunt.”
My dearest Wormwood,
I note with grave displeasure that your patient has been drinking Strawberries and Crème Frappuccinos recently. May I suggest offering him some black coffee?
Your affectionate uncle,
Screwtape
I got some really quality Xmas gifts this year but nothing, nothing beats this book
Did you give or get Literary Starbucks for the holidays? We want to see!
Thanks for sharing, @whatafirefeelslike!
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Cecilia Ahern goes up to the counter and orders a tall black coffee.
A few minutes later, a barista arrives at her table with ten pieces of chocolate-covered biscotti.
Grinning from ear to ear, with crumbs falling from her mouth, she walks to Grafton Street and buys €7,000 worth of cashmere sweaters from Brown Thomas.
Robert Heinlein goes up to the counter and looks the barista up and down.
“How much do you weigh?” he asks.
“That’s very rude,” the barista replies.
Heinlein smiles and responds, “May I suggest investing in a sizable life insurance policy any time between now and February 3rd, 2019?”
The barista stares at him blankly.
“Oh, and could I get three cranberry scones, please?”
Long John Silver swashbuckles up to the counter and orders a piece of hard tack and some fish sticks.
The baristas don’t know how to explain to the pirate that this is perhaps not the fast-food franchise for him, so they just hand him all the cash from the register to avoid further swashbuckling.
He swashbuckles out the door and sails away under cover of darkness.
Louisa May Alcott goes up to the counter and orders a cup of jo.
Happiest of birthdays to the best resident of Concord.
Joseph O’Connor goes up to the counter and orders two bottom-shelf whiskeys. He pours one over his shoulder (“For the dead,” he says). He downs the next one in one gulp and sulks off into the cold, dark night, leaving a tattered notebook behind on the counter. “Did he tea stain this whole thing?” asks one barista. “It’s 2016,” says another. “There was no reason for him to burn the edges of the pages, either.”
Christian Barter goes up to the counter on a path he’s built himself, out of stones carried on the backs of his compatriots, on a mountain whose name is new but whose peak looms large, overlooking the wild Atlantic ocean, with only Hannaford and the sea lions far below him. He orders a black coffee, pours it into his thermos, and gets back to work.
Nathaniel Philbrick goes up to the counter and orders a trenta white chocolate mocha. “You know,” he says, “way more people should be ordering these.”
You, Literary Starbucks fans, love books. So help foster a love of reading in kids in Jackson, Mississippi, who are participating in this year’s Literacy Achievement Bonanza (LAB)!
The LAB is a day camp full of literacy-based activities designed to foster a positive relationship with reading while improving literacy skills (reading, writing, listening, and speaking) in age-, skill-, and developmentally-appropriate methods aligned with the College and Career Readiness Standards.
Support the Literacy Achievement Bonanza, or LAB, by shopping at Barnes & Noble with the code 12326815 February 9-14 in store or online at BN.com/bookfairs.
Don’t know which book to buy? Allow us to recommend Literary Starbucks. We’ve heard it’s quite good.
That’s right - it’s Literary Starbucks in GERMAN! We’re so thrilled to announce that the German edition of our book is now available for pre-order. It comes out on July 17th!
If you speak German, know someone who speaks German, have considered a trip to Germany, or just want to see the awesome new cover art, grab a copy!
Lord Peter Wimsey struts up to the counter. When he finds that there is no English Breakfast tea available, he storms out and speeds away in his Daimler.
Mr. Bunter glares sternly at the baristas and exits the shop, jogging behind Lord Wimsey’s car at a respectable distance.
Captain America goes up to the counter and punches a Nazi in the face.
Then he orders an americano.
Out of the shadows a hooded figure goes up to the counter like some stalking beast. It orders a unicorn frappuccino. After collecting its order, it drinks deeply. Only one who has nothing to lose, and everything to gain, would drink such a drink. The frappe of a unicorn will keep you alive, even if you are an inch from death, but at a terrible price. You have drunk something pure and caffeinated to save yourself, and you will have but a half-life, a cursed life, from the moment the frappe touches your lips.
Harold Pinter exits the shop and throws his empty cup in the trash bin outside. Seven years earlier, he goes up to the counter and orders two black coffees.
Ophelia goes up to the counter but before she can say anything the barista says, “Oh, we already have your order, miss, your father sent ahead.” Ophelia starts to say something but the barista continues, “and if you don’t like that, well, your brother also sent ahead an order for you. And Prince Hamlet as well. And also–”
Ophelia leaves the Starbucks drinkless.
Frank McGuinness flies to Texas, goes into a Starbucks, and orders a pumpkin spice latte. It’s orange, and he thinks it’ll send a message. To drive the point home, he drinks it in the middle of the street, in the rain, holding onto a guitar with two strings missing. Will he ever make it back to Enniskillen?
Patrick Bateman goes up to the counter and orders a venti caffé latte. When he reaches for his credit card to pay for the drink, the barista notices a drop of red liquid on his impeccably cuffed sleeve.
“It’s probably nothing,” she thinks.
She is dead wrong.
Anne Brontë ALSO ordered a drink, you guys.
