#lovergirlpoems
Is this a love letter or a eulogy?
Why don’t I feel it anymore when other people’s eyes are upon me?
I used to experience desire so vividly
And now it’s
I’m too tired
I’m not in the mood
I guess I’m not feeling so good
And that’s on the good days
Because on the bad nights its
You’re too fat
No one wants to see that
I wouldn’t fuck you
Even if I had the chance
And I say these things to myself in an effort
To justify and understand his want
or lack thereof
How he can just fall asleep next to me
Whisper “goodnight baby”
and his dick isn’t pulsing or any wiser
Of the rhythm between my own thighs
He just lays there and doesn’t realize
And even if he did
He’d probably just shut his eyes.
Like most winter days
With frozen toes
And purple eyes
I spend my time
Drinking tea and shuddering
At the brown, barren world
Wondering if I am perhaps cursed
With too much empathy
That I lay
Like a crunchy leaf
Under the gathering clouds of my own reality
Also waiting for permission
To become part of the dirt
Until I find the strength to be Green once again
05/26/20
“I isolate from others during a hard moment. I don’t know how to express need or ask for help when I’m exhausted or depleted. I’m incapable of sharing the weight of pain or grief. When you’re told your entire life you must be stronger because you’re different-all you truly learn is how to be alone.”
