My head is so stuffy I have a pressure headache on top of a hormonal headache that I have because my period showed up nearly two full weeks early and has been going on for a full five days with no sign of slowing. I’m going to fucking hurl myself into the sun.
PMS is dumb stuff my friends. As usual my emotions have been on the level ‘extra’: extra anxious, extra sad, extra tired, extra pissed etc. Beau knows this and has been humming his sympathy for me during this last week.
Yesterday we were goofing around a bit and he playfully tickled me down there - stopped - and asked if I had started that day. I very confidently said no, not yet, sneezed and lo and behold felt things starting to drip down. Didn’t know if I should have been crying or laughing, but that’s life.
This day has been basically doing work stuff on computer while sitting on a towel without pants. But hey, at least my mood is already better. Take that PMS!
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Preparation:
-Always keep 2-4 pads/tampons (or a cup) in your backpack, whether you’re on your period or not.
-Keep a sweatshirt or hoodie in your locker incase of a leak.
-Wear dark pants. Leggings and yoga pants. No faded jeans, no gray sweats.
-Carry tissues for wiping up stains.
-Consider keeping a pair of underwear and a pair of leggings (or other thin pants) in a medium-to-large Zip-Lock baggie in your backpack along with the pads/tampons/etc. In case of a leak, you can change. The baggie is for your stained clothing.
Transportation:
-Tuck your pads/tampons under the band of your panties, on the side/at the hip. Pull your pants over them, and you’re good to go.
-If you use tampons, take a look at U by Kotex CLICKs. They’re about an inch shorter than regular applicator tampons, and therefore easier to store. ( <a href=“http://www.kotex.com/na/products/u-by-kotex-click-tampons-regular/15949”>http://www.kotex.com/na/products/u-by-kotex-click-tampons-regular/15949</a> )
-If you use cups, look into the Lily Cup Compact, which pops down to fit inside a small, plastic case, perfect for on-the-go. ( http://www.intimina.com/en/lily_cups)
-If you wear uggs, supplies can fit nicely inside them.
Nights:
-Lay down a towel to protect your sheets from leaks.
-If you sleep on your back, the pad has to be farther back, too.
-NEVER SLEEP IN A TAMPON.
-Wear “long” pads to cover the entirety of your underwear.
Showering:
-Have a pad already in your underwear so you can put it on right away.
-Insertable products can be worn in the shower.
-Rinse your privates with lukewarm water, and NO SOAPS, DOUCHES, OR WASHES.
-Use a dark towel.
-Shower more often than usual.
-If you do leak blood on the floor, it can be wipes up with a Clorox or Baby wipe. No big deal.
Stains:
-Cold water gets stains out, hot water sets them. If you use warm water on your stains, they’re more stubborn than before.
-Ice can help too. Its literally a stick of really cold water.
-They happen to everyone, not just you, so if someone laughs at you, death glare them or wipe blood over their forehead and shout “SIMBA!” (Just kidding, DO NOT DO THE SIMBA THING)
-As mentioned above - sweatshirts and long shirts can cover stains, stray away from light clothing, and carry spare clothes with you. Also consider carryinf tissues in your pocket. if its on your chair, you might be able to quickly wipe it up.
Men, Guys, and Boys:
-Wear briefs, put the pad in the briefs, and put boxers over the briefs. No one will see your pad, plus it gives you more layers (which means more layers a leak has to go through before it’s visable).
-If you’re comfortable with insertable products, a menstrual cup can often be worn for 12 hours before it needs a change. This means less public-bathroom changing.
-Clue is a period-tracking app that is red and white. That’s right. No pink. Ever.
-If you’re worried about buying supplies at the store, fake a phone call:
“No, no, I’m there…I don’t see that…wait, nevermind. Okay. Yeah, I’ll be home in ten minutes. Do you need anything else? Alright. Bye.”
-You are no less of a man because of this. Cis guys go running at the mere mention of a period, or a pad, or a tampon. You live it. If anything, you’re more manly than them. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise (if they do, punch them in the face and offer them a tampon for their nosebleed).
Nothing sparked this, but as I am continually researching more into midwifery and women’s health, this is something I wanted to put out there for those debating the “right time” to have a kid. Any legal age from 18 to menopause is perfectly doable for women, but there are some misconceptions that people spread about teen and young adult fertility/pregnancy that I want to correct:
Before the age of 25, the major bones of the two hipbones (illium) of a woman’s pelvis is bonded together by cartilage. They do not fuse into bone until the midtwenties. In pregnancy for those under that age, mothers will need proper chiropractic care or other support, or face a lot of pain otherwise. This can be an obstacle if the mother has no health insurance, needs to work a lot on her feet, etc. We can help by advocating for better work environments, but sometimes this can not be avoided.
The woman’s menstrual cycle (and thus her fertility health) does not fully mature until 12 years after her first period. 5-7 years are for regulating estrogen (to ovulate regularly), and the last few years allow for progesterone production to optimize (the hormone produced after ovulation, that causes many health problems if not at proper levels). So if a girl has her period at, say, 8 years old, she will not have a mature hormonal cycle until she is 20 years old. Even then, starting your period that young is considered abnormal (12-14 is the normal average), and premature menstruation is a societal health concern that can increase a girl’s risk of breast cancer and other problems.
A woman’s fertility truly “peaks” around her late twenties. Even then, her fertility declines afterwards but very slowly so. It does not up and vanish after some arbitrary due date. Assuming a woman has no underlying conditions such as PCOS or endo (or is receiving helpful treatment for it if she does), and also assuming that she is living a healthy lifestyle and diet, she can still become pregnant even into her early forties. Each woman’s fertility and health is a unique case, and should be treated as such by her family and care provider when discussing family planning.
Much of the “infertility” crisis that “older” women are facing can be prevented and addressed through sufficient fertility awareness education, as well as targeting reproductive health issues when the woman is still a teen or young woman. If a woman in her thirties has endometriosis that her doctors never diagnosed until she began to try for a baby, it was her untreated endo that caused infertility, not her “selfish” motive to have a career first and delay childbearing. Women need better healthcare, not undue pressure to have kids when they are not ready. Obviously infertility is real and some women will need higher tech involvement to combat it, but I am merely saying that much of that use can be avoided (and save people MUCH money and emotional turmoil) with proper sex education and support.
Teen mothers are more likely to experience complications. Part of this is due to mistreatment and bias in the medical system, so addressing and remedying that through proper social awareness and support, such as hiring a doula, can help lower those complications; but it doesn’t help when you have a shitty OBGYN when your body is clearly struggling, and they refuse to give you an epidural, or to take your postpartum depression seriously. Teen mothers deserve our full support to keep themselves and their babies healthy, but we also have a duty to not mislead girls about their health and spread falsehoods about teen pregnancy.
It’s true that “no one is ever ready for parenthood”, but that doesn’t mean you jump into it without proper discernment and preparation. There are parenting classes, support groups, and even books that can help a person decide when and how to have kids, rather than force them to jump into it blindly and irresponsibly. Childrearing – from conception through pregnancy to birth throughout childhood – is a full time job, and one that needs to be respected as such. Women and men alike have a right to discern whether they should have children, and to be open to research and common sense knowledge about when the time is “right” for them. Pushing people to have kids when they are not fully mature or educated is unhelpful, and in some cases, can even be dangerous.
If someone is 18-24 years of age, they have every right to plan a family as a legal adult, I am not saying that no one in that age group should avoid having kids. But these people should do so with the full knowledge of the risks and drawbacks of doing so, and be prepared to handle them if they come up as a problem. I happily had my first pregnancy at 19 and do not regret it, but I do regret not knowing the things I know now. Had I known, my pregnancy and health experience would have been MUCH better, and prevented unneeded medical trauma that had occurred. The issues I faced were “normal” for a very young parent, but could have been lessened greatly has I simply been informed about it and knew about my options. This is something that the “teens are at their most fertile ever!!!” crowds do not ever talk about.
With all that said, people need to stop glamorizing teen fertility and pregnancy (the pre-18 kind). Not only is it setting these girls up to be vulnerable to toxic creeps/relationships, but giving false information about their health can prevent them from fully advocating for their options when pregnancy does occur (planned or unplanned). Teens CAN have a safe pregnancy, but only when they and their support team are fully informed of the facts; even then, the pregnancy should not occur in the first place, and I only share this tidbit here to make sure that I don’t demonize teen pregnancy when trying to prevent it’s romanticization.
Pregnancy and fertility should be respected as biological norms, as well as noble responsibilities, for women and girls, men and boys, instead of something that is hated and feared – and we can only do that once we share factual truth, instead of pedo-induced, psuedoscientific fantasy. Knowledge is Power, and it can help women safely plan their families at any age, or to take care of themselves properly should it happen too soon.
References for further reading:
Spiritual Midwifery by Ina May Gaskin
Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler
babycenter.org
factsaboutfertility.org
naturalwomanhood.org
americanpregnancy.org
larabriden.com
midwiferytoday.com
Don’t let yourself be scaremongered into having children before you’re fully ready, physically and emotionally. If you want to give birth before you’re 25, that’s your choice as an adult, but be informed and prepared that you’re more likely to have risks and complications that young.
Waiting until at least your mid to late 20′s when your hips are fully formed is the safest and healthiest option for both the mother and baby.
I’ve commented before, but I will again. Female fertility declines slowly after the peak. When they say “birth defects go up by 80%” or somesuch alarming sounding thing, remember it’s 80% of an already low chance. So instead of, say, 1%, it goes up to 1.8%. Take your time. Wait till you’re ready.
How Do I Talk About Periods with My Non-Binary Kid?
“How do I talk to my non-binary kid about their period in a way that doesn’t invalidate their identity? They don’t like to talk about it and I feel so weird and unsure all the time!”
Question Submitted Anonymously Answered by Alaina Monts
Alaina Says:
Periods are…weird. Even if you learn about them from the most liberal sources, they’re often associated with womanhood and femininity in ways that, even for me, as a non-binary person who has an amicable relationship with menstruation, can feel uncomfortable. It’s understandable that your kid doesn’t want to talk about it when almost every source that mentions periods can invalidate their identity. But periods are just a thing that happens to some folks’ bodies, and being able to talk about them with your child is an important aspect of keeping up with their health, so let’s figure out some ways to make it easier. Here are five things to keep in mind:
1. Change your language and mindset about periods.
When I got my period for the first time, it was hailed as the first step toward becoming an adult, specifically womanhood and motherhood. But a period is not the first step to becoming a woman, it’s just a regular shedding of the uterine lining. That’s it. Changing the way you talk about periods with your kid can make a really huge difference. It’s easy to make statements like “Well, at least you’re not pregnant!” or, if you’re a woman, try to find camaraderie with them by mentioning that this is something all “of us” go through, but try not to. Make a period’s attachment to gender as neutral as possible. Even saying “menstrual products” instead of “feminine products” is a small change in language, but can make period talk feel much more affirming. If you change how you think and talk about periods, your child might be more willing to talk about them.
2. Find out how your child wants to talk about their period.
Once you’ve changed your own language, a good next step is to find out how they want to talk about it. Personally, I like to say that I’m bleeding instead of having my period. Maybe they like to talk about it as their “time of the month,” or maybe saying “period” is fine for them. The important thing is that you ask them. Make it clear that you want to talk about their period on their terms, and then listen and use the language they ask you to use.
3. Help experiment with finding products (or not!)
Maybe your parent gave you pads because that’s what their parents gave them and that’s what you plan to give to your kid, but maybe you don’t! Be willing to experiment with them and ask them what kinds of products they want. Some people don’t like how aware pads make them of the periods. Some people don’t like tampons because they don’t want to have to be that intimate with their vagina. I personally use a menstrual cup because it made me feel dysphoric to have to go searching through the period aisle every time it happened. And sometimes I free bleed, especially at night. Offer to get your child whatever products make them feel good about themself and even things like extra dark sheets or a multipack of black sweats and underwear. Be willing to do something new every month because our relationships with our bodies can change. What might feel good one month might not feel good another one.
4. If there’s something you’re worried about, think about using a tracking app.
I love menstrual tracking apps. Just because I’ve gotten to a place where I don’t think negatively about menstruating doesn’t mean that I always want to talk about it, or that I want to be surprised by it. But I still need to keep track of when it happens so that I can be informed when I talk to my doctor. Apps that track menstruation are a lifesaver for me—they remind me a few days before, so I can have time to get ready for them. I personally use Clue because it’s gender neutral, and I can share data, which could be really useful for a parent/child relationship. Check around for an app that you and your child likes—a lot of them can be really gendered, so look around for something that’s as gender neutral as possible. This way, you can keep up on anything you’re worried about, and your child doesn’t have to sit down and have a conversation that might make them uncomfortable.
5. If your child wishes they didn’t have a period, talk to their pediatrician about options.
If menstruating really bothers your child, talk to their pediatrician about ways to stop it. Birth control is not only for people having sex and can be a way to stop periods completely. Talk about what’s safe, and then talk to your child. If this is what they want, find a way to make it happen. Medical intervention to stop periods is totally fine and normal, and there are lots of reasons people don’t want to have them, including gender dysphoria! Talk about how birth control or another option like it is an option for your child. Let them know that if they don’t want to have a period, they don’t have to, but that you want to do it safely and in conjunction with a doctor.
The most important thing when talking about periods with your child is to mention that they’re normal and that they do not mean that your child is a girl or woman. Don’t push, be gentle, and be flexible. Offer them lots of resources and listen to what they have to say. They’ll open up when they’re ready.
Like emotional well-being, mental well-being, and physical well-being, we all deserve menstrual well-being. That means we are educated about our menstrual cycles from the earliest possible age, and we are never told that period pain is normal and that it should simply be endured.
This is why my new children’s book, What is a Period, is so meaningful to me. (Available on Amazon worldwide.) Thank you for your support, and for educating the next generation of women.
The very first poem I wrote for the book. From my book, She Dreams When She Bleeds: Poems About Periods now available on Amazon. Link in my bio.
Words and art by Nikki Tajiri @nikkitajiri on Tumblr and Instagram.
My book sales have picked up recently! Thank you all for your support, I feel so grateful and honored when someone chooses to spend their hard-earned money on my book. Hope you are all safe and hopeful. - N
Access to menstrual supplies is a basic human right. Last week, New York City Council dramatically improved menstrual supply access by approving a policy that provides free tampons and pads in every public school, jail, and shelter in the city.
City Councilor Ferreras-Copeland said in a statement that the bill enhances self-esteem to combat that stigma:
“Providing menstrual hygiene products privately, immediately, and for free is also about sending a body-positive message by not perpetuating shame and humiliation, and acknowledging that women’s bodies, even those of women serving time in prison, deserve some dignity during their periods.”
Les inscriptions pour mes ateliers d'avril sur le #squirt (ou éjaculation féminine) et de mai sur les #menstruation et les #contraception sont ouvertes!! Check ma page facebook pour plus d'info ou alors écris moi un mail : https://www.facebook.com/petitbordellemisungui/
