Wearing (top) @chubbycartwheels, Proud Mary Fashion vintage custom purse, Torrid formal pants with sided slits for The Plus Bus 1 year anniversary party in LA.
I walked in the Unmentionables lingerie show here in Portland, Oregon for the third year in a row. I had such a great time walking the runway in @chubbycartwheels (on left) and Copper Union (on right).
Chubby Cartwheels had the idea for us utilize our time on stage to make statements on what we are fighting for, and protecting: The most disenfranchised and our basic human rights. ✊✊✊
Kinda tired of seeing nothing but light skinned and stick thin, conventionally attractive Hijabis everywhere in Muslim modest clothing companies, fashion shows and popular beauty/fashion bloggers and youtubers. I can clearly see how much we prefer to comment and like and subscribe these women over our darker skinned, fat Hijabis with different features, and we all know why. We say we want to show the world that beauty comes in all forms, including modesty, but we’re literal hypocrites if we believe we’re making a revolutionary change from Western beauty standards and creating our own space of positivity. When it still excludes the same people who couldn’t find there place before, what change have we actually made in the world of fashion and beauty?
From my father making fun of me for being “chubby” when I was small to hating the way my thighs rubbed together when I walked, I hated entering public spaces. I used to do this thing where I’d tip-toe up the stairs, open the door really, really slowly then creep into the scene so that no one would see me.
My anxiety stemmed from not wanting to be noticed. Why? In my head, there was nothing to see. I wasn’t special. I wasn’t cute or smart. I couldn’t fit into those tiny frayed denim shorts from Abercrombie like all the other girls. I was just a blob in men’s clothing because Mom ain’t have the money or resources to find clothes for her obese daughter.
I was always obsessed with models on the catwalk and watched America’s Next Top Model religiously. I’d put on an old pair of heels and in my pajamas, I’d put my hands on my fat waist and strut. Click. Click. Click. The thick heels sounded on Mom’s wooden floor. I’d be on my own personal runway. Some sort of star. I’d go in the bathroom, shut the door, and look in the mirror. I’d work my angles just like Tyra suggested to the size 4 models. I’d smile and tilt my head and try to elongate my fat neck. Not knowing that one day this fat neck and thighs that still rub together would be sort of a big deal.
I look at fear differently. It was all in my head. I was so afraid of what other people thought of my round body that I made myself sick. Now, there’s no fear when I step into a room. I burst in that bitch. I smile, arch my back, and strut, a party, Wal-Mart. My runway ain’t in Mom’s house anymore in a little girls head. My runway IS the entire world.
[Photo ID: A full digital art of a fat mermaid, she has a zig zag type tail, long trailing appendages from parts of her body, the stripes on her body are pink, purple and turquoise, her non striped body is blue and mint with beauty marks/moles. She has long strands of pink pearls and coral beads wrapped around her tail and around her neck, she is playing with some of the necklace. The background is darker shades of blues and some purples. Second image is the same mermaid on a dark grey background and lacks any shading or lighting from the first image. End ID]
(Click for better quality I think.) Finally got around to drawing this old sketch of my mermaidsona, Based on a seaweed sea horse. I had no idea what to do for the palette but I had a old saved palette that I have been wanting to use for years so it’s perfect. This has been waiting to be done for years, love to see my need to save my old art pay off.
Coloring is my weakness and add underwater? Nah, it’s a mess but I think I was able to do something okay. I love that at the last minute I added some beauty marks/moles like I have, its a fun little addition.
