#mumblogger

Making play dough ‘cookies’

Baby Shark

lonely

I know it’s been a while.

Have you ever felt alone but yet around people? I think being a mother has really opened my eyes to how lonely you can feel in a room full of people. From the moment my son was born, the world as i knew it changed. I am a working mom of 2, I am involved heavily with my son’s school ( I am the PTO president- don’t hold it against me), i am the one that tucks them in at night, the one that does their laundry, folds it, cleans their room, cooks all meals, drives to and from sports. I have a husband, he’s a great dad- a wonderful dad. The one that motivates you to be the best and makes you feel so safe and protected. But when I am home I am the only parent that kids go to for EVERYTHING. After working all day at a job I’m not happy with and then having to do all house chores, cooking, bath time, bed time I am so exhausted. I am lonely but yet I never have time to myself, my 4 year old daughter is in the bathroom with me when I pee. I love my kids with everything that I am and I have loved my husband since I was 15. My family is the one thing I know I did right in this world. I just want to know if other mothers feel the same out there. I carry an insane amount of guilt with me that I feel this way. I think us moms should have a timeout time a few times a year. Where we can do what we want for a few hours. Even if it’s just sit in a parking lot and cry- only moms would understand. Sometimes motherhood throws us a curveball, kid spills milk on the new rug, kid walks into a wall has a huge lump, you forgot it was pajama day at school, you can’t find the 2nd shoe, you made a bowl of the wrong cereal. I know we’ve all been there. My goal in life is for my kids to grow up to be successful, kind, compassionate people. I wish that when they look back on their childhood they’ll say “mom did good” they will remember the Halloween costumes that I made from scratch, the crazy birthday parties that I poured my heart and soul to, the hugs and never ending kisses. I know this lonely feeling will pass at least I hope it does. Mental health is funny like that, no matter what you have going on in your head or what you are going though, life is still happening around you. Kids are getting bigger, memories are being made. Life goes on and I want nothing more than to be able to enjoy it and actually live.