#my pussy

Do you want to draw your naked body ?

Denial has been the focus of our sexual adventures lately.

*Gasp* noooo, really???

I know, I know. Who’d have guessed… :P

Before denial, we sort of went days or weeks between sex, then would have a lot of it until we got busy or tired and it simmered. Everything was focused on the orgasms, and because of this, there was less play for play’s sake. I think we both thought, what’s the point of playing if it doesn’t end in orgasm? And that’s a lot of work, and I’m tired right now, so I’m just going to watch tv and cuddle. Well, it’s a lot of work for him to get me to orgasm. Now that I’m not having orgasms, there are plenty of speedy quickies where he gets to cum. And there is plenty of play where he gets to work me up and doesn’t have to worry about when to stop, he stops when he wants.

Denial happens 24/7, so it’s always on our minds. I’m denied when I wake up, I’m denied while he’s at work, I’m denied when we have dinner, and I’m denied when we go to bed. And during that whole time, sex is on my mind. And because of that, we have set up systems to keep me aroused and edged, in which he is actively involved. So sex is also on his mind more often, and it’s at the forefront of our conversations most days. It’s exciting, and arousing, and we both enjoy it thoroughly. It’s helped us keep our sex life consistent. There are still lulls, but even during those times, we are talking about edging me, denying me, and having fun.

Because we have added this entirely new thing into our lives, and are talking about and having sex more, it’s of course led to more issues that we have to address. So we’ve had a lot of meta talks recently. Mostly talks about communication, about clarity of roles, and about rules. We are in new territory for so many things, it makes sense that we hit a few bumps and need to iron them out.

Having these meta talks and centering our sex life around denial has changed the way he acts with me. It’s almost the key that I’ve been searching for for years. The key to unlocking his Dominant side in a way that satisfies my submission. Maybe it’s just that we are older and he has needed all this time to grow into it, but I truly think that his change in behavior is because of these things:

• Adding a new kink into our relationship has forced us to examine our roles within this new framework.
  
• It has forced us to have hard conversations and talk about concerns that affect our relationship; to find solutions, agreements, compromises.
  
• Denial ensures that I need to ask for permission for things, every single day, to which he must make a decision and respond accordingly.
  
• It has put us both in situations where punishments must be handed out, in a timely manner.
  
• It has allowed him to create situations, make decisions, and guide me in many new ways.
  

I’ve written about roles before; about how we have been together for so long that we have sort of just continued these roles that we built for ourselves when we were seventeen. We are in our thirties now, and we both know we are different people than before, and we have grown and changed, but somehow we still hold onto these old roles. I truly believe that by adding something completely new into our relationship, (denial), and because it’s a huge change to our sex lives, that we are creating new roles here.

So now to the point of this whole post, because I’m giddy as fuck about this.

Last night he said something new. We were laying in bed, just before he was about to turn off the lights. I had told him earlier in the day that my nipples were unbearably sensitive, that my shirt was too much even. So of course he wanted to touch them, and of course I let him even though I didn’t want to. I could barely remain still.

Then he reached down, under my waistband, and began touching my clit. It wasn’t for my pleasure, it was just because he likes to touch it sometimes. A few rubs and he was satisfied, and pulled his hands out of my pants. He rested his hand on me over my pants and said, “my pussy” and then “my nipples”. It made me pause, and gave me this weird feeling in my stomach. I felt blushy. He has neversaid that before, possessive like that. When I finally got my head back on my shoulders, I jokingly asked if it was “my cock”. He replied, “sometimes, when I let you have it.”

*record scratch*

This might not be a big deal to some of you, and probably not even a big deal to him either. But to me, this is like seeing the promised land. I was like Laura Linney in Love Actually when she calmly says will you excuse me for one second to Karl and then goes and freaks out on the stairs.

“My pussy”… “When I LET YOU have it…” This sense of ownership over my body is something I’ve dreamed of him feeling for a long time. That would have been enough. But to follow it up with what is essentially a declaration of my chosen lack of power in this exchange, how even access to his body is his decision, and access to my body is alsohis decision…. gahhh guys! I’m going to turn into a melty puddle of goo. I feel like I need to hold my breath and not even type up this post because it might make the whole thing blow away. Like somehow I could lose this step forward…

Anyway, if this isn’t a perfect example on why it’s a good thing to try new things in your sex life, then I don’t know what is. Now, please excuse me while I go scream into a pillow.

Really need some to play with my pussy right now I am so fucking horny I’m masturbating furiously my pussy is so wet