“Nope. No horror. No romance. Not another series,” you sigh deeply while switching through the channels. “Alright, let’s have a look at Netflix then.”
You log into your account, searching for something to watch to take off your mind of the last hunt. “Uh-what’s that? Nailed it. Looks chaotic and crazy. Just my kind of entertainment.”
(Bruce Wayne voice) I’m Bruce Wayne, from Gotham City, I’m participating in Nailed It! because for years I’ve tried to learn how to bake to impress my father [cuts to old pic of baby Bruce trying to whisk in a bowl, wearing a crooked chef hat, Alfred trying to help him with a really loving look on his face], and- (someone in the background yells LIAR!!) (Bruce covers his face, the background music stops) fine I lost a bet to one of my kids and they thought it would be hilarious for me to participate because I’m terrible in the kitchen [cuts to picture of grown Bruce with a pan on fire, looking absolutely frantic, sad trombone sound] [the people behind the camera laugh]
First challenge is recreating justice league cake pops, the camera zooms into Bruce who has the biggest forced smile ever on his face as he holds a cute green lantern pop.
Bruce: nailed it!
Nicole: (cackling as the camera zooms into the ugliest cake pop her eyes have ever laid on) WHAT IS THAT!
Bruce, as the camera pans into the details of the mess of a pop: personally I think it’s an accurate depiction of green lantern
The cake challenge is making a giant cake with ALL the known batvigilantes in Gotham.
As bruce whisks in a bowl midway the process, if you edit the clip to make it loud enough you could hear him muttering under his breath why the fuck did I adopt so many kids
Nicole: and I genuinely don’t know what mr wayne is doing over there (cackle) (camera cuts to Bruce frantically counting the figures before adding them to the final cake as he knows if he forgets any of them they would never let him live it down)
Nicole: oh I love the purple you chose for spoiler’s Cape! / Bruce: it’s actually eggplant but thank you nic!
Jacques: as….. lo…vely as this cake looks.. I can’t help but notice.. you forgot to add batman to it
Bruce:(huge bleep)
Bruce: [makes a paper towel cowl and puts it over his face] Bruce: [stands behind his cake and sort of looms there] Bruce, as foppishly as possible: I’ll be being Batman. [doing the growly voice really badly] I’m Batman. Voices behind the camera: [all laugh]
Paper Towel Batman goes viral in gif form.
(Also Bruce, cutting out Nightwing’s emblem in fondant: I want the vigilantes of Gotham to know that I am making these in a manner designed to be efficient, and not in order of how much I love them. Host: That’s…nice?)
Host: Mr. Wayne, why are you putting the Red Hood on the cake? He’s not a bat.
Bruce, deadly serious: he’s part of Batman’s family and that family loves him no matter what.
The same voice from earlier: FUCK YOU OLD MAN (starts crying)
OMG I died laughing at this, this is BRILLIANT! I adore Nailed It! with all of my heart, and my family and I watch it regularly (hint: we all die laughing). I can hear Nicole and Jacques, especially Nicole’s cackling laughter, and I love it so much.
I want to know what his Panic button’s sound effect would be, but I’m seriously hoping it would be the actual “I’m Batman” because it would be hilarious. And whoever got the extra help button (still bruce) would need it to be a very funny, and very applicable, it better be justice league themed or something. Or maybe. Maybe it’s the kids come in and cause Mischief™ for the other bakers, and they’re all dressed as the various Bat-sidekicks, BUT the twist is that they’re all the wrong ones! Like, Dick gets to be Spoiler, Cass gets to be Red Robin, Tim can be Signal, Jason’s Nightwing, Damian gets to be Batgirl, etc. It would be AWESOME! Or it could be like the episode where they could make a “call” for help and bruce calls alfred because he has no clue what he’s doing. Your choice.
Also, Wes. You CANNOT forget Wes. I feel like he’d be dressed up as superman or something and Nicole would just start cackling again and bruce would just be like “this day. was. a. mistake. Clark, Diana and the kids are NEVER gonna let me forget this day.” Basically: Poor Wes.
After this is all over, I need him to go to work and Green Lantern’s just like “Dude. I DON’T LOOK LIKE THAT I AM OFFENDED” and that’s how bruce finds out that Dick told Wally about the bet, and wally told Barry and barry told the others and so the whole JL sat in the lounge and watched bruce make a fool of himself, even if they didn’t know WHY they were watching it (Diana called it a “Morale Booster”) other than the fact that it’s the JL episode, so they can’t just NOT watch it.
Final addition: One of the JL members is the guest judge. Bonus points if it’s Billy, because he’d have SO much fun with that. He and Nicole would have the greatest conversations/expressions when eating or seeing something, and enjoy annoying people together. I don’t know if his presence would help or worsen Bruce’s stress levels, but Billy would absolutely take every opportunity to poke fun at bruce. when he sees bruce left batman off the cake, he’s too busy wheezing to say anything (which bruce appreciates)
I’ve discovered ‘Nailed It’, a new Netflix baking show hosted by Nicole Byers, in which less-than-skilled home bakers compete in recreating fancy cakes in a bid to win $10,000. It’s like reverse Bake Off and it’s hilarious.
Some quality TV at last…
This just went straight to the front of my Netflix queue.
It’s still so fucking funny to me that the supernatural writers brought deancas on themselves by their own obsession with misogyny, like fans going “hey, love the show but at least 2% of the time could women exist as something other than disposable sexual objects or maternal figures?” and the writers being like “no ” and in so doing accidentally created a portal that released unrelenting homosexuality, just an absolutely Titanic-level romance between two men all bc they couldn’t keep a woman alive for more than two consecutive episodes lmao
Chapter 2 is now live! The art for this chapter is now on AO3 as well!
Summary: When Kagome’s mother said someone was coming by the house to fix the mess, she assumed it was someone’s grandfather - not the grandson. Now she’s got a whole other mess she has to deal with.
