#new skills
i think a big thing that disconcerts adults about learning new skills is that learning as an adult means you are very aware of how bad you are at the beginning in a way children aren’t.
i picked up the saxophone when i was 11 and played until i was about 17. by the end of it i was first chair in our highest ensemble, a district honor band player, etc. but at the beginning – and this is important – i was bad. for the first year or so, i had no rhythm, i couldn’t make my tongue line up with my fingers, i was consistently sharp, etc. etc. other kids actually made fun of me for my lack of skill.
but 11 year old me didn’t care. 11 year old me practiced, but she also thought that being able to play the pink panther made her incredible (i shudder in retrospect). i mean, i was aware i wasn’t a master, but my skill level didn’t deter me from wailing out those notes in a way that i’m sure had my band director questioning his career decisions.
right now, i’m trying to pick up the guitar. it’s a very different instrument from the saxophone, and i struggle a lot with things like strumming patterns and barre chords. and sometimes i don’t want to play, because i know i’m bad at guitar. and sometimes i beat myself up when stumbling through a poor acoustic rendition of Everybody Wants to Rule the World because it’s not how i want it to sound. and it’s made even more frustrating because i can navigate the saxophone so smoothly.
but then i remember that i have to think like a kid. i might not be the best at guitar by any stretch of the imagination, but every little bit of progress is still progress.humility is a big part of learning, but if you treat a practice session like your own private concert, it becomes so much more fun, even if you’re bad like i am. when you’re first picking up a skill, whether it be an instrument, or a language, or a fine art, no one is expecting you to be the yo yo ma of that thing. forget about how little you know about the skill and think instead about how much you have to learn – that’s fun! do your best!!
i find that as you get older, people think that you have less of an excuse to be bad at things, no matter when you started learning them
but after you get good suddenly people start praising you for “being ahead of the curve”
the instant you can start divesting yourself from this horrid world of expectation, the easier it becomes to try any new thing
Guys this is so important!! Give yourselves some slack and just keep on trucking! Just focus on yourself and be proud of what you have achieved so far. Even if what you achieved is a little thing, little pieces pile up eventually to something big! You’re doing great, keep it up :D
On Sunday, November 23, Reaction Junkie returned from being away for two weeks. It was the longest we’d been apart at that point, and I think it’s safe to say that we missed each other quite a bit. I picked him up from the airport at ridiculous o'clock in the morning, and started driving us back to my apartment. As we drove, he took my hand and put it on his crotch. He said that he was hard thinking about fucking me. I could feel how true that was through his pants, and grinned. It was a totally panty melting move on his part, especially because he doesn’t do things like that super often. Whenever he does, though, it gets me going like crazy.
When we got back to my place, we made the bed and then I made pancakes while he relaxed. Chocolate chip, just as he likes. When I brought out the food, I found him sitting in a chair, waiting for me. I gave him his plate, and as I was about to start eating my pancakes, he stopped me. He pointed at the floor and told me to eat from there. I smiled. I’d missed this sort of thing while he’d been gone. I put my plate on the floor and started eating like a good little puppy.
When we both finished eating, we headed to bed. As soon as we got there, we were on each other. Rolling around, kissing, touching. Each of us appreciating the presence of the other. We cuddled hard, and I was almost too excited to sleep. But then I got myself off and we both fell asleep for six hours. When we woke up, I cajoled Reaction Junkie into starting to teach me some rope, which I’d been saying I wanted to do for several weeks.
Little did he know, I’d already learned a few things. I’d decided that I would spend some of the extra free time I had while he was away learning rope. Partially because it just seemed like a good thing to learn as someone who bottoms for rope, partially because I thought it might be fun, but most of all, I decided to do it because bondage is basically Reaction Junkie’s top kink. I’m always game for him to tie me up, of course, and I can always slap some cuffs on him but I wanted to be able to top him for rope, as well. So, during the two weeks he was gone, I started learning rope.
I began with some simple online tutorials, focusing on some of the basics of tying knots. I also asked The Violinist to teach me some things. I even braved my extreme anxiety about and aversion to learning in public and asked Boy Genius to teach me during happy hour. I spent many hours while Reaction Junkie was gone practicing knots over and over again until I felt comfortable with them, and managed to figure out some ties on my legs. I had a great time doing so, and got a great deal of satisfaction out of learning something new. I dropped a few hints to Reaction Junkie about getting him a gift, and started scheming about how to reveal my new skills.
I decided that it would be most fun to have him start teaching me something and make it seem like I didn’t know what I was doing. Then, when he was patiently letting me use him to practice on for the umpteenth time, I would wow him by easily tying the knot and maybe even tying him up. If this was pool, I’d have been planning to hustle him.
Reaction Junkie wasn’t fully awake when he started teaching me. He put a couple wraps around my wrist and tied a knot, but when he pulled the rope to show me how it wouldn’t collapse, the whole thing came undone. We both laughed a little at this sleepyheaded move. I said, “Let me try,” and took his hand. He asked, “Has someone been teaching you rope?” I just gave him a little smile and confidently tied a somerville bowline. Then I looked up at him and said. “That’s what I got you while you were gone. I’ve been learning rope.” I watched his face for his reaction, and was gratified to see that he was very happy with the present.
Reaction Junkie watched me tie the knot again and said, “That’s hot.” I grinned and did a little happy butt wiggle, pleased that I’d been able to keep my rope learning a secret from him the whole time he’d been gone. I’m terrible at not telling people when I’m getting them something or doing something for them that I know they’ll be happy about, but this time I’d managed not to spoil the surprise.
