#lfb explores her dom side

Some context: For a while now, he’s been giving me money regularly. Sometimes for permission to come, sometimes to earn the right to get me off, and sometimes just as tribute to his lovely dom. I’ve even used his wallet to provide myself some extrinsic motivation to accomplish tasks that I can’t manage to find any intrinsic motivation to do.

I spent time with my boy, The Anarchist Economist, earlier this week. Some of my favorite moments came out of the findom we did and intense d/s we talked about.

When he came over on Tuesday night, we had dinner, and then he did work for school, and I tidied up my apartment. I had a list of tasks and for each one I completed, he sent me a dollar. After a few hours, we took a break. We cuddled, I teased him, he licked my cunt and told me stories while I used a vibrator, I came and he didn’t. You know, the usual. Then we went back to work.

At some point during our conversations, I asked him how much money would be the max he would give me for a blowjob and permission to cum. He said, “It depends on my budget. Right now? $500.” and said that once he has a job, it would go up to something like $3,000. I was surprised at how high the number for the present was, but figured I would never actually take that much from him.

Once it was time for bed, I wanted to get off more. I was having a more difficult time than usual, unfortunately, and I started to get frustrated. We hit on just the right fantasy (one of his close friends fucking me in the ass and then TAE using that guy’s cum as lube) and I managed to get the orgasm I had been chasing.

When I recovered, we started up with some intense future-focused d/s dirty talk with a findom theme. We talked about if we were to get married, and he brought up the doctrine of coverture, where once a woman gets married, her legal identity is subsumed under her husband’s. My boy suggested a reversal of that idea, so that once we got married, he would basically give up his identity, his paycheck, and his life to me.

I started teasing and touching him while describing how thoroughly I would own and control him then. How his salary would go directly into my account and he would have to take on extra work to earn money if he wanted a privilege, like being allowed to come or having time out of a cockcage.

I switched to masturbating as we exchanged fantasies about this version of the future, told him to stroke himself, and reminded him not to come. He talked about the power I would have over him and I said that I would make recordings of him talking about various fantasies as insurance that he wouldn’t try to leave. It was some of the most intense d/s talk we’ve had, and it was such a turn on.

He had to stop touching himself several times to avoid going over the edge and getting off. Unfortunately, one of these times, while he was barely touching himself, if he was at all, he came untouched. It. Was. So. Hot. He was worried I would be mad, but it just turned me on and made me feel quite accomplished with my dirty talk.

I told him I was getting another orgasm, though, and we went back to our co-fantasizing. He started stroking himself again, and I guess the partially ruined orgasm from minutes before hadn’t been enough for my hopelessly horny boytoy. He was so desperate that he finally begged, “May I please pay you $600 to come, sir?”

I was surprised (especially since that’s a full $100 over what he said was the most he would give), but I was also quite turned on, so I gave him permission. He jumped up and went over to his phone. I heard the cha-ching from the notification, and felt myself getting close to orgasm.

I moaned and asked him what the note said. He got in bed and told me “permission to come.” I gasped out an order to tell me what he’d just done. “I paid you $600 for permission to come,” he said. I told him to say it again, and then again, and as he did, I came without needing to fantasize about anything else. A moment later he came all over himself for the second time in five minutes.

As we cuddled and did aftercare, we talked and joked about what happened. There were some econ jokes and I told him it was good to know he doesn’t actually have a max he’ll pay me just to be able to get off.

Honestly, I never thought I’d be into findom and definitely never thought that I would get off on it. Apparently I just needed a perfect little paypig to come along.

ruinsflowersandchains:

I want to keep you at the edge. Not with cages or rings but just a command. I’ll give you hugs and cuddles and teases and touches, anything but permission. When you’re finally used to it, the low insistent buzz of trapped arousal, I’ll come up to you, give you that permission, and slide my leg along the crotch of your pants. And pepper you with kisses as you cum with just that alone.

This is so very sexy and I absolutely love it. 

Tangible restraints have their place, but when I subbed, one of my favorite ways to be held in place was with words. Being ordered to stay in place while being beaten and hurt was a challenge, but receiving that command and then obeying it often left my mind humming in subspace.

Now, when I dom, or even top, I enjoy using rope, especially to enhance sadism, but when I want to stop someone moving, I prefer doing it by telling them to stop.

The same applies to edging and tease and denial. I definitely want to play with cages, but being able to give someone an order to not cum and have them obey is exhilarating. Using only my voice to control them clearly demonstrates the power I have over them.

[10.24.2014]

“Drink five of those in the next ten minutes.” When Reaction Junkie pointed at my cup and ordered me to start having lots of water, I smiled. We were at the house party he was hosting for a bunch of kinky friends. I’d had a rough week, so I appreciated what I thought was Reaction Junkie engaging in the regular (and always enjoyable) bladder control and desperation that is part of our dynamic. I drank the water, and not long after, I felt the pressure building in my abdomen. I sat on the ground, and began rocking back and forth a little, attempting to distract myself from the feeling.

Reaction Junkie noticed my distress and started teasing me, “What’s wrong? Do you need to peeee?” I was a little embarrassed he was doing this in front of the party, even though I knew most of the people there fairly well. I pouted at him and said that of course I had to pee. He laughed, refused my request, and continued the teasing. At one point, he ordered me, “Go get a towel and one of your favorite shirts.” When I heard that, I realized this might not just be the normal bladder play I thought it was; he had something special in mind.

“Is he going to make me piss myself on the floor, in front of everyone?”, I thought. “No. He wouldn’t do that. Would he? Nah. It’d be too much of a mess. Right?” I refused his order to fetch the towel and shirt. Reaction Junkie gave me a look, and I managed to refuse again, but my will was weakening. He walked over to me, and I flinched, expecting to be hit for my disobedience. Instead, he started stepping on me, pressing down on my bladder. I was happy that he’d dropped the idea of making me get the towel and favorite shirt. Until he put more of his weight onto me, compressing my bladder further. I pleaded with him, “Please stop! I’m going to pee.”

Taking his foot off me, Reaction Junkie said, “Go sit on the toilet.” I was relieved for a moment until he added, “But don’t pee.” I whined, but got up and headed to the bathroom. I sat down on the toilet and waited. Reaction Junkie came in after a moment and told me I’d better not piss. I nodded and said, “I’m not.” He went back into the living room and I tried to distract myself from the need to pee. I was determined to be a good girl for him, especially since he’d left the bathroom door open, so if I started to pee, everyone would be able to hear.

When Reaction Junkie returned a minute later and saw me rocking back and forth, focusing on not pissing, he grinned, amused by my distress. “Do you think we should invite other people to come see?” he asked. My eyes opened wide in horror, and I shook my head and said, “No!” He smirked at me and said, “Don’t pretend like you don’t want this.” Turning towards the open door, he called out, “Who wants to see [LFB] piss herself?” I felt my face growing hot as a group of people gathered around the door. A few I knew fairly well, like The Unknown Quantity, Anderson Cooper, and Cute Thing (one of Reaction Junkie’s other partners). Two others, I didn’t know at all. And one of them, Pretty Girl, was a lovely woman who bought me a drink a couple happy hours ago, and who I’m shyly interested in.

As the group of partners, friends, and acquaintances looked on, Reaction Junkie began pressing on me, cruelly compressing my full bladder, all the while telling me not to piss and making comments to the crowd. I held strong, but it was increasingly difficult. All of a sudden, he punched my abdomen. It wasn’t the hardest I’ve been punched, but neither was it gentle. I managed not to piss, but only just. I looked up at him, pleading with my eyes and my words. He reassured the crowd that even though it seemed like he was being mean to me, he was actually fulfilling a fantasy. I felt embarrassed to have this fantasy revealed. Then I saw something in his face that told me what was going to happen next. He was going to read from my tumblr post about the fantasy he was currently fulfilling.

I didn’t want the additional humiliation of having him read out my fantasy to the group. Not only would they know that he really was fulfilling a fantasy, that this was something I wanted to happen, I knew I’d be uncomfortable having my writing read aloud, and, of course, there was the fear that they would find my tumblr and I’d be entirely exposed as a disgusting, fucked up little bitch. Reaction Junkie took out his phone and I said, “No, don’t read it. You can’t!” He turned to face me, his expression making me cower. *SMACK* He slapped me hard across the face. “Did you just try to tell me what I can and can’t do?” he asked. Suitably chastened and feeling tears pricking at the corners of my eyes, I shook my head and responded in a small voice, “No, dear.”

He pulled up my post and began reading, “”No, you may not use the bathroom.” He ignores my desperate pleas as the 5 bottles of water he made me drink before the party quickly catch up with me…” I looked at the floor as he read, embarrassed on multiple levels. Reaction Junkie noticed. “Look everyone in the eye,” he ordered. I took a deep breath, steeling myself to look up and see the faces staring back at me. Feeling humiliated, I complied with his instructions, making eye contact with each person in turn. My thoughts were racing as I searched their expressions for what they were thinking. I saw mostly amusement and interest, but that didn’t make me feel any better.

When Reaction Junkie got to a part of my fantasy where the character representing me speaks, he imitated me teasingly, “Please let me pee? It’s starting to hurt and I’m worried I’m going to wet myself.” These “cute” imitations are something that he and I have discussed repeatedly. He is not supposed to do them, and when he does, he gets punished. So, in the middle of him dominating, embarrassing, degrading, and humiliating me, I made him stop reading and lean his head down. I licked his face, which is something he finds very unpleasant and has been a common punishment for behavior such as this. “Sorry, sir.” he said in his little subby boy voice. The gathered crowed laughed and someone said, “Your dynamic is so hot.”

Of course, immediately after his punishment was over, Reaction Junkie continued reading. And I continued being uncomfortable. Now, instead of imitating me when he got to my parts of the dialogue, Reaction Junkie did something worse. He made me read my lines, all while continuing to look this crowd of friends, acquaintances, and near strangers in the eyes. He read the entire story, with me on the toilet next to him, squirming and uncomfortable for so many reasons. I had to pee, of course, but I was also turned on and embarrassed about what he was reading and that he was reading something I’d written to this group of people.

When he finally finished, reading out the last line of the fantasy, “Happy birthday, pisswhore,” I was looking down, almost distracted from the urge to piss. then he said, “I wonder if we could all fit in here. I wanted to make her piss in the tub.” I shook my head, not wanting the further humiliation of everyone filling the bathroom and watching me piss, with the added embarrassment of not being allowed to piss in the toilet like a person. The Unknown Quantity decided to chime in, “Yeah. I think we can all fit.” Reaction Junkie grinned and told me, “Sit on the edge of the tub.” I was reluctant, but didn’t want another slap or additional punishment, so I moved over to the bathtub.

The crowd filed in and someone shut the door. Now I was sitting on the rim of the tub, holding onto the sink to position myself to sit into it. And everyone was looking right at me. Reaction Junkie slid his hand between my legs and teased my cunt with his fingers. “Look how turned on she is, ” he said to the crowd. Turning back to me, he put his hand in my face, “You’re soaked. Smell this.” I obeyed, but looked down, thoroughly embarrassed and a little ashamed. Reaction Junkie said, “Look at everyone.” I did, my face growing hot as I looked at the people who now knew just how wet I was from the treatment I was receiving.

Reaction Junkie gave me another instruction, adding to my discomfort, “Spread your legs so everyone can see.” Slowly, reluctantly, I opened myself up. I felt vulnerable and exposed, and even half-closed them a few times. Each time, however, I spread them apart again when I saw Reaction Junkie’s face. He considered for a moment, and then asked, “Should I go get a vibrator?” I shook my head, actually upset. I didn’t think I’d be able to get off like this, or, if I could, I worried it would take so long that people would get bored. I wasn’t sure how I’d handle that in addition to the stress of the situation. He saw the expression on my face and recognized what I needed. “Nah, that will take too long,” he said. “Now piss.”

I started to try and let go, to start peeing in the tub. I kept my eyes focused on him alone, not wanting to look anyone else in the eye while I pissed in the tub. “Don’t look at me. Look at Pretty Girl,” Reaction Junkie said, ordering me to look the girl I like right in the eyes. The first time we’d hung out outside of happy hour, and she was about to see me piss myself. I looked at her, complying with his instructions. Reaction Junkie ordered me to pee again. I tried, but just couldn’t let go. “I don’t know. I can’t.” I said to him. “Oh, you better,” he responded, “You better piss yourself in front of all these people.”

I was worried about what people would thing, how they’d see me differently. Finally, the need to pee overcame my desire not to do so like this, in front of all these people. The piss streamed out of me, splashing into the tub as I emptied my bladder, a group of people watching my degradation and humiliation. Finally, the stream slowed to a trickle, then drops, and finally, it stopped. Reaction Junkie asked if I needed toilet paper. I said, “Yes, please.” When he handed it to me, I looked at it and said, “Not the one ply! Red!” making everyone laugh. Then I wiped, adding one final embarrassment to the day. Everyone filed out, leaving Reaction Junkie and I alone together. I was filled with a mix of emotions. Arousal, shame, amusement, embarrassment, gratitude, and, of course, happiness. How could I not be happy? Reaction Junkie had just literally made one of my fantasies come true.

I can’t wait to see what he’ll do for my actual birthday.

I just dommed Reaction Junkie in a way that really worked for me. It’s not the first time I’ve tried, but the way it went this time was just…something entirely new and exciting and wonderful. I wasn’t intending for it to happen, but it just sort of did.

I assertively asked him to beat the shit out of me, thinking it would be a normal scene with him topping/domming.

Then I started saying things like “When are you going to start? Huh?” at the beginning of him hitting me. He beat me with his hands, his elbows, his feet, his knees. Slapping, punching, elbowing, kicking, kneeing. I groaned, moaned, and screamed.

When I’d had enough, I fought back and stopped him. I started hitting him, and he got subby. I was dominant and aggressive and we ended the scene with me straddling him and grinding against him and making out like crazy. He was subbing out and I was feeling in control, getting what I wanted. It was ridiculously hot. He said he loved the new energy I’d brought and I loved the entire thing, from the beating to the switch to the making out.

I’m so excited for tomorrow!

As I mentioned before, while he was gone on his trip, Reaction Junkie was supposed to be making healthy eating choices. He failed to do this, disappointing me in the process. As a result, he must face the consequences of his poor choices. Consequences that I’ve determined.

On Sunday, when we were laying in bed together, I asked him how many times he made an unhealthy choice instead of a healthy one. He couldn’t remember, so he gave me an estimate of twenty five. I informed him that means I will forbid him from having something unhealthy twenty five times. He was a fan of this, until I added the next part. I’m not without mercy, so if he really, really wants something, he can have it. But he has to take a penalty/alternative punishment. I’ll take the number of calories in the food he wants, divide it by 100, and that’s the number of times I’ll do something to him.

When I said that, he considered for a moment and then asked, “Is it something you can do in public?” Imagining him thinking about and dreading having his face licked, and how he would prefer many things to that, I smiled ever so sweetly at him and replied, “It depends on how I feel.” If I’m feeling magnanimous, perhaps I’ll simply slap him in the face. Of course, he’s a sick, perverted boy and enjoys that sort of treatment, so it would be more funishment than punishment, and, therefore, not as effective as a deterrent to future poor behavior.

I’m looking forward to the first time I refuse him some treat he wants. I’m curious how he’ll react. Because this is a punishment, I expect little argument from him, but I can also see him whining and trying to get me to give in without the penalty. If he does, there will be consequences for that, as well.

onelonelycock replied to your post “I’ve made a terrible mistake in getting on tumblr. l have not been…”

Make that pussy cum girl❤️❤️

Thank you!

I got off twice. Once fantasizing about cuffing Reaction Junkie to the bed, blindfolding him, gagging him, pulling down his pants and underwear and riding him with a vibe pressed against my clit until I came, while telling him how much I enjoy having his cock in me and how I’d been fantasizing about doing all of that. Then I got off a second time thinking about having someone hold me down, fuck my cunt hard and then switch to my ass while I whimpered and protested and begged, “Please, Daddy. It’s going to hurt.” as they slowly pushed their cock into me, stretching my hole and making me groan and moan, telling me that I needed to be brave for them and how good my tight ass felt around their cock.

Time to do work!

Part 8

We all moved to Reaction Junkie’s room when his roommate came home. Cunt Destroyer accidentally left her phone in the living room, and she and I made Reaction Junkie go fetch it, even though his ankles and hands were still cuffed, making it difficult. A little while later, Cunt Destroyer’s partner arrived, and we all talked and oohed and awww-ed over the kitten. At one point during the conversation, Cunt Destroyer’s partner pulled a knife out of his pocket and started playing with it a bit, really just turning it around in his hands. It turned me on in a big way and I had a very difficult time not staring at him. There aren’t many things much sexier than a guy playing with knife. I need to ask some partners to pull knives on me and threaten me with them sometime soon.

One of the things that is equally, or possibly more, sexy happened while I was on the bed with Reaction Junkie, my head resting on his legs. I said something sassy and he moved one leg to the other side of my neck and started squeezing, choking me with his legs. It was super effective and I got fuzzy and calm. And turned on, of course. He did it a couple of times, and I really enjoyed it. There’s another thing I want more of and will definitely need to ask for.

While we were all hanging out in the bedroom, I found myself amused/turned on by being a lil’ bit dommy towards Reaction Junkie. When he would say something I didn’t like, found annoying, or was pretending to dislike or find annoying, I’d give him a nice, firm hair grab. He makes a lovely little sound, like a combination of a sigh, a gasp and a whimper. In addition, when I flipped the script from what he’d been doing earlier in the weekend and told him, “Kiss me,” he started responding, “Yes, sir.” Although it might have been a bit of a joke initially, I’m pretty fucking into it.

The Unknown Quantity showed up partway through the afternoon, which I was excited about. He’s a lot of fun, and I was happy to get a chance to spend more time getting to know him. I’d been feeling pretty gross most of the day, so I told Reaction Junkie that I wanted to take a shower. He told me that I had to get undressed there in his room, with everyone around, not in the shower. It didn’t bother me, since half the people there had already seen most of my body, but it did turn me on a bit to be made to strip in front of everyone. Both because of the exhibitionism, but also because everyone saw Reaction Junkie order me to do something. I like when my d/s-y dynamics are on display for everyone to see, especially when I’m being a good little cunt and obeying. I got naked, causing  The Unknown Quantity to comment that he hadn’t expected this within five minutes of showing up, but that he probably should have. I giggled and headed to the shower.

When I got out of the shower, I dried off and went back into the bedroom. I lounged naked on the bed with The Unknown Quantity for a while. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t hoping for a little more play that weekend. And, well, LFB gets what LFB wants. In fact, I got more than I bargained for, with a bit of co-toppiness from The Unknown Quantity and Reaction Junkie.

While I was just innocently lying in bed, The Unknown Quantity started hurting my thighs. I was still sensitive from the day before, so I started squirming around. Reaction Junkie came over and helped, both by holding me down so that I couldn’t try to push The Unknown Quantity off or cover myself, and by getting me to behave, since I’ve got extra motivation to follow his instructions, given that he’s my owner.

Reaction Junkie had a “”“fun”“” idea and grabbed some buckyballs. For some reason, I was really freaked out by the idea of having the magnets used on me, and I got really whiny and started struggling more earnestly.  Reaction Junkie had to use a voice with me, which was controlling and hot. “Put your hands on top of your head.” When I didn’t comply, The Unknown Quantity grabbed my thigh and dug in hard with his nails. I yelped and, shaking, placed my hands where I’d been told to place them. Reaction Junkie leaned over and put the buckyballs on my ear. I was relieved, since I thought he’d been going for the nipple, and I realized they didn’t hurt anywhere as much as I thought they would.

I was just relaxing into the slight feeling of pressure when Reaction Junkie moved to do my nipple. I started making noise and moving around more, and he had to use a voice with me again. He said, “[LFB], shut up.” and I got quiet. And turned on. I like being told to shut up like that, with that tone. He put the magnets on me, and it hurt less than I thought it would. He added more, increasing the pressure and the pain until he finally took them off, which made me wince.

I wasn’t done yet, though. The Unknown Quantity grabbed the kitten and put her on my thigh. Her little kitten claws dug into my bruised skin and hurt, but I had to stay still so I wouldn’t scare her or hurt her. I’d been using one of those head scratcher massager things earlier, and The Unknown Quantity grabbed it. He played with the kitten with it for a little while, and then started running it along my inner thigh. I tried not to move too much, as the thing scratched and poked. Finally, the kitten ran off to do something else, and I thought I might escape. To the contrary, The Unknown Quantity turned the head scratcher around and dug the pointy tip of the handle into my sensitive bruises. It hurt like fuck. He pushed it in hard, and it was all I could do not to cry out. He continued hurting me until it was time to head out to dinner.

Part 7

Sunday morning started slowly. Reaction Junkie and I had planned to have anal in the morning, but we’d gotten in very late, stayed up late to play with the kitten, and been woken up during the night by her antics, so there was no anal, sadly. We woke up and played with the kitten for a while. I was supposed to go to Boy Genius’ birthday party that day, and I’d originally planned to leave right after I got up so that I could go home, but I was having such a good time, especially once his friend, Cunt Destroyer (hey, that’s the name she put in my phone when I got her number) got there, that I decided to stay for a while longer before leaving.

While we waited for Cunt Destroyer to get there, Reaction Junkie and I sat in the living room and played with the kitten. Cunt Destroyer arrived and we got introduced to each other. Someone mentioned Starbucks, and I got a craving. There’s a Starbucks right across the way from Reaction Junkie’s apartment building, so I said I was going to get some. Reaction Junkie asked me to get him something, as well, and of course I said I would. I grabbed the keys and headed out the door. Before I left, Reaction Junkie told me, “When you get back, I’m going to be tied up!” I grinned and headed out.

Reaction Junkie had asked me to get him a baked good, and I decided that I deserved one as well. I walked around the grocery store and decided to check the Oreos, hoping, but not expecting, that they would have Mega Stuf Oreos. Much to my surprise and delight, they did! I bought them and headed back to the apartment. When I walked in, Cunt Destroyer had Reaction Junkie in cuffs, of course. I enjoyed getting a chance to watch someone being casually toppy towards him, since that was something I’d been wanting. It was helpful to see how she handled complaints of things being too hard or too painful.

I especially enjoyed it because she’s fucking awesome. She’s into consensual misogyny/has a misogyny kink, and I always like meeting people who share that kink. Also, she’s Jewish, so she has a Nazi fetish, obviously. In addition, she works two interesting jobs: stripper and EMT. We definitely share a sense of humor, and like similar things, kink-wise. For instance, when Reaction Junkie told her about the play I’m not allowed to talk about, she was totally into it and proclaimed it “sweet” of him. Which I totally agree with, despite the fact that other people would call it “disturbing” or “fucked up.”

After a little while, another one of Reaction Junkie’s friends came by. We all talked and played with the kitten, and the three of us were kinda toppy/dommy towards him. At one point, Reaction Junkie was laying on the floor with his hands cuffed in front of him. He commented to me, “You could cuff my arms behind my back.” I gave him a look and said, “You’re right. I could.” I sighed at him in faux-annoyance and told him he should probably ask for things he wants instead of being coy. Then I obviously grabbed a key and cuffed his hands behind his back. When I went to sit back down, I stepped on him and heard him make a little noise, which made me smile. I sat down and put my feet on him, using him as a footstool. I enjoyed that. He’s a comfortable person.

By this point, it was a little past when I would have needed to leave to go to Boy Genius’ birthday. I was having such a good time, didn’t really feel up to driving or being with a big group, and wanted to get to know these people better. I’m a bit sad I missed it, especially because there was laser tag and I would have gotten to see The Violinist, but I’m even more happy that I stayed because I had a fantastic day with Reaction Junkie and everyone else.

Happy hour last Tuesday (8.26.2013) went well. I started the evening talking to Vegan Boy. After a little while, I noticed someone new to me, Mad Hatter, talking to someone new to the local scene about the community in the area and about poly stuff. Besides the fact that Mad Hatter and the girl he was talking with were both attractive, I thought the conversation sounded interesting and like I might have something to contribute to it. Vegan Boy and I joined in their conversation. At one point, Mad Hatter made a comment about some kind of fairly edgy play and laughed at the differences in the reaction I had versus the reaction the other girl in the conversation had. He seems fun and I think I’ll try to get to know him better. By which I mean play with him and/or have sex with him.

I was having such a good time talking to people that I decided to skip the class that was being offered upstairs. I went up to the bar to get another drink and The Violinist made a comment to me about something or other. I’d seen him around and talked with him a bit before. He’d seemed like someone I might enjoy playing with, so after we reintroduced ourselves, I invited him to leave the bar and come join me on the couch.

We started talking and eventually the conversation turned to our kinks, of course. He mentioned rope, but then emphasized a more sadistic side. Then he literally self-identified to me as a “reaction junkie.” Well, obviously my reaction was “Well, hello there!” He started messing with me a bit while we were sitting downstairs on the couch. Eventually, the class was over and we headed upstairs.

The Violinist started hitting my thighs, smacking them with the paddle and his fists. He put his hand around my throat, called me names, dug his nails in, and scratched me. I was squirming around his lap and making lovely little noises. While he was hurting me, we were also having some nice conversation and getting to know each other. At one point I looked over and noticed that Vegan Boy was patiently holding the water I’d told him to bring me. I eventually managed to tell The Violinist that I should give Vegan Boy some attention (also I wanted to hit the kid), and we made plans to go back to my place after happy hour.

I started playing with Vegan Boy. I was slapping and hitting his arms and thighs and built up to punching him. He actually had his clothes off this time, and I was eventually hitting him basically as hard as I could. He asked me if I wanted to spank him, and I said “Sure!” I wanted to have a spanking bench put together, so I turned to Vegan Boy and said, “Watch this.” I went over to one of the nice young men watching, and in a cute little voice, asked him if he would help me put together a spanking bench with the ottomans sitting around. He obviously said yes, because who can resist an adorable young woman asking for help making a piece of furniture so she can hit someone? Vegan Boy bent over, and I started spanking and hitting him. I even got to spend some more time punching him, and from this angle I was able to put my hips into it a little. I know I’m not super big and strong, but oof this guy can take a lot. I need to build up my own stamina so I can hurt him more. And I need to toughen up my poor hands.

At the end of the night, I went to the fast food place with The Violinist and a group of people. When we left to go to the train, he put his hand around the back of my neck and left it there the entire time, guiding me to the station. While waiting for the train, he kept hurting me, mostly by digging his nails in and dragging them along my skin. I really enjoyed the challenge of trying not to cry out in pain when he scratched me. When we got to our final stop, he put his hand back on my neck as we walked to the car.

When we got back to my place, we brushed our teeth and then he dragged me to the bed. While he was hitting me, he made me hump his leg continuously, and any time I’d stop, he’d remind me to start again. When I started doing it without being told, he’d say “Good bitch.” I really enjoyed that, actually. He kept referring to me that way when I did something he liked, like I was being a well-trained bitch. At the beginning of the night, he told me “I’m not going to hit you in the face” (that night). Of course, that didn’t stop me from flinching all over the place, since I was still coming down off spending a bunch of time with Reaction Junkie, who hit me in the face a bunch. And because I just get flinchy around people who hit me. The Violinist beat me and punched me and scratched me and slapped my tits. I was moaning and grinding on his leg like a bitch in heat. Then he bit my tit so hard I cried. The crying didn’t bother him, which was good, but I felt weird about it because it was the first time we’d hung out.

When I recovered from the crying, he hit me for a while longer and then growled, “Do you want to get fucked?” I immediately said “Yes please!” He grabbed a condom and started fucking me nice and hard. He asked at one point, “How important is it to you that you cum tonight?” I responded that it wasn’t important, unless it was important to him. When he heard that, he had me flip over and fucked me from behind until he came. Then we cuddled up and passed the fuck out.

In the morning, we woke up earlier than necessary, and I started grinding against him a little. He asked “You want it again?” Of course I did. I’m an insatiable slut! So he gave me a nice morning fuck. Then I gave him breakfast and drove him to the metro. Before he got out of the car, he said we should do something at an event, so I’m super excited for the next party because I love getting hurt in public. I’m pretty pleased with myself for being such a good slut, having my first real conversation with a guy and taking him home with me the same night. Now, that’s my kind of happy hour.

Part 4

Reaction Junkie and I had plans to do dinner and head to the party together on Saturday. Also, he’d just gotten a kitten! He’s fostering the adorable critter, and I was definitely excited to meet her. I headed to his place and was greeted at the door by an adorably post-nap Reaction Junkie holding a tiny creature in his arms. I squeed over her and provided some highly intellectual commentary. “Kitten!” We played with her for a while, watching her run around and play with toys.

Finally, we had to go eat, so we headed out. We ordered and I pulled out my card to pay for both of us. Reaction Junkie said he’d been planning to treat me, which was super sweet. I’ll have to let him do that another time. I don’t mind paying most of the time, depending on circumstances, but after dating someone who basically never paid, and when he did pay, wanted me to pay him back, I’m happy to be dating someone who is at least willing to pay sometimes.

After dinner, we headed back to Reaction Junkie’s place to wait for our ride and play with the kitten. We waited for a while, and then decided to just take the train in. When we got to the station, we ran into another friend of his. That’s something I like about him. He knows a lot of people, which means I get to meet a lot of people. It reminds me of how meeting MLAM greatly expanded my social circle, and definitely for the better.

When we got to the play space, I again felt no urge to do my customary social-anxiety-hide-in-the-bathroom-for-five-minutes thing, and simply started talking to people. I started chatting with a guy from happy hour who I’d spoken with a few times, Denver. He’s a subby type, and we started flirting a little back and forth. Eventually, I suggested a scene, and he agreed and we negotiated, although he wanted half an hour to settle in. Obviously that was fine with me, and I continued talking to people until he came over and asked if I was ready.

To be honest, I was nervous about being more than incidentally toppy in a public space, especially with someone new. We talked for a little while, he showed me the hitty things he’d brought, and I relaxed a bit. We found a space to play and I had him take off all his clothes except for his underwear. I started warming him up with my hands, spanking him and scratching my nails down his back.Then I started using the implements he’d brought. I hit him with the ping pong paddle, the nice side of the mean paddle (per his request), and a crop. I was talking to him and looking for reactions the whole time, but it was a little difficult to hear and my heart/vagina wasn’t really in it. We had kind of an awkward rapport. I did enjoy hitting him though.

About when I was feeling done with the scene, we got interrupted by some people who were going to do something in the space we were in. It was bad that we got interrupted, but I was also a little glad. Trying to do something I’m not confident about, in public, and without being into it was an unpleasant experience. I checked in with him afterwards and he seemed agitated about being interrupted. I asked him about it and he said he wasn’t, but he definitely seemed like he was. I asked him for comments and he said it was mostly good, but that I should take it “more seriously.” Either that or take a different attitude, like a high school bitch type. I know I may need work on my domly dom domminess, but also, I’m just never gonna be like that to any significant extent. I have much more fun being sarcastic and snarky and talking to the person I’m playing with and being a bitch and having fun with it. Maybe that just means Denver and I aren’t a good match as play partners.

I was feeling sort of unsettled after the unsatisfying scene, so I went and talked to some happy hour people. After a little while, I went over to Reaction Junkie and informed him that I wasn’t going to ask permission to go to the bathroom that night. He looked at me and said I’d be punished. I responded, “No. I won’t.” because my original intent for the evening was to at least try and be dommy and toppy for him. He’s so good to me, basically letting me sub out nearly all the time when we play, even though I know he’d like to have a chance to be all bottomy with me. I can deal with service topping for him, or having him top from the bottom, and I’m definitely up for doing that, especially when he mixes in a bit of being controlling and using a dom voice. But I also want to be able to just straight up top him, be a bit dommy, and get into the right headspace so I can fully enjoy taking on those roles in and of themselves and maybe even start feeling confident being the one making decisions and directing things.

When I was done talking to Reaction Junkie, I went over to The Unknown Quantity and started talking to him. He invited me to do a scene and my immediate response was an excited “Yes!” I felt like that would be just what I needed to pull me out of the funk I was in.

When Reaction Junkie and I reached the party, he suggested we go up to a private room. I was a little unsure, but I decided to go along with it. We went upstairs and picked a room. Reaction Junkie unzipped his bag and began showing off his handcuffs. He’s a bit of a fan. (That’s an understatement. He almost always has like 5 or more sets of cuffs in his kink bag, even if he’s just going to happy hour. And of course, I have to carry the damn thing.) He showed me how to use a couple sets and I set to work putting them on him.

I secured his hands behind his back and cuffed his ankles together. Then I started hitting him a bit. Not very hard, but hard enough. As we played, we chatted. I don’t remember much of what was said, although I’m sure the regular conversation was intermixed with me saying condescending and/or insulting things to Reaction Junkie. I told him I wasn’t sure about having sex, but noted that, I really should since he is a man, after all. At the time, MLAM and I were playing with a fairly intense and all-encompassing context of fucking with my feminism/consensual misogyny, which meant I was supposed to offer myself to any and all men for their pleasure and entertainment.

I also informed Reaction Junkie that he couldn’t give me permission to get off, though, since he was choosing to let me dominate him, thus forfeiting the control over my orgasms he would otherwise have as a man. I enjoyed saying that to him, even if it meant I wasn’t going to get off. At his request, I uncuffed his hands and recuffed them in front of him. I straddled Reaction Junkie and started grinding against him. I continued messing with him, and I was really getting into it.

I told Reaction Junkie to say nice things about me, and he immediately started complimenting me. He said wonderful things about parts of my body, my personality, my intellect, etc. I loved it. I should make him do that sort of thing more often. I uncuffed his hands and he started using them on me. He’s got game in the “hand stuff” department, but I wasn’t quite getting there. I knew what I needed. I needed degradation, consensual misogyny, name-calling, and to feel subby. I felt a bit bad, but decided that it was best to just ask for what I wanted. I asked Reaction Junkie, “Would it ruin it for you if I asked you to say terrible things to me?” Without missing a beat, he slapped me across the face and said, “Shut up, whore.”*

I swooned. Reaction Junkie saw how positively I responded to his words and the slap. He took over and continued this treatment, degrading me and hurting me. I clearly remember thinking “What a clever boy” as he got a handle on the consensual misogyny quite quickly, calling me names, insulting women as a class, saying the kinds of terrible things that get me soaking wet. He hit me, hurt me, and choked me, treating me the way I crave being treated. His words and actions combined to put me in a lovely little subby headspace. When he started playing with my cunt again, I got into it, gasping and moaning. Reaction Junkie said, “Oh? Can I give you permission now?”, calling back to when I told him he couldn’t give me permission to orgasm because he hadn’t been taking his rightful place over me. He continued using his hands on me as I whimpered that of course he could give me permission. He continued rubbing my clit and fucking my cunt with his fingers, gave me permission, and managed to get me close to orgasm.**

By this point, I was both super turned on and super into Reaction Junkie. I said*** that we could have piv sex (whether by saying “Fuck me!” or asking more demurely, I can’t recall), and he took me up on that offer. I grabbed one of the condoms supplied by the space, gave it to Reaction Junkie, and he fucked me. Now, I had mentioned to him earlier that I was into forced impregnation/nonconsensual unprotected sex fantasies. Not one to let a chance to press someone’s buttons pass him by, after he came, Reaction Junkie leaned close and whispered into my ear, “Our baby is going to be beautiful.”

We chatted while we cleaned up the room, and then sat on a nearby couch for a while to cuddle and talk more. Eventually, we went off to do our own thing with other people at the party. Whenever we ran into each other, Reaction Junkie took a dominant attitude with the way he spoke and acted towards me. I had already been hoping to see more of him because of the fun we’d had the previous night, but seeing him in that new light made me even more eager to spend time with him. At one point, he even threatened to choke me out. Then, as I was leaving, I went over to him and was delighted when he grabbed my hair firmly to say goodbye. I smiled to myself as I walked to my car and drove home.

The next day, I texted him, “I had a great time last night! It hurts when I press on my sternum, which is the best. We should definitely hang out again sometime soon.” He responded, “I had a fantastic time too. Glad you enjoyed yourself. Let me know when you want to get together again soon.” “Soon” turned out to be the following Wednesday. And then again the very day I got back from my San Francisco/Colorado trip. We started to see each other most days out of the week. That became spending most nights together. Before I knew it, I had fallen for him, and he had fallen for me.

*Reaction Junkie likes to say this is when I fell in love with him. That’s not actually true. But it did flip a switch in the way I thought about him. I decided, “I need to spend a lot more time with this guy.”

**Reaction Junkie thinks I did get off, although my notes on the night say I got close. Either way, I know I was impressed with his hand stuff game.

***To be honest, I actually can’t remember who offered/suggested the piv sex. Either way, the important point is that I was more than ready to have him fuck me.

I took notes on the play party soon after it happened, but never wrote it up. I blame Reaction Junkie, since once I met him, my social life really picked up. But I decided to write it up now, months later, since I think a lot of you would be interested to see how our first date went and get a peek at the beginnings of our relationship.

I met Reaction Junkie at a Tuesday happy hour. He’d seen me around before, and I’m sure I’d seen him, but we hadn’t actually met. If I recall correctly, the night we finally met, I hit him and said some things to him. I think I was going through my phase where I was experimenting with consensual misandry. (I feel like I used to talk more while I was playing. It seems like I’ve gotten more self-conscious about what I say during play, especially from the d-side, but from the subby side, as well.) So, our interaction actually began with me being toppy/dommy towards him. It wasn’t even switchy. Things sure have changed.

The day after that, I sent him my customary “Thank you. I had a great time!” text that I try to send to people after spending time with them. When he responded, he said that if I wasn’t going out to a party that Friday, “I’m free that night as well and would love to see you.” I asked if he wasn’t planning to go to the party. He responded, “If given the option between going to [the party] or spending the night with you, I choose the latter.” When I read that, I thought to myself, “Duuude. This guy sounds like he’s already pretty into me. [LFB], you’re awesome.”

We made plans for me to pick him up and drive to the party. As I was driving to his place that Friday, I was thinking about what I wanted to do that night. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to play with him or how I wanted to play with him, but I figured I’d probably figure it out when I got there. I picked him off and we headed off to the party. I don’t remember the car ride in much detail, but I do recall having a conversation with him about what I wanted out of relationships. I’d been talking about that with Marxman. Through those conversations I had realized that, while I was enjoying my busy schedule, hanging out with different partners in different cities every other day or so, that’s not what I wanted. What I wanted, to quote Marxman, was “someone to come home to.”

At the time, that may have been a bit of an exaggeration, but the general sentiment rang true. So, when I was talking to Reaction Junkie in the car, I told him that I wanted to find someone with whom I would have a “shared emotional investment.” I had several partners, people I liked and enjoyed spending time with, but none of those relationships felt like they were moving in that direction. In fact, my main relationship would never move in that direction. I’d only spent (at most) a couple hours with Reaction Junkie before that night, but I felt comfortable opening up to him, and was already hoping that he might become a recurring partner. I never imagined that he would become my “someone to come home to.”

On Sunday, November 23, Reaction Junkie returned from being away for two weeks. It was the longest we’d been apart at that point, and I think it’s safe to say that we missed each other quite a bit. I picked him up from the airport at ridiculous o'clock in the morning, and started driving us back to my apartment. As we drove, he took my hand and put it on his crotch. He said that he was hard thinking about fucking me. I could feel how true that was through his pants, and grinned. It was a totally panty melting move on his part, especially because he doesn’t do things like that super often. Whenever he does, though, it gets me going like crazy.

When we got back to my place, we made the bed and then I made pancakes while he relaxed. Chocolate chip, just as he likes. When I brought out the food, I found him sitting in a chair, waiting for me. I gave him his plate, and as I was about to start eating my pancakes, he stopped me. He pointed at the floor and told me to eat from there. I smiled. I’d missed this sort of thing while he’d been gone. I put my plate on the floor and started eating like a good little puppy.

When we both finished eating, we headed to bed. As soon as we got there, we were on each other. Rolling around, kissing, touching. Each of us appreciating the presence of the other. We cuddled hard, and I was almost too excited to sleep. But then I got myself off and we both fell asleep for six hours. When we woke up, I cajoled Reaction Junkie into starting to teach me some rope, which I’d been saying I wanted to do for several weeks.

Little did he know, I’d already learned a few things. I’d decided that I would spend some of the extra free time I had while he was away learning rope. Partially because it just seemed like a good thing to learn as someone who bottoms for rope, partially because I thought it might be fun, but most of all, I decided to do it because bondage is basically Reaction Junkie’s top kink. I’m always game for him to tie me up, of course, and I can always slap some cuffs on him but I wanted to be able to top him for rope, as well. So, during the two weeks he was gone, I started learning rope.

I began with some simple online tutorials, focusing on some of the basics of tying knots. I also asked The Violinist to teach me some things. I even braved my extreme anxiety about and aversion to learning in public and asked Boy Genius to teach me during happy hour. I spent many hours while Reaction Junkie was gone practicing knots over and over again until I felt comfortable with them, and managed to figure out some ties on my legs. I had a great time doing so, and got a great deal of satisfaction out of learning something new. I dropped a few hints to Reaction Junkie about getting him a gift, and started scheming about how to reveal my new skills.

I decided that it would be most fun to have him start teaching me something and make it seem like I didn’t know what I was doing. Then, when he was patiently letting me use him to practice on for the umpteenth time, I would wow him by easily tying the knot and maybe even tying him up. If this was pool, I’d have been planning to hustle him.

Reaction Junkie wasn’t fully awake when he started teaching me. He put a couple wraps around my wrist and tied a knot, but when he pulled the rope to show me how it wouldn’t collapse, the whole thing came undone. We both laughed a little at this sleepyheaded move. I said, “Let me try,” and took his hand. He asked, “Has someone been teaching you rope?” I just gave him a little smile and confidently tied a somerville bowline. Then I looked up at him and said. “That’s what I got you while you were gone. I’ve been learning rope.” I watched his face for his reaction, and was gratified to see that he was very happy with the present.

Reaction Junkie watched me tie the knot again and said, “That’s hot.” I grinned and did a little happy butt wiggle, pleased that I’d been able to keep my rope learning a secret from him the whole time he’d been gone. I’m terrible at not telling people when I’m getting them something or doing something for them that I know they’ll be happy about, but this time I’d managed not to spoil the surprise.

Content Note: Feelings

I really appreciate all do the positive thoughts people are sending my way, and I’ll hopefully respond when life is less crazy.

I do want to make clear that the problems I’m having with Reaction Junkie have absolutely nothing to do with a d/s dynamic. It’s not at all about him being my dom and me being his sub. I don’t even think about him as “my dom,” especially since that’s not his natural inclination. I understand people might think that, though, and I do appreciate the messages about his responsibility to me as a sub. You’re completely right, and a lot of that is applicable to being in any kind of relationship, d/s or no. And I’m not upset about the messages at all. I just wanted to explain what’s going on. The d/s dynamic isn’t even on the radar as a source of issues. The issues are that he’s way more polyminded than I am and I have terrible self esteem. I’ve been having a really really really rough time dealing with poly stuff this week. The move and work stress just made it harder.

Even more feelings after the break. And some rough truths.

We had a big long tearful conversation last night, and I honestly don’t know where we’ll end up. I love him and don’t want to leave him, and he feels the same. But I have an extremely difficult time with this kind of relationship, and that makes things harder for him, as well. We’ve been sniping at each other all week, and my frustration and envy over not being able to meet people, while he finds people to make out with at happy hour, has been building and building.

I’m not honestly all that worried about him replacing me or finding someone he loves more. But I have this extremely negative visceral reaction when I see him play with others, and lately it’s been happening when he talks about playing with others, and even when I see him flitting. I have no idea what to do with that. I really hate it. Like, last Tuesday he showed someone how to do rope and said they made out, as well. And I was so upset. And honestly right now, thinking about it makes me want to do something like kick shit and throw stuff like like a toddler. Part of that is jealousy, but another bit part of it is also envy. I’m just so frustrated because I can’t did people as easily as him. Part of that is being more particular about who I do stuff with and the fact that there are a lot more decent women than fervent men. And part of it is the fact that he’s just better at talking to people, especially new people.

I just don’t know what to do about that visceral negative reaction when he plays with people. For one, it keeps me out of the upstairs at happy hour, which sucks. For another, I can’t stop it. Even if I stay downstairs and focus on a good conversation I’m having, or the person I’m flirting with, and even if at the time, I’m fine, at the end of the night, I’ll get upset. Not only does that suck for me, it sucks for Reaction Junkie. I try so so so hard not to, but I sometimes end up verbally lashing out. That, plus the fact that he just plain hates hurting me like that, makes it super unpleasant for Reaction Junkie. How long is he going to put up with it? Is the snapping at each other we’ve been doing lately evidence that he’s getting done with it?

How long will I put up with it? It feels like it’s getting harder, not easier, to deal with the visceral part. The other, theoretical stuff about him leaving me is easier, but this part is harder. Like, the other week I could not fucking get the picture of him doing stuff with the girl he lied to me about or with my friend at the party the other month out of my head. It was there when I tried to masturbate, fucking things up. And it was there when we played that Tuesday. Especially because the girl he lied to me about was sitting right across from us. And when he choked me, like he did with her, that’s all I could think about. The tears that scene were only about 10% pain from the scene. The rest were just sad, frustrated, confused, hurt tears. It didn’t happen last week, at least. I was able to do my scene with Reaction Junkie without being distracted by those thoughts.

We talked about the fact that he’s not that sexual, and that he’s kind of shitty and once he has sex with someone once, well, he’s less interested and wants to go find another shiny bauble. That’s my paraphrase of something he said, by the way. It sucked to have him basically say that he’d not ever going to be nearly as interested in sex with me as with some random new person. That’s what I heard, anyway. He also told me that one of the reasons we don’t have sex more is that, while he enjoys all the things we do, he’s most turned on by being bottoming. I knew that, and while he’s said similar things in the past, I’m not sure he’s ever outright admitted that. That hurt a lot to hear, even when I already knew it. Especially when I already knew kt. When we were talking about his low sex drive and everything, he kept telling me I should find someone else who will give me the physical affection I deserve.

We did talk solutions, at least about the sex stuff. I’m not so much concerned about the fact that sometimes he wants to do stuff with someone who is naturally toppier. I get that. I also want to do stuff with people who get off on topping and domming. He likes what we do, and when he does it, it fan be hella good, but it is different. And I’d like to have sex with people who are actively interested in sex with me. So, no, the fact that sometimes he wants to do stuff with someone for who topping is more natural isn’t the biggest problem. The bigger issue is that I want to have sex with him more. Nothing to do with other people, just plain wanting to have sex with my boyfriend more frequently. So we talked about actually finally doing some of the many things we’ve discussed in terms of him helping me get comfortable topping. At the very least, we’re going to schedule time on gcal like “LFB tied up Reaction Junkie and plays with his penis.”

I don’t know what we’re going to do. I cried writing this post this morning. I hope that things get easier when moving stress dies down, and I really hope work gets less stressful. I don’t want to end things, and honestly I don’t know how much better if be with any other relationship or with a different person. I’m tired of monogamy, since that doesn’t work. But at the same time, I’m really hating being poly right now. I’m willing to deal with a lot and put in a lot of effort because I think Reaction Junkie is worth it, and I want to stay with him. But when other life stressors increase, it makes the relationship stuff incredibly hard for me.

I felt somewhat better after we made the plan to schedule LFB topping time, and I think after the conversation in general. The conversation was ridiculously rough, though. I sobbed and punched the bed and kicked like a toddler having a tantrum. I walked away and ended up sitting in the shower (with it off) and crying and punching my leg in frustration. Reaction Junkie hid in the closet, laying on the floor. He got upset, he cried, he was frustrated. There were so many times it seemed like we were done talking, and there was absolutely no sense of closure. I don’t remember how the night ended, to be honest. I woke up in the morning in my clothes. I still never got that “we resolved stuff” feeling from the conversation, but I think part of that is that there are some things I’m just going to have to accept, like about our sex life, and about the fact that I need to put forth effort and fund some additional partners. When we first started dating, I was seeing multiple people, and I had an easier time. These days, I’m basically just seeing Reaction Junkie. As much as I love spending time with him, I also do agree with him that if I find more people, I’ll have an easier time.

It did still feel strained this morning, but some of that was probably the fact that we didn’t get any unpacking done last night. So things are still in mess, and it’s difficult to find stuff. I just wish I could give him a hug and hold him and have him hold me and tell me things will work out.

I feel dommy and toppy, or, more accurately, co-dommy and co-toppy, and queer the past couple days. I’m working on a fantasy in that vein and oops I masturbated to it when I got home and I’m only now coming out of the mini-coma I went into after getting off to that fantasy and then quickly getting off again when the guy in the fantasy switched so he and the other girl were co-domming me.

I just wanna be giggly and cute and sexy and sexual with another pretty lady while we tease and be mean to some silly boy to get our rocks off. Am I asking too much?

On Saturday (July 26, 2014) morning, I drove back to Puppy’s place to pick him up for our spa date. When we got to the mall, we walked through it to this Korean mall weirdly located within the main mall, and into the spa. We were waiting for his friends, and when one showed up, we learned that the other was having some serious issues getting there, so we decided to just go in.

The guys and I split up to go change, and we met up in the main common space. The first thing we did was to go into a quiet, dark area with mats in it. We relaxed quietly for a little while, and then Puppy led us in a bit of meditation. It was fine, but the way he was talking started to confirm my suspicions from our Friday night convo that he believes in woo. When we went to the first room, I realized I was right.

The common area was surrounded by a bunch of different rooms. Four of them (the salt room, the crystal room, the charcoal room, and the terracotta room) were hot rooms, and there was a cold room and a freezer room. All of them had signs outside about the supposed benefits each provided, which made me sigh. The other two seemed to buy it, though, which made me sigh even more. I decided to just ignore it and enjoy the different experiences each room offered because it just didn’t seem worth it to try to play the skeptic, especially with new people.

We first did the salt room and the crystal room (the woo in that one was palpable), both of which were enjoyably warm. I really like sweating, especially when I can just sit there and get sweaty. We spent some time in each of those, chatting a little, and spending a little time just relaxing. Then we headed to the terracotta room, which was significantly warmer than the other two. I loved it, even though the other two were kinda eager to get out. From there, they were cruel and heartless and made us go into the freezer room, through the cold room. It wasn’t -as- bad as I’d thought it would be, but I much preferred the hot rooms. When we left those torture chambers, we went into the charcoal room and warmed back up.

By that point, the other friend was there. I got introduced and, after a couple of minutes watching her interact with the boys, especially Puppy, it was very very easy to figure out that she was definitely a dom. She was very frazzled from the stressful stuff she’d had to deal with on her way there. Puppy is extroverted and very high energy and likes to talk and talk and talk and has questions and wants to know how things work. He’s very much like MLAM, actually. Except there aren’t any repercussions for grabbing his hair and smacking him in the face. Anyway, he was totally stressing out the other woman with his energy, so she kept giving him looks and saying threatening things and it was amazing. She and I were both kinda mean to him, which was super fun.

We all went through the rooms again, and had some good conversation. In the terracotta room, I had a fun moment with Puppy where I gave him a massage, and when everyone got up to leave, he had to wait because he had an erection. Haha, external genitalia. When we were done going through the rooms, we split up by gender again, and the other woman and I went to actually go to the spa part. We showered off, and tried out the sauna and the steam room briefly, both of which were a bit much for her. We got into the tea bath, which was interesting, and the hot hot tub. I attempted to try the cold tub, but that was just a no go.

As we were trying things out, we chatted, and she was very nice and offered to be a resource for me within the kink community, and even made sure that I knew about the somewhat dramatic stuff going on in Puppy’s life. I did know already, since he’d told me about 10 minutes in to meeting me, but it was nice of her to make sure I was aware. She told me that she thought he was a genuinely nice guy, just that I shouldn’t get too attached because of all the stuff going on. I wasn’t planning to get super attached, but really appreciated the heads-up and the concern for my well-being. It’s nice to have people look out for you. It gives me a sense of community, which is what I’ve been wanting ever since I graduated and left the community I had while in undergrad.

When we finished in the spa, we all went to the little cafe inside the spa. We shared some food and, as people were discussing food and cooking, I was texting The Fascist about my plans for the night, which involved cooking and cleaning, per his instructions. He suggested I tell Puppy to come over and cook for me. I wasn’t sure, but during the conversation, he kept talking about enjoying cooking, so eventually I invited him to come over and cook for me. He was super excited and agreed immediately.

Not long after we finished eating, the lady dom and I made the boys give us massages, which felt fantastic. It was an excellent end to a very relaxing adventure. Then we all changed and I drove Puppy back to my place.

U r all so lovely and depraved and I love how much u all get into misogyny and cruelty to women. It’s so fucked up and sexy. It’s almost always ridiculously hot too scroll down my dash and see all the rape and degradation and humiliation and pain and suffering being inflicted on women.

That said, tonight imma bring a boy over to my place, make him cook and clean four me, have him eat me out and get me off, push his head down on my dildo, hurt him, and then fuck him in the ass. And I’m going to enjoy the fuck out of it, as will he.