#no refunds

In 1821, the city of Kalamata was the first town liberated from the Ottomans in the Greek War of Independence.  When informed of the loss of the city, Ottoman Sultan Mahmud II got really salty and thought this was the pits.

Olive you deserve this.

In 220 CE, Chinese warlord Cao Cao died.  Historical records indicate that he was a talented administrator, and he strengthened the agricultural base and military power of the Han Dynasty.  He was also an accomplished poet, responsible for establishing the Jian'an style of verse.  Additionally, he was devastatingly handsome; so much so that to this day, people will talk about wanting some hot Cao Cao.

In 1663, Otto von Guericke finished his book on vacuums.  It was universally abhorred.

In 1885, during the Tonkin Campaign, the French captured the Vietnamese fortress of Bắc Ninh; they did so in few enough strokes to get to the clubhouse under par.

In 1864, an army of Prussian and Austrian troops decisively defeated a Danish army at the Battle of Dybbøl in the Second Schleswig War.  Though the fortress of Dybbøl had been under siege for over a week, the battle itself lasted just one day; thus, it was the first recorded daily Dybbøl.