#not proof read

Levi had never knew he could feel that much. He’d only ever felt a range of emotions ; anger , sadness, sometimes affection … It was rarely , or never, bright emotions , emotions that made the world looks like the sun had never shone higher and stronger. He felt, but his feelings tainted his world in grey , made his insides burn with a need for revenge and fighting. And he’d never complained about it, never tried to change it ,never tried to feel something else , something new ; because in this world,emotions were your greatest weakness. He didn’t want to feel love,he tried his best to avoid it and any other happy feeling ; because how could he fight,how could he kill , if his heart was too bright to endure it ?

But it seemed like life thought that Levi couldn’t spend his life running away from feelings , running away from what made people humans . Life had put you into Levi’s path, and it had gave you the key to unlock Levi’s well hidden emotions,the key to walk through his barriers as if they weren’t there,as if he hadn’t spent his whole life building them.

You made Levi feel , feel emotions he’d only heard of, but that he’d try to avoid like an incurable disease. He only had to look at you,to hear the sound of your voice , and he was then overwhelmed by a wave of warmth , his heart swelling inside his chest , his body filled by so many emotions he didn’t even think he could identify one and put a name on it.

And he was afraid of it. He was afraid of happiness , because he feared that these bright feelings he had would only hurt him more in the future ; because the more you felt , the more you had to lose,and Levi had already lost enough. He didn’t know how it’ll be if you ever disappeared , leaving him alone again,with only the memory of the love he’d felt.

Levi was afraid of losing you and losing the ability to feel , but he was more afraid of how he’d feel if you ever disappeared , and that he’d never tried to do anything. Yes,losing you will hurt him , but he didn’t want to risk you dying and giving him more regrets .He didn’t want to regret that he’d never confessed, that he’d never got to kiss you or admire you in the morning. He was afraid , but he knew too well how fragile life was , and how everyday could be your last. He didn’t want to be haunted by ‘what if" , and wanted to be able to remember how things had happened and felt instead of imagining how they could have gone.

Levi never knew he could feel that much, but he was willing to accept these feelings if it meant he could experience them with you.

the first time y/n tries to cuddle with a blushing and stuttering levi who can barely make a sentence

“You want …to…cuddle ?” Levi asked again,his brows so furrowed it looked as if you’d just asked him to resolve a particularly difficult math problem. You nodded to his question ,and he took in a deep,shaky breath,turning his eyes away from you and looking at the bed with a look of utter horror.

“We don’t have to,Levi…I just thought…If it makes you uncomfortabe,let’s not do it,okay ? It’s fine.”

Levi shook his head,still looking at the bed. “I don’t know how to do it.” he muttered,his voice so low you didn’t know if you’d heard him properly. A soft smile appeared on your face as you looked at him, being suddenly so vulnerable and far from his usual so composed self.

“It’s not something you learn to do, you just…follow your instinct while doing it,I guess ? But,again,we don’t have to do it.”

Levi shook his head again. “No let’s...” he coughed,trying to hide his stuttering . “Okay.Fine.But start because I don’t know how.”

Levi’s face had turned a bright shade of red,and it became an even deeper colour when you wrapped your arms around him and leant on the bed. The daylight disappeared as Levi buried his face into the crook of your neck,taking a deep,shaky breath at the same time. He could feel his heart beating faster than usual,and he suddenly wondered if you could hear it too.His arms stood by his side as he awkwardly tried to think of whatto do with them,and he suddenly felt like a little kid ; he didn’t remember ever being held like that,being held by someone and feeling their love through their embrace.

“Do you mind if I …?” he began, his hand a few inches from your waist as he waited for you to accept his touch, face still buried in your neck. You pressed a small kiss on his forehead,and Levi felt as if a thousand of fireworks had just exploded inside his body.

“No,Levi,I don’t mind at all.”

He knew he didn’t have to ask,knew you would prefer for him to just go for it and not wait for your approval before touching you ; but he was always afraid he might do something that made you feel bad,that hurt you and made you want to leave him. He wanted to touch you all the time,even if it was just something light,and he was afraid to do it and make you run away ; afraid that you might understand and fear how much he loved you and thought about you.

But he chased these thoughts away as he slowly wrapped his arms around, your bodies now so close to each other you almost became one. He was surrounded by your smell,every single part of his body touching one of yours ; and he suddenly felt so overwhelmed by his feelings,by the luck he had to experience something like this in such an horrible world , that he would have cried for the first time in what felt years if the moment hadn’t been so bright.

He pressed light kisses on your neck as your hands played with his hair ; and he felt a sudden urge to do a thousand things he never usually did : he wanted to hum ,wanted to express all his feelings,he wanted to smile,laugh and be happy. He felt as if all the happy feelings he’d never experienced through his years of despair had just suddenly appeared between your arms ; that you were the remedy for this curse he’d been living. You were bright,brighter than anything he’d ever seen and he didn’t know why you’d chose him,but he was happy you did.

He felt at peace between your arms,felt at peace just by being able to hold you,to linger his fingers over your skin,to enjoy your presence. And he thought that,after all,cuddling wasn’t so bad ; actually,he hoped you felt like him,and that you wouldn’t want to end it,that you wanted to hug him for all eternity and forget about everything else.