#nursing student
So as part of our clinical ladder in the PICU we have to get Trauma Nursing Core Course (TNCC) Certification to take care of level one trauma patients. I went to the class this week and I was super nervous because the information was mostly adult ER and not my expertise at all. I read the book and studied but I was freaked at the end of the second day when I took the 50 question written exam and then performed a clinical simulation.
At the end of the simulation I went to give the instructors my simulation scoring packet and see if I passed (you had to pass both sections with fairly high marks to be certified) and the ladies picked up my test and started whispering to each other and looking at it. I immediately thought I had failed!! The other woman motioned me closer and I prepared for the worst. Then she said, “based on your performance in the simulation check off and the exam you have been marked as someone who could become an instructor of a TNCC class. Does that interest you?” I was shocked but I never say no to new chances and experiences! Here’s to new things, followers!
I wrote a post a while ago about fear in the ICU and how it can be a good thing and keep us sharp (see post here) but I wanted to expand on that in the light of current personal events. I am a type A personality (surprise surprise coming from an ICU nurse) but I have been feeling for a long time that I have a lot more anxiety than the average person. I remember my fiancé asking me what I was thinking about one time and I told him all of the things I was worrying about and planning for and he looked at me with a look of horror on his face. I realized then that not everybody has a constant stream of to-do lists, regrets, worries, and anxiety running through their head.
I wrote it off as a personality quirk for a while and tested the waters with friends asking if they ever felt like I did. I got mixed replies and overall just wrote it off. In the past few months I was having a lot of anxiety to the point that I didn’t want to go out in big crowds, I was getting debilitating tension headaches, and I was starting to see the impact on my relationships. I decided to talk to my PCP about it and she diagnosed me with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Strangely I felt relieved. I was relieved that I didn’t have to leave events early because of my neck pain and headaches. Relieved that this wasn’t just “my personality” and that it was something I could work through. Relieved when my doctor reminded me that I could be an amazing ICU nurse without my anxiety and that my skills and training were what made me good, not my disorder.
A little bit of fear and planning can keep us sharp in the ICU but please don’t delay in asking for help if you ever feel like I did. I’m sure I have other colleagues who have struggled with disorders and managing them with their jobs so I urge you to reach out to friends, coworkers, your PCP, or your counselor if you feel like you are constantly anxious or depressed or even if you are just overwhelmed. Nursing is not easy and we deserve to treat ourselves with as much care and respect as we treat our patients.
