#okay let’s see how many unfollows i get

as someone who came into this assuming amber heard was in the wrong (based on only knowing the snippets and memes i saw on social media), i get it. i get jumping immediately to depp’s side to finally make the case that men suffer too. that’s an issue that has long been over-looked, sure, and this seems like the perfect opportunity to prove it. but… i’m not so sure.

the reason this is happening right here, right now, with this case, is because amber heard is an easy target. it’s easy to make her the sacrifice thrown to the fire to prove that women care about men being abused too — because she is the first major metoo victim that does not in any way follow the “perfect victim” archetype. she clearly has said and done bad things, sure. and it definitely is true, men can be abused as well, and abuse is not committed solely by women. but jumping on this case as your excuse to show that you believe that to be true is incredibly fucked up. these are real people and a real relationship, and this is a real woman you’re vilifying to prove your righteousness despite all the evidence to contrary. amber has done many shitty things, sure, but i spent hours going into the weeds of everything and, despite coming in leaning towards depp (!!!!!! i really was originally!!!), i’m now deeply appalled at social media’s response to heard and this trial in general. this is not the “believe men!” moment you think it is. do not take that genuinely good and important cause and stain it by making johnny depp its mascot. this case is not the time we’ve all been waiting for to show how important it is to support men too. it is a brutal smear campaign against a victim of abuse and in ten years, all of you will be talking about how awful it was that everyone fell for it at the time.

i genuinely believe that it is not possible to believe depp is an innocent party if you spend a lot of time reading through the evidence and doing actual research rather than bandwagoning. it was an abusive relationship through and through, and both were horrible to each other. but — depp was the aggressor and heard’s abuse was reactionary. both experienced suffering and trauma, but the fact remains: depp had the power in that relationship in every conceivable way. he says as much — in one tape, he curses and screams at her for daring to ‘pretend to be authoritative’ to him and says that she can’t do that, she knows she can’t do that, and the recording ends on him yelling “you don’t exist!” just look at his texts to his friends — innocent good husbands who do not hate their wife or do horrible shit usually do not call their wife a waste of a cum guzzler and fantasize about drowning and burning her then fucking her to make sure she’s dead. there’s a recording of him where he, after threatening to cut amber w a knife, tries to force her to cut him as she, through tears, begs him not to hurt himself. now, i know many men who have suffered from depression. none of them have ever tried to force a knife into their partner’s hands and begged the partner to cut them, then called their partner a “pussy” for refusing to do so. that is not typical depressed behavior and should not be excused as such, especially because it stigmatizes mental illness even more and makes it harder for others struggling with depression. he admitted to headbutting her in the forehead, said in recordings ‘i didn’t even get physical THIS TIME’ and shit like that, made constant references to ‘the monster’ that came out of him whenever he drank/did drugs, etc etc etc. and note that these are INCITING actions. heard hitting depp in response to his attacking her is a REACTIONARY one.

so please please PLEASE stop making excuses for men so you can get your Good Feminist card and prove you’re not like those other Bad Feminists Who Shouldnt Be Taken Seriously, that you’re a GOOD woman, and therefore you shouldn’t be lumped in with the stereotype because YOU, you’re not a typical crazy woman — you’re logical and rational and you care about men. but the thing is, saying depp is innocent is not logical or rational. you are virtue signaling too, yall. that’s what all of this is. i know because i used to do the exact same thing!! all the time!!! so please learn some self-awareness and look at the facts and evidence in front of you, look at it through a lens of power dynamics and domestic abuse, look at it seriously, take both testimonies seriously, and do not form your opinions from memes on tiktok or two sentence tweets or even this post. if you feel compelled to have a strong opinion on this (despite this being a domestic violence issue between two rich white strangers that have nothing to do with you — although i do get it, clearly i’m guilty of it too), then please, please base it in the reality of these people’s relationship and not because you want it to be the symbol of a movement or because you saw people saying shit on social media.