A problem I have when reading romance novels is I cannot empathize with disliking someone but finding them attractive regardless. If I dislike someone I’m like “You are like a wadded up ball of sweaty socks and I want you to burn in a pyre, undying and screaming for days”
“He infuriated her, though she was willing to admit he was a handsome man” I couldn’t begin to tell you what the people I dislike look like because I see red instantly. If you were like “Is he the blond one” I’d be like “idk he’s the one who most looks like he should die”
I’ve been struggling to find the right words for this in the last few weeks, but I think it is important to be said even if they’re not perfect. For those of you who know me, you’re aware I’ve had a depression for the last couple years and for a long time fandom was my escape- I could create fic or art, read others stories and actually feel something.
When I first stumbled into the Vikings fandom, there were these little cliques that didn’t really feel all that welcoming. I was lucky to speak to Melon and Maggie- sadly some others too that turned out to not really be my friends in the end, but I’m not going to name any of those. I had this stupid idea of trying to connect people more in this fandom through the Big Bang and a discord server, to help built a healthy fandom, to make it possible that people could hone their craft by exchanging tips and enjoy just talking with each other about the content they love. But alas it appears this effort was fruitless. Some people apparently did not like a “threat” to their self-proclaimed Queen status. Even though I never wanted to take anything away from them. Gods forbid we would’ve been all on the same level of enjoyment in regards of the fandom.
I’m neither a threat, nor intimidating, nor the kind of person others like to make of me. The people who really know me- not the ones who talk shitjust to hear themselves talk- can confirm this any day.
Now though, I can say it’s really tiring to put so much energy into something and then have to realize that some of the friends I made were no friends at all. And I feel foolish for ever having thought otherwise. There are certain people in this fandom who will immediately slide into your dms and act all nice and friendly, only to poison you about others and draw you into their toxic circle. Beware, is all I can tell you, not everyone has your best interests in mind.
You might ask yourself why I say all this and I’m getting there, don’t worry, I just feel like all this needs to be said first.
Bottom line is, I will take a break from the Vikings fandom, which includes both art and fic. All this drama I’ve been through since September 2021 and ongoing with the added bonus of defamation and someone stealing my art just leaves a bad taste in my mouth about this fandom.
Mind, there are wonderful people I’ve had the pleasure of getting to know as well and it hurts to know I’ll let them down in some way or another. I will move on for now and possibly write for Vikings: Valhalla and maybe even go back to Good Omens or Teen Wolf, I don’t know yet, but I wanted you to be aware of it. I also did take some of my fics down on tumblr and have some others on hold on AO3, in case you don’t find them anymore.
If or when I come back, I can’t tell. My motivation to create and enjoy this fandom is gone. Sure, I might reblog someones content and in some cases even read fic, but that won’t mean I’m back. The Vikings Big Bang Winter ‘22 that I host with Eva will go on as planned and I will try my utmost to create good content for my authors. That’s all. I hope the people hating me so much are happy now. Congratulations, you drove me away.
