#orkney bros

Gaheris: Not that I’m complaining, but Mordred just walked up and punched Ywaine in the kidney.

Gawain: Huh. Has he stopped swinging yet?

Gaheris: Sort of. He’s kicking him now.

Gawain: Any explanation?

Gaheris: Dunno. Something about promises.

Gawain: Oh, yeah. You should probably stop him before we’ve got a corpse on our hands.

Gaheris: What’s it worth to you?

Gawain: If we have to bury our cousin because you wouldn’t get off our ass I’m digging a second hole for you.

Gaheris: Think you can?

Gawain: I won’t even need the sunlight to help.

Gaheris: Whatever. I guess I can cut in.

Mordred: Are you sure we can’t kill them all?

Galahad: Yes.

Mordred: Please?

Galahad: That would be murder.

Mordred: Not if they attack us first!

Galahad: If you instigate another fight before we get home I’m not helping.

Mordred: You don’t mean that.

Galahad: Do you really want to find out?

Gareth: So you’re dry now, huh?

Mordred: I was never an alcoholic. I just can’t stand the smell anymore.

Gareth: I always wondered why you stopped drinking. This makes sense.

Mordred: Wonderful. Now if you could just keep this to yourself, we’ll be fine.

Gareth: I know. I’ve got your embarrassing stories, you’ve got mine.

Mordred: Mutually assured destruction.

Gareth: Isn’t that the family motto?

Mordred: Are the Ls going to come rescue you from your mean old family?

Gareth: Fuck you.

Mordred: I know you’re going for an edgier look now that Ywaine’s outshone your optimistic naivety, but you need to expand your vocabulary if you’re going to start cursing now.

Mordred: You didn’t have to hit me! We were having a perfectly reasonable text conversation.

Gareth: I feel better now.

Mordred: So you can break camp.