steve’s eyes were glued on y/n as she went around greeting everyone. she looked different. he couldn’t place why. her gaze would flutter over to his, before being returned to whoever was at hand. she did not process the interactions that she was making as her thoughts were occupied by him. she missed him so much she could burst. she needed him like she needed air.
and then, she reached him. he had been dreaming of this moment for months. “steve,” she exhaled, softly smiling. he looked different, healthier. he grasped her hand and pulled her in for a hug. he couldn’t help himself. everything in his body was screaming at him to just hold her. he held her with a desperation, one that she felt. for a second, it felt like everything was going to be alright. then, reality came crashing back.
she pulled away and opened her mouth to say something, but was interrupted. “y/n, i’ve heard many things about you.”
she ripped her eyes away from steve and to the man on his right. “oh, thor!” she couldn’t mask the surprise in her voice.
“yes,” the long haired man beamed.
“listen, i’m sorry for not replying to your text. i’ve had a lot on my plate,” she stole a look at steve who had involuntarily quirked an eyebrow. “with work and all,” she added.
hope sparked in steve’s heart. she didn’t text thor. did this mean that she felt something for steve? then, a second realization dawned on him; she never sent him a request for the money. there had to have been a reason aside from being busy or forgetting.
as fate had a funny way of conducting its business, y/n ended up sitting in between steve and thor at the dinner table. she anxiously played with the ends of her hair, keeping her focus on the glass of wine in front of her. thor would occasionally chatter to her but she would reply with short answers.
steve could see that she was obviously nervous. he wanted to comfort her but the words evaded him.
“more wine?” sam asked the guests, holding out a bottle.
“please,” y/n raised her glass. “steve?” she glanced over her shoulder to him.
“uh, no,” he cleared his throat, “i actually quit drinking.” he leaned back in his chair, searching her expression.
“oh, that’s good. i’m happy for you,” she gave him a genuine smile. “takes a lot of willpower. a lot that i don’t have,” the exhaustion was evident on her face.
“well, i just smoke weed now,” he shrugged.
she burst into laughed and he felt his chest swell. “trading vices,” she joked.
the corners of his mouth lifted and his posture relaxed as sam refilled her glass. “so, how have you been?” he asked.
she angled her body towards him and answered, “it’s been rough but i’m pushing through.”
“it’s been rough for you? you’re the one who-” he sat straight up, his gestures becoming erratic before she cut him off.
“this is not the time or the place for this conversation,” she lowered her voice.
“when is? when are we gonna talk about how you curb-stomped my heart?”
“curb-stomped?” she scoffed, “you’re taking this a bit far now, steve.” he was getting her riled up in only the way that he could.
“no, i’m completely serious. you basically RKO’d me in my feelings,” he crossed his arms over his chest, scowling.
“well, i cannot take you seriously if that’s the vernacular that you’re choosing,” she shook her head.
“that’s the problem! you never take me seriously.”
“it’s not a party if y/n and steve don’t argue,” natasha smirked from across the table.
a chorus of denials was heard from the two. “oh no, we were just chatting, like two civilized human beings,” y/n shot a glare at steve before giving the redhead a charming grin.
“somethings just never change,” sam laughed.
the rest of dinner went by without any major hiccups. slowly, everyone left one by one. natasha left as she had work early in the morning but y/n stayed back to help clean up. she was finishing up loading the dishwasher when she heard something clatter. she flinched and turned around. steve had dropped a spoon.
“oh, you scared me,” she pressed a hand to her chest, “i thought you left.
“still here,” he gave a small smile. he picked the spoon up off the ground and handed it to her. she put it in its spot, threw in a detergent pod, and closed it.
“i think that’s everything,” she sighed.
“alright i just sorted out the recycling. i think that’s the last of it,” sam closed the front door behind him, “thanks for staying and helping out. i’d offer you a ride home, but i had a couple glasses of wine.”
“no worries, i’ll just get a uber or whatever.” she turned around to wipe her hands.
sam looked at steve, expectantly. what? steve mouthed. sam made a driving motion with his hands and then pointed at her. steve gave him a panicked look.
“well, i should call an uber,” she turned back around.
steve cleared his throat and said, “i can give you a ride home.”
“oh, i’ll be fine,” she waved him off.
“y/n, it’s late. let me drive you home.”
she looked at him and released a deep breath. “okay,” she nodded.
and so, the pair was off. she felt a weird sense of deja-vu, sitting in his passenger’s seat. she sat, stiff as a board. “you can relax. i don’t bite,” he chuckled.
she let her shoulders drop. “sorry,” she mumbled.
“for what?”
“everything.”
the rest of the ride was silent. mostly because neither of them knew what to say. he pulled up to the curb outside her apartment and put the jeep in park. in the time she grabbed her purse and double checked she had everything, he had hopped out of the car and opened her door. “thanks but you don’t have to walk me up. i’ll be fine,” she told him once she had exited.
“it’s late. i should.”
“it’s fine.”
“why won’t you let me help you?”
at his response, she sucked in a breath. “you can walk me up, then.”
“no, honestly. why do you keep pushing me away? i know everything that went down in boston was real. there’s no way in hell you faked that behind closed doors.” he stuffed his hands in his pockets so that she wouldn’t see they were shaking.
“steve, i’m tired-”
“no. i deserve an answer.”
“i don’t know.”
“yes, you do.”
“fine!” she exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air. “i’m fucking scared because i’m not good enough for you. if we started dating for real, it’ll just be a matter of time until you see that.”
“y/n,” his voice softened, “what would make you think that?”
“have you seen your family?! you guys are like a hallmark movie. i would never fit in.”
“but you did fit in,” he took a step closer to her. “they all loved you.”
“no, steve. they loved the lie.” she began pacing, bringing her hand up to twist the ends of her hair.
“the only thing that was fake was the label on us. you didn’t change anything about yourself.”
“still. how will they react when they find out the truth?”
“who gives a shit?” he spread his hands. “i want you and you’re more than good enough. i don’t know what else to tell you.”
“if you want me then why are we always arguing? it won’t work.”
“we’re always arguing because i’ve wanted you from the minute i laid my eyes on you, y/n. you had a boyfriend when we met. what was i supposed to do? ruin your relationship?”
she stopped in her tracks, locking his eyes. “i-” she began but then stopped. she reached up to rub the spot between her eyebrows. “i can’t have this conversation,” he grimaced at her words and turned his head away as she continued, “when i’m not sober and it’s 2 in the morning.”
“there’s always something with you. are you just gonna put us off forever?” he clenched his jaw. he wanted her so badly. he couldn’t understand why she couldn’t get it through her head that he didn’t care about anything else. the whole world could end, but if he was at her side then it would be a blissful death.
she ran her hand through her hair and shrugged. “i don’t know anything, anymore.”
“okay then, let’s get inside. i’m not gonna freeze my ass off for no reason.”
“so you’re saying you want me, but this is not reason enough?”
“oh my god, y/n. i’m laying my heart out in front of you and you keep finding new ways to fuck with it. what do you want from me?”
“i’m sorry,” she shook her head, “i’m just not in the right state of mind. we’re gonna keep going in circles.”
he nodded then gestured toward the door. she brought her lip between her teeth and then let it go with a sigh. he wanted nothing more than to just grab her and kiss her. but, she turned around and went to put in the code on the keypad. he followed behind her. the elevator ride up to her floor was silent. they got to her apartment. she unlocked the door. when she stepped in, he turned to leave.
“steve,” she said.
he glanced over his shoulder, back at her. he felt hope, for a moment.
steve’s eyes were glued on y/n as she went around greeting everyone. she looked different. he couldn’t place why. her gaze would flutter over to his, before being returned to whoever was at hand. she did not process the interactions that she was making as her thoughts were occupied by him. she missed him so much she could burst. she needed him like she needed air.
and then, she reached him. he had been dreaming of this moment for months. “steve,” she exhaled, softly smiling. he looked different, healthier. he grasped her hand and pulled her in for a hug. he couldn’t help himself. everything in his body was screaming at him to just hold her. he held her with a desperation, one that she felt. for a second, it felt like everything was going to be alright. then, reality came crashing back.
she pulled away and opened her mouth to say something, but was interrupted. “y/n, i’ve heard many things about you.”
she ripped her eyes away from steve and to the man on his right. “oh, thor!” she couldn’t mask the surprise in her voice.
“yes,” the long haired man beamed.
“listen, i’m sorry for not replying to your text. i’ve had a lot on my plate,” she stole a look at steve who had involuntarily quirked an eyebrow. “with work and all,” she added.
hope sparked in steve’s heart. she didn’t text thor. did this mean that she felt something for steve? then, a second realization dawned on him; she never sent him a request for the money. there had to have been a reason aside from being busy or forgetting.
as fate had a funny way of conducting its business, y/n ended up sitting in between steve and thor at the dinner table. she anxiously played with the ends of her hair, keeping her focus on the glass of wine in front of her. thor would occasionally chatter to her but she would reply with short answers.
steve could see that she was obviously nervous. he wanted to comfort her but the words evaded him.
“more wine?” sam asked the guests, holding out a bottle.
“please,” y/n raised her glass. “steve?” she glanced over her shoulder to him.
“uh, no,” he cleared his throat, “i actually quit drinking.” he leaned back in his chair, searching her expression.
“oh, that’s good. i’m happy for you,” she gave him a genuine smile. “takes a lot of willpower. a lot that i don’t have,” the exhaustion was evident on her face.
“well, i just smoke weed now,” he shrugged.
she burst into laughed and he felt his chest swell. “trading vices,” she joked.
the corners of his mouth lifted and his posture relaxed as sam refilled her glass. “so, how have you been?” he asked.
she angled her body towards him and answered, “it’s been rough but i’m pushing through.”
“it’s been rough for you? you’re the one who-” he sat straight up, his gestures becoming erratic before she cut him off.
“this is not the time or the place for this conversation,” she lowered her voice.
“when is? when are we gonna talk about how you curb-stomped my heart?”
“curb-stomped?” she scoffed, “you’re taking this a bit far now, steve.” he was getting her riled up in only the way that he could.
“no, i’m completely serious. you basically RKO’d me in my feelings,” he crossed his arms over his chest, scowling.
“well, i cannot take you seriously if that’s the vernacular that you’re choosing,” she shook her head.
“that’s the problem! you never take me seriously.”
“it’s not a party if y/n and steve don’t argue,” natasha smirked from across the table.
a chorus of denials was heard from the two. “oh no, we were just chatting, like two civilized human beings,” y/n shot a glare at steve before giving the redhead a charming grin.
“somethings just never change,” sam laughed.
the rest of dinner went by without any major hiccups. slowly, everyone left one by one. natasha left as she had work early in the morning but y/n stayed back to help clean up. she was finishing up loading the dishwasher when she heard something clatter. she flinched and turned around. steve had dropped a spoon.
“oh, you scared me,” she pressed a hand to her chest, “i thought you left.
“still here,” he gave a small smile. he picked the spoon up off the ground and handed it to her. she put it in its spot, threw in a detergent pod, and closed it.
“i think that’s everything,” she sighed.
“alright i just sorted out the recycling. i think that’s the last of it,” sam closed the front door behind him, “thanks for staying and helping out. i’d offer you a ride home, but i had a couple glasses of wine.”
“no worries, i’ll just get a uber or whatever.” she turned around to wipe her hands.
sam looked at steve, expectantly. what? steve mouthed. sam made a driving motion with his hands and then pointed at her. steve gave him a panicked look.
“well, i should call an uber,” she turned back around.
steve cleared his throat and said, “i can give you a ride home.”
“oh, i’ll be fine,” she waved him off.
“y/n, it’s late. let me drive you home.”
she looked at him and released a deep breath. “okay,” she nodded.
and so, the pair was off. she felt a weird sense of deja-vu, sitting in his passenger’s seat. she sat, stiff as a board. “you can relax. i don’t bite,” he chuckled.
she let her shoulders drop. “sorry,” she mumbled.
“for what?”
“everything.”
the rest of the ride was silent. mostly because neither of them knew what to say. he pulled up to the curb outside her apartment and put the jeep in park. in the time she grabbed her purse and double checked she had everything, he had hopped out of the car and opened her door. “thanks but you don’t have to walk me up. i’ll be fine,” she told him once she had exited.
“it’s late. i should.”
“it’s fine.”
“why won’t you let me help you?”
at his response, she sucked in a breath. “you can walk me up, then.”
“no, honestly. why do you keep pushing me away? i know everything that went down in boston was real. there’s no way in hell you faked that behind closed doors.” he stuffed his hands in his pockets so that she wouldn’t see they were shaking.
“steve, i’m tired-”
“no. i deserve an answer.”
“i don’t know.”
“yes, you do.”
“fine!” she exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air. “i’m fucking scared because i’m not good enough for you. if we started dating for real, it’ll just be a matter of time until you see that.”
“y/n,” his voice softened, “what would make you think that?”
“have you seen your family?! you guys are like a hallmark movie. i would never fit in.”
“but you did fit in,” he took a step closer to her. “they all loved you.”
“no, steve. they loved the lie.” she began pacing, bringing her hand up to twist the ends of her hair.
“the only thing that was fake was the label on us. you didn’t change anything about yourself.”
“still. how will they react when they find out the truth?”
“who gives a shit?” he spread his hands. “i want you and you’re more than good enough. i don’t know what else to tell you.”
“if you want me then why are we always arguing? it won’t work.”
“we’re always arguing because i’ve wanted you from the minute i laid my eyes on you, y/n. you had a boyfriend when we met. what was i supposed to do? ruin your relationship?”
she stopped in her tracks, locking his eyes. “i-” she began but then stopped. she reached up to rub the spot between her eyebrows. “i can’t have this conversation,” he grimaced at her words and turned his head away as she continued, “when i’m not sober and it’s 2 in the morning.”
“there’s always something with you. are you just gonna put us off forever?” he clenched his jaw. he wanted her so badly. he couldn’t understand why she couldn’t get it through her head that he didn’t care about anything else. the whole world could end, but if he was at her side then it would be a blissful death.
she ran her hand through her hair and shrugged. “i don’t know anything, anymore.”
“okay then, let’s get inside. i’m not gonna freeze my ass off for no reason.”
“so you’re saying you want me, but this is not reason enough?”
“oh my god, y/n. i’m laying my heart out in front of you and you keep finding new ways to fuck with it. what do you want from me?”
“i’m sorry,” she shook her head, “i’m just not in the right state of mind. we’re gonna keep going in circles.”
he nodded then gestured toward the door. she brought her lip between her teeth and then let it go with a sigh. he wanted nothing more than to just grab her and kiss her. but, she turned around and went to put in the code on the keypad. he followed behind her. the elevator ride up to her floor was silent. they got to her apartment. she unlocked the door. when she stepped in, he turned to leave.
“steve,” she said.
he glanced over his shoulder, back at her. he felt hope, for a moment.
steve had a rough summer, to say the least. after wallowing in self pity for a few days, he fell into a routine. he did just enough to get by at work, then would release his tensions at the gym before going home and drinking whatever bottle of alcohol he had grabbed from the grocery store in a futile attempt to forget her. when he closed his eyes, all he saw was her. when he tossed and turned in bed at night, her smell lingered. he didn’t know where it wafted in from or if it was just a figment of his imagination, but he reveled in every moment of it. on the rare night that he was sober, he would take his motorcycle out for a ride through the city. the fresh air cleared his head.
almost three months after he had returned from the trip, he finally began to unpack his suitcase which had been thrown in the hallway closet. he began shoveling the clothing into a laundry hamper when he came across the shirt she had worn to sleep. he ran his fingertips over the faded graphic. he could taste their champagne laced kiss on his tongue. he closed his eyes and released a deep breath. he felt his cells tingling as he relived the moment; the feeling her waist under his hands, the smell of the blooming flowers and the aftermath of rain, the way the dim lighting caused her eyelashes to cast a shadow on her face.
“oh, y/n,” he whispered.
he had never gotten his heart broken, before. he had always been the heartbreaker. he had never felt pain akin to the one that he was experiencing. it was as though he had left a piece of him on the curb outside of her apartment with her and her belongings. why didn’t she want him? what was holding her back?
often enough, he wondered where he went wrong. the question bounced around his head when he would thumb through his camera roll, looking at pictures of her, when he would be on his commute to work, and when he was in the shower.
the scalding water thrummed against his back as he washed the shampoo out of his hair. the temperature was almost painful, but he didn’t notice. suddenly, he heard her laughter ringing around the house. he paused, making sure he was hearing correctly.
“y/n?” he called out. he strained as he searched for her voice. he was craving her. he turned the water off, trying to hear better. “y/n?” no reply. he stepped out of the shower and quickly wrapped a towel around his hips. he threw open the bathroom door and stepped out into his apartment. “y/n?” he looked around and discovered that his tv was on. she was not there.
he sat down on the couch and switched the tv off with the remote. he put his elbows on his knees and held his head in his hands for a moment. where did i go wrong? he thought.
that night, he drank more than he usually did. his foggy mind decided that he wanted to go out for a ride. he looked at himself in the mirror above his dresser. he didn’t know who was staring back at him. he had bulked up due to the hours at the gym. he shrugged on his leather jacket and a pair of shoes, tucked his helmet under his arm and went off to the parking garage.
the drive started off as smooth as it could be in his inebriated state. the roads were mostly empty, the faint sounds of traffic in the distance. the fresh air wasn’t clearing his thoughts. he felt like he was being suffocated. he switched gears and accelerated. then, he saw it out of the corner of his eye; a cat. it darted out in front of him. he slammed on the brakes and attempted to maneuver the motorcycle to skid to halt, but he lost control. it slid onto its side and out from under him. he rolled to absorb the impact and saw, just in time, the motorcycle hitting a pole.
he stood up, catching his breath and patting his stomach and his sides. he examined himself. there was not a scratch on him. he released a shaky breath and approached the motorcycle. on the other side of it, the cat sat. it meowed at steve.
he sat down on the curb and removed his helmet, scratching the back of his head. he couldn’t process what had just happened. he reached into the inner pocket of his jacket and pulled out his phone. the screen illuminated his face in a wash of blue light. he went to his recent calls, clicked on the contact on the top, and put his phone to his ear. he pressed his other hand against his thigh to keep it from shaking.
“hey, man. can you pick me up?”
sam came to steve’s rescue in his truck. they loaded the totaled motorcycle into his trunk and drove to sam’s place in silence. sam unlocked the front door and gestured for his friend to enter. “we’ll talk in the morning,” he told him.
he nodded while nudging his shoes off then headed for the couch. he draped his jacket over the arm and grabbed a throw pillow to clutch against his chest. he closed his eyes and when he fell asleep, he dreamt of y/n.
the following morning, sam woke steve up. the blond freshened up in the bathroom and returned to a cup of coffee. “what you did last night was unacceptable,” sam told him. “you could’ve gotten hurt or you could’ve died. what if there was a car? you could’ve killed somebody, steve.” the man stood with his arms crossed, leaning against the counter. “what’s going on with you?”
“i keep asking myself that,” steve answered. “i don’t know.”
“well, you have two options. go to rehab or i’ll file a police report. you can’t go on like this. you’ve been drinking heavily since you came back from bos-”
“i know,” steve cut him off. “you’re right, sam. it’s time for a change.”
and so steve took sam’s advice. he took a leave of absence from work and checked into rehab. he stayed there for two weeks and when he checked out, he felt more at peace with himself. his heart was still captivated by y/n, but his thoughts were no longer completely plagued by her. he would still lie awake at night thinking about her soft skin and the twinkle in her eyes right before she told a joke. most of the time, he was able to shake the thoughts off, turn onto his side, and fall fast asleep.
that is, until he saw her at sam’s house. the second he saw natasha enter his heart began racing. he didn’t see her but he could feel her heart calling out to his. he nervously greeted natasha and began fidgeting with a napkin. a minute later, she entered with sam, eyes trained on the ground. he couldn’t tear his gaze away from her. she looked up, her eyes meeting his. the floodgates opened and all his feelings for her came rushing back.
y/n never ended up sending steve the venmo request. upon the arrival to her apartment, she kicked off her shoes and collapsed onto her bed. she sobbed into her pillow. she could not handle the pain of her consequences. there was nothing else in the world that she wanted more than steve. she had never yearned for anything so badly. she felt as if she had ripped out a piece of her soul and left it in his car.
an hour or so later, she collected herself and stepped out of her room to find herself home alone. she let out a sigh of relief, and returned to her room. she opened the window and unpacked her suitcase. she changed her sheet, put on a load of laundry, and took a quick shower before sitting down in front of the television with a glass of wine in hand. she has been through enough heartbreaks to know that the world would not stop for her. she did not realize that she had been shaking the whole time until she brought the wine glass to her lips. after taking a small sip, she placed it on the coffee table and wrung her hands out.
“no more crying,” she told herself as a tear slipped down her cheek.
things were not much better for steve. he drove straight to the gym. he parked, popped the trunk, and opened his suitcase to look for work-out appropriate gear. all of his clothes had been neatly folded by y/n. his heart skipped a beat and then broke a little more. he rummaged through until he found a pair of sweatshorts and a t-shirt. after changing, he went straight for the punching bag. he wrapped his hands and set it up with no effort and then began his assault. he let out his pain, frustration, and sadness with each jab. her words echoed in his head and he could not shake them off. he swung around and kicked his leg out, nailing the bag a little too hard and causing it to fall from the hook. he glared at it, chest heaving. he could feel the stares of the other people there. he put the punching bag away and unwrapped his hands. he was shaking.
steve called into work the next day, saying he had a headache. it was true. he spent the day in his room, a glass of scotch never too far away.
y/n forced herself to get ready for work. she felt like shit. she was exhausted psychically and emotionally and her mind, body, and heart all screamed at her to stop but she pushed through. when she emerged from her room in the morning, natasha was in the kitchen, her morning coffee in hand.
“you look like shit,” she commented, bringing the mug to her lips to blow on the steaming contents.
“traveling is exhausting,” y/n replied. she headed to the fridge and opened in, glancing inside to see if there was anything that would make her appetite return. there wasn’t.
“how was it?” the redhead asked.
“it went,” she paused, searching for the right words, “as expected. we argued a lot.” she sent out a little prayer to any god that was listening that her roommate wouldn’t press the matter. she would fall apart if she had to talk about it. she grabbed a can of cold brew from the door of the fridge and cracked it open. she hoped it wasn’t obvious that her hands were shaking.
“i guess my predictions were off,” natasha chuckled.
y/n exhaled a small sigh of relief and offered her a small smile. “you can say that,” she remarked.
she made it through the workday with only three breaks to the bathroom to cry and wipe her snot away with scratchy toilet paper. after she left, she went home where she threw ingredients from the pantry and fridge into a pan to make some semblance of a meal. she poured herself a glass of wine, picked at her dinner, then stepped into the shower. she retired to her room where she watched a random show. eventually, she was lulled into a dreamless sleep. she awoke the next morning to a text from an unknown number.
Hello. It’s Thor. Steve gave me your number :)
she deleted the text.
all of her days blurred into one. she did the same thing everyday, with the exception of a grocery run and trip to the liquor store once a week. natasha would invite her to go out and she would politely decline. soon enough, summer neared its end. it hung over her like a storm cloud.
she was laying in bed with a throw blanket on and watching a sitcom when there was a knock on her door. she paused the show. “come in,” she called.
natasha pushed open the door and leaned against the wall. her curtains were drawn, but a cool breeze caused them to flutter. she knew something had happened between her and steve, as they were both in the same state of melancholy but neither of them told anyone the events of the trip. she knew she would find out eventually. she was an expert at the waiting game. “you have two options,” she began. “come with me to sam’s labor day party,” she held up her index finger, “or let your social life die in this room with you.” her middle finger joined the other and she wiggled them in the air. “choose wisely.”
y/n sucked in a breath. “work has been so stressful. my social battery is completely drained.” same excuse as always.
“two options,” natasha repeated. “bye-bye friends or hello free alcohol and dinner.”
“i want to stay home.”
“okay then, say it,” she crossed her arms over her chest. “say, ‘i choose to let my social life die in this room with me.’”
“i-” y/n opened her mouth and then shut it. she stared at natasha for a moment before kicking off her blanket. “damn you’re good,” she grumbled.
“i know,” she grinned. “you have thirty minutes to get ready.” she turned around to leave and closed the door.
“hello free alcohol and dinner,” y/n mumbled to herself.
she rolled out of bed. she found a summery midi dress in the back of her closet and changed into it. it was a hand-me-down from a friend who didn’t want it and hadn’t zipped the last time she attempted to wear it, but now the zip easily glided up. her lifestyle change had caused her to lose weight. she did minimal makeup and brushed her hair, which was, for the most part, styled from when she last washed it. she stared at herself in the mirror and couldn’t seem to recognize herself. her face was thinner. she reached up to touch her cheek but was interrupted with another knock.
“ready to go?”
“i don’t know if this is a good idea,” she replied.
“okay, then say it. ‘bye-bye social life.’”
“no,” y/n responded. “i’m ready.”
the pair stopped at the liquor store for a moderately priced bottle of wine before they reached sam’s house. natasha pressed the doorbell and a moment later the door swung open to reveal the smiling man. “long time no see!” he pulled y/n in for a bear hug.
she had been lost in her mind for so long that she had forgotten what comfort felt like. she melted into him and reciprocated the hug.
“i’m here too,” natasha joked, poking sam’s arm. “and i brought wine.”
“great to see you, too,” sam rolled his eyes then pulled away from y/n and gave her roommate a hug. “come in, we’re just about to get started on dinner.”
natasha had no problem sauntering into the house where y/n heard the sounds of everyone greeting her. she lingered in the entry-way for a moment, trying to pick out steve’s voice from the symphony. sam noticed her hesitation.
“what’s been keeping you away this summer?” he asked.
“work has been really hectic. everything just keeps piling up. i’m putting in overtime but i still can’t manage to get on top of things. by the time i get home, i’m too tired to do anything else,” she told him. it was true. she had been pouring herself into her work.
“that’s a shame. we’ve missed you around here, but i understand how it can be,” he nodded. “sometimes, when there’s a mountain of things to do, there can be just one thing that lightens the load. oftentimes it’s buried deep underneath and you have to dig around to find it and fix it,” he paused, letting his words steep in her mind, “maybe there’s some neglected or forgotten project. when you get around to it, it’ll make the mountain moveable.”
she wanted to burst and tell him about all the events that had transpired on her trip to boston. tell him about her regrets, her fears, and her heartache. instead, she took a deep breath and gave him a close-lipped smile. “thank you for the advice. i take it that things are going well at the V.A?”
“as smoothly as they can. it’s one day at a time for a lot of those folks. i just try to help and make those days a little more manageable.”
“since when have you been bashful? i like this new sam,” she joked, nudging him.
“whatever,” he chuckled. “now, are we gonna stand here all night or are we gonna go eat some dinner?”
just on cue, her stomach grumbled. they both dissipated into a bout of giggles. “does that answer your question?”
“okay, then let’s go!”
she mustered every ounce of courage in her body and followed him into the kitchen. she kept her eyes on her feet and focused on putting one foot in front of the other. although, she hadn’t heard his voice, she knew in her heart that steve was there. she could feel it. it was as if his heart was tugging on hers, begging to be reunited. she put her feelings aside as best as she could.
when she entered the kitchen, she raised her gaze up and locked eyes with steve. the feelings all came rushing back.
