#plural stuff

Hi, hosts and frequent fronters! This one is for you.

You know, not every thought is solely your own. In systems, we’re all connected usually, with various amounts of awareness of what’s going on in front.

Because of this, you’d be surprised how many thoughts- even some that feel like your own- come from the back.

I personally decided to look at these kinds of situations as suggestions. They’re suggestions on how I should respond, what I should say, or how I should feel about a situation. It’s not always how I actually feel or think. Or, even if I agree, it’s not always right.

But because they’re suggestions, I don’t have to act on any of them.

What I do is just, pause, when I’m feeling or thinking something that’s important.

Did this thought come from me?

Can I feel out who it came from?

Am I really the one upset?

Does it make sense for me specifically to be upset at this? (Small aside: If someone is upset and overlayed with you, please try to send reassurances in their direction if possible.)

When I get my answers to this, I find I have better control of what I express in that moment. Sometimes others in the system even help me better articulate what’s really me in that moment. If it’s jumbled they help me word it better.

And of course, if it’s not my own thought but a good damn idea, I might as well express it. And often then I thank the person it came from, whoever it was.

All in all, We effectively, when in front, are the buffer between our system’s thoughts and feelings (our own included!) and reality.

Make sure what gets put out there is good.

It’s a big responsibility, but you can do it.

P.S.: It’s actually really, really helpful to look at what thoughts and “suggestions” come from where. I find it even helps me gain awareness of who my passives are in the moment and what I’m like as a person with my various passives. It can even be fun. I recommend it.