#posts by moi

So I’m in love with this guy and its horrible because I know we’re not right for each other and yet I can’t make myself stop thinking about him because the problem isn’t that he’s a bad person or that he has mistreated me or been unkind in any way because the truth is he has never hurt me. Not once in my life. 

Instead he has treated me with kindness and respect and honesty. He has never held me to my faults and forgives me so effortlessly for my mistakes. I can tell him absolutely anything because he has never judged me before and I have absolute faith that he would never tell anyone else what I have said. He always listens to what I have to say with complete attention and says the right things at the right time and offers me the support that I need when I need it. 

But it doesn’t matter how much I share with him, because he finds it so, so difficult to be vulnerable and the more I try to get him to open up the more his walls go up. And now our lives are moving in different directions and I’m scared that in a couple of months I’ll never see him again and I’ll have run out of time and lost something that is so special to me. 

But I can’t tell him any of this because he’s not mine. He’s someone else’s. So I just have to stay quiet and hope that our friendship (because that’s all it can ever be at the moment), which is relatively new and fragile, doesn’t run away from me. I’m scared to tell him how much he means to me because I don’t want him to think I’m interfering with his relationship, or for him to feel uncomfortable because he doesn’t feel the same way about me. But I just think he’s so special and he deserves to know because I know he doesn’t see it himself. 

I don’t know anyone else like him. That’s what makes it so hard. I look around at a room full of perfectly nice men and all I can see is how they aren’t him.