This is the last part. Thank you to the people who reached out to me and asked me to finish this story. Your kind words mean more than you will ever know. I hope the ending is everything you wanted.
Jyn’s life had included a lot of pandemonium. Saw favored it. Jobs on the fringe could benefit from it. Being around criminals sometimes organically produced it, and in Wobani, it was the closest thing they ever had to entertainment.
None of that experience prepared her for the moment when the rebels realized their leader was alive. Their tiny group barely made it to the edge of the landing pad before being swarmed by the rebels working in that area. The attention made Jyn’s shoulders hunch and the hair on her arms stand on edge, and it was everything she could do not to wince as she heard them calling to each other to inform their friends of the miracle.
Jyn’s discomfort did not fade even when an escort arrived to direct them to the control room. While the soldiers were able to keep people back enough to allow Mothma to walk to the control room, Jyn couldn’t find their presence comforting. Walking between armed escorts only brought back feelings of being taken somewhere terrible. It’s not going to be like that this time, she told herself as they made their way into a run down building along the edge of an evergreen forest. I’m supposed to be here.
She paid attention as the forest disappeared into utilitarian walls that had seen better days and hallways lit by lights strung up quickly along one side. The ground sloped downward – Jyn remembered this particular building had once been the entry to a mine of some sort – before eventually leveling out into a much more welcoming subterranean hall. Gone were the rickety, dilapidated walls and makeshift lighting. Standard ceilings with inset lights, walls, and mostly clean floors replaced the dirt they’d walked in on. Rebel officers passed, occasionally stopping to stare. Apparently, the news hadn’t reached the rebels in the command center yet.
One of their escorts opened a door to a conference room and directed Jyn and Bodhi inside with the instruction to “have a seat and wait” while Mothma continued on down the hall. Bodhi took it in stride, pulling out a chair at the table and settling in to wait. After lingering by the door for several minutes, she gave up and took a seat next to him.
Jyn wasn’t sure how long they waited. It was long enough for her to start seriously contemplating trying to slice the terminal against the far wall for some break in her boredom, but not long enough for her to actually go through with it. The door opened again right about the time she was trying to come up with an excuse to tell Bodhi so he wouldn’t be scandalized to admit Mothma, Draven, and what had to be some of their aides.
Draven dropped a datapad on the table across from them and pulled out a chair. “Let’s start from the beginning.”
“General Draven needs to conduct a shortdebrief before you can both head back to your quarters and relax.” Mothma was more diplomatic. “I’ve already explained the political situation and he’s agreed to keep on topic regarding the events from the end of our first meeting with the cell through meeting up with one of our supply ships on the station.”
Jyn exchanged a look with Bodhi, unsure where to begin.
Draven’s expression went from stern to resigned. “The thieves got past our security. One of you run down what precautions we used with the shuttle.”
Oh. Okay. She could do that. Somewhere around her explanation of how she suspected the shuttle thieves got around the codes to the engine controls, Jyn felt herself relax. She might not like Draven, but he didn’t seem to be setting her up for anything. His follow-up questions were genuinely directed to trying to find holes in Alliance procedures, not blaming Jyn or Bohdi for the events that transpired. From there, they moved on to her meeting with Maran. Jyn tried to remember everything Maran had said, and noticed Draven scowl when she told him about Maran dropping Staven’s name on her. She wondered if that meant it was true – that Staven was out there with his own group, some new version of the Partisans making trouble for the Empire. Jyn filed the information away as Bodhi got the opportunity to answer Draven’s questions for how they met Zera and found the cell again.
“And that was when you found Erso,” Draven paused, then made what had to be an attempt at diplomacy, “Escaping. Did anyone see Maran leave the room?”
Jyn thought. She’d been so focused on getting away, she hadn’t even thought to look for Maran at that point. Slowly, she shook her head. “I heard him speaking at one point, while I was still in the storeroom, but-”
Commotion came from the direction of the door. Jyn instinctively turned towards it, rising from her seat in the process. Her hand moved towards her blaster before she realized that the commotion was not going to be the sort that put her in danger and she forced the hand away from her weapons. The door opened in time for her to hear the end of someone saying, “-you can’t go in there” and for her to see Cassian kriffing Andor of all people pushing past an aide.
He came to a stop, his eyes trained on her, and Jyn suddenly felt self conscious. It was everything she could do not to fidget under that intense stare. She tried to look away, but when he said her name, she found any movement at all to be impossible.
“Andor.” Draven’s gruff voice broke the spell and Jyn felt her lungs suck in air.
Cassian’s gaze flickered to the general as if he just realized the man was there. “Sir.”
Draven jerked his head towards the door. “Out.” When Cassian’s eyes darted back to Jyn, Draven moved to escort him from the room. Only then did Cassian seem to recognize that he was someplace he oughtn’t have been. He caught Draven’s attention, nodded once, and stepped back from the room.
“Oh, hey, Cassian,” Bodhi remarked as the door slid shut. “Yeah, I survived, too. Pretty scary. Glad to not be dead.”
“We were talking about Maran during this second meeting,” Draven brought the discussion back on topic as if Cassian had never interrupted. “Rook, did you see him when you entered?”
They were talking. Jyn could hear them talking. She needed to concentrate. Saw would have concentrated. He wouldn’t be thinking about Cassian looking like that….
Why did Cassian even care? Did he have some sort of intel work that someone thought she would be crucial for? That didn’t make much sense; her skill set wasn’t unique. She was one of Saw’s Partisans turned criminal turned…well, she wasn’t sure what she was now. They hadn’t kicked her out, but they also hadn’t asked her to join up the way they did with Bodhi.
“Erso!” Draven rapped on the table.
Jyn realized she’d been staring at nothing and forced herself to look at him. Draven was wearing a sour expression. She would have assumed he was annoyed with her, but that expression seemed to be Draven’s default. She waited.
“Do you know what happened to him?” It was clear the question was repeated.
To Cassian? He left hadn’t he? She glanced back towards the door that Cassian had exited before she realized Draven was talking about the spy in the cell. She brought her gaze back to him. “I don’t. Zera said it would be handled.”
“Right. That should be it for now, but I’ll need a report.” Draven decided.
“Of course,” Mothma sounded agreeable. “We’ll make sure you get one. If that’s everything, I’m going to dismiss my team. They haven’t had a real meal or uninterrupted sleep for several days now.”
Draven waved a hand in their direction, almost as if shooing them away. His attention went to his datapad as he began typing at something, his scowl growing with each letter he added.
Beside her, Bodhi climbed to his feet. “That’s ‘dismissed’ right?” He asked Mothma.
“Yes.” Her voice sounded like it was smiling. “You’re off duty. Grab some rest. And good job this week, Flight Officer.”
It was over. She needed to be moving. Jyn pushed her chair out.
“Jyn? A moment?” Mothma stopped her.
She exchanged a look with Bodhi, then nodded and returned to the table. She heard the door open and shut behind her.
“I’d like your opinion of how the mission went.” Mothma took a seat equidistant between her and Draven. The seating arrangement made Jyn feel like she was being judged by the two Alliance leaders.
Oh. She was in trouble.
It wasn’t exactly unexpected. When the Alliance Chief of State nearly dies on your watch, people are going to be upset. “I’ve had missions go better.”
“I’ve also had them go worse,” Mothma remarked.
Her comment from several days prior came to Jyn’s mind. “Anyone can be turned for the right price.” She wondered whether Mothma carried a list of people who left her the way Jyn carried her own list inside the hatch.
“I meant that I wanted to know whether the arrangement worked for you.” Mothma continued. “I found we worked well together, and if you agree, I think the best way forward would be to have you join my staff. If you’re interested, of course.”
Her staff? Jyn wasn’t sure what people on Mothma’s staff did, but she doubted it was the sort of things she was good at. Last she checked, brawling was still forbidden at Council meetings. “I’d be a terrible politician,” Jyn told her.
“That’s an understatement,” Draven muttered under his breath.
“A young woman I knew,” Mothma ignored Draven, “Had aides who doubled as bodyguards. I think there might be some merit in the idea, although we’d have to execute it a bit differently. I can do the politics, but I’d like your opinions on some of the groups we’re targeting. There are several former Partisans who separated from Saw over the years and formed their own organizations. We’ve identified a subset we think may be willing to soften their tactics, like the group we met with. You’ve proven to be valuable in assembling information on these types of organizations and on helping me find effective ways to communicate with them.” She smiled slightly, “I also note that, despite the Empire’s best efforts, I am not dead.”
Only because thieves stole our shuttle. Jyn was quite sure that such a sentiment should not be shared. She kept her mouth shut.
“For the record, I still think this is a terrible idea, but, if you want to do this,” Draven waved a hand at the table, “Thing, it would be my recommendation that Erso’s position not be considered a military role. You want her? She goes on the payroll for the Chief of State’s office, not the Alliance Military.”
All I can do is fight. Jyn thought. I’m not suited for anything else.
“I would agree that she’d do better operating outside traditional military channels.” Mothma noted. “Would you be comfortable with that, Jyn? You wouldn’t enlist with the Alliance military, but you’d serve in, say, a special agent capacity, reporting directly to me.”
“I don’t do well with orders,” Jyn spoke.
“Another understatement,” Draven muttered.
“That’s why I think this will be a better fit for you.” Mothma said. “You’d have substantially more latitude to operate, and I think it’s a place where your skills would best help us make a difference. If you’re concerned about not seeing much action, well, the last week would give you some idea of what you could expect.” She turned her attention to Draven, “It would be useful for her to do some of the training you put your people through, too.”
“Fine.” Draven didn’t seem to think it was fine at all. He retrieved a datapad. “When she does that, we’ll say she’s a liaison working with Alliance Intelligence.”
“Jyn?”
She didn’t have any better offers on the table. She also had to admit that, despite the mission literally exploding around her, they had managed to accomplish the mission goals and return safely to base. She would never fit into a military shaped hole, but she wanted to help. Maybe this was something she could do. “I don’t have to do any politician stuff.”
“No politician stuff beyond offering me an opinion before or after a meeting.” Mothma agreed.
“Some of these people aren’t going to like me,” Jyn added. “If they were former Partisans, they might know Saw and I…”
“We can assess each situation as it arises,” Mothma said.
“And I’m not easy to work with.” Jyn reminded her.
Mothma glanced at Draven’s bent head as he pretended that his datapad was interesting. “Neither am I.”
“And I’m a criminal.” Jyn added.
“I’m familiar with your file.” Mothma agreed. “But I think people should get second chances. And I hope you’re willing to give the Alliance a second chance, too.”
She wasn’t sure what to say about that. It seemed – it really did seem like these people wanted her here. She weighed the offer in her mind. Bodhi was right – she did begrudgingly like Mothma. She could probably get to work with Bodhi sometimes. Maybe…maybe she could try to make some friends, too? She could try. It was better than running. Jyn had been tired of running, and the past few weeks had felt…they felt good. She wanted to help again, to belong again…to believeagain. And maybe – maybe – she did. “Okay.”
“General?” Mothma finally addressed Draven.
He waved a hand in their direction. “I’ll draw up the paperwork.”
~*~
She felt at peace with things up until she reached out to trigger the door. It had been easy to forget about Cassian’s interruption while she was discussing details with Mothma and Draven, and signing documents. The moment her hand touched the door controls, she remembered and it was everything she could do not to let her breath hitch in front of the Alliance’s higher ups.
The door opened. The hall was empty.
Of course it was. What had she really been expecting? Cassian had better things to do than to wait to talk with his former asset to ensure she was assimilating. She was being ridiculous. She should go back to her room, shower, and maybe invite Bodhi over for a dinner of ration bars away from the prying eyes of all the people who would want to ask questions and hear stories about how and why they were not dead. Or maybe she would skip all of that and just climb under her blankets and sleep.
“Jyn.”
The Force hated her. Jyn felt her hands ball into fists and her shoulders tense. Cautiously, she turned towards the sound of her name. Cassian was emerging from the shadows. Why he was skulking about in the shadows waiting for her was a mystery. Jyn could not think of one useful thing she could offer him. “What do you want?”
“We received reports you were dead. I wanted to make sure you’re alright,” he replied, as if it was obvious.
“I’m fine.” Walk away, Jyn. Just walk away. Her feet betrayed her and remained rooted. She might not know what Cassian’s end game was. She didn’t have to know. She was done being his useful asset. Before she could think about the ramifications of manhandling an Alliance officer, Jyn closed the distance between them, grabbed a fistful of Cassian’s jacket, and pulled him into the empty room opposite the one she just left. Her free hand slapped the controls closed. With a snarl, she pushed him, releasing the jacket. “You don’t get to do this.”
“Dowhat?” Cassian seemed incredulous. “Care whether you live or die?”
And that was the problem. As long as he saw her as his asset, he did have a reason to care. She was the sort of tool that couldn’t exactly be useful to the Rebellion buried six feet under the ground. The thought somehow made it worse. Jyn swallowed. Why was it, she wondered, that she could speak to a room full of important people and find the words she needed, and yet, when having to talk one on one with someone in any sort of personal way, the words just disappeared. “I’m not your asset,” she finally managed to say. She felt an internal wave of relief when they came out cold, but collected.
Cassian had not expected that, and, for a moment, he was rendered speechless. He looked hurt, as if she’d walked up to him, grabbed his shoulder, and shoved her fist into his stomach. “No. We’re friends.”
“That’s a lie,” she bit out. “You have no interest in me beyond my usefulness to the Rebellion.”
Cassian’s eyes flashed and his mouth tightened. “Who told you that?”
“You.”
“Inever said that.” Cassian’s voice held so much conviction, she would have believed him if she did not know he was lying. Because that was a problem with Cassian – he could lie to someone, manipulate them into believing whatever he wanted them to, and most of the time, they would never know. He sold it. He was trying to sell it now.
“I heardyou. You said it to that major, two days after you stopped coming to dinner.” She tried to shrug her shoulders as if she didn’t care, but found that the movement wouldn’t come. She couldn’t even sound angry, just defeated. “I heard everything. How you pretended to be nice to me and Bodhi so we wouldn’t cause problems. How the only thing that was between us was your assignment from the council to take me to Jedha. How I’m 'just an asset.’ I heard all of it.” This time, she managed the movement. “At least I knew why you suddenly disappeared. I was assigned a mission. It’s someone else’s responsibility to keep me out of trouble now.”
His eyes had widened while she revealed his lies, one by one. It was as if he couldn’t quite believe she’d caught him. Cassian’s assets likely never discovered the truth, she realized. She doubted they even knew who he really was. She wondered if she ever had.
Strange how you could start to fall in – how you could let yourself feel something for a person beyond how useful they might be to you, and never actually know them.
“Jyn…”
“Stop lying to me, Cassian.”
Silence hung between them, thick and heavy. Jyn felt as if it was squeezing the air from the room. The voices in the back of her mind told her to run, to protect herself. The problem was that she’d never been able to listen to those voices. If she had, perhaps she would have escaped before someone else could hurt her.
She didn’t think it could hurt more than it already had, but when Cassian turned wordlessly towards the door, she felt something inside her shatter. She hatedhim for it, and she hated herself for giving someone the power to do that to her again.
And then Cassian keyed something into the keypad. She heard a lock click into place and watched as he turned around and made his way back to her. For several long moments, he stood there and looked at her. She’d seen him look that way once before, on an elevator when he thought was dying. (He was dying; he should have died; theyshould have died….)
“There were charges brought against me, Jyn.” Cassian said, his voice low.
Part of her wanted to retort for what, saving the galaxy? but the words died in her mouth. Because he was serious – this was real – they punished him. Jyn didn’t know what the Alliance’s military code was, but she suspected there were rules about deserting your post to participate in unsanctioned missions. With Scarif alone, they could likely trump up some strong charges against Cassian. If they knew the truth about what happened on Eadu, that he’d had the shot and hadn’t taken it, there might be additional charges they could bring.
He looked down, then managed to get out, “There were mitigating factors, so they offered to let me plead guilty, get a slap on the wrist, and keep everything quiet. I won’t be discharged or see prison. I even keep my rank. But there are conditions. If I step out of line again….” He produced a datapad from somewhere inside his jacket. After a few moments of tapping at it, he passed her the device. “Proof,” he said, “That I’m telling you the truth.”
Jyn took the datapad and looked at the document on the screen. Her eyes skimmed over it until they came to rest on Cassian’s signature on the final page beside a date and time stamp. He signed this, she realized, the morning after he disappeared. “You didn’t tell us…”
“It wasn’t your concern.” He took the datapad back and turned it off. “And I was guilty.” Cassian tucked the datapad into his jacket. “They aren’t going to come after you or Bodhi. You were both private citizens at the time and there’s some question as to whether the shuttle was Bodhi’s or the Alliance’s.”
Jyn swallowed. Every evening, he sat there and watched as she and Bodhi began to build lives while his was falling apart, and he’d said nothing. Jyn wasn’t sure how friendship worked, but she was pretty certain you were supposed to kriffing say something about things like this. “Cassian-”
“Please,” he cut her off, “Let me finish.” Jyn saw him swallow before he managed to look at her and continue, “The day after that was finalized, Major Ranvek questioned me about you. Fraternization would be a violation of my agreement.”
She wanted to tell him he was lying, except he’d been honest about the first bit. He might be telling the truth about this part, too. If he was, she was going back into the Council room to demand her agreement with Mothma be returned and tearing it up. “You’re not allowed to have friends? What kind of Alliance is this?”
Cassian looked extremely uncomfortable. “The concern wasn’t friendship. It,” he found the wall behind her head fascinating. “It was romantic.” He sounded as if the words were being pulled from him against his will. “I needed to provide an excuse to Ranvek for why I spent time around you. I found one. He believed me. I’ve done a lot of recruiting for the Rebellion, and it’s not uncommon for someone in recruitment to keep an eye on the new soldiers. Afterwards, I didn’t know what to do. The Rebellion is all I have. People were gonna keep talking. I thought if I was scarce for awhile, maybe they’d stop. After,” he paused and tried to look at her before his eyes flickered to his boots. “After a couple days, I tried to find you, to warn you about the…the talk, but you weren’t in any of the common areas and I couldn’t go to your quarters. The only time I saw you was that time in the mess you and Bodhi looked at me like you wanted to kill me.” A touch of accusation hung in that final sentence.
Jyn was dumbfounded. “You said,” she wanted to choke on the words, “You said that I was confused, and that I was imagining a connection that didn’t exist. You said there was nothing between us except the mission to find my father. And then you left.” I thought you were different. I thought you were my friend. I started thinking maybe you would want more than that.
But wasn’t that what Cassian saw, too? Jyn didn’t know how relationships worked. When other girls were going to dances or on dates, she had been fighting a war or trying to survive on the streets. She thought the way he looked at her, the way he’d acted….but she didn’t really know. In the end, she misread everything. What she had seen as them making an effort to get to know each other, Cassian saw as a woman imagining a connection that never existed.
And that was…it was fine. Cassian didn’t owe her anything. He was allowed to be friends or not be friends with whoever he wanted. He could be attracted or not attracted to whoever he wanted. He didn’t want her, and that was….
“So I was angry,” Jyn finished. I was hurt. I thought you were different. I wanted you to be different. I was foolish. And, because she owed it to Bodhi, she added, “But Bodhi doesn’t hate you. He was trying to be my friend, but he still wants to be friends with you if that’s what you want.”
“Jyn,” Cassian moved to grab her arm, then stopped. His fingers curled around empty air before his hand fell back to his side. “Jyn, I’m sorry. You weren’t supposed to hear that conversation. It was a story I made up. I never meant it. It was never supposed to go beyond Ranvek. I meant what I told you before, that this is your home, and that you’re wanted here.” He finally looked at her. “That Iwant you here. And not just because you’re useful to the Rebellion, but because we’re friends. I want us to be friends. I’m sorry I caused you to believe anything other than that.”
She wasn’t sure what she was supposed to say. She wasn’t sure what she believed. Part of her, the part that had let Cassian in, wanted to believe him, wanted to believe that he wasn’t like everyone else. Another part reminded her what it felt like when the people she trusted didn’t stick around. Neither part knew whether to trust him. “But if friends aren’t a problem, you could have just told him that, Cassian.”
He didn’t say anything. His eyes flickered to the ground as he pressed his lips together. After a moment, he nodded once to himself and looked at her. “You’re right.” His voice was resigned. “I should have told him we were friends. I wasn’t thinking.”
That one she knew was a lie. Cassian was always thinking. He was like a dejarik master. His mind was always three or four steps ahead. Everything he did was calculated. And if Cassian was always thinking, then there was either missing information in what he’d shared with her or he had told the major the truth. She was now willing to admit that, perhaps, the latter was not the case. Unfortunately, that didn’t help her fill in the blanks with the former. “Are we friends?”
“Yes,” he replied. “If – if that’s what you want.”
Was it? If she hadn’t heard what Cassian told Ranvek, they would still be friends. She felt herself nod.
“Jyn, I would, uh, appreciate it if you didn’t tell anyone about the, the plea.” Cassian looked as if he wanted to melt into the floor.
Right. They were still having a conversation about that. “Of course.”
“We should also unlock the door now.” Cassian turned towards it. “Friends don’t usually lock themselves alone in empty conference rooms. We can…move some place more public? Maybe – talk about work or…or whatever you want to talk about, Jyn. I want things to be good between us again.”
She nodded again. “I’m sorry that you got caught in – Bodhi said people keep coming up with stories about me, and I’m sorry you got caught in that.” She was half glad she couldn’t see his expression from the new angle.
Cassian stopped beside her. The silence hung, thick, and she wondered if he thought she was being conceited. Finally he made a noise that sounded like a sigh. “It’s not your fault. I got myself into it.”
She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. “You got yourself into these stupid rumors?”
“I should have seen it coming,” Cassian was watching the door controls. “And I shouldn’t have been so…. It doesn’t matter, Jyn. You aren’t doing anything to get their attention.”
He shouldn’t have been so what? Nice to her? That didn’t make sense. Bodhi was nice to her – she went everywhere with Bodhi – and no one was saying that she was sleeping with Bodhi. Of course, Jyn wasn’t sure how anyone could watch how Bodhi interacted with her and think he was interested in her in that way. He didn’t act the way Cassian….
Cassian had been acting like, well, like her. Jyn knew what messages she was sending – or at least trying to send. People apparently thought Cassian had been sending the same type of messages to her. She’d been operating on the assumption that he hadn’t meant to, but…
I sort of get the impression that Cassian is a lot like you.
Beside her, Cassian started moving again. You need to say something. Now. Before he unlocks the door. She knew how to say words, except these words, they were the type that gave power. Jyn had given people that power before. She knew where that road led. She knew how it could end – how it always had ended. Maybe not having words was a good thing. It had hurt so damn much when she’d overheard him. She’d been so angry because it was easier to be angry than to feel like you were crumbling inside. And that was just….maybe things would be better if she didn’t….
Before she could stop it, her hand darted out to catch his sleeve. Cassian stopped. His eyes went down to where her fingers were curled along the cuff of his jacket. When they came back up, the disaffected look he hadn’t shown her in weeks was weaving its way back across his face. Cassian probably wasn’t used to people sticking around either. Spies, by the nature of their jobs, often had to be solitary. Cassian knew what safety was, too. He was trying to get back to it. How much of them was wrapped up in trying not to let down the walls or let someone in who could hurt you again? “Wait.” Her mouth felt dry and she tried to swallow before repeating, “Wait. I’m not Alliance military.”
“What?” The spy face stalled.
“I’m not Alliance military,” she repeated, calmer this time. “I accepted a position, but it’s with Councilor Mothma and it’s not…. Fraternization is only a problem if I’m military, and I’m not.” Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe she’d still read it wrong. “If – if there’s any truth to the talk and you might want – it wouldn’t break any rules. You wouldn’t be abusing your power or…” Oh, Force, his face was completely blank now. Maybe he did think of her like that, but thought any sort of romantic entanglement with her would be an error of judgment. Why had she opened that door? She should have just…just not said anything. “I don’t know what you want, Cassian.” The words were a struggle to say. She couldn’t quite get them above a whisper.
He was silent a long moment before he said, “I want you, but if you don’t want that, I won’t make it awkward.” His voice was almost as quiet as hers.
Jyn noticed they were both studying their boots as if the buckles were fascinating. “Me too.” She snuck a look at his face at the same time he snuck one at hers. Breathing became hard again. Words weren’t happening. Her hand, though, she could move her hand. The last two fingers caught around his. Jyn felt her thumb slide softly against Cassian’s hand.
His fingers curled against hers.
She inched her foot closer to him, removing what little personal space there had been, and stole another look.
“Jyn,” Cassian was watching her again, an almost incredulous look weaving its way across his features. She felt her face warm and a smile pull at her mouth and glanced down once more before forcing her eyes back up. He was still looking at her. “Jyn,” Cassian said again, “I don’t want to unlock the door.”
“Me either,” she agreed. Jyn wasn’t sure what she was supposed to do now. She supposed she could push him against the wall while grabbing at his belt, but that felt like some sort of cheap backroom hook-up. She didn’t want Cassian as a quick hook-up. “I don’t do this a lot.”
“I don’t either,” Cassian said. It made her feel a little better. He moved their hands slightly so he could lace his fingers with hers. He looked a little nervous, a little disbelieving….young. She suspected he felt the way she did – happy and fearful all rolled together. “Jyn, my job – I don’t wanna lie to you, but there are things I can’t tell you.”
“I know.” She thought a moment. She couldn’t realistically expect Cassian to give her top secret information that she didn’t need access to. She also didn’t want a repeat of Ranvek. “Just say that – I can’t tell you. But don’t hide things that I can know just because you don’t want to upset me.”
He considered that for several moments. “That’s fair. And if something does upset you,” Cassian continued, “I need you to tell me.”
That was also fair. Had she confronted him earlier, it would have saved both of them a lot of hurt. She could try to do better. “Okay. You’ll do the same thing?”
He nodded, his eyes watching her thoughtfully.
Neither of them spoke. She was once again faced with not knowing what to do. She could, Jyn supposed, try that thing they were just talking about where she voiced what she was thinking. It wasn’t as if she could make things worse than they had been a half hour ago by asking awkward questions like, “Now what?”
After a beat, Cassian asked, “If I kissed you…?”
“I’ll kiss you back,” she answered, feeling just as shy as he sounded.
“Okay.” Cassian’s head tilted slightly as he bent towards her. “Good.”
“Good,” Jyn repeated and pressed her mouth to his.
Notes -
While Yavin had been the primary base circa-ANH, the rebels did have other bases. The base on Hoth is not established until about three years after ANH. I needed a base for them to be on in between ANH and ESB, so this base is me doing some hand waving.
I once had to answer a very uncomfortable question to my significant other, which essentially boiled down to “what makes a good sex scene good in a romance novel”? It was a fair question, as I had been struggling to explain why I liked one piece of media over another and my preferences had come to seem arbitrary, but the one thing I zeroed in on this time was how much the buildup matters. If there’s no buildup, no tension, then whatever occurs between the characters isn’t exciting. Basically, what makes sex scenes good is unresolved sexual tension (UST). Now fast forward to watching Rogue One.
I came out of Rogue One in tears, not because I was particularly upset at the ending (it’s a prequel and we already knew the outcome of this mission if you were paying attention to the other Star Wars movies) but because it was a masterclass in UST. Cassian and Jyn were given just the right amount of screen time together, harrowing situations they cooperated to navigate and bond over, and character development that put them on a track to understand one another more deeply. The ending may have torn my heart out and danced on it, but Cassian and Jyn were left perfect and I appreciated the brilliance of it.
I fully acknowledge I was manipulated and that Cassian and Jyn were all buildup with no payoff, in a sense. But from another perspective the payoff was the journey of the relationship itself and I believed it without needing them to hit me over the head with snappy one liners or weirdly sexualized accidents. So bravo Rogue One for being a great action movie and also a great romance. Truly, it set the bar pretty darn high for other action movies that dare “throw in” romance.
@canttouchthis87 and I started talking about smaller fandoms and of course this set me right off and now I’m complaining about how it has been FIVE FUCKING YEARS DISNEY WHERE IS THE BEHIND THE SCENES FOOTAGE OF ROGUE ONE WE FUCKING KNOW THEY KISSED GIVE US THE FOOTAGE WHAT THE FUCK.
1. What fandoms have you written for? Star Wars, babeee
2. How many works do you have on AO3 &/or FFNet? 11 not counting my spicy artworks and collabs
3. What are your top 3 fics by kudos on A03 &/or Favs on FFNet? Not including my artwork ‘fics’ and collabs: Rebel Teamwork - 443 Cheers to Lifeday! - 439 Petrichor - 396
7. Have you written any crossovers? Welcome to the Alliance? It’s a Rogue One / Star Wars Pacific Rim AU?
8. What is the craziest fic you’ve written? ProbablyThe Lighthouse. Totally self indulgent, it’s a strange in universe but also alternate universe story where Zeb is very loosely based on Steve Irwin and Kallus a surly lighthouse keeper who curses like a sailor. They fall in love? Somehow?
9. What’s the fic you’ve written with the saddest ending? No sad endings from me! The only one I would call sad maybe is Rebel Teamwork where we don’t actually see them reconcile, and also the Ghost gets shot up by Kallus. Lol
10. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending? All happy endings from me! But I think the happiest one is probably Cabin in the Woods. Gave me the warmest feeling ending it
11. What is your smuttiest fic? Hahahaha… this is hard. Lmao. I would have to say Cabin in the Woods probably just for the amount of smut. I have a WIP that is getting to be my most smuttiest fic tho, but I’m still working on it
12. Have you ever received hate on a fic? If I have, I’ve blocked it out or deleted and just moved on
13. What is the nicest comment you’ve received? Just getting comments is great. I get very anxious and shy about answering or commenting on comments but know I read every single one. I do love when someone comments on every chapter of a multi chaptered fic tho
14. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I have known of?
15. How many fics do you have marked as incomplete? None, though Welcome to the Alliance was supposed to be multi chaptered and extensive but I decided to make it a standalone
17. Which WIP are you looking forward to finishing? Cheers to Lifeday: the untitled sequel
18. Is there a WIP that you’re considering abandoning? Probably my partially written cuddle pollen fic. Imagine - instead of sex pollen it’s a cuddle/hug pollen instead. Kalluzeb of course
19. Which complete fic would you consider rewriting? Sometimes I think about Petrichor because it was my first kalluzeb fic and my first time really really back into writing fanfic
20. Which complete fic is your favorite? My self indulgent fic, The Lighthouse. My shining light
21. What’s your total published word count? Approx. 100k
“Sorry for making you wait, Jyn” Chirrut said as he poured fragrant tea into two clay cups “training today took longer than I expected”
“No need to apologize”, Jyn replied, happily accepting one of the cups. She took a sip, feeling a delicious warmth spreading from her lips to the tip of her icy toes. “How is it going with Skywalker anyway?”
“Well”, Chirrut said, taking the seat next to Jyn’s, an oddly self-deprecating smile in his face “it’s been many years since I’ve taken in a student, and the way of the Jedi is quite different from the Guardian’s” he takes a long sip from his cup, and stays in reflective silence for long minutes. “Sometimes… Sometimes I fear I am not exactly what Luke needs. But you would never be able to tell, by the way he acts during our lessons. Luke is eager, and honest, and… Luke is good. I have every faith in him”
They both stay quiet after that, Chirrut looking a bit embarrassed from having revealed too much, and Jyn trying to absorb all of it. Until now, she had seen Chirrut the fierce fighter, the good friend, the wise priest and the loving partner. It was the first time she was seeing Chirrut, the hesitant, but proud teacher. It was a completely new, surprisingly vulnerable side of him, and Jyn felt oddly honored that he trusted her with it.
After a few more quiet moments, Chirrut’s face spread in his usual all knowing, teasing smile.
“And an expected side effect of teaching Luke is that I’ve been seeing a lot more of Bodhi, lately. It’s strange, but our friend seems to always be around, whenever Luke is training”
They both burst out laughing, until Jyn feels a sharp tug in her abdomen. Her hiss is more in surprise than pain, but Chirrut is already half up from his chair, looking alarmed and reaching for her.
“Jyn? Are you alright? Do I need to call someone?”
“No, no, I’m fine” feeling a little embarrassed, Jyn reached out for his hand, hoping to sooth him “the baby kicked, is all”.
“Oh” relief washes over the old guardian’s face as he sits back down on his chair with a sigh.
“Has it ever happened before?”
The first time it happened it had been almost two weeks ago. At first, Jyn hadn’t understood why she had woken up in the middle of the night, until she felt it again: a soft flutter on her lower belly, but still strong enough to throw her whole world out of its axis. Her first instinct had been to reach for Cassian, only to find his side of the bed cold, and then she remembered – Cassian had been away on a confidential assignment for the past two weeks. Jyn didn’t know where he was, what he was doing or even if (when. when) he was coming back.
Falling back to sleep had been difficult, after that.
It happened again a few times in the next few days, the sensation so soft, Jyn doubted she would even notice it, if she already didn’t know what it was. She had done her best to ignore it anyway
But she had felt so relaxed, laughing and drinking tea with Chirrut… it was almost like the baby had sensed her distraction.
“Yeah, a few times” she finally said, feeling incredibly silly “it’s just – still a little surprising, I guess”
“Oh. Well, that’s understandable” Chirrut said, in a kind tone. Jyn had a feeling the old guardian understood more than just her surprise, but he said nothing, and she loved him all the more for it.
They fell back into a not exactly comfortable silence after that, both sipping their tea. The baby hadn’t stopped kicking yet.
“Do you want to feel it?” Jyn heard herself blurt out. Judging by the look in Chirrut’s face, he had been just as surprised as her by the offer. But the shock in his face soon melted away, replaced by a look of humbled delight.
“I’d love to,” he said gently. Jyn then took one his hand on her, and placed it on her belly, just where the kicks felt the strongest.
For a few moments, nothing happened, and then she felt it again: not a kick, but a movement, as if the baby was shifting, reaching for Chirrut’s hand, as Jyn felt her own hand moving on its own volition to clasp her necklace.
Jyn was still too overwhelmed to speak, but Chirrut chuckled.
“Oh, she has a heart of kyber, just like her mother”
“What?” Jyn gasped, but Chirrut just quirked his eyebrows and smiled at her, in his all-knowing way.
Before Jyn could do anything, Chirrut was up, said “Well, I think it’s time I checked on our dumplings” as if it was the most natural follow up to their conversation in the galaxy, and disappeared into his and Baze’s tiny kitchen.
Jyn was still too stunned to move or talk, when the baby started kicking again, not the swift movements from moments before, but sharp little jabs. But this time, Jyn found herself laughing, a startled, soft laughter.
She pressed her hand against her belly, curious, and seconds later felt the baby kick in response, stronger than before. Jyn laughed again, for real this time, and felt some of the tension she had been carrying abound dissolve, even if just a little bit.
Feeling more relaxed than she had in a long time, Jyn sat back in her chair and sipped at her tea, listening to the comforting sound of Chirrut humming in the kitchen, while enjoying the feeling of her daughter happily kicking in her.
Old soul, your wounds they show.I know, you have never felt so low But hold on, head up, be strong . Oh, hold on Hold on until you hear them come . Here they come oh
Take an angel by the wings.Beg her now for anything Beg her now for one more day . Take an angel by the wings Time to tell her everything . Ask her for the strength to stay
my reaction to this day (which I helped pick, I am my own worst enemy?) was distinctly “auuuurgh!”. my rogue one tag is now over 558 pages. I had to narrow this down somehow. please know I appreciate everyone’s wonderfully hard and amazing work and y’all, I have 558 pages of posts and an extensive tagging system to help you find specific things. there. guilt assuaged at not being capable of listing every gifset and gifmaker in this incredibly productive fandom. *breathes*
THERE ARE A LOT OF GIFSETS! I’ve made categories! please share the love and reblog their work!!!
