#reminded

You’re like a nightmare
No matter how much I try not to think about you, I do so more
You’re like a ghost
You aren’t here but your remains haunt me
You’re like a disease coming back to infect me over and over
I’m suffering because of you
Because of what you did
I’m haunted by the thought of you
Filled to the brim with fear and anxiety towards you
Thinking of you, whether past or unlikely future, makes me anxious
And I can’t stop
As though my anxiety, my fear towards you is like a drug
I keep coming back for more
I will never feel or be okay with what you did to me
I will never forget what you did or how I felt during
You left a scar that will never go away
And I’m okay with that…
But I’m not
I’m not okay with the constant reminders
I’m not okay seeing pictures of you, even your name
I’m not okay being subconsciously reminded of you,
Thinking of coming across you and being filled with anxiety when and if I do
I’m not okay because you made me not okay
I want to be okay, I want to be more than okay
Why can’t I be okay?
Why do I feel chained, haunted by you?
I just want to be free of these chains
Let me break free, please
-D.S.
3/31/19 and 4/1/19