cry baby.

rkkaeun​:

( … )

shoes hitting the wall next to her, dropping to the ground with a thud. kaeun shook her head, waiting for a prolonged period till she could see the younger wasn’t tossing things around at the moment. “meiqi…” she withheld the incoming sigh, moving close enough that she could kneel down on the floor, pulling the sleeves of her hoodie to hold it onto her palms as she attempted to dab away the trails of angry tears. “it’s okay, let it out is better than holding it in. it’s okay.”

she should feel embarrassed. not only is she sure that she looks like an absolute mess (meiqi can feel her makeup running in streaks down her face, and the snot is making it hard to breathe), but she hasn’t thrown a tantrum in years. she’s a grown ass woman, no longer a teenager, and she knows she shouldn’t be acting like this just because things aren’t going her way. she knows, but she can’t help it. she had only hoped that her members would continue on without her, that she could ride out the wave and clean all evidence of a breakdown before they found her.

but kaeun is here, and she’s giving meiqi this look that only makes her cry harder. she’s going to force me to go back, meiqi thinks miserably. she’ll have to go back, all disheveled, and apologize to everyone when she’s really not sorry, and then she’ll have to learn high heels with a smile on her face because she’s a professional and this is her job.

fuck being professional.

“it’snot okay,” meiqi snaps, though it’s not as venomous when she has to sniffle immediately afterwards. she shoves kaeun’s hands away from her face, wiping her own tears instead. “nothing is okay, kaeun! did you hear that song? did you see that dance? we’re going to have to perform that… that monstrosity! they want me to act all cute and innocent on stage? me?!”

she inhales, an attempt to calm herself down (and also because she’s still struggling to breathe, fuck this snot). “i don’t mind doing covers for special stages,” she says, then hiccups. “well, actually, i do mind it. but it’s only one song, so i do it anyways but this… this… i can’t do it. i won’t do it.” 

@rkkaeun

it takes half a listen of and*roma’s new title track for meiqi to decide she absolutely hates it. she doesn’t even try to hide this fact—her face screws up in disgust when the song is first played for the group, her voice is flat when she tries out her lines for the first time (there are quite a few, and for once, she finds herself wishing she had less). the biggest giveaway, if anyone were too oblivious to notice the previous signs, is when the dance teacher shows them the choreography a week later, and meiqi simply storms out of practice.

she had been holding onto a thread of hope until then. maybe the dance would contradict the overall vibe of the song, maybe it would be more difficult than she presumed, maybe it’s not as cute as it seems, maybe it would—no. her hope comes crashing down on her, and she can no longer ignore this aching feeling in her chest.

meiqi holds it in until she’s in the dorms, and then, she’s screaming. like a glass that’s overflowed, hot and angry tears trek down her cheeks as she stomps towards her room. like a rubber band has been stretched too far back that it’s snapped, she’s winding her arm and throwing her pillow, her blankets, the closest clothes she can find, all across the room. like a building that’s had all its support beams snapped in half, meiqi crumbles to the floor in a heap, surrounded by the remnants of her own destruction.

over the roar of adrenaline and frustration in her ears, she barely hears her group mate approaching. but somehow she does hear it, the light footsteps, and she glances up from her spot. “kaeun…” and then, her voice turns angry again, knowing why the other girl must be here. she reaches for another article of clothing—her favourite shoes—and chucks them at the closest wall. “it’s not fair! it’s not fair! i don’t want to do this!”

rkkaeun‌:

she looked at sunmi for a moment, before realization set in. as a fellow trainee, it seemed ludecrous to not have sunmi in the finale - she’s a one of the best dancers, if not the best in nova. to add to that was the years of training, and the exposure for being in several public gigs. but she supposed that’s what going into the red team does to people; kaeun’s seen how it affected her own group on the 2nd mission. a demotion like that, a possible suggestion of elimination, it would have been hard on anyone.

kaeun would be bold to guess that it had to be worse on those who wanted it even more.

sometimes she doesn’t really get it. of course, hyunbin is the ceo, and he had his reasons for his decisions ( or so she hoped ). but a part of her simply wondered if the move was dictated by the need to drive ratings? or perhaps, it was simply because they had overwhelming expectations for the older and experienced trainees from that batch? kaeun didn’t ponder over it for long, however. somehow, she always felt that the three will make it, because they’re too good not to.

( besides, this is a dog-eat-dog world. there’s no room for any artistes that are not mentally strong enough to get past a hurdle in a survival show. perhaps she had too much faith, or maybe she was on the other end of the line with too little empathy. 

it doesn’t matter, in the end, they’re all there. )

“ i…see. the stage must mean a lot to you, though i shouldn’t be surprised. you shine when you’re on stage, unnie. she would be proud of you. ”

her comment was spoken softly as kaeun flashed a gentle smile. she’s never really talked to her about families; she’s never heard about sunmi’s family and never really spoke up about her own. people would have known about her sister, jihyo - but few would know about their complicated family. well, kaeun would still say that they’re lucky ones; her parents might be cold and they may have drifted apart, but they were still somewhat hanging on to each other, even if it’s by a thin thread.

“ i guess i kind of understood that. i felt the same way when i’m standing on the dj decks, but it was a late realization. i didn’t know how much music would become part of me until high school. i’m a little of a late bloomer. ”

the girl chuckled, eyes curling as she intertwine her fingers behind her back. but being an idol is not like being a dj. being an idol is performing in front of millions of eyes potentially, instead of getting a crowd of 300 at a downtown club.

“ my parents never really liked me performing. i was supposed to be the responsible daughter, the one that scored a good scholarship to university, and all that. … i’ve drifted away from the topic, sorry. i supposed, i don’t have a novel reason for being here. it sounds like i don’t appreciate the opportunity, which isn’t true - i do. i know it’s something that doesn’t come easily. but i really wonder if debuting is it. it felt like i’ve been dj-ing or working on my own music for so long that i’m not sure if i’m ready to commit to something else entirely. ”

“it always had. i didn’t want to be that person who was stuck doing something i didn’t love, you know?” it today’s climate that’s so easy to do: to end up somewhere simply out of necessity rather than want. “i’m fortunate enough to even attempt to reach my dreams. a part of me had to realise this as an opportunity that not many others can afford. that’s how i’ve humbled myself.”

too many times has sunmi heard that she’s the best in dance, best this, expected to be the example. in her mind she knew she wasn’t. not out of self deprecation but out of a sense of reality. maybe she was really good at something but she certainly wasn’t the best. it’s that idea that had many people shocked when she dropped to the danger zone. for her expertise, they expected more. sunmi never understood what hyun bin ever expected to her, especially when his comments never differed, but at some point she stopped caring.

a part of her was tired of the commentary but a part of her also felt that unchanging criticisms were only her fault for so long. at some point she felt like she wasn’t what nova was looking for which only begged her to question why they hell they bought out her contract or why reject her in the mgas but offer to buy it out later. what was hyun bin’s angle? his motive? why do it if all he’s done in the last few years – and heavily in the last three months – is say that she isn’t worthy, she’s lacking, she doesn’t reach expectations.

…..but then do everything that would suggest otherwise?

“maybe she would be,” she’d shrug. sunmi stopped wondering what her mother would think of her journey. previously it led her to being too entitled, too self centred. too ruthless and ambitious. there was no point in pursuing a dream that was never fully her own so she made it her own. “i think my mother would have told me to leave nova a long time ago if she were still alive.” her mother would have convinced her that another company would have valued her in the first place. hell, she might not have even left sphere if her mother was around.

“it’s not a rule that you have to have a love of music since early childhood for this to mean something to you,” sunmi says with a small smile. “there’s no such thing as a late bloomer when it comes to the love of music.”

sunmi absorbed kaeun’s words. it was interesting. kaeun didn’t have a complete interest in being an idol. it seemed like she just ended up here. she certainly didn’t half ass anything (kaeun has come so far since the beginning and sunmi was proud of her). “i figured you would have been more of a producer. like wendy. you both seem to exude more producer like qualities. you can love music and want to work in music but being an idol isn’t the only gateway into it.” so now came the decision.

“do you want to be an idol and not have the freedom like you would djing or are you fine with staying in clubs and making your own remixes?”

@rkkaeun replied to your post:

@kkaeeunn: woah unnie’s pretty uwu

moondarae: ah you’re prettier~~ ❤️

this is a sign ★ miya & kaeun

rkkaeun​:

she set the rest of the albums onto the floor, catching the top few that were toppling over before they hit the ground as she let out a relief sigh that blossomed into a laugh. “polaroids are great, unnie. a personal touch - i think fans will love it a lot.” she scanned the area, humming. living in the same dorm, kaeun’s slowly gotten used to people barging into her shared room and vice versa.

( it reminds her of the dorming experience in a university that she heard so much about. )

 playing around with the camera, kaeun shook her head. “no dorms for sure, i think they would be better off not knowing the boxes of things i have stocked up in the corner of my room. i think this spot is good though,” she said, standing one foot away from under the light. “got to add this natural flash of filter.” the girl winked, referring to the exposure from the light, but she also knew that polaroids were pretty kind on reflecting the skin, compared to the high definitions of mobile phones these days.

“that’s so much work!” she exclaimed, referring to sunmi’s effort in writing the messages, putting the camera down as she hopped over to the mirror to tidy her hair, “there’s no way they won’t like your gifts. ah, i really need to take good photos then. what’s your class again, unnie? think you can fit one more slot in?” she giggled, fighting the stray strand of hair that insists on slipping past her ears, turning momentarily to point at herself. “say, i’m glad we got to do something different. it’s a nice break away from all the stage things. those are great, but, and maybe it’s a bit weird, but i don’t know if i’d really get used to it. being a performer. having…fans. sounds crazy even now.”

“hopefully students will cherish the polaroids, you know? they’ll be exclusive.” and definitely not able to be replicated. “maybe the students can sell them online once we get bigger, huh?” she was aware that some fans bargained their polaroids. there were fans who liked to collect member sets. students could make a profit off of the polaroids. “we just have to do them the favour of getting famous so they can make money.” sunmi laughs.

sunmi snorted. they were still getting used to each other and there was definitely some rearranging they had to do. “speaking of your boxes, do you want me to order floating shelves? that way you can organise it.” sunmi had taken organising to maximise their space in the room. the closet was full of shoe racks, organisers and shelves so they could store their clothes without them getting mixed up. in fact, sunmi managed to fit most of her stuff there. plus the wide dresser they had. they had done well with the space.

she returned to writing notes, having been hit with inspiration. it was a lot of work but she didn’t mind. “it’s how to not be a one trick pony. but you don’t need to sign up. you’re already very talented.” kaeun definitely had interesting tricks up her sleeves. she smiles up at her. “maybe i should bring you in to be my assistant and an example.” kaeun would definitely be able to provide some insight. “how about you?”

sunmi paused her writing. she’s heard this from kaeun before. being an idol was a different world of music. this was a conversation they had years ago but sunmi could recall it easy. “ah, not used to the fans?” she says. though it must be really jarring to her, who had been a dj. “do you think you would get used to it if you were able to compose something yourself?” maybe the excitement and pride of presenting something she worked on would have her anticipate performances. “i don’t blame you. it took be a bit to get used to the schedule. performing our song over and over gets old though.”

@rkkaeun

a small package is sent to the girl’s dorms, a little handwritten note attached to it that read ‘choi yena’ in large characters. turn it over and one would find a short but sweet birthday message from kaeun: hey there little one, happy birthday! got you a little something that would fit what we were up to lately. next time when you’re free, let’s grab food instead. unnie’s treat! have a great birthday, little one. 

inside the package is a little stardew valley-inspired mug, something to commemorate their gaming adventures that they’ve been venturing on lately.

yuzu hadn’t expected anyone to really send her anything to the dorm. when her friends asked she had told them it was likely safer to send it to the company or leave it with her cousin. the fact people even wanted to gift her surprised her each year over and over again. 

so when she came back home to a package waiting for her to be opened, the ex-streamer can’t help but grin in excitement, features softening as soon as she sees from who the package came. the mug itself is adorable as well and she’d can’t help but hug it to her chest.

she’d have to be sure to send kaeun a message later for sure!

rkkaeun​:

Guess Who

“breathing- wow, you really are an expert,” kaeun chuckled, eyes curling as she pressed her hands together. and kaeun meant it in a positive light - that’s the thing about her most of the time, that her words carried a sincere weight, even in marvel or in curiosity. even if there was a benefit of doubt or a hint of annoyance, kaeun has learned the art of hiding it all behind a perfectly practised smile. that of course, was reserved only for the handful few - and she’s glad that she wouldn’t ever have to resort to that among her members.

the girls are nice, there’s no reason to bare her fangs at them.

“i don’t think it’s creepy, i think it just means you really mastered your craft,” kaeun added slowly with a firm nod. she could never tell who is who from their breathing, but she would be able to mimic their postures and gestures - coming from her cosplay days where she would follow suit to the animation characters as part of her reprise. “i can only tell from the sounds of you guys walking, mayyybe.” another laugh, she hummed, listening.

the words of letting the team down made her frown thereafter, and she shook her head. “i’m sure you’d do so well if you appear as a contestant, wendy. you’re our and*roma’s pride! there’s no way you would let us down, regardless of how many rounds you pass or didn’t.” the girl lightly poked her cheek, “i’d love for you to join some day. i’m sure that i’d be able to recognize your voice - you have a very beautiful color. even ican get that, and i’m,” she softened her voice making sure she’s away from others especially their manager, “i’m nearly tone-deaf at this rate.”

Wendy chuckles as she accepts the praise. She’s always been so bad at accepting compliments, but she’s trying to work on that. Especially when she feels that Kaeun unni means it. What Kaeun says catches her attention. “You are able to tell who’s who by how we walk? Now that’s even cooler!” Wendy wasn’t exactly good at any survival skills other than screaming and outrunning her enemies. But hearing that someone can tell who’s who by the sound of their footsteps is next level impressive. 

“Thank you, though, unni,” she says with a soft smile. “It means a lot coming from you.” If there was anyone other than her mother and her CEO whose approval Wendy wanted so badly, it would have to be her members. After all, they’re living together and working together 24/7. Wendy has always wanted people to like her, and she just wants to get along with everyone. Life was less complicated if she didn’t have any enemies. 

“I can’t help it, but I want to win. Not just for me, but for the whole AND*ROMA,” Wendy chuckles. “It’s the competitive figure skater in me, I guess.” Ever since debut, Wendy has shifted her priorities from individual glory to bringing up the whole team. After all, they fly together; they flop together. Wendy frowns when Kaeun calls herself tone-deaf. “I don’t think you are. You have a great tone; you just haven’t had a chance to explore it,” she whispers back. “I just think your voice is under-practiced at least for singing. Besides, you’re more focused on rap and dance, right?” 

SUPERNOVA  .  〖안드로마〗  ┊ 20.09.25  
           ‘break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored’ performance  /  

CHOREOGRAPHY BY: DARAE, YOUNGGI, MEIQI

DANCE COVER with @rkmiya.@rkkaeun,@seulgirk,@rkmeiqi​,@rksora​

FOR REFERENCE:
CENTER DISTRIBUTION: 

• 0:05 - 0:11 [ jiwon ] - juhee 
• 0:12 - 0:14 [ chaeyoung ] - meiqi 
• 0:15 - 0:22 [ jiwon ] - juhee 
• 0:23 - 0:45 [ saerom ] - seulgi 
• 0:46 - 0:51 [ jisun ] kaeun 
• 0:52 - 1:04 [ hayoung ] sunmi 
• 1:05 - 1:12 [ gyuri ] wendy 
• 1:13 - 1:26 [ nakyung ]  juhee 
• seoyeon ( 1:17 ) sunmi 
• jiheon ( 1:19 ) seulgi 
• gyuri ( 1:22 ) wendy 
• chaeyoung ( 1:23 ) - meiqi 
• 1:26 - end [ nakyung ] - kaeun 

Wendy couldn’t do anything else but nod in approval when the dancers of AND*ROMA presented the choreography they came up with. She doesn’t know much about dance when compared to singing, but she couldn’t help but wonder why they weren’t allowed to come up with their own choreography more often. It’s probably the same reason she isn’t allowed to write any songs for the group.

She may not be one of the better dancers, but Wendy knows how to study whatever is presented to her. It’s a skill she picked up from figure skating, piano, guitar, and ballet classes before joining the ranks of Nova Entertainment.

The concept for this cover is a rather exciting one. It’s more in line with what suits their current age group, to be honest. Wendy feels like they’re all too old to dancing around while waving lollipops or using a fake cute voice. They are so way beyond that age, so when the dance line proposes an edgier, more mature cover, Wendy is one of the first to say “Yes!”

Honestly, Wendy would have been fine being in the background for most of the dance. She isn’t part of dance line and would have been fine if they got most of the spotlight. However, she was delighted to learn that all of them got their moment to shine. All of their dancers deserve so much better, and she hopes this cover shows exactly how good they are as a team.

Before she realizes it, D-Day for recording has arrived. Unlike recording for actual music videos, there’s none of the usual nerves that comes with it. The dominant feeling she has is excitement. After all, this is a surprise gift to the fans after winning their first music show. After all, they were gifted with a win, they should give back as well.

To get people hyped for the video, Wendy has taken it upon herself to post a teaser photo of the cover. It’s nothing too fancy, but she had to get AND*ROMA’s name out there in any way she can.

Her part in the choreography isn’t too hard to follow; however, Wendy had to spend a chunk of her time trying to push her hair back in a sexy, but subtle way. She only hopes she doesn’t screw up when recording actually happens.

Recording was as fun and exhausting as it could be. After all, they’re shooting the same dance over and over again. At least the other girls are a whole lot of fun to be with. She can’t imagine being stuck in a studio, recording the same thing over and over again with anyone else.

“Thank you for all your hard work!” They all say when recording ends. Wendy can only hope that the fans enjoy watching this as much as they did making it.

rkkaeun​:

Guess Who

the king of masked singer was a show she watched from time to time, and being notified that she’s invited to be a panalist alongside her team member was an interesting opportunity. while she was more well versed with the hip hop scene of things, there’s always an element of fun guessing who the singers are. and speaking of which…

“me? i’m…not very good, admittedly. i’ve tried guessing when i watch clips, but i’ve only ever gotten two, three right? and they’re all rappers,” she chuckled, turning her gaze towards her teammate as she looked up from her phone. the girl was just reviewing some of the popular clips, looking at how other panalists describe vocals and techniques. she’s never a great singer, so she’s definitley not someone fit to judge them like a mentor. but she’s here as a listener, a fellow member of the audience to share how she felt. 

“i’m sure wendy will do well,” kaeun continued, shifting in her sit, setting her phone away. “you’ve already been helping me out on my vocals with pointers, i’m sure you’d do well.” she nodded. “do you watch this show often, wendy? it feels like the exact kind of show you’d be excited about.”

“That’s better than nothing,” Wendy says with a smile. “At least you will be able to give more unexpected answers than I would.” Wendy had watched the show regularly as a trainee, and even now when she had free time. She had been so busy with school and their own idol promotions, so she hasn’t had much time to watch TV. She can’t help but wonder whether the format has changed, or if it’s still the same as when she used to watch it regularly. 

Wendy allows herself to smile. “I would hope so,” she says. “But what I realized is that it’s more of the mannerisms that we should pay attention to as well. Especially if we want to guess who is the singer behind the mask. Or if they have a really distinct tone, I am sometimes able to tell who it is by their breathing.” Wendy blinks as soon as she realizes how weird that sounds. “Okay, yeah, that sounds creepy, but it only applies to those I listen to a lot, or those with a distinct tone.” She takes a breath before she continues. “If it were any of our members, I think I can guess everyone but Juhee. That’s only because I have yet to familiarize myself with her tone and her habits.”  

“I used to watch it every week, until we got busy,” she says with a chuckle. “It’s one of my favorite shows to watch.” At the followup question, Wendy allows herself to frown a little bit. “I’ve always wanted to be here as a signer, unnie,” she admits. “But at the same time, I’m scared I won’t be good enough to make it past the first round and let the whole team down.” 

rkkaeun​:

a heel’s pace ★ seulgi & kaeun

she may have been the one offering the invitation, but kaeun was still surprised at how quickly seulgi accepted it. it wasn’t a bad kind of surprise, though. having a bit of spontaneity was something she’s learned to enjoy, and she thinks that it  might be a good chance for her to get to know the newer member more. slipping into her shoes and stretching her arms, she shook her head in a fashion that said ‘don’t worry’, pushing the door opened.

“so…” kaeun peered at the other as the door to their dorms closed shut, the sound of clicking confirming that it’s locked and secure, moving towards the lift. “are you someone who stayed up pretty often? it’s not exactly late now, but i know the others are mostly resting up or preparing to.” it was an…alright attempt at conversation, she supposed. 

the former dj tossed in a smile, the sort with lips pressed together lightly, eyes curling. 

She was glad that Kaeun hadn’t mind waiting, she had tried to be as fast as she could when she received the invitation.  She hadn’t really expected it, but she was definitely happy it had happened.  Before she knew it they were out of the dorm, walking to their destination, and Kaeun was attempting some small talk and Seulgi couldn’t be more grateful that she had done so, as she was trying to wrack her brain for things that didn’t sound dumb to her to talk about.

“Oh… not usually, no,” she laughs softly, “I used to be before I began training, I’d roam the streets a lot at night.  It’s almost a different place sometimes, isn’t it?” she mused, humming to herself a little bit. “I think the wife was studying a little before she went to sleep, so she needed the light on and I couldn’t really fall asleep with it on, which is odd, because I normally can,” she laughed softly, knowing that Wendy would have turned the light off if she’d known, since she was that sweet, but Seulgi didn’t mind enough to tell her.  “How about you?”

[text: extreme noona]
➡ it’ll be fun I’m sure… after i have screamed my lungs out lol
➡ but hmm yeah, being a trainee is exhausting on most days, but it can be fun too?
➡ there are up and downs, of course. Kinda like a roller coaster?
➡ you get to learn new things and improve on your skills, basically everyday there’s a kind of improvement? If that makes sense
➡ but it’s nice, specially when you see your hardwork is recognized? And you see it yourself somehow?
➡ you get to hold a note you’ve never reached before, or move with more precision than you had the day before…
➡ it’s worth it, i guess, in a sense? If you look at it like a stepping stone closer to your main goal?
➡ and shh you’ll be fine~ you’ll probably do awesome, honestly. and no, I’m not being biased :p

[ ✉ noodlesaeng ]

↳ noodlesaeng!! it’s been a while!! ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ
↳ how are you? ready for another adventure? (≖‿≖ )
↳ still got hang gliding to go ㅋㅋㅋ
↳ kidding~~ but i have a quick question
↳ you’re a trainee right? how’s it like? what do you guys do?

@rkkaeun

[text: extreme noona]
➡ noona! How have you been? I’ve missed you!
➡ …I’m still trying to figure out how or if I’m going to survive that
➡ but just go ahead and book is up before I change my mind omg
➡ also, yeah, i am~
➡ a lot of practice, workshops, and performance evaluations tbh
➡ why do you ask?
➡ omg don’t tell me!!!
➡ you got signed!!!!!