#supernova

It’s easy to get lost following the intricate, looping, twisting filaments in this detailed image of supernova remnant Simeis 147 or, as it’s better known as, the Spaghetti Nebula. Seen about 3,000 light years away, toward the boundary of the constellations Taurus and Auriga, it covers nearly 3 degrees or 6 full moons on the sky- about 150 light-years wide. This composite image includes data taken through narrow-band filters where the reddish emission is from ionized hydrogen atoms and doubly ionized oxygen atoms is in faint blue-green hues. The supernova remnant has an estimated age of about 40,000 years, meaning light from the massive stellar explosion first reached Earth 40,000 years ago. But the expanding remnant is not the only aftermath. The cosmic catastrophe also left behind a spinning neutron star, or pulsar. It’s all that remains of the original star’s core.

Happy new year everyone!

Image Credit & Copyright: Jason Dain

rkwendy‌:

Wendy blinks as she listens to Sunmi unni swear. Wendy hadn’t been initially happy with the lines she got, but she re-reads the line distribution to see what Sunmi unni got and squints her eyes. She wasn’t seeing that incorrectly, was she? And Sunmi unni was designated as a lead vocal… Shouldn’t that mean she had more lines? Her confusion is probably evident in her face as she frowns as the sheet of paper in her hands again. 

“I don’t know what they’re thinking,” Wendy says with a soft sigh. And she isn’t sure whether she understands what she’s supposed to feel. She’s not angry like Sunmi unni obviously is, but she’s certainly disappointed at how repetitive her lines are. Sure, she’s singing the chorus, but she’s not sure she’s happy with what’s happening. Sometimes, she wonders whether she’s being punished for something? Was it for not being pretty enough? Was it because she had teased CEO Hyun Bin about taking over after him? 

“I guess I’ll stop complaining about how repetitive my lines are then,” she says with a chuckle. Wendy shakes her head, unsure how to pacify Sunmi unni. She’s never been good at dealing with people’s feelings, let alone pacifying them. Wendy’s usually the angry, cranky one, but it looks like she’s going to have to be calm this time. She had a lot of plans for their group, but it’s just sad that CEO Hyun Bin isn’t likely going to let any of them have any creative input on their career. She really wants to trust the old man, but he’s making it very difficult. 

“I guess I need to take over much sooner,” Wendy says with a soft sigh. She wants to think that CEO Hyun Bin knows best, but seeing how unhappy and demotivated people get is beginning to affect her own optimism. Debut is supposed to be exciting and nerve-wracking, but why are people unhappy? “I always knew I wasn’t going to be pushed by the company, but you? But knowing you, unni? You’ll find a way to make this debut your bitch.” 

“i would love repetitive lines that were longer,” sunmi says. chorus was expected to be repetitive: it was the chorus. listeners heard that the most throughout the song. it was the part they remembered. if wendy wasn’t happy with getting what main vocalists usually get (chorus) then sunmi would trade in a second.

pepe was not a vocally challenging song and it definitely wasn’t a song that had a hard dance. maybe because they were supposed to look cute and sunmi was, well, the literal oldest of and*roma? but that logic wouldn’t make sense; solji is only 8 days younger than she is and has a good majority of the song. besides, even if the dance is a little on the cuter spectrum, the lyrics and vocal range don’t really reflect it.

the longer sunmi tries to make sense of it, the more frustrated she becomes. “you’re the main vocalist. the only main vocalist. i’m surprised solji isn’t a main vocalist too with the way the gave her a good amount of lines both songs.” she pinches the bridge of her nose, trying to calm herself down. at least in deja vu she gets chorus – but that’s because the dancing there is a lot more complicated. hyun bin may constantly get on her case about her vocals (for whatever reason) but she is unfalteringly stable while dancing and singing. that was one thing he cannot get her for: she never sounded breathless while dancing anymore.

sunmi shrugged. it didn’t matter, did it? “i’m the leader, i shouldn’t be so selfish.” but a part of her feels justified. it’s been nearly six years. if they don’t debut before the end of the year - which was nova’s promise - then she would quite literally hit her six year anniversary as a trainee. that isn’t something worth bragging about. “i just really felt like this should be a moment of relief for me. i spent my entire young adulthood training restlessly and for what? four lines in our title track song? that seems like a giant fuck you from our company.”

rkwendy‌:

Honestly, Wendy’s not sure she’s happy with the line distributions. Sure, she’s happy to be singing what will likely be the catchiest parts of the song. However, there isn’t really anything else for her to sing. She had expected that with their pre-debut single. After all, with a sound similar to Deja Vu, the rappers were expected to shine. Although as the main vocal, she was expecting to get at least a few more lines than what she really did. She’s glad she got the adlibs, but she actually wanted a little more? Was that wrong? Was she being too greedy for more? 

She tries keeping her facial expression neutral. She doesn’t want her lines taken from her and be given to someone who’d be more grateful. Wendy is going to milk these lines for whatever they’re worth. She supposes, with a song like this one, sacrifices had to be made.  

The idea of the main vocalist eventually not getting any lines at all scares her. She has seen it happen to some groups. Although they sing so well and are the main vocals, their lines are given to the more popular members. They might as well have become backup singers at this rate. Wendy wonders whether that will be her fate if she doesn’t work on her stage presence. 

She masks her disappointment with a small smile. After all, this is still part of the learning process. She sighs as she stares at the paper. The song is good to listen to, but it’s not particularly vocally demanding. The biggest challenge is staying on pitch while dancing, but that’s not much of a problem for her. “This definitely wasn’t what I was expecting,” Wendy says once everyone else has left the room. 

wendy’s words are a vast understatement. in her now sardonic mood, sunmi can’t hold back the scoff and the way she abandons the paper with the line distributions with a huff and an eye roll. if this was hyun bin’s retaliation for how she so openly said she’d leave the company during sn project then fine. but sunmi had long since grown tired of this bullshit dance they did. had this been a few years ago, she would have burst into his office and demanded more lines.

now the leader just sits on the couch with her jaw clenched, refusing to look at the paper with the highlighted coloured lines to show which is hers. “i have four lines in our title track. four. and two of them are the same repeated line.” so if you ignored the repeats, she actually had only 3 lines.

“both kaeun and chaeyoung ended up with more lines than i did and they’re rappers.” not that they weren’t allowed other lines (they were) but it seemed ridiculous that the group’s rappers were given more lines than one of the lead vocalists. sunmi exhales, feeling herself getting stressed out of the prospect of her regretting debut with this stupid company before it even happened.

it was just lines. would people really notice? (probably not. more popular members were going to get lines anyways and sunmi was tired andforgotten thanks to nova’s management.) but what was the point of suffering for 5 and a half years if towards the end of it, she’s given nothing as if she’s a newbie in the group and can’t hold a note? hell, even the one who wasn’t even given the position (initially) of vocalist got more lines than she did. make it make sense.

“fuck this,” she hisses, shaking her head and gritting her teeth. maybe she should have made like hyuna and dropped the opportunity of debut but instead left the company altogether. nova isn’t worth her time. the intrusive thought keeps circling her head and soon it becomes hard for sunmi to just forget about some stupid lines. “this is going to be a long debut cycle. i can already feel it.”

rkmeiqi‌:

the initial friction between the two trainees (brought about because of meiqi, of course, and more one-sided in nature than anything) has dwindled down to almost non-existent. almost, because for the most part, meiqi is over it. she has other things to do, and sunmi has never had foul intentions. but there will always be a small part of her, tucked away into the crevices of her brain and only baring its teeth in times of inferiority.

kind of like right now, though this time, her negative energy isn’t directed towards the leader. it’s more like anger at the situation and their choreographer and their ceo and herself.

“how am i feeling?” meiqi huffs, repeating the question with more emphasis. “i’m being robbed!”

she’s only half joking. meiqi has no problem with the dance for either songs, other than the few tweaks she personally would have made (but that doesn’t matter). her issue lies elsewhere. “why don’t i get to be center with you during the dance break for deja vu?! i’m literally the leadfuckingdancer!”

she eyes meiqi with vague interest although sunmi can’t say meiqi was wrong. not in the slightest. their lead dancer was being out-snubbed by their two main vocalists. which was a little unfair given that both girls are handed a majority of the lines in both their title song and b-side and were now given centre in choreography as well?

meiqiwas being robbed.

“i agree,” sunmi says, gently removing her arm from around their maknae’s shoulders and instead crossing them. “i’m not sure how all of this is decided but quite frankly it makes no sense.” the same way how sunmi has only a handful of lines in their title track and she’s the lead singer. their rappers have three times as many lines as she does. it was an insult. especially to someone who was leader of the group and barely sang in their own song.

“i assume once we’re given more of a veteran status we’ll be able to have weight and say in who gets what but as of right now, we get plucked and chosen by whomever the company wants to push the most. and somehow they want our mains doing that split.” sunmi tilts her head, eyeing meiqi’s legs. dancers weren’t meant to be masters by any means but a split like that was a move a little above their (solji and wendy’s) natural learning capabilities. as opposed to sunmi and meiqi, two girls who are more primed for dancing and could pick up the moves much faster; solji and wendy would have to dedicate some time to the move (although solji was an amazing dancer. someone who genuinely balanced both her top tier vocals and her dancing.) it still begs the question of how meiqi isn’t at least one of the girls in the middle.

“how flexible are you? how did you lose out on that anyways?” meiqi must be stiff as a freaking board not to be centre for the dance break.

rkwendy‌:

Wendy smiles as Sunmi unni seems to get her point. She’s still got it after all. A small part of her feels validated that her analysis doesn’t seem to be too far out. She just hopes the producers agree with her. Wendy makes a mental note to actually talk to the producers when given the chance. After all, they will be explaining the meaning of the songs to any shows they might possibly be promoting in. “That’s why I think it makes more sense for us to officially promote with Pepe,” she continues. “It has a catchy hook and a tune that’s difficult to ignore. It’s also closer to what the musical trends are these days, as well as what the general public is into.” 

She hums as she agrees with Sunmi unni’s opinion on Deja Vu. “Deja Vu is a strong pre-debut track I think. It gives the public an idea what we’re capable of, especially our rappers? But it leaves people wanting more… I suppose.” Wendy purses her lips in thought. Maybe her thesis should revolve around this new generation of artists they’re part of, if she dares call themselves that. This is an interesting discourse and one worth studying, if she’ll think about it. 

“I’m not a dancer, but I think there’s a lot more leeway for the choreographers to go crazy with Deja Vu?” Wendy asks with a slight frown, tilting her head in Sunmi unni’s direction. “As you mentioned, it’s not exactly hiphop, but it’s not like the common pop songs you’d hear in local radios. Perhaps in the West, yes, but not here in Korea.” She doesn’t see many options for Pepe’s choreography to actually impress, but she may be very mistaken. “As for Pepe, I’m thinking it’s got potential for a point-dance that people can do anywhere? Kind of like ChiChi sunbaenim’s “Gee” or H.A.M. sunbaenim’s “Nobody.” What say you, unni?” 

Wendy bursts out laughing at the comment. “I personally don’t mind waving around lollipops at my age, so I would hope we don’t have to do that.” Wendy’s trying to draw the big picture her CEO and the rest of the Nova staff have in mind for them. It’s a bit of a challenge trying to figure out what the old man is thinking, but she wants to know how similar or different their vision is. “I just know that if we film a music video in a dumb old boring box, I’m going to end up crying.” 

“i think deja vu is more dynamic,” sunmi ultimately agrees. of the song deja vu gives them more to experiment with both in song and in choreography. pepe was safe as a song to say the least. something to secure their popularity before they start experimenting and doing things that could possibly turn off the public.

“yeah that’s probably going to be the case. that’s the feeling i got from when we were recording lines.” just the beat and tempo to deja vu was completely different. sunmi was actually looking forward to deja vu more than pepe. it was a shame that it was a b-side track. “the thing is what is going to be our point choreography for pepe? it probably won’t be too cute because the song sounded a little bit more mature than that but who knows.” nova can’t just throw them on stage with a cute persona. three of their members were over 23 years old (she and solji were closer to thirty than they were to 20).

“your twenty so of course you don’t mind,” sunmi says pointedly. “i’m twenty-six. i would like to avoid a cute concept if i could help it.” but the reality was she couldn’t help it. if nova decided to throw her in ponytails and told her to look cute for the debut stage she would have no choice but to listen. “i think i’m going to have to start working hard to have more say and influence on our concepts. wouldn’t that be better to ensure we aren’t doing something dumb?”

sunmi wasn’t surprised when they called her to be amongst the three to be doing the split that was in their choreography in deja vu. not because she was the best choice but because she was just incredibly limber from years of gymnastics. while the choreography was being demonstrated to them she kind of matched up her positions in the choreography with her lines anyways so she knew before they even announced it that that was going to be the case regardless.

although she stretched earlier that day, sunmi took the liberty to stretch again. she doubts they’ll be reaching the part with the split the first day learning the choreography but knowing sunmi, she’d take the liberty of pushing herself to learn it anyways. she thought of the moves leading up to the split, gently doing them in the mirror. not to perfection mind you, just to get used to the beat in her head.

“split then a body roll back up. ballsy.” she turned to meiqi, throwing her arm around her roommate. “how are you feeling about the choreography so far?”

@rkmeiqi

when they received the packet for the set line distributions, sunmi saw deja vu’s lines first. she was surprised that she was even getting part of chorus for a b-side. it put her in good spirits immediately. they were told they were going to promote the song as well so it would be fun.

yet when she turned and saw the lines for pepe, their actual title track, her smile disappeared and her mood plummeted. she only had a few lines. both of their rappers got more than she did. it was surely disappointing. she scanned through to see if it was only her that suffered from having minimal lines. it seemed like meiqi barely got any as well (even less than she did). she felt frustrated a bit. what was the point of being lead vocalist if there was no lyrics to lead in the first place?

she’s gripping the packet too hard. it crinkles under her hands. it’s only debut, she tells herself. it’s fine if she doesn’t have a lot of lines for a title track now. it’ll change next comeback, right? they can’t keep giving the lead vocalist practically no lines. though thinking of all the other groups that are in the industry, there always the one or three members that get virtually no lines and it’s always the same members. rarely does it switch to someone else. the idea scares her.

sunmi falls quiet. she was so excited to go over the lines with wendy - they had promised to look it over together when they got them back because they were theorising a lot. and now the excitement is gone. she forgets wendy is in the room next to her, probably looking over the lines excitedly to see who gets what. and there’s sunmi, not even matching her enthusiasm.

@rkwendy

rkhyojeong‌:

hey kid is something she’s pretty used to hearing. she had usually been one of the younger students in her dance classes, and a lot of her friends that she regularly hung out with were older than her. it’s not something new to her, despite her being taller than a lot of the other kids her age. she knows that she can pass off as mature just on looks alone – if only people didn’t take personality into account. it’s funny, honestly, when she thinks about it, considering she doesn’t even try that hard to pretend to be mature. 

but hearing the hey kid has hyojeong turning her head, to look for the source of the voice. 

and to her complete and utter surprise, it’s someone she had known she would probably run into one day now that she had gotten into nova. but she didn’t think that one day would be so soon. or even today. it takes her almost a moment to gather her thoughts, her brain whirring like crazy. after watching the episodes of the supernova project, there had been two people she had really wanted to meet: sunmi and chaeyoung. sunmi from ages ago, from the first mgas, and chaeyoung since episode one of the project. and one of them is talking to her right now. 

“i.” hyojeong is never one to be struck speechless, and it takes a brief moment for the gears in her brain to start working again. “hi! sunmi-sunbaenim, um, no i know where i’m going. just dance practice,” she points a finger over her shoulder in the direction that she had been heading before being stopped, towards the practice rooms. 

the buffer in response leads sunmi to consider that maybe this kid shouldn’t be in the halls of nova. was she sneaking in? though it begs the question of who she would be sneaking in for?

( probably haknyeon, she thinks. he’s the youngest and possibly in the age range of this girl. it would make the most sense if she was a young fan girl….. )

sunmi wouldn’t tell on her. probably scold her and remind her that it’s sasaeng behaviour to stalk an up and coming idol like this. the girl speaks like she’s familiar with the place. maybe the young girl wasn’t a fan after all.

a trainee this young? suddenly sunmi would have preferred if she was just some crazy stalker.

“oh, you must be new then,” sunmi says with a nod. although incredibly educated at least to know who she was. unless she simply watched the supernova project before coming here. how new of a trainee was she? “since you know my name….it’s a bit awkward to introduce myself.” she gave a half hearted chuckle. “what’s your name?” she tried to refrain from adding ‘kid’ to the end of that sentence as well. maybe she was older than she looked.

“you seemed so young i thought you were just a fan walking in through nova. glad to know you’re a trainee. how old are you?”

rkkaeun‌:

she looked at sunmi for a moment, before realization set in. as a fellow trainee, it seemed ludecrous to not have sunmi in the finale - she’s a one of the best dancers, if not the best in nova. to add to that was the years of training, and the exposure for being in several public gigs. but she supposed that’s what going into the red team does to people; kaeun’s seen how it affected her own group on the 2nd mission. a demotion like that, a possible suggestion of elimination, it would have been hard on anyone.

kaeun would be bold to guess that it had to be worse on those who wanted it even more.

sometimes she doesn’t really get it. of course, hyunbin is the ceo, and he had his reasons for his decisions ( or so she hoped ). but a part of her simply wondered if the move was dictated by the need to drive ratings? or perhaps, it was simply because they had overwhelming expectations for the older and experienced trainees from that batch? kaeun didn’t ponder over it for long, however. somehow, she always felt that the three will make it, because they’re too good not to.

( besides, this is a dog-eat-dog world. there’s no room for any artistes that are not mentally strong enough to get past a hurdle in a survival show. perhaps she had too much faith, or maybe she was on the other end of the line with too little empathy. 

it doesn’t matter, in the end, they’re all there. )

“ i…see. the stage must mean a lot to you, though i shouldn’t be surprised. you shine when you’re on stage, unnie. she would be proud of you. ”

her comment was spoken softly as kaeun flashed a gentle smile. she’s never really talked to her about families; she’s never heard about sunmi’s family and never really spoke up about her own. people would have known about her sister, jihyo - but few would know about their complicated family. well, kaeun would still say that they’re lucky ones; her parents might be cold and they may have drifted apart, but they were still somewhat hanging on to each other, even if it’s by a thin thread.

“ i guess i kind of understood that. i felt the same way when i’m standing on the dj decks, but it was a late realization. i didn’t know how much music would become part of me until high school. i’m a little of a late bloomer. ”

the girl chuckled, eyes curling as she intertwine her fingers behind her back. but being an idol is not like being a dj. being an idol is performing in front of millions of eyes potentially, instead of getting a crowd of 300 at a downtown club.

“ my parents never really liked me performing. i was supposed to be the responsible daughter, the one that scored a good scholarship to university, and all that. … i’ve drifted away from the topic, sorry. i supposed, i don’t have a novel reason for being here. it sounds like i don’t appreciate the opportunity, which isn’t true - i do. i know it’s something that doesn’t come easily. but i really wonder if debuting is it. it felt like i’ve been dj-ing or working on my own music for so long that i’m not sure if i’m ready to commit to something else entirely. ”

“it always had. i didn’t want to be that person who was stuck doing something i didn’t love, you know?” it today’s climate that’s so easy to do: to end up somewhere simply out of necessity rather than want. “i’m fortunate enough to even attempt to reach my dreams. a part of me had to realise this as an opportunity that not many others can afford. that’s how i’ve humbled myself.”

too many times has sunmi heard that she’s the best in dance, best this, expected to be the example. in her mind she knew she wasn’t. not out of self deprecation but out of a sense of reality. maybe she was really good at something but she certainly wasn’t the best. it’s that idea that had many people shocked when she dropped to the danger zone. for her expertise, they expected more. sunmi never understood what hyun bin ever expected to her, especially when his comments never differed, but at some point she stopped caring.

a part of her was tired of the commentary but a part of her also felt that unchanging criticisms were only her fault for so long. at some point she felt like she wasn’t what nova was looking for which only begged her to question why they hell they bought out her contract or why reject her in the mgas but offer to buy it out later. what was hyun bin’s angle? his motive? why do it if all he’s done in the last few years – and heavily in the last three months – is say that she isn’t worthy, she’s lacking, she doesn’t reach expectations.

…..but then do everything that would suggest otherwise?

“maybe she would be,” she’d shrug. sunmi stopped wondering what her mother would think of her journey. previously it led her to being too entitled, too self centred. too ruthless and ambitious. there was no point in pursuing a dream that was never fully her own so she made it her own. “i think my mother would have told me to leave nova a long time ago if she were still alive.” her mother would have convinced her that another company would have valued her in the first place. hell, she might not have even left sphere if her mother was around.

“it’s not a rule that you have to have a love of music since early childhood for this to mean something to you,” sunmi says with a small smile. “there’s no such thing as a late bloomer when it comes to the love of music.”

sunmi absorbed kaeun’s words. it was interesting. kaeun didn’t have a complete interest in being an idol. it seemed like she just ended up here. she certainly didn’t half ass anything (kaeun has come so far since the beginning and sunmi was proud of her). “i figured you would have been more of a producer. like wendy. you both seem to exude more producer like qualities. you can love music and want to work in music but being an idol isn’t the only gateway into it.” so now came the decision.

“do you want to be an idol and not have the freedom like you would djing or are you fine with staying in clubs and making your own remixes?”

rkhuidong‌:

While hopeful, he’d been prepared for a bleak outcome.

The decisions by head management and Hyunbin were thought to be predictable by this point by Huidong; after four years in a company, one would think they would know what the company is planning and expects. But, his participation in the project had proved him wrong, and that in fact, he didn’t really know what the staff truly had in mind, or were planning. And it had been a somewhat jarring revelation, particularly while immersed in such a high tension environment. Mentally, he’d thought he’d made all the mental preparations needed. He’d come to terms with the notion of being eliminated at this last step, to remaining at the status of trainee, although that would mean he would be going to Hyunbin with the decision to terminate his own contract. And, it wasn’t a lose-all outcome, if that were to happen. He would return to his family and the general street dance scene, probably go back to teaching and mentoring, and also finally put more time and effort in his own personal life and future with his girlfriend.

But, hearing the announcements to come after Yongsun’s elimination, despite a heavy heart for the fellow Nova trainee, made him confused, and surprised. It took a few minutes for it to dawn on him: there were no other eliminations. He’d look over at Hugo beside him, eyes wide in shock; the red vests had been a guillotine hovering above them all month. And then, he only heard bits and pieces of everything that came afterwards. That both groups would be debuting, and not just one or the other; his name and Sunmi’s, mentioning something about MVP. By that point, his emotions had gotten the better of him. A giant wave of relief washed over him, releasing all the tensions from the past three months. He could heard that he wasn’t the only one; his head down, face buried in the crook of his elbow, he could hear other sobs next to him. It was a happiness that came from years of hard work, to finally hear the news that he would be getting somewhere, and it had been long waited for.

When all official announcements were done, embraces happened as the boys consoled and congratulated each other. In the midst of it all, he heard the approach of an amused voice; he didn’t see her come towards him, his vision too blurred from a flood of tears and his face very much blotchy from crying.

Coughing a little, he tried to give her a look of disapproval but couldn’t quite make it through his quiet sobs. His face felt like it was made of jelly. “I’m jusst … glad for everyone … and uss,” he managed, rubbing at his eyes with the back of his hand and resisting another wave of tears. Although he knew Sunmi wouldn’t let him live this down, he didn’t want to give her more reason to tease him. “Do you have a tissue?”

although she wasn’t reduced to tears nor was she so wracked with emotion; sunmi could feel that sense of relief. her shoulders felt like they could rise. sunmi could stand up straighter now. early on in the competition she had resigned herself to the fact that this would end with her being eliminated. although the idea was frustrating, she chose to leave with dignity when the time came. when she was given the red vest, she already had plans to discuss terminating her contract with the help of her father and just pay off the dues as she went back to work.

she wasn’t going to spend a minute longer in the company after this because she was so convinced that it was a boys-debut thing and that she would get eliminated before it was all over anyhow. she never anticipated for it to be a double debut kind of deal. much less that she would make it to the end. a part of her can’t let go of the idea that something else is going to happen. she’s too suspicious of her own company. maybe that’s what holds her back from breaking down right now like the boys are.

“i’ve never seen you blubber like this,” she teased further, laughing at his attempt to give her a look of disapproval. huidong and sunmi don’t make it a habit to cry in front of the other. it had only happened once when jinkyung left. or maybe twice (did she cry when talking about contract renewals? she can’t remember). but seeing the eldest in the company cry like this made them even with how many times he’s seen her shed tears. it was nice, in a way.

“i know, i know you are,” she reassured with a soft smile. she still couldn’t hide the mirth from her expression as she pat and rubbed his shoulder soothingly. “we were talking the whole time like it was our death beds here. like we weren’t going to make it.” sunmi can certainly feel that relief, excitement and overwhelming joy. it’s muted but it’s there. there’s just no tears. “yeah i do, i was feeling a bit sniffly earlier. i have a whole pack.” she produced the pack of napkins from her side. after performing she had put them there on her waistband just in case she sneezed again.

“there, there. no more crying huidongie~” she cooed and laughed. “it’s okay!”

rkwendy‌:

After initial shock, Wendy finds that she kind of likes the songs they’ll be debuting with. Sure, she would have preferred to be given more creative freedom to participate in making AND*ROMA’s music, but she hopes she gets that chance in the future. For now, Wendy’s just content to learn all that she can as an idol, as well as make the mental adjustment from being a trainee to being an idol. 

She had learned the entire song and committed it to memory. Wendy may not be getting rap parts, but she’s going to damn well try. As a budding songwriter and producer herself, she knows the importance of all knowing the entire song. If professional producers are anything like her, they will want to experiment and have everyone sing the songs to see which singer matches which part. She had heard of the time Insoo sunbae had jokingly rapped Jun Q sunbae’s parts in Cover Girl and ended up getting the part in the final recording. 

“Same here. Though in my case, it was for both songs,” Wendy says with a chuckle. “The struggle is all too real though. I did it, since as a producer, I tend to have people doing demos for me learn the whole thing too.” She shakes her head. After SN Project, only a crazy fool would bother with giving Wendy rap parts. Her producer side wants to give it a shot all the same. Wendy hums as she contemplates on the question. “At first I thought I liked Deja Vu better, but now I listen to both songs more, I’m leaning toward Pepe.” She pauses because she knows she has no limit once she starts talking about music. “I could go on all day dissecting both songs, but I want to know your opinion first.” 

“really? i thought the rap for our b-side was corny,” sunmi shared with a scrunch of her nose. the english used in the songs were cringe worthy. it was clear that they either didn’t know english or did and thought it would be the cool thing to say for a “hip hop” concept. that you can just casually say “spit fire” for a rap that wasn’t even considered bars to begin with. sunmi was from new york. she heard better raps on the 1 train.

but at least wendy’s reason made sense. making songs for parts that you personally aren’t used to was a true mark of a good lyricist. if wendy got familiar with rap enough that she could write raps despite not being a rapper, it would make her a valuable asset to the company. maybe eventually they’d let wendy start writing their songs completely. sunmi knows that some groups from smaller companies make their idols write music because it was cheaper. would nova do the same?

( maybe not. )

sunmi had to laugh though. “wait really? i definitely like pepe though. it seems like a softer song especially with the vocals but the rap pulls you out of that. so it’s not really a cute concept, i feel. how would i describe it….” it wasn’t really energetic either. the verses were even a little slower. “i always liked pepe more although that may change when the choreographies come out.” sunmi wonders how they intend to do it. though she knows damn well they wouldn’t ever let her choreography anything, she wanted to see how good of a choreography the songs will be. though dancing wise, pepe didn’t have much hope. it was a slower song. deja vu had a lot of potential because it was an faster tempo song.

“you know how i am about my dances!”

rkmeiqi‌:

as expected of a leader, sunmi already has meqi figured out. it’s evident in the way she leaves no room for the inevitable denial of the facts. even the way she handles the situation with an air of maturity, everything about her screams leader material.

it’s kind of intimidating, and this is coming from a girl who, in high school, stood up to the assholes that would humiliate others, all the while having only a moderate grasp of the language. but in front of sunmi, she’s reduced to a… well, there’s no other way to say it other than that she’s reduced to a p.

the thing is, meiqi knows that hyun bin’s comments were (probably) scripted, or at least well thought out in order to give the show a dramatic flair (she’s learned that their ceo has a metaphorical b for the wow-factor, as evidenced from the minute he had announced the sn project’s premise). however, that didn’t matter. once it was in her head, it wasn’t just about what hyun bin thought. it was the truth, at least according to the comments she had read online after being freed.

“people do,” she blurts out. truly, this was a bigger issue to meiqi than just between the two of them. maybe it started out that way, or maybe meiqi was just blowing things way out of proportion now. she fiddles with her phone unconsciously. “people know that i can’t sing or rap. dance is all i can do, but even then, i’m lacking in comparison to you.”

“you’re right, though. i was being stupid. it’s not your fault.” meiqi doesn’t say the rest of what’s on her mind (it’s not your fault that you’re better than me and i don’t like that. it’s my fault for overestimating myself). because even if they are partners, parts of a well oiled machine, whatever analogy sunmi wants to use, meiqi knows that one half of a pair is always in better shape than the other. she’s just so used to being the better one, that she doesn’t know how to cope with knowing that this time she’s not.

sunmi closes her eyes. she remembers feeling that insecurity for years. she remembers constantly comparing herself to others. always wanting to be best, always wanting to do better. “there’s always going to be someone better. everyone has conflicting opinions,” she says. then she shakes her head. “you know, nova didn’t even want me when i first started. i was a little older than you are now. and nova rejected me the first mgas. i came from sphere. that’s where i got better at singing. i even rapped too. but you? you got here on your first shot. you didn’t need a stroke of luck like i did. i’m only here because nova bought my contract with sphere. you got here through the process without the hassle. i think that’s way better off already.”

which was true, in its own ways. hyun bin never disclosed to her why he bought her contract. she was suspicious that he wanted to take her popularity but he never used it when it was at its height. instead, he let it dwindle until it was non-existent; until it was nothing more than ‘sunmi is that trainee that’s been in nova for years’ and nothing more. so her being in nova was still a question to herself even to this day.

“fuck what everyone else thinks,” sunmi says with a short exhale out of her nose. “i drove myself crazy worrying about what other people thought. if i did that then i’d be bitching and whining that i’m not a good singer because that’s all hyun bin has told me the last four years i’ve been here and yet i still got lead singer.” she gives meiqi a look because it was true. “these comments are meant to get in your head but i know you’re better than that. i’ve never known you to be the type of person to just sit down and be who someone assumes you are just because they said so with conviction.

(sunmi felt like she could see her own stubborn determination in meiqi. was she wrong? she hoped not.)

“it’s not whether i’m right or wrong,” sunmi says, keeping her eye contact trained on the younger. “it’s whether you believe it. you have strengths i don’t. vice versa. you compare us because we’re both dancers but you also forget i have years on you. so it’s not the same. even then you can keep up with me. that only says more on your talents than my own. it took me five and a half years of training time, 23 years of constant dancing lessons to be right here where we are both standing together at this moment. you got here in a quarter of the training time and like an eighth of the years dedicated to dancing and you can match my level. whoever says you’re lacking is probably someone who either doesn’t know what they’re talking about or is some jackass who has never been a trainee in their life.”

dream journal 121021 //

family road trip across northern Vermont (i was told our destination was Montpelier), but the landscape was primarily a sea. crescents of pine-tree covered land dotted as far as the eye could see, and on them stood a mix of log, stone castle and traditional new england architecture

Left Eye 20th Anniversary

20 yrs ago, we lost one of the greats…the talented & beautiful #LisaLopes AKA #LeftEye from legendary group #TLC. I wanted to honour her by creating a design I feel she would’ve liked.

#CrazySexyCool #NoScrubs #FanMail #Waterfalls

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