My gangsters

Supernatural Season 14 Poster.

What are your thoughts about this?

My beautiful angels

Carry On My Wayward Son

Most shows have not lasted as long as they did, but other shows are not Supernatural. This show has been my favorite since I was four years old. We’ve watched the Winchester brothers die multiple times and come back and we’ve watched people they loved die. 15 amazing seasons of them

“Saving People, Hunting Things, The Family Business” -Dean Winchester

Who remembers this movie?

I love seeing J3 together

Young Jared Padalecki!!!!!

A Supernatural Journey - Summary

Serie Summary : Two best friends meet two brothers.

Pairing : Dean Winchester x Eva (OC), Sam Winchester x Emily (OC)

Warnings : Some fluff, angst, guilt

Words : 9 853

A/N : Hey ! It’s been a while but I’m back on writing this series. Another chapter is ready already and I’m working on the next one. Hope you’ll like it :)

A/N 2 : All mistakes are mine

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Eva’s POV:

The soft sound of guitar reached my ears and pierced through my brain, making the dream disappear. I squeezed my eyes tightly, praying to go back to sleep and get a few more hours. But unfortunately I had to get up, and go to work.

I reached for my phone, following the music until my hand found the device on the nightstand, quickly turning off the alarm, probably sending it to sing five minutes later. As I put my hand back on the mattress and buried the side of my face in the pillow, I felt something move besides me. Then a growl.

“Fuck…”

I immediately opened my eyes, only meeting darkness and wondering who had just spoken. Then my brain quickly connected the dots.

Dean had stayed with me last night. And for once, until morning.

I didn’t have time to move before his hand reached for my waist and brought my body closer to his. I gladly let him.

“What the hell was that?” He growled in my ear, his voice lower and a bit broken with sleep. Like a bear waking up from hibernation. I couldn’t help but chuckle.

“My alarm. I have to get up.” I explained and felt him shake his head behind me.

The hunter let his hand wander on my side before finding my belly like he had last night, bringing me even closer to him. I didn’t fight because being close to Dean was becoming something I really enjoyed, so I once again let him. But then I remembered I had to go to work and therefore get up from the bed, wake up Emily and get ready in order to leave at 5:00.

So I sighed and tried to move away from him but he tightened his grip on me, refusing to let me move.

“Dean…” I started but he quickly cut me off, putting the top of his head on my neck.

“Five more minutes.” He said and sounded like a child, complaining about waking up because he had to go to school.

I smiled at this and tried to talk again, explaining to him that I really had to get up and get ready.

“I’m sorry, I would love to but I really have to get up. But you can stay in bed, you know.” I told him even though what I truly wanted was to stay here with him. The pain in my eyes from the lack of sleep was intense and my whole body was tired, screaming at me to stay in bed and sleep seven more hours. Even more if it was in Dean’s arms.

But once again, Dean disagreed and spoke behind me.

“Come on, five more minutes won’t kill you. I sleep better with you.” He confessed in a whisper, as if it had just slipped away from him and he hadn’t meant to say it. I stopped my movements, letting his words sink before grinning at the idea of Dean sleeping better when I was with him.

So I decided to let him have his five more minutes and rested my head on the pillow. The hunter nuzzled behind me and I sighed, enjoying the gesture. I wouldn’t have guessed that Dean Winchester, the hunter of monsters and savior of the apocalypse, was a big cuddler but I sure enjoyed it. Being a cuddler myself, I surely didn’t mind the physical touch.

I gently put my hand on his forearm disappearing under the covers and the hem of my shirt. The feeling of his warm skin under my fingertips was something quickly addicting. And when his warm breath landed on my neck, some shivers awakened on my body.

“What time is it anyway?” He mumbled, as if his mouth was barely opened.

I moved away to grab my phone again and immediately squinted, the light burning my eyes. I heard Dean growl behind me and I finally saw the time, making me sigh loudly.

“4:37 a.m.” I told him, putting the phone back on the nightstand, knowing the alarm would ring again in two minutes but still decided to enjoy those two minutes left.

“It’s way too early.” The hunter complained and I couldn’t agree more.

“I know…” I said back and brought the cover up to our bodies, the brown sheet resting on the top of my shoulder.

I closed my eyes again and having them shut made me fall back asleep almost instantly. The warmth of the covers and the body next to me created a pleasant cocoon I wanted to stay in forever. I felt calm, I felt safe, I felt good. My brain quickly started to shut, ready to let me dream again for a few seconds when Dean brought me closer to him in a sudden movement, pressing his chest to my back and his lower body to mine, his nose hidden in my hair. One of his legs slightly found its way between mine and his crotch gently met the small of my back, allowing me to feel his morning wood pressing from the down of my spine to the line between my ass cheeks. Before I could suppress it, a gasp of surprise passed my lips at the feeling.

Almost immediately, Dean moved away a little, putting some space between his morning wood and my body before speaking.

“Sorry for poking you.”

I smiled at this, loving how he was apologizing for this even if he was spending his whole time being cocky and teasing me. I slowly bit my lip, trying to not think about Dean having an erection next to me but my brain was too foggy and the filters to my mouth weren’t activated yet.

So I replied.

“Don’t be. It’s normal, isn’t it?”

Then quickly added.

“Or are you just really happy to see me?” I teased and immediately felt Dean snorting behind me.

“Not even fully awake and you already have a filthy mouth.” He said, not hiding the smile and playfulness in his voice. I laughed loudly, quickly bringing my hand to my mouth, covering the sounds.

 
Dean chuckled too and I turned around, laying on my back, trying to perceive his face in the darkness. The light in the hallway didn’t allow me to see much, especially since he had his back to it but I could still catch a glimpse of his smile. I didn’t know if he could see me blushing, both because of my own comment and because he was in a bed with me after spending the night here, a bulge in his boxer and his arm around my waist. But I hoped he couldn’t because the more I thought about those facts the more I liked them and the more I was reddening.

Dean was about to say something, starting to open his mouth when my phone rang again, making me flinch in surprise. The hunter sighed and growled again.

“Let it ring.” Dean said, laying on his back too and his left hand left my body, taking his warmth with him. He rubbed his face with his hands and let one wander to his hair.

If I could save time in a bottle
The first thing that I’d like to do

I knew I had to turn off the alarm but I wanted to watch him a bit more, enjoying this moment a bit more, before he had to leave the room and pretend nothing had ever happened, just like all of our kisses.

Is to save everyday ‘til eternity passes away
Just to spend them with you


Emily’s POV:

All I could feel was warmth. Such a warmth. But also tiredness and pain in my eyes.

I tried to turn around as my dream slowly faded away but something around my body and on my back kept me in place. I froze, trying to open my eyes but quickly decided otherwise when I felt the pain in them. Like I had cried them out the night before.

Then everything came back to me. I had indeed cried. And in front of Sam.

I wanted to slap myself, to run away, to hide forever and never face anyone ever again as regret invaded my mind. I wanted to punch myself, scream and disappear as shame made itself known. A feeling of disgust and guilt took place in my stomach and I closed my eyes tightly, praying for it to go away and leave me alone.

How could I have been so stupid?

Then a sound reached my ears.

Bum-bump. Bum-bump. Bum-bump.

A heartbeat. There was a heartbeat under me and I was now sure the weight and strength holding me were arms. And the warmth on the small of my back was without doubts hands. And it could only be one’s arms and hands.

Sam’s.

The war in my head began. As much as I was regretting showing him how lonely and horrible I had felt, another part of me loved this feeling of safety and comfort that being in his arms was giving me. His warmth wrapped around me creating a serenity and I’d never felt such a pleasant sensation.

But I couldn’t stay here, I couldn’t stay in Sam’s arms. I couldn’t feel what I was feeling when I was laying on top of him and hugging him. I couldn’t feel what I had felt when he said I was everything he looked for in a woman. I couldn’t feel what I had felt when he had kissed me. I couldn’t feel all this because I didn’t deserve it. I didn’t deserve a man like him. I didn’t deserve anything good. Not me.

I felt a pain in my chest, like my heart was tightening and no blood could come in anymore. My blood started to boil in my veins. The anger, mostly towards myself, increased and I just wanted to be alone.

I pictured myself pushing Sam’s arms and the cover away, leaving the room without looking back. But a part of me, the hopeful and weak part of me, refused to break the little bubble I was in. So I stayed frozen, trying as hard as I could to stop my mind from thinking about where I was and instead tried to find a way to leave without waking Sam up. Tried to find a way to leave that perfect but terrifying bubble.


Eva’s POV:

I finally turned around, stopped the song, and blindly searched for the switch on the nightstand. When I felt the button under my fingers, I slightly turned my head towards Dean.

“Watch out for your eyes.” I told him and he didn’t have time to finish his “What?” before I turned on the light.

Dean growled and I immediately narrowed my eyes at the sudden light, trying to adjust them to the brightness. I properly sat on the bed and ran my hands on my face, trying to erase every ounce of sleep left, knowing nothing would be completely gone until 10:30 a.m. I stretched my body, raising my hands towards the sky as far as I could before letting them fall on my lap again, yawning loudly.

To say I was tired was an understatement.

I slowly turned around to face the older Winchester and spotted him rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. I couldn’t help but think he was adorable. When he stopped, he raised his head and his green eyes found my brown ones. A wave of embarrassment reached my whole body and I broke eye contact, turning my head.

My eyes landed on the stuffed lion and I couldn’t repress the little smile that spread my lips. It was so sweet, so cute of a gift and I liked it even more as the freaking vessel of an archangel had bought that for me on my birthday. Dean technically wasn’t anyone and yet he had offered me a stuffed animal because he was afraid I wouldn’t like his other present.

I felt the bed moving, breaking my thoughts and I turned my head towards the movement, seeing the hunter straightening in the bed and putting his back against the headboard. I looked at him casually sitting in my bed and decided to get up in order to wake Emily up. When I pushed the covers away from my legs I was glad I wasn’t like my best friend and wasn’t always sleeping in t-shirts and panties even in winter. Therefore I wasn’t too embarrassed when I got up from the bed and tidied up my hair in a bun before turning to Dean again.

“I’m gonna go wake up Em’. You can stay here if you want, even go back to sleep.” I told him, offering a smile and he smirked.

“I’m starting to think you want me to ask you to stay in bed with me by mentioning it all the time. Is that what you want? Because I wouldn’t mind.” He asked, raising his eyebrows, his smirk not disappearing.

The cocky Winchester was now awake.

I felt my cheeks burning, every ounce of self-control not activated yet and I looked away in a not so subtle gesture, frowning.

“Shut up.” I told him before opening the door and heading to my best friend’s room, hearing him chuckle far away.

When I reached the eighteen number, I gently ran my knuckles on the wooden door before slowly opening it, letting the light of the hallway illuminate the room inch by inch.

“Hey, Em’. Time to wake up.” I kindly told her and walked to the bed but only found it empty.

I froze a second, looking in the room as if she was hiding in a corner but she wasn’t. I assumed she had woken up before me and was maybe taking a shower even though she was more the kind to take them in evenings or during the day; so I walked to the nearest bathroom. When I reached it, no light was piercing under the door and no sounds could be heard.

I tried to not worry too early in the morning and decided to check the kitchen. Maybe she was feeling like making breakfast at 4:30 a.m. I walked in front of the opened door of my room and caught Dean still sitting in the bed at the corner of my eyes.

The cold floor of the bunker froze my feet and I regretted not putting socks on but I ignored this feeling when I entered the empty and dark kitchen. I frowned and started to really wonder where my best friend could have go in the middle of the night.

“Em’?” I tried while walking to the library, hoping to find her in the room full of books but still nothing.

“Emily?” I tried again, entering the war room.

Nothing.

I hurried to my bedroom, hoping that Dean could help me in my research for the brown haired lady.

When I entered the room, he was already half standing from the bed and he furrowed his eyebrows when he saw me, stopping his movements.

“What?” He asked, his voice already changing into his normal tone.

I raised my hands in confusion.

“I can’t find her anywhere.” I told him, trying not to panic and forcing my mind to stay clear and calm. But the last time she had disappeared, a vampire half drank all her blood and we had to call an angel to save her life.

Dean immediately got up and bent to grab his jeans laying on the floor. He quickly put his legs in the holes but I had the time to see the bulge in his black boxer before his hands buckling his belt covered it. I looked away because I knew I shouldn’t have looked but I was sure he had caught me staring.

Thankfully he didn’t comment on that and walked with determination to his brother’s door.

With a strong fist he quickly knocked below the number twenty-one and didn’t wait for any answer from his little brother as he widely opened the door.

“Sam! We’re looking for…”

Dean stopped talking and froze when he turned on the light on the right, illuminating the whole room. He snorted loudly and I pushed him away a little so I could see what he was seeing. When I did, my mouth formed an ‘o’ and I raised my eyebrows in surprise.

“Well, 'found her.” The older Winchester said and I pinched my lips, seeing my best friend on top of the younger hunter.

Sam immediately brought the covers closer to their bodies in order to cover them but I got a glimpse of them and saw they were both still wearing clothes. Or at least shirts. Not that I would have minded, it wasn’t any of my business and I would have been more than happy for her if she had had a great night.

My gaze met her blue eyes and they were a bit puffed like she hadn’t slept much. Emily tried to move away from Sam, turning her face the other way so we couldn’t see her face. Dean crossed his arms, resting his body against the doorway.

“Well, well, did you two lovebirds have a great night?” He asked with a teasing smirk and Sam glared at him.

“Go away!” He shouted at his brother and Dean chuckled.

Emily, on the other hand, took the opportunity of Sam being distracted by his brother to move to the other side of the bed. Her back completely facing us, Sam straightened in the bed and moved his body in a protective gesture towards Emily. It was only at this moment that I realized that whether something had happened or not last night, she must have felt completely embarrassed by Dean and I’s presence.

“Come on Sammy, you know I’m your top one supporter.” The older brother winked at the one in the bed and Sam sent him a death glare this time, clenching his jaw. Silently telling him to get out.

Unlike Dean, or maybe he had just decided to ignore his brother, I got the message. So I grabbed his arm and pulled him towards me, before closing the door behind us, giving them some privacy.

Dean took a step back and looked at me with incomprehension, raising his eyebrows.

“What?” He asked, his voice a little high and I rolled my eyes, letting my hand fall from his arm.

“Really Dean?” I shook my head at him and he shrugged like he hadn’t done anything wrong.

I sighed and grabbed his wrist to guide him to the kitchen.

“I’m all about teasing those two idiots, really, it’s one of my favorite activity. But you can’t just burst into the room and make fun of them like that while we don’t know if they even did anything.” I told him, hoping I wasn’t appearing as I was lecturing him.

Dean let me bring him to the kitchen, chuckling while I talked and stopped me in front of the entrance.

“I’m sorry Sweetheart but you can’t prevent me from teasing my little brother. I’ve done that since he was born and I won’t stop just because you say so.” He said, a smile on his face and he wasn’t wrong.

“I’m not telling you to stop making fun of Sam, I’m just saying : let them be. It will be funnier to tease them when we catch them making out in the kitchen than now when we just speculate about it.” I told him and something passed in his green eyes, darkening them for a second.

I frowned but quickly realized we were the one we had actually made out in the kitchen and that Sam had teased me about it. He had without any doubt done the same to his brother.

Feeling myself blush at the memory, I lowered my head to avoid his gaze. My eyes fell on my hand still on Dean’s arm and quickly dropped my hand, breaking the physical touch between us.

I crossed my arms, hiding my hands under my armpits and turned away from him. I hadn’t paid attention to the way I was touching Dean more and more. But now I was remembering every time I had touched him in any way. And for me, letting my hands wander without even thinking about it on another human, without any thoughts behind, meant only one thing : I really liked that person.


Emily’s POV:

I wanted to die.

I wanted to run away, so far away where nobody knew me. I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me. I wanted to just disappear. I wanted to curl up and cry myself to death. I wanted to scream, yell, break a wall, break my hand, break a face.

I shut my eyes tightly and turned my hands into fists, my nails pressed against my palms. Taking a deep breath, I was about to get up and quickly leave this room when I felt a hand on my back. I tensed and quickly moved away, getting up faster than I had intended to.

“Emily I’m sorry.” Sam said, his voice a bit broken by the sleep.

This was the last thing I wanted to hear. He was sorry. Of course he was sorry. Sorry about last night, sorry for myself, sorry because he didn’t want to get caught with me.

Who would?

“Dean is a jerk.” He said, maybe in an attempt to make me feel better. But it only made it worse.

“It doesn’t matter.” I immediately told him, trying to end the conversation as quickly as possible.



Without even looking at Sam, I walked to the door and put my hand on the handle, ready to leave and never come back. But the younger Winchester decided otherwise and straightened in the bed.

“Emily, stop.” He said and with the hard tone he used I couldn’t not stop. But I didn’t turn around, not wanting to see his face.

“It matters to me. I’m not sorry he saw us, I’m sorry he’s an idiot.” He explained and I let a dark chuckle out.

“Yeah, sure.”

Sam could say everything he wanted, I was too ashamed to listen to him. I could feel my breath quickening and starting to be deeper and deeper. My blood boiled in my veins, the anger towards myself increasing.

How could I have let him see me like this? I was so weak last night, it will never happen again.

But also the anger towards Eva for not being there for me when I needed it. Causing me to cry in Sam’s arms.

God I had cried in his arms. What an idiot, Emily!

“Please Emily, don’t regret last night. You shouldn’t. It was okay to come to me for help, it will always be. I want to be here for you.” He told me and I closed my eyes for a second before taking a deep breath and turning to him.

I froze a second at his kind face, his sweet smile and his hair a bit messy by sleep. But quickly the rage inside of me eradicated any kind of attraction for him. My brain deciding to simply erase the kind and reassuring words he had told me last night, I shook my head at him.

“No. It should have never happened. Ever. I’m fine, I don’t need your help. I don’t need anyone’s help. You shouldn’t have seen me like this. It will never happen again.” I said, my voice not making room for arguments. But apparently Sam decided otherwise and started to get out of the bed.

I took a step back, trying to be as further away from him as possible.

“Well I’m happy I could be here for you. It’s okay to need help Emily and more importantly I’m willing to be this help for you.” He gently told me, trying to convince me but I was too stubborn to let him get to me.

“No. I always handled it alone, I’ll continue to. I don’t need you, I don’t need anyone. So, just, forget it. Forget everything.” I lied.

I lied because I had too much pride to accept the fact I needed help. To accept letting myself be from time to time. To accept showing my tears and weakness to someone. It had taken me a lot of time to let Eva see all of this and there were still moments where I hid things from her.

Once again, Sam seemed to disagree with me and he walked to me. I took another step back but he trapped me between his torso and the door.

I raised my head and chin high to show him I wasn’t afraid or intimidated by him but deep down I just wanted to leave. Sam tried to make eye contact with me but it had always been something difficult for me. I couldn’t look at someone for more than two seconds in the eyes, I didn’t like it.

Therefore, I quickly looked away from his gaze, hoping the way I was holding myself was going to do the trick.

“I don’t believe you. See, I told you last night that you were just like Dean and this conversation proves it even more.” He started and I raised my arms in frustration, sighing loudly.

“Stop comparing me to your brother!” I started to raise my voice and I saw him take a deep breath.

Maybe I was finally getting on his nerves. Good, it was easier to make him hate me than letting him see how I felt deep inside.

“Stop pushing me away! Let me in, Emily. I want the good and the bad so let me be here for you! And you want me to forget everything? Forget that you saved my life? Forget the late night conversations? Forget how your hand felt in mine when I taught you how to play darts? Forget the date we had? Forget the kisses we shared? I’m sorry, but I can’t do that.” Sam said, his mouth letting quick and deep breaths out. His firm chest raising with each one of them.

A feeling of guilt hit me in the stomach but I still couldn’t let him get to me. So I clenched my jaws and made an effort to look at him in the eyes.

“Yes, Sam. Forget all of this. It was a mistake.” I told him, sounding as confident as I could ever be.

But the hunter took another step and I couldn’t get away from him anymore. Then he put his large hands on the skin of my arms, making me shiver without my consent. I froze when he bent to have a better look at me. His face was so close to mine it felt like we were breathing each other’s air.

“Was it, really? Because it sure as hell doesn’t feel like it. Stop pushing me away, stop trying because it won’t work. I want to be here for you and you can’t do anything about it. You are not alone in this and even if you try to hide it , I know you feel it too.” He said, his voice getting a bit lower the more he talked.

His fingers grazed my skin and it felt like electricity was suddenly passing through every one of my muscles. The tears tried to reach my eyes but I couldn’t let them.

So I inhaled and shook my head at the tall human.

“Don’t do this, Sam. Don’t do this to yourself. It’s pathetic.” I told him and managed to push him away, escaping from his embrace and quickly opened the door.

“Emily, please!” He called but I was already heading to the bathroom to take a shower, trying to drown my pain and all those feelings as much as I could.

Eva’s POV:

Dean and I were just finishing making a pot of coffee for everyone when Sam entered the kitchen. His hair was a bit of a mess but after passing his large hands in it, spreading the locks and brushing them slightly, everything was mostly in order. The hunter looked tired and a bit upset but I didn’t dare ask anything. But Dean didn’t seem to think the same.

“So, Sammy. Care to share with the class?” The older brother teased the other man and Sam gave him a bitch face, glaring at him.

His eyes weren’t laughing at all, not an ounce of a smirk or a blush. Nothing. He only stared at his brother with a dark look.

“Shut up.”

It was simple but so out of character for Sam. For the time I had spent with him I had never heard him curse and if he did, I was always in a funny way, a joke, a tease. But this ‘Shut up’ was harsh, quick and Dean froze at it. Maybe he wasn’t really used to his brother being so firm either.

All I knew was that the older man didn’t add anything and let the taller one walk to the fridge in silence.

Watching Sam pass through the room, my eyes met Dean’s and both of us were surprised, wondering what had happened last night or this morning.


Emily’s POV :

The shower didn’t really help aside from finally being alone with myself.

I let myself internally scream but quickly got out of the hot water and avoided the mirror as much as I could. I put my work’s clothes and with every step I took towards the kitchen, I closed myself more and more. So the moment I stepped into the room, I felt numb but stayed polite even if the only thing I desired was to leave this place as soon as possible.

Eva sent me some confused looks and I tried to avoid her gaze as much as I could. Sam’s too. And of course Dean’s but surprisingly he didn’t make another joke or insinuation about what could have happened between his brother and I. Maybe Eva had talked to him about this, maybe not. I didn’t care. Or maybe I cared too much. It didn’t matter, I was only glad no one was speaking about it. No one was speaking at all actually.

Eva quickly left me with the brothers after mentioning going to take a shower and no one replied to it besides Dean who mentioned she could use his shampoo or whatever. I didn’t really care what she did or not today. I was hurt. I had been hurt. And now I needed time to move on from this.

When she came back, the tension between all of us didn’t decrease. More the opposite. No one really talked and I wasn’t looking at anyone. The memories of the night before stuck in my mind and already haunting me.

Eventually Eva cleared her throat and I glanced at her.

“So, thanks for last night guys. It was really nice and pleasant, thank you. And tell Cas again I liked having him here last night. We should head back or we’re going to be late for work and all. But we should definitely do that again, it had been too long since we had seen each other.” She said and maybe a part of me should have agreed, maybe a part of me should have felt the same way but I refused to say or show anything.

“You’re welcome and we’ll tell him.” Sam answered and Eva gave him a little smile. I was sure she could feel the tension too.

“Alright, I think we should go.” She repeated, playing with her hands.

“Yeah, we don’t want you to be late.” Dean said back and they both started to walk towards the corridors, probably to take Eva’s bag on the way to the garage.

I heard Sam take a deep breath and I quickly escaped the room to go get my things and avoid talking to him again this morning. It wasn’t fair but I couldn’t face him.


Eva’s POV :

After I hugged both the brothers to tell them goodbye, Emily and I headed to Topeka. I took the wheels and Emily looked outside the window the second I started the engine. I waved at the boys but she didn’t, preferring looking ahead of her instead of behind.

The radio was on but the sound was very low, making the silence in the car too present. I didn’t pay attention to the song playing in the background but to my silent best friend next to me.

Even though I was the one driving, I shifted in my seat, trying to ease the weird tension in the air. But as much as I moved or glanced at the girl next to me, nothing changed. She was still quiet. So, deciding I had enough of this heavy silence between us and wanting to understand what could possibly be wrong, I cleared my throat and asked her.

“So, you slept in Sam’s room?”

Emily sighed and I felt her tense on my right. It wasn’t the smartest move I had made.

“I don’t really feel like talking.” She simply said but I could hear in her voice the anger rising and something else, maybe pain.

I stole a glance at her again and she wasn’t looking at me but at the early sunset. Unfortunately for her, I knew Emily too well and she didn’t just don’t feel like talking, at least not this time, something was clearly bothering her. Or more like eating her from the inside. And a part of me knew, felt that it was my fault. Or at least partly.

I wanted to let it go and leave her in peace but I felt this weight in my chest, like a bad feeling, a warning of something being wrong. So I gulped, opening my mouth a few times before taking the courage to ask the question burning my tongue.

“You don’t feel like talking or talking to me?” I softly told her, unsure of the question once it passed my lips. But it was too late, the words had come out and when Emily only turned her head to look at me, I knew it was the wrong question. Or maybe it was the right one but I wasn’t going to like the answer.

And when she didn’t say anything, only turning her body so she could look through the window, I knew her answer : she didn’t want to talk to me.

I felt my eyes watering, feeling the guilt and worry in my chest and stomach, but quickly tried to bury them, at least while I was driving. The last thing we needed was to have a car accident.


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When we arrived at the hospital, Emily practically jumped out of the car, barely looking at me and I knew something had been damaged.

The heavy silence, the guilt increasing in my stomach, her red and tired eyes, the way she ignored me and spent the whole ride with her hands into fists ; I knew I had screwed up. It couldn’t have been only a bad night, one we worked on for years. It wasn’t her only raging against herself. It wasn’t an inner war about what she could feel towards Sam. Maybe it could be a bit of three but this feeling in my whole body made it clear it was my fault or that if I had paid more attention, it wouldn’t have been that bad. It had happened before, I had screwed up before, not being here for her at the right time or place. I knew she was disappointed, hurt and angry and I knew it was because I hadn’t been there for her when she needed it. She had every right to and I hated myself for it.

Once I reached the bar, I knew the day was going to be long and painful, the awful feeling of guilt heavy on my shoulders. I was the one opening the bar, and the first to welcome people in here so I had to put on a happy face and at least be nice to customers. But all I wanted was to cry and apologize to my best friend, over and over.

I turned on the light and prepared the room. Once all the chairs were on the floor and the door unlocked, I stepped behind the counter and sighed, already wanting the day to end.

Emily’s POV :

The second my shift ended, I hurried to the exit and left the hospital. I didn’t want to stay in the cold but I didn’t want to go home just yet either. So I decided to walk to the apartment, purposely freezing my nose, cheeks and hands, hoping that it would freeze my whole body.

Sam had texted me while I was at work but I didn’t answer him. I couldn’t answer him. I just ignored his text asking me if everything was alright for me. I didn’t want to lie to him this time so I chose to not answer instead of saying it was all good.

The more I walked, the more I remembered the previous night. All I wanted was to forget this whole evening, about my best friend being with a guy instead of helping me, Sam seeing me at my worst and comparing me to his brother. But I knew it wasn’t fair to them. Because it had been Eva’s birthday and if she wanted to sleep with Dean she had every right to, I even liked them together so why was I so angry? Maybe I was jealous. No, I wasn’t jealous of my best friend but I sure hoped I could act like her with Sam without feeling like I wasn’t legit to feel and have those kinds of things.

Sam had said such nice and reassuring things last night, but yet I didn’t believe any of them in the morning. Sometimes, making me believe things was hard. I didn’t take compliments seriously because I didn’t believe they could be true, at least not when they were said to me. I wanted to be loved and cherished but I didn’t allow myself to feel for people or even let them come closer to me, so even thinking of some kind of emotional attachment was scaring me. If I let Sam see the real me, if I let myself feel for him, I could get hurt, I could be disappointed because of my expectations of people and how they should act with me, I knew that.

I looked up and saw the building in front of me, I hadn’t even realized I had walked all the way to the apartment already. I took a deep breath and opened the door, deciding to take the stairs, running, trying to evacuate all my anger and frustration.

When I arrived at the front door, I was – for once – glad Eva was still working and wouldn’t be here for another hour. It was in moments like those that I wished we weren’t living in the same place. I loved her and being roommates with her was a blessing but I couldn’t just let it all out in all the rooms when I needed to. So I walked to my bedroom and started to scream as loudly as I could in the nearest pillow. I needed to let it out, to let it all out. So I started to punch my headboard until I felt myself cry from anger.


Eva’s POV :

I didn’t even turn on the radio in the car on my way back.

The silence was better, it helped me realize that I was a horrible friend, that I had let down my best friend, one of the people I loved the most on earth. That I had spent the whole evening waiting for a guy to come back so I could see him on my birthday instead of paying attention to her. I had ignored all the signs and now, I was terrified of what was next.

I parked the car and before going to the apartment, I let myself cry a little. Hating hurting her, hating worrying about the consequences, I let some warm tears fall down my cheeks. Once I felt like my emotions were calmer, I nervously walked to the building, worried about how it was going to be between us tonight, or the day after. I just hoped we could talk and figure it out.

I opened the door of the apartment and didn’t see Emily. I took a deep breath and slowly walked in the room, trying to figure out where she was.

I walked around the apartment, not a sound was coming from her room but I spotted the light under the door frame. I took a deep breath and raised my hand to knock on her door, wishing we could talk even though I was anxious about the conversation that could come out of it.

Slowly, I knocked on the wooden door and after some time I heard a quiet “yes” behind the door. I shyly opened it, revealing my best friend sitting on the floor. She was a bit out of breath, like she had worked out or screamed a lot. And when my eyes fell on her red fists, my chest felt heavier.

It was worse than I expected.

“Hey…” I whispered while entering the quiet room.

I walked to my friend and sat next to her on the floor. I wanted to say something. I wanted to tell her I was sorry but I knew it wasn’t the right time to do so. Sometimes Emily didn’t want to hear me apologize, so I prevented myself from doing it.

I tried to find the right words, I wanted to ask her what had happened last night, I wanted to ask what was going on with Sam but I didn’t know where to start so I asked her.

“Do you feel like talking?”

A silence followed my question and I mentally cursed myself. It was definitely stupid to ask that.

Then she spoke up.

“I wasn’t really mad at you, Eva. More at myself.” She quickly said and I nodded slightly.

“But I did something, didn’t I?” I softly tried and I saw her taking a deep breath like I was somehow right but didn’t want to tell me.

“Or maybe I didn’t do something…” I completed and she glanced at me, clenching her jaw before looking away

This time I was right.

“Emily, please tell me what happened. I can see something has really upset you.” I told her and she sighed, her face closing. I didn’t want to upset her even more but sometimes we just need to let it out to feel better.

After hesitating for a while, she straightened and looked everywhere but at me.

“Yesterday was a bad day and last night even worse.”

I didn’t reply anything, observing if she wanted to add something or not. She did.

“I came to you, Eva. I was able to walk to your room and open the door but… you weren’t there. I mean, you were in the room but not alone. I saw Dean with you so I turned around and left.” She quickly explained and I shut my eyes tightly for a second.

If I hadn’t asked Dean to stay with me, Emily would have told me what was going on and maybe even feel better. But I had been selfish and I had told him it was a birthday request.

“I’m so sorry… I should have been available for you. I shouldn’t have asked him to… you know, even if he was there you could have woke me up. I told you I was here for you and I meant it. I would have kicked him out of the room and listened to you.” I tried to explain to her, meaning it, but she immediately shook her head, her eyes finding mine.

“Eva, stop, don’t be stupid. You were clearly cuddling with him. I wasn’t going to come in and ruin the moment for my own little problem. Which isn’t even a problem, really. So no. No way I was going to let you kick him out just to listen to me complain.” She told me, denying struggling with her own mind.

I was ready to answer when she added.

“Plus it was your birthday. I wasn’t going to spoil it.”

I shook my head, disagreeing with her and tried to reach out to her. Once my hands were on her forearm, I talked.

“We don’t care what day it is. If it’s on my birthday, a date or the day before a big event. I don’t care what day it is or with who I am. You need me, you tell me. I don’t want you to think that you can’t talk to me when we are with the brothers. Alright?”

Emily slightly nodded, letting me know she had heard me but making me understand that she wasn’t going to agree right away. So the only thing I could do was hope that my words were going to stay with her and that next time she’d feel this way she wasn’t going to hesitate coming to me.

“And what you’re going through isn’t nothing, Emily. Do you wanna tell me what you were going to tell me last night?” I tried and she stayed silent for a moment.

I thought she wasn’t going to tell me – something I could have understood – but after the moment of silence, she took a breath and started.

Emily explained to me what had happened last night. How she had felt awful the whole day and that the little voice wouldn’t shut up. How after seeing Dean next to me, she had left and was ready to take care of it alone in her room. How she had came across Sam and how he had opened his arms and room for her. But also the morning after where she pushed him away so violently she doubted he would ever want to speak to her again.

I was convinced that Sam wasn’t going to ignore her, he seemed more stubborn than that but the way she explained it, it really seemed like she had been a bit mean to him. I was sure that if she talked to him and explained what had happened, he would understand but it was harder than that for my best friend. It was hard to let the walls down, let people hear her fears and I honestly understood. But the last thing I wanted was for her to miss a great love story because of this.

I listened to her the whole time, not interrupting, then told her I was proud of her for accepting Sam’s offer last night, even if she had acted the way she had this morning.

But as much as I was glad Sam had been here for her, the guilt in my belly didn’t go away. My mind was racing with my best friend not feeling good at all yesterday and the fact that I had slept with Dean, therefore letting her down when she needed me.

I knew I needed to make it up to her. And to do better in the future, I needed to be a better friend.

Once Emily finished letting out everything she needed to say, I finally told her I was sorry and apologized for not being here. She told me it was okay even though I was sure it wasn’t and it would take some days for the air to become clear again between us. Deep down I knew she wasn’t going to stop talking to me but sometimes I was afraid she was going to. But we also needed a little time to move on from discussions like those.

Her stomach growled and I let a little smile reach my lips. None of us had really eaten the whole day so we decided to call the delivery guy and we got our burgers in the next twenty minutes.

We didn’t really talk while eating but when we went to bed, with only a glance at each other I made her understand I didn’t want us to sleep in separate rooms. Therefore, I offered Emily to sleep with her and thankfully she agreed. I told her I was going to unpack my bag and take a shower while she was getting ready too. Or maybe it was a way to let her reconsider her decision if she felt like it.

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After my shower, while folding my sweater in my wardrobe, the stuffed lion in my bag fell on the floor.

I picked it up and kept it in my hands, remembering how I felt with Dean but also kind of regretting spending the night with him. I felt selfish and that was the worst thing I could feel. It was making me feel guilty and I had a hard time letting go of that feeling.

“What’s that?”

A voice asked behind me and I flinched at the sudden sound, almost making the stuffed animal fall again. I turned to her and I swallowed before handing her the soft lion. She took it and looked at it.

“One of Dean’s gifts.” I answered and her eyebrows rose.

“Oh that’s right. I didn’t even ask you what he had gotten you for your birthday.” She said and I shook my head, stopping her.

“No, it’s okay. Really. It’s not important.”

“So, he spent the whole day out for this?” She continued and it wasn’t judgmental, more surprised.

I nodded and started to play with my hands, embarrassed by the whole situation.

“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry I spent the night with him instead of being there for you.” I finally said and Emily gave me the plush back.

“It’s okay, I understand. It was your birthday and I know that you really like him. It was kinda cute to see you both in the bed, actually. And he offered you a fluffy lion. Definitely cute.” She nicely answered and I blushed at her words.

“Still, I should have been here for you. I’m sorry.” I whispered and put the animal on the bed.

“I know you are. But it’s done now. So let’s move on, okay?”

I knew she meant she didn’t want to spend the whole night talking about this anymore but also that I needed to do better, that she expected me to do better. And I wanted to, I was going to. I nodded and raised my head to look at her. She offered me a little smile and I gave her one back. I quickly walked to her and took her in my arms, hugging her with all my love.

“I’ll do better. I love you.” I told her and I felt her nod, hugging me back. Then she let go of me and I told her I would join her in a minute.

After putting my pajamas on, I took my phone and joined my best friend in her bed. Lifting the covers I laid beside my best friend. She turned around, her back facing me and I got the message.

That night, I was going to be the big spoon.

Once we were all settled, I brought the covers up our bodies and wrapped my arms around her, in an attempt to hold her like I should have last night. My hand found her arms and I started to draw some lines on them, giving her the comfort I could offer her and after a while she put her hand on my wrist, letting her fingers wander on the silver chain around it.

“That’s new.” She whispered and I gulped, feeling like I shouldn’t talk about how happy I had felt last night, the kiss Dean and I had once again shared or even how I was realizing that I liked him a lot. But I felt like I shouldn’t brag about those things when Emily had cried her eyes out all night.

“Eva?”

Her voice reached my ears and cut my thoughts. I slightly cleared my throat and answered her.

“Yeah… it’s… it’s from Dean again. It has the Flux Capacitor on it.” I casually explained, trying to not sound so excited but Emily tried to turn around and face me.

“Wow. I always make fun of his so-called charm but the guy actually knows what to get you to make you happy.” She said and I allowed a small to spread my lips.

“Yeah…” I whispered and a short silence followed my word.

Emily’s POV :

I turned around again, my back to Eva and she tightened her grip on me.

I knew she was holding herself back from speaking and as much as I had felt almost betrayed because of last night, I knew I wasn’t being fair to her. She had a huge crush on Dean and I couldn’t blame her for having some alone time with him, even less on her birthday. So I decided to cut her some slack and listen to the curious voice in my head who wanted to know about her and the hunter.

Maybe it could distract me from thinking.

“Tell me about your night.” I simply said and I felt her tense behind me, hesitating to answer.

“Well…” She started and finally related me what had happened between her and the older Winchester. Or at least some of it.

She talked for a while about the night and slowly her voice started to fade away, sounding more and more far away. Eventually, I felt my eyes closing and I stopped hearing her voice.

Eva’s POV :

The more Emily answered my tale with quiet ‘hmm’ the more I knew she was falling asleep but I didn’t stop drawing soft forms on her arms.

Laying in the dark, I couldn’t stop thinking of my night and hers, the guilty feeling not going away, my mind racing with every kind of thoughts from Emily’s feelings to my relationship with Dean.

Then my phone lightened up, illuminating the room for a second.

I slowly turned around, letting go of my best friend and grabbed my phone, sighing when I saw it was late at night. Then I saw it was a text from Sam. I frowned and opened it, facing my friend so she wouldn’t be awakened by the sudden bright light.

‘Hi Eva, I’m sorry to bother you but is Emily alright ? She didn’t answer meall day and after last night and our argument,I’m starting to worry about her.’

As I read the message, I felt bad for the younger Winchester. I thought about my answer for a second, wondering what I could say but he sent another one before I could do anything.

‘I’m sorry I probably shouldn’t tell you this, she’s your best friend.’

At this my heart sank a little. Imagining Sam worried about the woman asleep next to me but regretting telling me because of who she was to me made me feel bad for him. So I quickly wrote my answer.

‘Hi Sam, you don’t bother me at all. Emily may be my best friend but you’re my friend too. You can always talk to me and share with me your questions, and worries.’

‘Emily is somehow fine. We talked a lot and it’s gonna be okay, she’s gonna be okay. Thanks for worrying about her. Also, I know what happened last night and this morning. I’m sorry Sam. I hope you know that she didn’t mean it. She has a tendency of taking a step back and saying mean things when she’s hurt or angry but please don’t take it personally. Even if I know it’s a lot to ask.’

I hoped that this text would help him feel a little bit better and the younger brother quickly answered.

‘Thank you a lot for what you said and I know… I know I need to give her time butitfeels like I’m always so close to catch her but every time I’m within reach, she slips away. I wanna be patient but I need a sign, you know ? A sign that I’m not completely wrong here, that I’m not imagining things. A sign that it’s not one-sided.’

I felt like this was a confession so I discreetly checked on my best friend, the woman was still asleep so I straightened a little, ready to talk with Sam all night if he needed it. But first I needed to make something clear. I didn’t want to betray my best friend about what she felt for Sam but I couldn’t let him in the dark either. After all, he was my friend too and if I could help them both, I was going to.

‘She came to you last night Sam, andstayed with you. She let you see her in such a moment. There are signs, trust me.’’

Sam didn’t answer right away but I could see the three dots appearing and disappearing as though he was hesitating on how to respond to this. But eventually I received an answer.

‘You really think so?’

A little smile reached my lips at this, imagining the tall man asking for confirmation about a girl he liked. Because it was obvious he did.

‘I know so. And I know it’s a lot to ask but let her open up to you. But at the same time, if you wanna know something : ask her. She may deny it, she may not want to answer you and she’ll tell you so if it’s the case but at least she’ll know that you care and that she can tell you things. Even though she’s as stubborn as a mule, she’s seeing what you’re doing for her. You did everything right Sam, let her meet you in the middle now.”

Sam didn’t answer until I received a simple and meaningful ‘thank you’.

We talked a little to try and ease his mind until he mentioned having to leave in the morning and not knowing when they would be back. I told him to be careful out there then let him sleep.

After putting my phone aside, I stared at the dark ceiling for a moment, wondering why it seemed to be so complicated lately. Dean and I always pretended that nothing had happened between the two of us even if I was sure we both felt the connection in every one of our kisses and Sam and Emily kept dancing around each other, taking three steps back after one step ahead.

I closed my eyes, hoping that the next time we would see them we would finally move forwards in our relationships. 

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