#self h8

I have rejection sensitive dysphoria with my ADHD, and a crippling fear of abandonment from also having bpd.

My partner says I’m not enough and he wants to sleep with other people. He never expressed anything other than complete joy with only me the last year (he admits hiding what he wanted was wrong).

I know that works for some people and I’m totally fine with it for them. It doesn’t work for me. I don’t think it’ll work for him. I’ll lose him saying yes or if I deny it to him. Nothing is the same anymore and the deposit I’ve been struggling to save so we can live together no longer matters. If our sex is dull, I guess living with me would bore the shit out of him.

I’m not really okay at all. Everything feels like a lie and I’m disgusting.

Sorry for not really posting.