Well, aren’t you all a curious bunch. I have to say, I was expecting more hate mail, so these genuine questions were refreshing. Alright, let’s get to it.
What can you tell us about your family? How do you feel about them? Get along with your siblings? Your father?
My family is big and opinionated and very particular about thing. I suppose I get along with my siblings just fine, though I wouldn’t say we’re close. But does anyone really get along with their family? I never buy it when people say their parents are their friends. Parents are parents, you’re not supposed to be all chummy with them.
What do you remember about Sherry, or her family? Did you ever consider reaching out to her, over all these years? Wonder what she’s up to?
I honestly don’t remember her family all that much, I was mostly wrapped up in her. But given that they moved her away suddenly, disrupting her life right in the middle of high school, I can’t say I’m the biggest fan. I did try reaching out to her in the years right after they left. I was in the post office every week, trying to get them to give me her forwarding address so I could find out where she went but I guess that’s “confidential information” or something. She didn’t tell me anything about where she was going, didn’t leave a number…by the time I graduated high school, I figure she just didn’t want to hear from me ever again. It still stings if I’m honest.
Who’s better at poker: Walt, Joe, or you?
Definitely me. Poker is big in my family, so I grew up playing it, and with very competitive people to boot. Playing with Walt and Joe is a picnic in comparison. That said, Joe’s definitely not too shabby either. God bless him, but Walt can’t play for shit. Though there’s something comforting about our Sheriff having zero poker face, I guess.
What was your life like growing up? Did you do well in school, have a lot of friends? Get into trouble?
It was pretty average I guess–I did okay in school, I helped out at the family businesses, I did sports, hung out with my teammates, dated a bit…the usual. I may have gotten into a bit of trouble here and there, but thankfully it was all before I turned 18, so all those records have been expunged, which means I don’t have to talk about it.
Your family’s name is on a lot of businesses, but is there one that you would consider your favourite?
If I say the Tavern, will I seem like an alcoholic?
How do you feel about Hastings, and the people in it?
It’s the only place I’ve ever lived, so I don’t spend that much time considering my own feelings on the place. It’s a good town, as far as towns go I guess, and everyone in it seems to care about living here, which is nice. I don’t know, as long as people keep buying things at Archer stores, I don’t need them to like me much.
What’s a day in the life of Ransom Archer look like?
I usually sleep through my first five alarms and then when I do get up, I start in on the rounds of the businesses. I’m in charge of the bookkeeping for all the businesses here, but honestly most of the store managers keep good books, so I don’t need to do much. I usually go down to the ski resort we own every month–more in the winter–to check on things there. Just…constant maintenance on all our holdings. I have dinner at the Tavern most nights and then I go home and…rinse and repeat.
From @nocluewhatshappening
Do you wish more of your family lived in Hastings and not just you?
My feelings about this are a mixed bag. I wish someone else could move here and take over the businesses, but I mostly wish that so that I could leave. I have no strong desire to live near my family.
Hi Ransom! Do you know of any sibling or relative of yours who was given up for adoption? And to be more specific… Do you think Riley is an Archer?
What a weird question–you know something I don’t? Kidding–if my parents had had another kid, there’s no way they would have given them up for adoption. Carrying on the Archer name is pretty much the only reason they had kids, so the more they had, the better chances they’d get someone who wouldn’t sully it. The idea that Riley Stevens–that’s who you’re asking about, right?–is an Archer is completely ridiculous. I literally don’t know how that would even work.
If you had the opportunity to leave or move out of Hastings, would you?
Without hesitation.
And from some secretfolks:
hey it’s my friend’s birthday this saturday and he thinks you’re neat. he doesn’t live in hastings but he’s been learning about your family’s legacy for a project. could you wish him a happy birthday?hi it’s birthday anon again his name is leoh i forgot to mention that.
Oh hey, your friend sounds awesome! If he thinks I’m neat, then I think he’s neat.
Happy Birthday, Leoh! I hope you have a good one, pal.
what drew you to that girl during high school.
I don’t know how to put it into words but she was just…amazing. She didn’t take shit from anyone, she was smart and funny and gorgeous. And she’s the only person I’ve ever seen stand up to my father–on my behalf of all things. That’s pretty much the moment I fell in love with her.
are you into men?
Like, romantically? Honestly, the thought has never crossed my mind. I never have in the past but my romantic endeavors with women have been such a disaster, maybe I should expand my dating pool.
What the heck kind of a name is Ransom? What are your siblings called? Robbery Archer? Arson Archer? Tax Evasion Archer?
Here we go. No, my siblings all got the normal family names, while I got stuck with the name from some obscure great-uncle or something. Apparently it means “warrior’s shield” or something like that, but my dad always told me that they’d named me for the Middle English definition of the word: redemption. But I think that’s just something he made up after the fourth time I got arrested to try and guilt me into behaving.
Did you know that if you rearrange the letters in your name, you get ‘Romancer Rash’? I hope you know there are steps you can take to avoid that…
I will say, this one is at least original. I haven’t heard that one before.
What did you and Ms. Honeywell talk about, that night in the tavern?
God, I talked poor Alana’s ear off about my family. My dad had called me earlier that day and…well. Let’s just say I’m astonished she went out with me at all after that.
What sorts of rules did you break when you were Max’s age, exactly?
I broke most of the usual teenager rules: curfew, sneaking out, skipping school, dating the wrong girls, lying…all the stuff that most teenagers do. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with teenagers pushing boundaries, so I hope Max doesn’t get too wrapped up in worrying about breaking the rules as long as she stays safe. And I really hope she doesn’t end up breaking laws like I did–that’s a very different sort of trouble.
Why does your father think you’re a screwup? Do YOU think you’re a screwup?
Oh god, how much time do you have? Because I got in trouble as a kid, because I didn’t go to a fancy Ivy League school, because I was never a star athlete, because I’m not married to some high society gal with five kids, because I’m the youngest, because I never had ambition to add more businesses to the Archer portfolio…take your pick. I like to think that I’m not a screw up–I’ve got my act together a lot more in recent years–but I don’t think that’s really for me to decide.
Did you know that smoking is bad for you?
Yes, thank you for the reminder, Max.
What are your opinions on kids?
They’re pretty loud when they’re young. Kids are okay when they’re a little older, I guess. I like that some of the kids in town haven’t gotten the memo yet that I’m an idiot. As for having my own, I know my parents expect all their kids to populate the world with more Archers, but I really don’t see myself contributing to that.
John, I have sentiments that I– that I often say to myself, and I don’t say them out loud to you, and I’d like you to hear them. Well, there are people around, Moira, so depending on what it is you’re planning on saying…
Rhona has so many ideas for her tattoos, but sometimes Elio needs to be her impulse control (and she can also decide since she is her tattoo artist lol) Poor Rhona, she‘ll never get her dream tat
I found warmth in your back pockets. Your kisses taste like ash and graveyards; trading smoke between barely parted lips, shotgunning to get a taste of what death feels like. Your touch is poison and leaves me with nightmares, but nothing is more cathartic than to die by your hand night after night.
Both the devices which I ordinarily use to self-administer my nightly regimen of cannabinoid anti-inflammatories are presently Fucked, and have been so since the day before Dad was hospitalized, leaving me full of lesions, swollen joints, and brainfog, and thereby rendering my hands too shaky to do the necessary cleaning/refilling/part replacements. NEVER put off weed vape maintenance.
