#spoken poetry

when you asked me back
i thought this time
wecould be better

but what i failed to remember
was how we fell apart
in the first place.

and this time, was no different
we fell, and then again,
once more, we fell apart.

it was a love revived
just so it could die a final death
the second time around.

this is not the kind of love i need

and it’s not the kind of love i deserve

but it’s the only kind of love you can give

so i don’t mind if it hurts.

it’s walking the city streets
with my face blending into
a blur of a million passing faces.

it’s being lost in a sea
of art and talent
and never reaching the surface.

it’s looking up and realizing
i’m too far below the summit
of the highest skyscraper.

it’s being unremarkable,
and not being bad,
that i fear most in this life. 

The early morning rises and my mind is still awake, my body is pumped, and my heart is still beating fast from the three cups of coffee it took me to keep my eyes open throughout the night. I waited just in case you wake up. It was just in case you call me in the middle of the night again; or maybe at the crack of dawn, when the world is still half asleep and the only two people conscious of everything that is real are you and I. It was just in case you needed a break from the truth. I was willing to be your refuge. I could rest among the darkness when I am with you, no matter if you’ll be gone when the sun comes up. 

you loved me like it was routine
the kisses felt like chores
you held me out of necessity
and you touched me in familar steps

the i love yous were repetitive
and the good nights felt compelled
your eyes no longer looked at me whenever we collided
and your skin no longer electrified at my touch
the smiles you’ve been giving me were calculated
and the days when you loved me were on schedule

the only real thing that was out of the plan
and the only real thing that broke our little pattern
was the only real thing that i never thought twice on
it was deciding that i had to leave right then and there