Okay BUT what about, a year down the line, some noble twat they’ve run into from Stedes past is calling him ‘Steve’ and acting like another douchy Badminton brother and then from the back of the room a low shouted growl:
Something that piques my interest about steddyhands is the idea of Ed who can’t kill, Stede who Does Not Want To, and Izzy who’s been stuck with the dirty work for years
Especially the idea of Stede killing someone to save Izzy’s life, and it being the first time anyone has ever killed for Izzy.
Like he would kill and die for Ed, but has never had that favor or loyalty returned
So Izzy and Stede bring out the worst in each other right?
Wouldn’t it be fun if they teamed up to become an absolutely feral bickering dangerous team?
Like instead of blending seamlessly they’re like two tectonic plates grinding and sublimating and creating metaphorical earthquakes that destroy everything in their path
I love everyone who’s into Steddy Hands but ALSO so many people are saying Stede/Izzys dynamic should be tolerating each other for Eds sake and doing threesomes but having no real love for each other and NO. NO my fics can’t end like that. You don’t understand.
They have one of the most interesting dynamics in the show. I’d put it right up there with Ed/Izzys, Ed/Stedes dynamic (hence this ship appealing to me so much) because like. Okay so first you’ve got their canon interactions:
“This isn’t over Mr Bonnet.” “Good. Because I kind of enjoyed it”
“He has terrible taste in lackies”
“His names Blackbeard DOG”
“Trouble in paradise”
“I stood up for you you little shit”
*homoerotically touches curtains* “plum the depths”
“DONT YOU EVER SHUT UP”
Okay and yes obvs it’s funny imagining them having to put up with each other for Ed BUT this dynamic??? It’s ripe for some enemies to lovers. I mean. They’re like. Weirdly obsessed with one another and HATE one another IMMEDIATELY - Blackbeards not in the picture yet and Izzy is CUTTING UP STEDES TOP TO MAKE HIS BOOBIES LOOK ALL SLUTTY. Hes lying to Ed about him for…what reason? Ed doesn’t care about stede at this point. It’s literally just bizzare random immediate grudge.
And it’s so much funner and compelling to me to watch them go from THIS to bickering but dealing with one another for Eds sake to OH MY fucking god I think I’m in love with that TWAT. Like. I just want them to get to that point. That’s what I want.
I want someone to insult Stede and Izzy to punch them out and he’s like…fuck. FUCK. shit. I actually cared that he was being shat on. Fuck.
I want Stede to be making tea and he realises he knows exactly how Izzy takes it and he has a lil breakdown because oh my god I know what that bastard likes to drink holy shit that’s basically a love language.
I want Stede to be like ‘this is Edward the love of my life and… *sigh* this is Izzy…also the love of my life ’
I want Izzy to be like 'yes Captain’ to Stede and then realise shit does he RESPECT this guy now what the fuck?
I want Stede to kiss eds cheek one evening in front of the crew and then kiss Izzys and Izzy decides not to stab him because…fine. maybe that was…Nice.
I want Izzy to be like…fuck this guy STILL can’t hold a sword properly. Get the FUCK over here Bonnet I’m teaching you how to sword fight.
I want Edward to walk in one day from being on deck to find Stede and Izzy cuddling and they just look up and GLARE and dare him to say anything and ACTUALLY I’m only laid here because it’s COMFORTABLE and I’m hoping Izzys arm goes to sleep and he SUFFERS– wait shit darling did your arm actually go to sleep here let me move over for you–
I want someone to be like 'hey Izzy - you still looking for someone to kill Bonnet?’ And izzy has to go 'unfortunately…no. I am in love with him. if u hurt him I will have to kill you I’m afraid. He’s a fucking idiot tho’
I want Izzy to realise that Stede actually IS good at fuckery and oh shit he loves TWO dramatic theatre kids he has a TYPE
I just. I don’t want the end game of steddy hands to be 'stede and Izzy put up with one another for Eds sake’ I want it to be 'they love one another actually and it fucking sucks but also its the best thing that ever happened to either of them’
“This is my boyfriend Ed and my other boyfriend Izzy”
i had a dream the other night where they released the trailer for season 2 of ofmd, and in certain clips it could be seen that Ed, Izzy and Stede all had matching gold ear-cuff and earrings pieces like this:
and everyone went WILD because it was heavily implied that the three of them got matelotaged together at the end of the series (they did).
you know you’ve got the Izzy Hands brainrot when you spend 20 minutes thinking about Izzy kneeling on the floor in front of Stede, and at first it’s maybe a little bit of a sexual thing. Edward ordered him to do it, perhaps, to get on the fucking floor, and Izzy did it because even when its debasing, following orders gives him a thrill. But then Edward left, and Stede picked up his book as if Izzy wasn’t even there, and Izzy is just glaring, but then Stede glances up, frowns, and tugs Izzy a little closer so Izzy can rest his cheek against the soft fabric of Stede’s thigh. And Izzy just fucking. Drops. Like just. Everything in him fucking stills and he can’t do anything but fucking breathe and stare at Bonnet. And Stede eventually has his hands in Izzy’s hair. And that’s how Ed finds them hours later, and Izzy’s gone from glaring up at Stede to gazing up at him adoringly ANYWAY that’s the moment Izzy realises he’s as gone for Stede as he is for Edward.
thinking about how ed flirts with stede by spanking him across the arse with the flat of his sword and how stede, clueless new homosexual, inexpert in his own desires and the specific rituals of expressing his attraction to other men, does exactly the same thing to izzy
like izzy’s opening attack on stede is undoubtedly flirtatious, the cock of his hip, the little smirks and eyebrow raises, the cutting open of stede’s shirt; ditto his second meeting, the looks up and down his body, the tip back against the pillar
he hates stede but desires him
but like–
where ed and stede are doing something so much deeper, where they’re navigating this intimacy with one another where ed is head over heels and stede is being this unwitting but INCREDIBLE seducer, so smooth, so poetic
here is stede and izzy so much more MESSY about it
stede spanks izzy across the arse in front of everyone - it’s embarrassing, it’s inappropriate! not only is it divorced from the intentionality of ed’s flirtation with stede, it’s so much more public and feels degrading
but izzy’s attempt at degradation in stabbing stede, a parallel to stede stabbing ed only after being coaxed to, the intimacy and the negotiation of that penetration, a metaphorical sex act like
izzy ATTEMPTS stede’s destruction with this, and fails
i’m just so emotional over this element of the queer politic in our flag means death like… the difficulty of realising your queerness as an adult, in middle age, means you’re trying to embrace a new language for yourself you’ve never used before
and in that embrace of your own identity, you are navigating with others who KNOW this language, for whom it is their only language
and it’s so easy to offend or insult or cross boundaries, not out of a desire to harm, but BECAUSE your love is so new and unpractised
and that isn’t bad! it isn’t evil! your love is so new it brims over and over and you wish to connect with others even as you talk past each other, miss each other’s cues
it’s this. beautiful smaller reflection of stede and ed’s journeys as outsiders
do you want to go grocery shopping with a izzy sandwaich bag? or have a izzy sandwich magnet on you fridge to remember that thats where you put food? or buy a izzy sandwich sticker like a normal person ? you can on my redbubble :D
Th thing “Izzy/Stede/Ed are good/bad actually” disk horse misses is that they are all just sort of sucks a little bit and that that is why they’re enjoyable to watch
It’s after the season finale, Stede and the crew have finally caught up with the Revenge and as soon as Ed catches sight of Stede, he bursts into tears and welcomes him abroad. They cry together, promise their eternal devotion and forgive each other. Lucius pops out of the wall, Jim decides that they’ll wait to enact revenge on Blackbeard and Frenchie collapses into Wee John’s arms.
Everything is fixed! Everything is solved!
Well, except, of course, for Izzy. He limps over to Stede, presents a saber and challenges him to a duel. The crew, at this point, are so over Izzy that they’re about to rush him, pick him up and toss him overboard when Stede asks his terms.
Izzy says winner stays on the ship.
And the loser is killed.
The crew gasps. Ed begs Stede to refuse. Wee John and Jim offer to just kill Izzy outright. Lucius hides his face in his hands.
But Stede, high on the adrenaline of reuniting with Ed, accepts. He’s bested Izzy twice and surely he can do it again! In fact, he privately decides that when he wins, because he truly believes that he will, that he’ll just tie Izzy up and dump him at port.
So they get into their stances, swords held high and the duel commences. The crew cheers for Stede as he slashes and advances on Izzy, who’s taken the defensive position and for a moment, Steds begins to feel sort of proud.
Because he’s winning. He knew those lessons from Oluwande and Roach would help him! He begins advancing more and advancing, cutting Izzy off at every turn and backing him into a corner.
And just as Stede is about to knock the sword from Izzy’s hand, he catches the confused look from Ivan and Fang. They’re stating at Izzy… like something’s wrong.
So Stede pulls back, allowing Izzy to advance and…
Then he realizes. Just to check, he raises his sword and swings his sword to cut across Izzy’s face, making sure his move is so obvious and slow that even a child could parry it– and there!
As soon as Stede’s arm moves, there’s a small twitch under Izzy’s eye– he’s seen the attack coming but his sword doesn’t move to even block it. In fact, Izzy waits until the absolute last second to parry and doesn’t take the opportunity to advance.
Stede can’t believe it. He doesn’t want to. So again and again, he swings wildly, like an amateur and every time, Izzy lets him get so close to actually hurting him before he blocks or parries or dodges. Stede stops, frozen, when Izzy lets the tip of Stede’s sword cut a thin line across his face.
But again, Izzy does nothing. Absolutely nothing!
Stede can feel a pit growing in his stomach. The cheers from the crew have quieted as Stede waits and waits and waits for anything, any attack. He’s wide open, Izzy could easily rip the sword from his hand at any moment. But Izzy doesn’t move an inch.
Stede feels sick.
This is a fight to the death.
And Izzy is losing on purpose.
So this could go any way. Preferably towards Steddyhands. Please. Please God please please please steddyhands steddyhands steddyha
There comes a point when Stede simply cannot take it any longer. He really does not want Izzy dead, but he wouldn’t mind seeing him hurt, except Stede realizes that Izzy *is* already hurting. So he throws the Saber down and announces, “It’s over, I yield.” Which means it’s Izzy’s choice. He could run Stede through.
But he doesn’t. He just stands there, blood running down his face like tears–and there might be actual tears mixed in, but nobody is looking closely enough.
“That’s enough, I’m declaring a draw,” Edward says, and no one is going to argue with Blackbeard, nor do they want to see Stede dead. But Izzy, well. Everyone is suddenly uncomfortable with the idea of Israel Hands as a person.
But suicidal ideation is not a new thing for Blackbeard or Stede. Even without orders, the crew disperses, this is not the time. “Come along, Mr. Hands, we need to talk,” Stede orders, and Izzy obeys, almost blankly.
Once they’re in the privacy of the captains’ cabin, Edward starts to yell at Izzy. But before he gets too far, Stede tells him to “Edward, shut up,” and that’s shocking enough that it works. And even Izzy is surprised that Stede has the balls to say it.
But Edward shuts up, and Stede very quietly tells Izzy, “I wish you could see, I am not taking him from you. I wouldn’t want to. Ed and you both know that you have a… special relationship, and I don’t want you to feel like there isn’t a place for you. Your place is by his side, and my place is by his other side. Ed belongs to both of us, and if you give that up, you will regret it, just like I did. Please, Izzy. Learn from my mistakes.”
“How the fuck do you think that could work? I hate you, I tried to kill you,” Izzy points out.
“You’re far from the only one. Even Edward has had a go at killing me, and I did too. I don’t take it personally any longer. Nor do I hate you. I could never hate anyone Edward loves so dearly.”
Both Ed and Izzy look up in surprise, Ed because what the absolute FUCK, and Izzy because he didn’t want to be seen, especially by Stede fucking Bonnet.
Stede smiles a little sadly at Edward, and he tells Ed, “I had plenty of time to think on the rowboat and on the way to get back to you. I realized then that I wasn’t the only one who loved you, and that you loved him and me, too.”
“You’re wrong about that, Edward doesn’t - -”
“Hey, how about you let me speak for myself,” Ed interrupts, because he realizes that Stede is right, because the thought of being without Izzy makes him feel just as lost and unmoored as he felt when Stede left him.
Edward and Izzy kiss, Stede is happy for both of them, and Edward tries to pull Stede over. But Stede thinks, “Izzy needs you, Ed, not me.”
Then Izzy’s gloved hand is tangled in Stede’s sleeve, not letting go, but not pulling either. Just grabbing, holding like he’s drowning and Stede is his only rescue. “You sure you want to keep me around?” he asks, not realizing that he sounds nervous, needy, not threatening.
“Of course I’m sure, you idiot,” Stede answers, and Izzy’s fist crumple even harder on Stede’s sleeve. “You have a place here for as long as you want it.”
Izzy realizes that Stede is being honest, that he does want Izzy, not just for Edward’s sake, but for Izzy’s too.
When Izzy’s on deck the next morning, there’s two rings in his cravat; the new one is a square turquoise-colored stone set in gold, and Lucius notices one of Stede’s rings is gone, and instead, he’s wearing one of Edward’s red stone rings.
It’s after the season finale, Stede and the crew have finally caught up with the Revenge and as soon as Ed catches sight of Stede, he bursts into tears and welcomes him abroad. They cry together, promise their eternal devotion and forgive each other. Lucius pops out of the wall, Jim decides that they’ll wait to enact revenge on Blackbeard and Frenchie collapses into Wee John’s arms.
Everything is fixed! Everything is solved!
Well, except, of course, for Izzy. He limps over to Stede, presents a saber and challenges him to a duel. The crew, at this point, are so over Izzy that they’re about to rush him, pick him up and toss him overboard when Stede asks his terms.
Izzy says winner stays on the ship.
And the loser is killed.
The crew gasps. Ed begs Stede to refuse. Wee John and Jim offer to just kill Izzy outright. Lucius hides his face in his hands.
But Stede, high on the adrenaline of reuniting with Ed, accepts. He’s bested Izzy twice and surely he can do it again! In fact, he privately decides that when he wins, because he truly believes that he will, that he’ll just tie Izzy up and dump him at port.
So they get into their stances, swords held high and the duel commences. The crew cheers for Stede as he slashes and advances on Izzy, who’s taken the defensive position and for a moment, Steds begins to feel sort of proud.
Because he’s winning. He knew those lessons from Oluwande and Roach would help him! He begins advancing more and more, cutting Izzy off at every turn and backing him into a corner.
And just as Stede is about to knock the sword from Izzy’s hand, he catches the confused look from Ivan and Fang. They’re stating at Izzy… like something’s wrong.
So Stede pulls back, allowing Izzy to advance and…
Then he realizes. Just to check, he raises his sword and swings his sword to cut across Izzy’s face, making sure his move is so obvious and slow that even a child could parry it– and there!
As soon as Stede’s arm moves, there’s a small twitch under Izzy’s eye– he’s seen the attack coming but his sword doesn’t move to even block it. In fact, Izzy waits until the absolute last second to parry and doesn’t take the opportunity to advance.
Stede can’t believe it. He doesn’t want to. So again and again, he swings wildly, like an amateur and every time, Izzy lets him get so close to actually hurting him before he blocks or parries or dodges. Stede stops, frozen, when Izzy lets the tip of Stede’s sword cut a thin line across his face.
But again, Izzy does nothing. Absolutely nothing!
Stede can feel a pit growing in his stomach. The cheers from the crew have quieted as Stede waits and waits and waits for anything, any attack. He’s wide open, Izzy could easily rip the sword from his hand at any moment. But Izzy doesn’t move an inch.
Stede feels sick.
This is a fight to the death.
And Izzy is losing on purpose.
So this could go any way. Preferably towards Steddyhands. Please. Please God please please please steddyhands steddyhands steddyha
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